When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
My boyfriend I have known for 4 months lives with his girlfriend come and find out she's a narcissist he told her about me trying to see should I go or should I stay
If you’re having trouble deciding whether to leave or go when he has 2 girlfriends. I guess you won’t mind staying when he finds his third or fourth. Sounds like you’re already miserable, at the end of day it’s your choice, there are better men out there. Live in doubt full of worry or move on to someone better. You only live once, why spend it feeling like you are currently.
I have a boyfriend that I met online, a gaming app, we’ve been playing flirty for over 3 years now and started getting serious a year ago, he’s super jealous of any guy that I spend time with (friends). When I told him I showed his pic to my best friend niece, he asked me not to show anyone his pictures. Why would he do that? He wants me to be with him and I want to be with him, but he doesn’t msg me regularly, although he is in college full time.
Is it bad if my girlfriend says to keep it on the low or dont tell anyone? I asked for her number and said i have no number u can call. Pls reply were still dating
that is probably a load of bull. she most likely has a phone, but is scared your the kind of guy that calls ever night then has nothing to talk about. another thing could be that she doesn't want to give you her number in fear that if things go south she will have to deal with the i still love you calls. the best option is to wait, show her yo truly love her, build trust, and ask again at a later date.
I have been in a "relationship" with a woman who wants to keep our relationship secret. She has no other reason than "let's see how this goes, first". This has been worrying me given the fact that on some days/nights, she never picks up my calls, nor reply to my Whatsapp messages even though she's online. As I write, tonight is one of them nights. I read an article on wikihow and after that, I did some diggings on Facebook only to find out that she's been showing open love for someone else. She told me she's travelling tomorrow (Wednesday) and I found out that she's actually going to the city where the other guy currently lives. It all dawned on me why she wants me to change my looks and my dressing. She's trying to make me look like the guy and this made me very angry. I choose to be happy, I'm calling off the relationship. I've been so shortchanged. I'm 38 and she's 36.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months. We have known each other for about a year. He is a private person. He has told me alot about his past that I am sure not many know. However it's hard because we live in different states. He comes here to visit. He has met my sister, my kids and 3 of my friends. I know his brother knows about me because I have personally talked to him. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage. I just feel like sometimes that I am a secret. I am not friends with him on Facebook. He says only his family is on his facebook. However he and I do follow each other on Instagram. I just don't know what to think. He doesn't like pictures to be posted of us. He says it's because he doesn't like people in our business.
same situation here
My "girlfriend" says the same. "People will meddle things up for us......"