There is so much confusion around the addiction of cutting. It's hard for some people to understand why you, or someone you know, would repeatedly harm themselves on purpose. I want to break through the confusion and help those who practice cutting as a way of life. I've heard a lot of people say, why would anyone do such a thing as purposely cause pain to their bodies? So, let's begin to uncover the reasons why so many people cut themselves.
Most People Cut to Cover an Even Deeper Emotional Pain
As I have talked with hundreds of people that self-harm, one major reason emerges over and over again: Most people cut themselves to try to cope with an even deeper emotional pain. If you or anybody you know is cutting, please understand cutting is a way of covering something much deeper and painful going on inside.
Cover Self-Hate
An anonymous blogger put it this way: I used to cut because I felt like it was the only way to feel something other than the hurt and confusion and self-hate that was driving me insane. I would cut because I hated myself so much that I wanted to tear myself to pieces.
Cover Past Trauma
Most cutters' ability to cope with life is overwhelmed by powerful emotions or extreme pressure that seem too intense to bear. Jenessa said she's been a cutter for 7 years. I was sexually abused by someone very close to me. I started cutting because I always thought that what happened was my fault. I have never gotten over it, so I used to cope with any problem I had by cutting. Taking it out on myself was so much easier than figuring out what to do emotionally.
Can't Express Emotional Pain
When these emotions aren't dealt with, tension builds up. Cutting can feel like a release of this tension. Rachel said cutting is a way for her to deal with her pain: It's an escape from reality. No matter how temporary it is it's a relief to escape all the pain.
Most cutters struggle to express their pain to others. Without the words or outlet to express their emotional pain, they give into a short cut, a destructive physical expression toward themself. Laken said cutting is her first reaction when she feels disappointment or difficulty. When I fail a test, when I get in a fight, when I am called a mean name, or when anything bad happens the first thought is to cut. It is horrible and I always fall back on it.
The physical pain has a calming effect on her more agonizing emotional pain. Cutting is the treating of one pain with another. A cutter's life is one of the choices between one kind of pain or a much greater one. Amy said: It feels good when you have physical pain to take away from your emotional pain.
Avoid Dealing with Deep Feelings
The problem with self-injury as with any addiction, is that by harming yourself you never really are able to confront your deepest feelings. Perhaps that is you. You are using cutting to try to cope with an even deeper emotional pain. It is hard to say no to something that feels so good. But in the end, cutting will fail you every time.
Don't lose hope. There are healthy ways to deal with your emotions and to stop cutting for good. Check out these helpful resources on self-harm from TheHopeLine.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, check out TheHopeLine's free eBook.
You describe depression really well - "the black hole sucking the life energy from us." I understand cutting is a distraction, but it's not a solution. I also hear you saying that you feel alone. We are here for you. Chatting with a HopeCoach can help bring hope and direction for healing. Please give us a try - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
I'm not an introvert... People look at me and they don't see the pain. They even ask what my scars are from. They see my kids, my husband, my happy little family, my house, my car, my things... Oh she's doing well they all think. My family thinks I'm "level-headed" and "a nice girl" I was even popular in highschool and college. But I've always felt alone. Different. Sub par to the human race. They don't see that I can't get over the things that have happened to be... They don't see that I'm meat. I'm a toy. I'm used for sex and servitude. Not worthy of the things they take for granted like compassion. They don't see my struggles to raise girls to be strong and love themselves and others while I'm terrified of almost anyone I meet, and hate every bit of myself. Some days I'm too depressed to get out of bed. Some days I'm too anxious to leave my house. Every time there's something wrong, usually a fight between me and the husband I go for the knife. When I'm sad, I want it. I had a knife I've used for years... The husband found it and threw it in the pond across the street... I've stared at that pond every day since figuring out how I might rescue my dearest friend... Meanwhile I have a new friend. In manifests differently in everyone... This depression. This black hole sucking the life energy from us. It's such a deep emotional pain it causes physical hurt... The cutting is a distraction. Just a way to calm the nerves, like a cigarette for others. Death will be my only freedom.
When I was 12 yrs old I started cutting I am now 26 and haven't cut in 11 years I had a family issue that caused me to cut I was also bullied in school for being different I went home everyday crying I was spit on and called bad names for being different you see I have a learning disability,had schizoaffective,hallucinations ,and anxiety but because of family, therapy and teachers in my life I am better now if it wasn't for people who cared and supported me I can say I wouldn't be here today I used to be suicidal I remember going to the hospital and being sent there from school many times I also had a self esteem problem but now I know that there is just one me and I am unique and different and I love I am proud of me now but when I was sent to the hospital and talked to someone that is all it takes sometimes which is why I decided to go into human services even if i can't relate I can listen and be very compassiate I am a much stronger person because of what I have been through and even if I can only help one person in my future career I will be very happy and satisfied
Just read this to have some understanding to myself. I haven't cut in years and recently stared again. Feel more stupid and ashamed then ever. I was doing so well then I stared cutting again and couldn't stop. I used to repeat this sick saying that is also similar to a song by bif naked. In my head I say " I cut my self today, not like yesterday, I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm gonna be ok". Ugh sick I know. Now how to stop this insanity again. I don't know???????
I started cutting as an adult. As a teen I used to see it on tv and never imagined that would be me. Never understood why those ppl did it never understood it when it hit me. I started cutting because I was hurt by someone close to me and ever since then everytime I get close to someone I'm the door mat again. I'm always there when someone needs a friend but no one is ever there for me in the same way . Once they got what they needed from me the friendship ends and the pain is unbearable. So now I distance myself from ppl because I'm afraid of being hurt sexually or being used by friends. I started to cut myself from the world like I'm cutting myself slowly to pieces. I still don't understand why I do it I've stopped several times for long periods of time but I always fall back again when something bad happens. I do feel it's an addictive behavior because as much as I wish someone would come save me the end would be nicer. I just long for peace in my mind and my heart. I long to stop hating myself, feeling worthless, I realize that all these ppl that hurt me shouldn't matter but when u been constantly put in that situation for the last decade the feel of the blade feels like I can feel a release of emotion from the ones u can't express the ones I can't yell out. I know what I'm doing is wrong but I dont know how to stop that's always the first thought in my head when emotions of any kind hit. I once asked a parent for help but their reaponse was that I was " stupid and needed Jesus" which in turn only made me turn far away from religion and afraid to let my feelings out to anyone. Cutting feel is like something I deserve for being stupid enough to believe ppl are nice that ppl wanna be ur friends. Cutting is a way to feel pain for the pain I feel inside and I can't show. Most my scars are hidden because I don't need the attention I need figure how to attend to myself. For now staying away from everyone minimizes the chances of getting hurt and having to hurt myself.