To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
In May of last year I developed breast cancer long story short it's spread. My husband of 13 years decided he couldn't handle the stress of my cancer and him working and decided work was more important. I'm not from here I have no family and no friends. I am still battling cancer alone my heart is broken and I feel like it's best if I just give up and not do treatment anymore. I've never felt so alone and so heartbroken in my life he's been gone for five months But the wounds are still fresh. I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't even begin to imagine the devastation of your husband leaving when you are battling cancer. We do not want you to feel alone. We are here to help and to encourage you. Please chat with us anytime 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
My boyfriend broke up with two days after we went on an amazing date he had planned. I have been with this guy for 5 years and out of the blue he said he doesn't love me anymore and that we should just be friends nothing more. I'm so heart broken, I can't sleep I get chills like I'm sick. I've been crying all day and night to where I get a headache and I haven't eaten in almost 24 hours its like I lost my will to do anything. He was really my whole world I pretty much workshoped this guy and now I feel so lost.
HI KATHY
WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONAL PAIN AFTER A HARD BREAK-UP.
TIMES LIKE THESE IS WHERE YOUR CHARACTER IS BUILD.
CHARACTER IS BUILD DURING HARD TIMES [ NOT GOOD TIMES].
YOUR DAY WILL COME AND YOUR OTHER WILL NOTICE
HANG IN THERE
HE WILL CONTAT YOU AGAIN / YOUR PART IS NOT TO BOMBARD HIM WITH TEXTING, CALLS OR EMAIL /HE WILL MISS YOU
hi,my boyfriend of 3 years recently finished with me, we live over an hour away from eachother and had both alot on with university and work, we had both lived in the same area for university and seen eachother all the time and the relationship was amazing, after i finished and moved home we started seeing less of eachother. we still made effort to travel, but it started to dwindle after time and i started a new job. i had got so frustrated with not seeing him or how he was making less effort to see or organise things i constantly started to fight with him and tell him whats the point if theres no effort. we fought on an off for a month/2 then he was really quiet and distant with me one day and i brought it up and he finished with me saying he doesnt know why but he just doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore, 'it had been getting him down all the fighting' and he was in final semester of final year university and had alot on.. i realised looking back i had been selfish too and immediately regretted everything i had down because he was an amazing person. he said he loved me and he wished we will try again in the future but now the time isnt right for us. hes cut of contact with me and told me to move on, he has been nice in messages back to me but continues that he doesnt want a relationship anymore. i really want to get him back, its been 2 months post break up and i havent moved on. the only thing that helps is the hope we will get back together. we have never broken up before and this is so out of character for him and i feel like i dont know him anymore! he says he hates himself cause he doesnt know why he feels like this and he wish he didnt but that its just not right at the moment. its 2 months this week and ive finally decided to cut all complete contact, but i genuinely dread it, and i regret so much how i let this relationship fail 🙁 would love any advice right now
I have had something happen to me similarly very recently. 3 months ago. I don't have much amazing advice for you because I am sure your situation is unique... but you are not alone in heartbreak. I can only speak from my particular experience and things that are working for me. Give him the space he needs. He needs to process and needs space and time, some more than others. I made a list of all the things I loved about my partner and I made a list of all the things I love about myself. I have also been listening to the audio book, The Power of Now, by Ekart Toile, which I highly recommend to anyone going through a time in their life of overwhelming change where you need to still your mind. Focus on the beauty and less on the attack of your own heart and mind... or the other persons... (deflecting here away from him and not sharing or projecting your feelings on to him)... I think it only pushes them further away and is none productive. It certainly will not make the other person love you more or want what they do or do not want. Focus on the love of yourself. If you feel responsible in anyway, take responsibility, accept it, grow from it. Think about and do things that build and make your spirit happy instead of focusing on the negativity. Aren't you an amazing person? I am sure you are! You are not responsible for the entirety of the relationships failure(s). Accept where he is if you really love him and know that if he does not want what you want he might just be at another place, have other feelings that he is not capable of feeling whether he is ready or not or unwilling or even if you are not the right person for him. Let him be himself. That is the best love you can give someone in my opinion. Also let yourself be yourself and love who you are. This is also the best love you can give. If you do have contact, focus on the positive in your life. These are only my opinions and what has been helping me to cope, to mourn, and stay positive and grow from the situation of truly losing someone I love. I don't know if these things will help you or not... but seek things out that will help you and that speak to you.
Wow! This is the best advise I have read. I am going through the same pain. It hurts so much. But I know that when you feel pain, it only means you have loved for real. I just need to embrace that pain and hope that it will eventually go away.
Hi cara, it's good that you've decided to not contact him anymore. That will help you move on. Try to not hope that things will go back to normal bec that will prolong your suffering. Instead, focus on yourself now. I know its hard, almost next to impossible, to do that, but try to get him out of your system. Don't hold on to him. I know your post is 2 months old but right now m going thru the same thing. I can't believe he broke up with me, it's not in his character. But i guess we both didn't know them well enough, because they did the unthinkable to us. Anyway, focus on urself. Talk to your mom, priest, shrink, anyone to help you. It's time to love ourselves now.
Being betrayed by the person you have trusted the most is definitely one of the hardest things to experience. It's like experiencing a death because you are grieving the lost dreams, relationship, and love. If you want to chat about it, we are here for you 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Hi! My boyfriend broke up with me. We been together for 5 years, we almost spend everyday together since he is only working in politics and never practice his profession, so we had a lot of time being together. We enjoy going out always even on long trips. We usually had each other in anywhere. We also fight but it was resolved quickly. Time had fly that I took chance to go abroad, we still do have our daily communication thru skype and facebook. A month ago, he had the chance to work in a resto for his profession as well as he is still serving in their community. We got fewer times to communicate because of his hectic schedule, and that event changes everything in our relationship, we had a fight it was just like the old fight but this time it wasn't resolved. He started to break up with me and he said that he is not happy anymore in our relationship. It is that fast for a man to forget those 5 beautiful years? I feel like devastated and cried every tears that I have. He said that he needs time and space for us to grow separately. I know I also had my fault because being apart sometimes can lead to being possesive and clinge, that was my problem. He said that time will heal the wounds and he said that time will answer everything. It is very hard to call off the engagement.