To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
BUDDHATIZED & BROKEN HEARTED~ I met my ex 9 years ago in a casino, we enjoyed the same game. He always had a Lucky Buddha on his machine..which I adored. We became friends, he was married with 1 biological & 1 stepson. I was single after a 15 year relationship (4 children) that became very unhealth. He was the most outgoing positive man I had met and had the most Amazing Smile! I then knew I wanted the next man in my life to be like him and Love and spoil me like he spoiled his then wife. 2 years later he was seperated, his wife wanted a divorce as she had another man. I was so afraid to loose the opportunity of being with him that I told that Lucky Buddha Man he needed a Buddha Girl!! We spent the last 7 years together living seperate. I respected that he had been hurt in his marriage before and that marriage or living together was not what he was ready for but our relationship seemed strong and he was very close with my family. 11 months ago he just decided he hadn’t had time to himself with no commitments/expectations in 22 years and broke it off and just like that my life was crushed overnight. I am still so broken as I Love him so very much and was so Buddhatized by my man. We had so much that we shared together and loved all the same things…on top of that he told my daughter he would be with me forever. Now that he’s single he says he doesn’t want a relationship but seems to be fully engaged in the dating scene. I truly believe fate brought him in my life and I know I treated him better than he had ever experienced in his life…he’s 54 (I’m 50)…could he be going through a mid life guy thing?? I still can’t bring myself to even look at another man…I feel so broken and empty even 11 months later, he is the Yin to my Yang~ Praying this blog brings me some peace to my thoughts as this will be our first Christmas without him…he seems to be afraid of love yet loves himself at the moment and seems to be enjoying dating again, my daughter and I miss him everyday. Broken Hearted Buddha Girl~
My boyfriend and I were together for 9 yrs. We lived together. The last 2yrs out sex life dwindled to nothing. He said sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. We loved each other had fun times but the home life was getting annoying. I would complain communicate what I needed what bothered me and its like it went in one ear and put the other with him. So long story short and there were other things that brought us to having him move out he did in July. I told him to take what he needed and just go. He moved into his house hevtented out a side by side apt as a tenant has moved out of it. Days went by he then came around we still did things together. I then changed jobs where i am working overnights so I'd sleep in morning and early evening so the time we did spend together was limited and this began to be an issue for him and me. We didn't talk or see each other much but when we did we always ended the call or day with a kiss hug and I love you. Then 1 day a couple weeks ago I told him I had a feeling he was seeing someone. He did not deny or affirm just said what we can't talk after I said I'm done I won't be talking to him anymore. I'm another txt he said he did not know if he had the want or energy for a relationship. Yet he was working on a new one with someone else. Another conversation in txt was he didn't want To give me false hope he doesnt know Whats going to happen. I told him I don't take sloppy 2nds. I did not know we had actually broken up at the time. The last I knew he wanted to try and fix our relationship. Not was I fooled. Its been 2wks and my heart is heavy. I have been saying and writing down daily positive affirmations. I pray to God everyday to help me to heal my heart so I may move forward. I cry at the dumbest times. I know this pain will end I wish it would hurry up...
I dated with my ex-bf for 5 months and we broke up 2 weeks ago. In the mid of September, he said that he is ashamed to bring me out to meet with his friends because I am fat and not beautiful, and he said he got no feelings on me after 3 months being together. He said our relationship was just a trial for him and it doesn't work out. I was so heart broken by then and I actually asked him to give us another chance and we could work it out. Things seems to be normal again by then, but his messages to me has become lesser. Early of November, he told me that he has spent too much money on me (he bought me a handbag earlier and a bracelet for my birthday). After so many months, I only realized that he bought me the gifts unwillingly and even send me his bank account details for me to make the payment.
We "officially" break up 2 weeks ago and he told me that he don't like my attitude - as I like to asked him questions such as "Have you taken your lunch?" or "What you're doing at home?". He claimed that his friends don't ask him this kind of questions but I did asked him. But, is it wrong for me as the GF to ask questions? For me, it is just a part of communications!
