When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and about a month ago he broke up with me. He realized how much of a mistake he made, and wanted me back. I took him back, but now he doesn't want to tell anyone we are together. All his reasons for not wanting to make it public are super selfish, and it's really stupid. So I got tired of it and I changed my profile picture to me and him. I tell everyone who asks that we are back together. Do not be a secret ladies, and do what makes you happy. If he leaves, then oh well. He would've lost the best thing that has ever happened to him. He was super pissed when he saw the picture, but it's not wrong in any way to want to tell people you're in a relationship. I'm way out of his league anyways and he should be proud that I'm even with him.
Ive been dating this guy for 4 months now but we been talking for 5 months. Anyways i havent met his family and friends yet. Also, he has a lot of girlfriends too but many of them are married and 2 are single. They all know about me but one single girl doesnt. I talked to him about it and he says shes senitive and likes him but he has no interest in her. He doesnt eant to tell her now but in a month probley. I feel like if he doesnt want to tell her then he probley likes her too. He even told me he knew her for about 3-4 years now. I feel if he doesnt want to tell her then hes secretly dating her and then hes picking her feelings over mine. He says she will cry if he tells her but i know something is wrong. Please can someone tell me what to do. Im soo confused.
I've been bestfriends with this guy for a year now and he's been seeing a girl but recently he ended it up because he does not truly like this girl. Lately, he confessed his feelings for me and I can see that it's real. In my part, I've been admiring him from afar since then but the problem is, his ex keeps on messaging him and she's friends with my bestfriend's other closest friends that's why I can't just enter the scenario. What should I do? He tells me he really do like me and this is only the time he got serious to a girl but we should keep it private and secret. Every now and then he sees his future with me and I am, too. I just can't figure out what to do.
I been with my boyfriend for about four years we just got engaged I week before Christmas and the the is he hasn't told his family or friends about me I think he is cheating cheating on me he says it's me we don't go no were he goes back and forth to Lynn were he works and from he ask e to marry him but I just fee its just a game he is playing so he can have me here and do no on Lynn none of his females friends know about me he still texts female like he is single its like I am a secret but we're supposed to get married next year in May
im dealing with the exact same situation except mines really did have a secret life! you dont need it
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three months we've decided that we want to keep our relationship a secret but now I want to tell my friends how do I bringing g this up in our next conversation