When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
My boyfriend wants to keep our relationship a secret because people already make fun of us because we are best friends, but I think that if we tell people that we are together will make them stop but he isn't convinced. I want a way to get him to tell people. I don't know what to do. I'm half hoping that a dude will answer this but either way would be great. Any tips?
Trust me when I say this if someone asked you if your dating the guy just say no I'm not why are you asking and if he says something then just go ask your boyfriend if you can tell them 😉 that's what I did
He is young minded
I been dating someone for a few months now. And I feel like our relationship is a secret not to many people know about us. My friends know about us and his brother an a few of his friends do as well. He has a child from a previous relationship who is very jealous of him dating anyone else unless it's her. So she holds their child I against him. I recently told him I was going to post a picture on his Facebook page. He told me no because he didn't want any baby mama drama. I feel like his BM knows nothing about me even though he says he told her about us. What is ya intake on all of this? I just feel like I'm being led on an lied to
I been dating someone for a few months now. And I feel like our relationship is a secret not to many people know about us. My friends know about us and his brother an a few of his friends do as well. He has a child from a previous relationship who is very jealous of him dating anyone else unless it's her. So she holds their child I against him. I recently told him I was going to post a picture on his Facebook page. He told me no because he didn't want any baby mama drama. I feel like his BM knows nothing about me even though he says he told her about us. What is ya intake on all of this? I just feel like I'm being led on an lied to
This is what I am going thru
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months. Before we started living together he was living with his baby momma of 19 years in which he has 5 children with her. He says he loves me but I don't want to get hurt. Baby momma recently found out his living with me but she isnt sure so she's constantly calling him to find out. The thing here is I believe he isn't being telling her the truth. Can he still want to be with his baby momma?
Be very careful because my 23 yo daughter just got pregnant with her boyfriend of 2/5 months and the BM does not know about it. My daughter is infatuated with him and is confusing it with love and they are going to have this baby.
What did you end up doing? I'm in the same situation.
Me too help
I was on same situation and it seems there was still love with ex. So i left him and started dating someone else. I want my man for me and mot shared with ex
or kids. Best thing to do is that as soon as you see this in the beginning leave them. Us women know when sonething is wrong. First tell your heart not to fall in love, be smart and leave before you start falling in love. It might be worse later on.
I can relate to your issue I really can. I met a guy five years ago, he then immigrated to Canada and I went to visit him, even during that time he posted nothing on his facebook wall about me been there but put his status as single........... when I asked him about this he told me he never got to change it as yet, well that was five years ago. I had to return back to my place of birth and have seen him since then, in all that time, this guy has not mentioned me to anyone but an aunt that lives there and his kids know about us, otherwise no one else. He is planning to come back to his place of birth and he asked me to contact an old friend of his to tell him, I did so and the wife of this old man answered, she was shocked to hear who I was, telling me that this guy had been asking her daughter to come over to Canda on several ocassions but she had declined, I told her he disappears at times and then reappears, and still refers to me as HELLO MY ANGEL............ I knew it but no person ever wants to acknowledge it, his a smooth talker and now his got nothing left, he drinks, he lost his job in Canada, he sounds mentally unstable to me, his been in and out of rehab for years, he told me he started to drink heavily when he went to Canada, the old woman I spoke to said his been drinking for years and I told her now its even worse, I have done all I can and never stopped been supportive towards this man and loyal as he constantly asked me to wait for him, telling me he will change and his doing his best that was five years ago......... it hurts as I knew he was hiding me, he asked me yesterday if he can come and stay with me once his back in SA,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I never replied, I told him rather you running from your problems and from yourself and in the process you leaving your children behind, what about them, they must be hurting in as much as they say they not affected. His building up a little nest of woman, I noted it on his facebook, suddenly his getting more and more friends from the area he once lived in that been Middleburg and also a place called Boxburg, his got no job here, the rate of unemployment here is really high, I can see what his going to do, his going to drift from one person to the next, if it works out for him he will hang around a while and if it does not he will move onto the next person, well as sad as it is, this woman writing this is not going to be one of those options, I am going to remove myself unless he does before that from the equation........ its hurtful when you realise that you were not as important to someone as what you thought you were.......... he used to call me his future wife............. sure he told many woman that now and here I am thinking I am special to him............. but the old lady just confirmed what I already knew but I was surprised that in all this time I had never once been mentioned even, so what did he view me as when I have been over to canada, an import for fun perhaps, here I am doing my best to be a good person and decent and thats how one gets treated, no man who loves a woman will try and hide her away from others ever, I am sorry this has happened to you truly but in your soul you already now the answer, as said by the Old lady I know you stood there waiting for this guy and for a long long time but you deserve far better and she is a very old family friend of his and I guess his daughter is an old f of his as well and now his also trying to get back with her, its like he has this whole little supply of us and here I am thinking I am the only one........ not so. I have told him but not statng this old woman mentioned it, just that I know that I was not the only person who got invited to come to Canada a few times, the others just did not take the bait as yet, I did and I told him I know that besides a small few no other person even knows I exist in five years and that you involved with me, sad people in this world..............
