When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
I used to like a girl a lot but she friendzoned me. A year later, I just chatted with her for 4 days and she started to imply me to propose to her again. I dont know what to do so I proposed to her but I don't like her that much that I used to. Now I feel kinda weird with her but yet still i like her a bit. She also wants to keep this relationship private because she afraid she will get laughed at if we broke up really soon. Can i know the problem with our relationship? How can I stop feeling weird with her and also ask her to make our relationship public?
Ok so my boyfriend that i am with now is also my ex boyfriend and this time he said he wanna keep it on the low and I dont know why
Break it off before he breaks off your heart. My ex did that too then left me after a month. Apparently, it was just for revenge/timepass.
I’ve been dating my “boyfriend” for over a year. In this time we have already been through so much together. He has kept me a secret from everyone he knows, never mentioning my name or the complete truth about me if he mentions his “girl.” I dated his best friend in high school, at least 8 years ago, and he thinks his best friend will not be okay with us being together, therefore, doesn’t want to tell him in fear of “losing one or both of us.” He promised me in September he would tell his friend “soon.” Here we are January and still nothing. We even went through an 8 month period where we basically lived together until he moved 2 hours away because of a job opportunity. It’s not a permanent move but for at least a year.
I’ve told the girls I work with about him, knowing VERY WELL that they will not tell anyone outside of us. I’ve also told my best friend who knows the circumstances of the secrecy and how important it is that no one finds out. Same goes for my parents.
He’s very angry with me that I told my best friend his name even though she doesn’t associate or know anyone who knows him, and I trust.
He has talked about our future together but I don’t know how we can build a future on a secret. I also have a 3 year old..
Any words of wisdom.
I felt deeply in love with a guy I met three months ago. I felt the relationship was progressing, at all levels. We have spent weekends away, travelled abroad too and I thought he really cared as much as I did. But I don't think that now. My feelings are very mixed, since he hasn't told his daughters about me yet and they are not teenagers anymore. I am also divorced, for a few months now.
He hasn't introduced me to anyone until now.
I don't kow if he has told his his friends so far. . Tonight he went to a annual Christmas party with his friends, couples who have been also his ex's friends.
I felt very sad because he didn't invite me, but didn't want to tell him now because we have only met for three months.
Because I was so sad today I questioned him about his feelings and his intentions, but he didn't open up. He said he didn't know what he was going to do when we we were both seeing houses to buy and I felt again so ackward. We both need to move, since he is leaving a rented flat and I am going to get one when I manage to sell the one I have with my ex. The thing that also worries is that he doesn't seem to bother if I find a house far from his. So having said this, I suppose our relationship is probably never become a full one. I told him I thought he didn't seem emotionally available and he changed the subject...
Sounds like someone I know
I got a live in partner since 2013 until present. Our common fights are because of the topic we had here. He has 1 older sister and according to him, they were so close since their childhood days. He got a lot of friends and relatives and both his parents are still alive. But I was wondering, why on earth he never introduced me to either one of his family circle? I understand that he has 2 kids from his past and I gladly accepted his kids. I even intended some of my salary for his kids. I was the one who wash clothes, do the cleaning stuff at home, cooking our meals... I never mind him having no work at all.. I always saw him holding his cellphone watching Netflix or youtube or playing mobile legend... I don't care it all... I was the only one providing our daily needs anyway. I even gave him my business (internet cafe) so that he could finance his kids. I never mind adding some few amounts to support his kids, I love them both as much as I love my boyfriend. I think I almost gave him what I got, but I just don't get it.. why he has no guts on introducing me to his family? Considering the fact that he is close with his sister, why he can't even let his sister know my existence? I heard a lot of rumors that he is already married. I tried to confront him about the issues I've heard about him. But what he told me was that those were only rumors. I asked him to show me his copy of Certificate of No Marriage, but he always told me that he'll go to the government office one day to get it. Years passed by, no documentation has been showed yet. I wanted to leave him because of my doubt in him, but I have no courage to do it since he is so good to me. Can somebody enlighten me with your thoughts about the relationship I am dealing with? I really wanted to get out of the pit I'm in right now.
I am a Chemical Engineer and I'm afraid that I might get slapped by some women I don't know, while I'm walking on the roads. Criticizing me for being a home wrecker or whatsoever. Though I'm not sure if he is married or not, just the fact that he's been hiding me considering that we're living together. Gives me the doubt to trust him.
Need help!
Why are you so afraid to leave someone who you can’t trust and have a gut feeling that’s he’s unfaithful? How is someone that you can’t trust, is someone who is good to you? I take it you’re probably still with him a year after your post. If so, as intelligent as you are how do you not realize that there are men out there who are truly good to women and will not allow them to feel any kind of doubt about how honest their relationship is? Of course you’re deeper into it now because you have allowed it for so long. But at this point it’s your choice, you choose whether to keep living in doubt full of worry of move on knowing that you can find bliss with someone who is more real with you.