Until today, I am still feeling very heart broken and I am still crying over these. 🙁
2 months ago she broke up with me,saying that in last 6 months we was just hurting each other,than loving,and now i know it was just a simple reasson ,because this is not true,we was even on holiday for few days,we hang out like normally couple,true is that sometimes i was going out with boys and left her home alone,but this can't be the reasson to leave me after almost 3 years together and plans for marriage,i want say she is my first love. her familly accepted me,because i am a stranger in her country,we was verry happy together,we moved together and everything was going just good.Now i know she meet some new boys,and she was flirting with them,especially with one of them more.well,it happend that way that in one week i saw her with 2 boys,one of them is now her boyfriend and the second one just a friend from school.she broke up with me because she knew it she can't have me and him in the same time,so she choosed him instead me,and she even saied me she love him and she never want me back,and it hurts more because i know she really loved me,she was everytime kind with me,she everytime helped me and had care about me,everytime she asked me if i will ever change her with someone else,she give me know that she don't want lose me,but now this suddenly happend,i don't recognise her at all,she ignore me and she even changed her phone number.All this facts make me think she was playing theatre all the time,but its hard to believe it.and now after 2 months i am everyday thinking about her,i am stucked inside of the relationship,and i don't find a way out,.please someone say something... thank you
2 weeks ago a girl I loved more than any1 ever, said let's be friends. I was devastated. Have been having morning tremors and irregular sleep for 2 weeks. The sadness is so bad, but seems to go away only when she text me back as friends. She was divorced, and holding back, I have never married and gave my full heart. I miss her and her 3 kids so much. Now I just can get by with hoping to say hi at church. I changed my whole lifestyle around her, lost 20lbs, changed my music, so much, and now I'm home alone and can't reenter my single lifestyle very good. I can't even think about any other girl. When the pain hit's hard in the morning, I feel like i have to be around someone to ease the pain. It's hard. I know I don't need medicine, as when she replies by text, all the pain goes away for a day. Im hoping to wean from her with little steps.
I feel you brother.. I too have just had my girl of my dreams, and the first woman I ever loved this much in 46 years of life finally tell me "I don't want you to contact me anymore, for both of our sake"..
God I'm in paid and I don't know how I'll ever get over her.
I am right there with you. I screwed up a relationship with a good, honest and loyal partner. Im dating others but missing her more and more each day. It hurts alot. Especially during the holidays
Wow this sounds exactly what I am going through I can't believe she is putting some space between us I am majorly depressed never never been this bad over a woman. But I finally realized she was the only one for me after 3 years it was complicated because of her twin daughters would never accept anyone being with their mother now I don't want anybody else ever in my life because at 50 I finally met the one I absolutely want to marry and I pathetically wait desperately for texts or phone call she said she wants to still be friends no matter what or who we may end up with but she did say there could be possible get back after she finished raising daughters she will not date until after daughters graduate high school
Hey guys! I'm a 50 y/o woman who just went through a break-up. I'm a strong woman w/a great circle of good friends, and that's key and why I'm doing better today than yesterday! My ex hasn't contacted me since Mon evening & he never will again. And you know what? I'm okay w/that now. Woman & men react differently to break-ups. We women are emotional. (I didn't eat for four days.) Many men stuff the emotion down & pour themselves into anything to keep from feeling the pain. You're feeling the pain & that's good. And healthy. But here's an eye-opener. Every text, call etc., that you're waiting for is like an addiction to a drug. It feeds the dopamine receptors in your brain. When you get a text or call, you get your fix. And when you don't get it, you go into withdrawal. I went two days with no contact. During that time I SCOURED the Internet for every article I could find to help me through the breakup. I also read about how break-ups affect men. I talked about how I felt to my friends, and I wrote. A lot! I wrote about every feeling I was feeling. And I finally composed a final goodbye to my ex that was totally kick&%%, sent it and let me tell you, I feel WAY better! I don't even know if he read it & I don't even care! He broke-up w/me and since that happened (via a cowardly text I should add!) I have deduced he did me a HUGE favor!! Please guys! Don't sit around & wait for a text. Take a shower. Put on some nice clothes. Do what you need to do feel better. She broke up with you & nothing is going to change that! Don't hold onto hope she'll come back because she probably won't! Nurture yourself and take care of you! Erase phone numbers, photos, whatever reminds you of her and tell yourself aloud over and over, that'll you'll get thru this! (I actually did a LOT of self-talk & it really helps!!) It's called a break-up for a reason. Something is broken, and it's not ever going to get fixed!! Love yourself. Believe in yourself. Because now that you're alone all you HAVE is yourself! And if you don't take care of YOU, then shame on you!!!! Blessings to you all!
