To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
I read this blog and it helps me a lot. First and foremost allow me to tell you my story. I am a christian woman who is still moving on. I met my ex on Google when I browsed and his profile picture captured my attention since he is holding the bible.I told to myself I want to learn from this man because i think he is full of wisdom . In short I added him and he chatted me the same day too. he told me that he is from new zealand and looking for a wife. humbly speaking while on the conversation he find me beautiful and he think that i am a good girl for him which i acknowledged as a fault because i quickly jump into a relationship with him.The Bible says :for those who rush things are a fool and destruction at the end.
I was blindly captured by his sweet promises during that time , we agreed that he will go to my country to meet me , but his mom decided to go last may 2015 to see me and she got a ticket for him and for his sister. I didn't demand and told him that I think november is good so that we will know each other thoroughly but his mom insisted to visit me. as a human being I am excited also during that time and when I consulted my loved ones they were hesitant to agree for the idea since i didn't know them well plus they came from different country , because I am a hardheaded and my feelings overruled me during that time i still insisted that it's good and they are also a christian. my faults again were:they are oneness pentecostal who didnt believe in the trinity and the return of the Lord Jesus Christ but i still accepted it though I know the true doctrine of salvation. secondly , I didn't researched about his past , about the girls that his family dumped as well. and lastly , i was overwhelmed that I forget the will of God in my life and din't remember Him in the entire relationship and even committed lots of sins .
They arrived here and we met , he promised a lot , marrying me , go back here again. He left with tears and so I am.He even promised to my family and friends.
few days after he went back to his country , his patience towards communication became lesser and lesser , His decision relied always to his mom and dad, my mom and dad said , my parents told me. he has many ambitions , to have a beautiful home , lots of money and many more that suffocates me totally since i only want a simple life . until we had some arguments that ended up in crying for me and yelling on his part because i want to talk and he doesn't .
until one day that his parents told him that we should move on because it's the best for both of us and he should stabilize first his life according to his dad. i was surprised , i cried and he console me and said that okay we will not break up. Hoping that the relationship works though it's toxic already we decided to continue for a month still until his parents again told us that we should move on instead and start a new life. i prayed before i left him , tears in my eyes while doing it. why did they did it to me? what is my fault? they said that I should look someone here and long distance relationship sucks. i told them , i can come up with myself there , i don't need your money . they refused and i felt like a rags that after they use me they throw me away. i have a lot of explaination but his parents wanted us to move on easily. I asked him why you should rely your decisions in your life from your family? he said they are wise , we should listen to a wise counsel.I told him , I have nothing to do with your family.
i moved on , his last message that still lingering in my mind until now is: undo everything I already moved on and so are you. I truly have.he said that after 2 days. : so painful.
God is good he helped me and had some good times with my churchmates and dwell in the verse that all things work together for good. Romans 8:28.
I have my feeling that his mom find someone for him there , I assumed that and her nationality is like with mine as well , during that time i have no evidences and only in my head are vivid imaginations until one time I saw a video of his engagement to other girl and the one that i imagined was perfectly happened. it's only one month since we broke up and i found it so stupid and idiot. I watched the whole video and didn't cry i am shaking and said: Lord please do the justice for me ind due time in Jesus name Amen!. afterwards i went to my friend's house and upon arrival I hugged him and cried. I also called my family and cried ans said: I didnt cry because of the love that I have for him I cried because i felt that they betrayed me , abandoned me and cheated on me. it was only happened yesterday actually. I now realize that my ex didnt love me but he was only attractive to me and wanted to sleep next to me. my family and friends were very angry and they want to kill him. but I said that give it to God and he will settle the score someday.My brother is a police officer and he wanted to discipline him. I dont know if they research the place but I live nearby to the place of the girl as well.
I can't sleep last night actually the video is still lingering in my mind but I prayed and prayed and sings hymnals. by God 's grace i want to move on so quickly , I dont want to trap in this kind of feelings.
Kindly pray for me. 🙂
i wish u can go through this situation
Dear sister, the lord is your strenght God will see you through.
Wow...I am sitting here reading this blog and the comments below. .the fact that you have cancers is all the more reason for me to minister the healing power and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ! He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds! My "break up " is a little different. .I was not married to the person who kinda,broke my heart. ...I was simply "involved" to a degree. When I met this person they expressed interest..strong interest in my opinion in me.. he did things for me and tended to me like no other man ever had...it felt good..God told me not to open the door and Many nights I cried out to Him,to help me not to.but in the end I yielded to the flesh. and we played cat and mouse for the last four months..IT WAS NOT WORTH IT!!! satan came in and stole everything I had been belIeving God for and the guy left with his girlfriend. ...yes I knew he had one....but my own lust for what I wanted entered in and blinded me ....I feel a whole lot better talking about it now...today God gave me a dream that he would go on with his girlfriend and I would be left. ...but its okay. ..better to receive this warning and be able to leave cut and dry than to go on in foolishness and sin against God that could lead to a,whole lot worse. ..thanks for letting me get this out.. I feel 100% better and thanking God for my Victory! Now I can help others like you ladies and walk in my REAL Call of destiny!
