When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
What to Know About Healthy Relationships
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
Hi there, I've kept my gf out of my family with for a specific reason. In my past relationships they have gotten involved and basically separated me from them, it especially hurt when I wanted to get married with them. Now in this relationship that I have now i did it viceversa, I proposed to her first and now will present them to my family. It feels like I'm doing the right thing because of previous hurtful experiences. My family is in shock.. I met her family a couple of times, now they are also after her in trying to stop it with threats and making her feel bad and even though we have a good relationship. I really feel lost right now don't know where to go from here.
Ok so I am 38 years old and the girl I am dating is 25 just thought I throw that out there before I begin. I been dating this girl for going on 2 months and all she wants to do is keep us a secret she claims that's the way she is idk if that's the truth or not. We work together but never at the same time so sometimes she comes to my job and hangs out for a bit when one of our co workers comes and hits on her right in front of me and it has happen a few times now so one night I got tired of it and ask her to tell the co worker we are together so she will not hitting on her. She refused saying shes a private person and its nobody business but I smell bs and red flags everywhere so could I be right and shes hiding something from me or embarrassed. Oh one last thing she just got out of a 10 year marriage like 4 months ago and shes still married and apparently they have broken up a few times in their relationship so maybe shes keeping us a secret because of him. I didn't want to use my personal account so I used my business account which is why it says my name is Token Addicts.
I've been seeing this guy for a while, we aren't dating but we are pretty close to it. He insists on keeping what we have a secret because I have a "good girl reputation" which is a really dumb reason. I'm not insisting we date and tell the world but I don't like it being so secret. I feel like he is seeing other girls or just embarrassed. There is always that one girl I'm jealous of because she is better than me in so many ways and she goes to his games that I can't go see because it would raise suspicion. I'm at home making sure I don't spill his secret while the girl I'm jealous of gets to support him at games. Why could he be insisting this to be such a secret and what do I do?
Hi there I am in a relationship for 18months now I have told my family about my realtiosnhip amd he has only told his Dad about it and He has met my family and I have met his Dad. I also met my boyfriend at school and his mum was techincally my english teacher dont know if this is a reason to why he does not tell her also he has stood me up a few times also we have an intimate relationship and sometimes he can be really nice and all lovey dovey and the sometimes can be wide when we talk also we dont see each other that often to which we used to also he is a nice boy but its a weird one about my relationship also any ideas to how I can ask him if he will just tell his mum also he always goes I will tell her soon and being saying this since april also I do get upset sometimes about him and his effort in the relationship any adice thanks .
Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we live together and things don't seem right. I've caught him texting another girl, flirting with her and everything. We got into an argument over it and he stopped texting her and I forgave him. Just a few moments ago, I went through his phone and had found that he was texting another girl. What this one said was that she was suppose go over to our house while I was at work and bring him something. What was wrong was that he texted her back saying "I don't want to get caught by my "friend" she's a little over protective. We should meet at my cousins house." Which now explains why he went over there that night and stayed until 3am. Now everyone tells me I should leave him and that I deserve better. I'm on the edge and I love him and want to stay with him, but the fact that he continues to do this, makes me want to leave for good.