"You're stronger than you think!"
I agree 100%. I am a woman in my 30's, dealing with it the same way (maybe it's a woman thing). I left him 3 times, and he keeps coming back and every time I actually thought I was over him, he found a way to sneak his way back in. Our relationship was toxic and made us miserable. My ex cannot deal with his feelings and turn the page, he always wanted to stay in touch. I cut off all contact and it drove him nuts... and never accepted it and never understood that this was the only way to turn the page. (And by the way, if she cut off contact with you, it doesn't mean she stopped caring and is not suffering. It means she wants to stop suffering and get better, and you should do the same.)
You need to understand and accept what is happening and stop hanging on to hope. Think about the reasons it is over and even if you are not convinced it should be over: if it isn't your decision then there is nothing you can do to change that. Acceptance is the first step. If you don't take that step, you will not advance... Do it for yourself, and for the other person. You will both find happiness after this. Time works wonders.
It's not easy for any of us, but you owe it to yourself to try to get better. Here is what has helped me so far:
- Cut all contact and focus on you.
- Find new activities. Start doing what you've always said you wanted to do. Or get back to the activities you enjoyed but put aside during your relationship. For me it was jogging, yoga, and now trying painting.
- Exercice!!! Endorphine is your best friend.
- Meditate. Or go to Church, but change Church if she is there, it can be temporary... until you feel that you have moved on.
- Surround yourself with people that are good to you and care. Kids and animals are awesome at putting a smile on your face even when you see dark.
- When you are alone, find things to occupy yourself (cooking, cleaning, laundry, reading, writing, exercising, whatever it is, just keep busy and go on). Keep your place organized and tidy (a mess will just cause anxiety and keep you in the blues).
- If you can, go on a small vacation.
Just hang on. And tell yourself that what you are feeling is common, it is not the end of the world, and just on this blog we are all going through the same ting. Be happy and feel fortunate because some people will never be lucky to have experienced love.
Best phrase ever 😀
Be happy and feel fortunate because some people will never be lucky to have experienced love.
And would never say "no" to falling in love all over again, it hurts so good, I must be a masoquist yet an optimist...
Guys heard this once... "Best revenge is looking and feeling good" from the great -Les Brown.- make sure next time he/she crosses your path you're looking awesome and feeling amazing... They'll regret not having you in their lives...
