When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
Ok so me and one of my best friends from school have been talking he says he likes me and I like him too and he says he wants to dat me we made plans for this week and everything seems ok except a few things. Him and his ex just broke up not that long ago and she won't leave him alone even though she broke his heart. He asked me not to get involved with her and I didn't. But he is being distant one day he'll be all lovey do eh and the next he is so standoffish. I miss the real him. And he asked me not to tell his ex that we were quote on quote "talking" i thought he saiid that he liked me and we were going out this weekz!? I don't know what's going on somebody please help.
My boyfriend dont want our relationship exposed to his close frds, i am so much worried off he will say no and he dnt want to involve me
What if you've known him for like a year and a half and you haven't stopped liking him
and your really good friends?
My boyfriend lets me tell my best friends and his best friends about our relationship but he does not want others to knw...cux hes scared either of our parents will find out
i have the same problem but mine dont want anyone to know he say cuz he dont want my parent to hear abt us and come by his house cuz he will disown me i dont want them to find out either and he alway say i tell people that we de and we does kiss i think i did but everyone lik to share there great moment that they had with their boyfriends
I've been seeing this guy for almost a year now, but since I was in an accident and my mom helped me out and my ex did too, then he gets mad at the fact that my mom and ex helped me out soe I lag him but what really happened my ex took me to handle some business then he called I told him and and he was like don't call him, he don't want too deal with me, then now he wants to call me privately I can't have his number but he can call me, we no longer hang out like we use too nor nothing soe now he wants to be together but he don't want no one else too know until he find out what he wants to do cause he say too many people be in our business