OMG I'm so glad I found this blog, you have no idea. I read your story and I immediately felt a connection. I am recently divorced and during the ends of my marriage, I started seeing this guy. At first it was just a physical thing with no feelings involved, but he kept doing things to make our "thing" relationship like. I fought it for a while, but I kept seeing him because it felt so right. He eventually kept asking me to come over and even asked if i wanted to move in and I really considered it, but like something was not going to go right. So eventually I gave inland started acting as if I was his girlfriend, I practically lived there, we went to work together, gym, and even cooked together. Some times on the weekend we'd stay in locked up in our room watching movies, joking, and laughing all day. It was wonderful. But then, one day he told me that he didn't want to hurt me, but he was still in love with his ex. I was hurt. My heart was crushed, but I sucked it up and told him it was over and that we could end this. He said he didn't want to and went on about how he didn't want to lose me and that he cared about me a lot but he was still in love with his ex. I decided that I would grab all of my stuff and leave. So I did. I told him that I understood what he was going through and that I totally understood how he was feeling and that he should talk to her and try to work it out. In the back of my mind, i didn't really mean it, but I felt like that was what he needed to here. So over the next few days he continued to message me and tell me about how he might be making a mistake and it broke my heart even more. All I could think was that he was stringing me along. So I told him that we should both move on and he said we shouldn't because he didn't want to lose me. We talked and talked, but i don't think either of us really expressed our true feelings because we only talked through text. Today we talked because he was going home to talk to her and I felt myself feeling rather bitter so I said some mean things. then I asked him to tell me the truth about things and he stopped replying. I figured it was because I had said a few negative things, but it truly broke my heart all over again. Now I'm just confused. I know I need to let him go completely, because he's doing nothing but causing me grief, but I don't know how to do it and I really have no one to talk to.
Feels good to have someone to talk to. Your story is helping me....let's be chat friends
Be strong
I relate. I am in a stale lifeless marriage. Over 25 years. Christian woman too. I stepped out of my marriage for relief and comfort. Leaving me to do things I am not proud of. Claimed to get divorce when kids grew up and they have. Met someone he 6 myths ago,wasn't interest but he pursued me.he assumed I was free because I am in a sense bcuz my husband won't take me anywhere, spend time with me, gives no emotional or affection. Anyway, after a few mini dates I told my friend I was married but it was a dead marriage and I wanted a divorce. He was hurt but said we were OK and would go slow through it together. He was married for 20 yes divorced now for 4 yes. I thought things were fine until one week ago we were plannj g to do something special for my birthday, time passed a d he wouldn't take my calls, I was confused. He answered my text saying he is careful not to get too involved with a legally attached person,and feels uncomfortable. I wasnt and not in love with in. But I felt we could build in that, he tells me to get my business straight, and he's not saying goodbye, we will always be friends. I feel he deserted. I am trying to move on,dreading having a sad Christmas. Living a fake life around people.. Talk to me a anybody
It's funny how you said God gave you signs in your dream... Now that I think about it God gave me signs too I wasn't the other girl but the girl who my ex was cheating on me with knew about me the who year plus they were talking God would give me signs in my dreams too that he was still dealing with her let alone proof that I couldn't deny on social networks love is powerful and can really blind you
Sorry, my husband divorced me 3 years ago after a 3 year separation. Our daughters are grown and still have issues with the split and I can't get past the pain! He has moved on, has a new wife (supposedly his one & only original true love), and moved out of state. I find it hard to care about anything or anyone. Spend most of my days crying and eagerly awaiting death from the very aggressive cancer I was diagnosed with recently.
Hopeless
focus on your kids and yourself. Your daughters need your love as much as you need it yourself.
Endure all the pain. Our hearts are designed to be broken into thousands of pieces. if you are reading this right now, you're luckier than other people who needs these kinds of advice.
Pat it breaks my heart to read this. I too have a very serious cancer and like you just went through a heartbreaking experience and I feel like I'm going to die. I can't openly express how I feel because it hurts and I just want get passed it. Instead of reacting in hurt I am pissed! I say that to say this, I understand where you are coming from truly! Please think of your children and try your best to get through this. My heart aches for you and I will be praying for not only a recovery for you but for a piece of mind. Stay strong and if you need anyone to talk to although you don't know me I am here. The pain is temporary and this storm too shall pass.
That was so sweet of you. God bless.
Hi Pat, I am so sorry to hear this and it is heartbreaking. I still live with the father of my children and I still am legally married but emotionally we are done and it is just a matter of time before I move out. My split is kind of different. And I don't want to blame anyone for this. I think we both are accountable for this failed marriage. I have depression and anxiety and besides taking medication, I listen to catholic/christian radio when I am driving, I pray, and I go to therapy every other week. I am also going to start the 12 step Al-anon program on Sunday. It used to be only for alcoholics but now it works for all kinds of issues including co-dependency and broken relationships. I know this is an excruciating pain but in the end you and I and everyone need to move on. I pray for your recovery and that God may comfort you. Please get help. It is ok to ask for help. God bless you.
Thank you! Kepping busy is key! I hate dwelling on the goos memories because the bad is not the life I want!
What if two people want to be together but can't...it's very detrimental to a persons heart...very confusing
Just keep praying. God exists and miracles do happen. God bless you!