I am so sorry that this guy has been using you and has compromised your relationship. I know you know this already, but let him go and move on! I am not saying it is going to be easy, but you have already given him 5 years that you are never getting back! That is enough! Quit abusing and mistreating yourself! He doesn't care about you! You already know this! He likes the way that he is and obviously does not plan on changing for you or anyone else! He knows that there will always be a woman out there that is so desperate to be loved that she will take whatever she can get, knowing full well that the relationship is not true!
You need to get out of this relationship! You deserve better! Do it tonight and start the grieving process! The sooner....the better! Quit giving this person anymore of your precious time! Good luck!
I went thru the secret relationship with my youngest child's father. Alex and having him was like a miracle, I almost miscarried him three times. In the end, I left him as secretly as he kept our relationship. When I left I did not look back. It is a serious concern. Leaving costed me $20,000.00 and years of child custody battles. I ended up losing custody of him, when Alex was five. To this day his Dad knows if he mistreats Alex I will be up there so fast his head will fall off. So girls BEWARE if he hides you, watch out. But the power of this all is I am an Empath and Alex's dad never knew it.
I've been seeing someone who doesn't want anyone to know on his social media sites because he is in music and wants his private life to stay private from fans. On one hand I get it because he's protective of his family but on the other hand it bothers me because what if he just wants to appear single? I don't feel he's sleazy but I just wish he wasn't so uptight about how I appear on his page. I notice others will try and flirt with him who are overseas and he says it's nothing because if it were something, he'd make it private like how we are. So it bothers me that I'm not allowed to be flirtsy and natural but these other random people are. I can't stand how social media has broken down these boundaries where people don't respect and just let it all hang out and I see so many situations break down cause of it. Mind you, this also allows us to see things we wouldn't have been able to before so it can be quite revealing. What is your opinion?
I am in the same exact situation... It almost sounds too familiar. I am with a guy who is also in Music and who is also trying to protect his family from knowing about the relationship. I am facebook friends with him but he's set everything on private so I can not comment on anything for view anything. It's the strangest behavior, but when we are together, it's like nothing else matters in the whole world. It is a very confusing situation to be in. I live in Seattle, we see each other once a week. Somethings I think this situation makes it very easy for him to see multiple girls but I don't know why I can't let go of the relationship.
hi, my boyfriend and I just recently split. My version: he has an ex fiancé, and a close female friend. 1. He has lied to me about the female friend stating they only get together with the kids altogether. Then a picture on FB goes up of the two of them out at casino drinking and no kids. 2. he will not tell this friend that we are involved. He state s that it will change their friendship, that it is difficult to be friends with a female already and he has put 8 years into this friendship and does not want it changed due to telling her we are involved. Now the ex, they met up for dinner, it was a closure discussion I think. 1. when I asked if he mentioned any form even a small remark of being involved with someone he said no, that I am his private life. I don't agree. 3. Now they are friends of FB. Help I don't think this is about me not trusting him (that what he says) but to me its about why am I a secret. If he was on the up and up and open that he is involved I would care,,,,but its all so secreative. what do you think? btw we have been involved for over a year.
Mandy, You deserve to be treated with respect in a relationship and he is not doing that. Thanks for reaching out and telling your story. We would love to listen and help you through this at TheHopeLine. Please call or chat with a HopeCoach that cares anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp
Mandy,
my name is ericka. i think that he is being very secretive and he may be cheating on you with his ex. try to confront him about it and see what he says. if he says he isnt then there s always lie detector tests try that and see what happens