When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
I have a boyfriend for almost 4 months;but I did know him for more than 2 years,he is my landlord;he is not divorced but he Is separated for more than 12 years,,he has 2 children,he is very good man ,humble and kindhearted,in the beginning he told me his life story,he is honest and he is very open to everything he does,he once invite me o his place for 2 weeks,we enjoyed each other company,every conversation he has to his children,or any member of the family I know because he puts the phone on speaker ,he is very religious and well known to many,he told me he loves me so much and doesn’t want to loose me,but I do love him so much too,he is a businessman but no money involve because I did open this to him,I don’t want anything except to love me,but our relationship has no future ahead,we are hiding in the dark,he doesn’t want anybody to know ,he wants only the 2 of us,I did agree with this condition because I’m deeply in love with him,and I do everything to make him happy,but as the days go on,I feel I want to get out of this relationship but I don’t know because I truly love him,any advise.
I’m currently in a relationship with someone and it’s been 2years now. I haven’t met he’s family or many friends. He doesn’t my pics on a socials. I’m cutrently figuring out a way to end it. If you value yourself and he values you, you would not be anybody’s secret.
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How "religious" is he if he's STILL MARRIED & is sleeping with you? In the eyes of God & man, he is STILL married. You are allowing him to use you. He doesn't love you, he loves WHAT you do. Know your worth & get out of that mess that you're attempting to call a "relationship." Find you a SINGLE MAN & stop giving yourself away to someone who you have NO FUTURE with at all!
I know someone in the same situation but it’s a few years for them. No one has a clue about them and the BF spends a lot of time doing things and going places with what he calls just friends. The things they do together and she is the first persons he talks to all the time. He can goes days and not talk to the person is sleeps with. So I wouldn’t call it a relationship as they don’t go out or do anything at all. He will jump for his friend and is always helping and doing things with her. So if its at the point where you don’t do anything together and he hides you from everyone it would mean you are not a couple and he is keeping you around until he either gets with the girl he does things with and spends time with or someone else. Not sure why people do that to someone and if you try and tell them they need to figure out what they want and you tell them your done and going to give them space to figure it out they still find a way to pull you back in just to get you close again just to push you away. I would suggest if he’s not hasn’t done it yet he’s not going to commit to a relationship.
Me and my BF been dating for 6 months I tell him all time about telling people about us he says he don’t want anyone to no his business I love him and I don’t want to break up but it makes me really mad to the point were my family wants to post it all over Facebook I tell them no because I’m scared of losing him I told him I want people to no on Christmas of 2018 that passed and he didn’t tell no one and we just stopped talking about it what should I do ??
You're going to have to take a chance on losing him or lose yourself in the process. You're scared to be alone...& then, it sounds as if you've made yourself believe that you have no power in this relationship. Call his bluff! Post on FB. Sounds like he might be playing you if he's that secretive. If he loves you, he should "shout it from the mountaintops", honey. Don't get played. Get hurt now or get hurt later...
Why every time, I am close to meeting or attending, birthday, Christmas, wedding celebration am I excluded? Am being told many different stories. Weren't invited, not his venue, others didn't go etc...
Years of same. Any hope!
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We meet at a bar that I use to attend often with my ex. Due to this my current boyfriend knows my ex but are not friends at all.
After my ex and I broke up my current boyfriend and I began dating. We began to take things slow and keep things quiet just to ensure we really liked each other since he did know some of the same people as my ex. Months into us talking we began to talk about coming out. With hope insight to come out and go out with him to our usual spots.
Again they aren't friends at all, don't talk when they see each just know one another, yet my boyfriend doesn't want to come out for this reason! We have been together so long now that I feel that we should just tell everyone, he says he is in love with me but can this be possible if I've been a secret for this long.