Best to you all... Just got my heart broken from a 7 year fairytale, he is m, was and will always be my dream man, but must endure and show him that he created in me a masterpiece 😀
Hi, my situation Is totally different... I have a big heart break but it’s
All because of my self... I have been married for 9 years and have beautiful 4 years old girl. One year ago I got seperated with my husband but kept living together untill I found out if that is what I really want. So I was feeling lonely and we didn’t sleep together and lived like brother and sister. So I started online dating ... I had one love affair that i though this is it it but it only took 2 months and I never saw him again.. this was my first heart break. Because of the heart break i started tinder again and found whitin 4 weeks another love interest. This one was just different then any relationship I ever had... we connected so good and just my dream man.. and I was his dream girl. Only bad thing was tht I was still married and lived together and also this guy I liked lived in Perth.. no idea how we got matched as I live in Melbourne. Anyhow we met two months later he came and visited me and we actually fell in love. We spoke about marriage and everything. He even proposed me As a joke but at the same time he also felt like proposing for real with a candy ring on the first day we met. I actually stayed 3 days at his hotel and we had amazing time.... no guy made me feel like he did. He knew my situation so I asked him I just need time to figure out my life and he understood and we kept dating. So 6 months later I started loosing interest in him.. and actually I though I might give my marriage a chance... but I didn’t sleep with my husband or anything but I just started having more respect for him and he for me. So tht guy I was dating kinda felt that I was not making any progress but I went more backwards. I still kept saying no I love u and all.. and he would come every 4 weeks to see me and we went on holidays.But because I was confused I just didn’t know if I loved him enough to leave my married life...also because he couldn’t move to Melbourne and I couldn’t move to perth because of my daughter. Anyways thinking about all this complications I took a step back with this guy while this guy spend 1000ds of money on me and showering me with expensive gifts and all.. still I didn’t really wanna make a choice to leave my husband. So at some point 10 months later he actually started calling me less but more often text message .. but also I did the same. So one day I called him and complained why he is not having time to call me that often anymore? So then started making big fight with me and broke up with me. I was like okay good we should do that! But I didn’t take him serious as we often would have these fights and make up the next day.. but this time he really break up and didn’t respond to my calls and text messages and ignored me. A week after breakup I went on tinder to check if he is not there.. and then I saw his profile and I broke in pieces ! I just couldn’t believe... he was preparing to move on for some time and I am not sure how long had been there.. so he kept ignoring me and 3weeks later he finally picked up my call and I asked if he have a gf and he said yes so I broke again.. as how can he have a gf in only 3 weeks? So the convo didn’t go well. Two weeks later I called him one time again... and he picked up and I told him about everything how I wa feeling and he listened and the convo this time went well.. so I found closure after the last time we spoke. Still I have been feeling bad and trying to figure out why I am missing him and why I just can’t love my husband again cause he is so much better than any guy I have known.. but still I am feeling depressed and don’t eat well.. I have tried so many things to get distraction to get rid of thoughts about him and gf and memories I have with him. I know it was my own fault by not ending one relationship first before starting another one but I geuss this is life .. we e not perfect and nothing will go perfect.. at the moment I am still confused and trying to work out with my husband .. not sure if it’s a good thing what I am doing but I know for a fact I won’t find better man than him.
it is really strange situations but you can manage it well i know.
Hi Hope. Your story could be talk about me. I had the same situation and had to do exactly what you did to cut him out and allow the relationship to die. I only did this about 3 weeks ago and like you said it doesn't mean the person who took th decision to end it is going through any pain. Sometimes you may not even realise just how deep your feelings go until it is truly over. I have and am still suffering though I have good days and bad days.he was the man of my dreams and I had been single for the past 10 yrs and had just dated but never really have anyone my heart. I really loved this man but we kept fighting and he couldnt forgive me for things he perceived rightly or wrongly that I had done to him although I could forgive him. When i kept taking him back it would only end in another fight and pain pile up was becoming too much to bare. I couldn't see myself with anyone else but the pain was destroying me and although he would keep coming back I suspected he was seeing someone else.recently i have forced myself to face the facts and truth and it hurts so bad that I can burst into tears at any moment . Yesterday I deleted his number from my phone so he no longer shows up in my WhatsApp and he can't see my profile pictures. I want him to fill the pain I have felt and I had posted pictures of myself looking stunning before I blocked him and deleted his number. He finds it hard to do things like that and holds on but he was not prepared to work on fixing things so I took all his power away from him. Whenever i broke with him he would find a way to contact me using any reason possible. I told him in a text not to contact me again for at least 1 or 2 yrs . Told him exactly what I wanted in a relationship and why I was putting an end to the fiasco. I am allowing myself to feel the pain ,the hurt, and deception, it hurts so bad but I know it's just a moment in time and whether anyone else will ever love him as much as I did, well that's not for me to ever know but just for him to find out. I believe he was in denial about his true feelings for me and could only deal with the illusion and not the reality which is why he wouldn't complete let me go but fortunately i had the courage to show him I loved myself more than than my desire to stay in a relationship that was hurting me and going nowhere.
Story of my life. I really hope you are doing better at this point. And I hope to be as confident as you soon. I lost the love of my life due to mine and his stubbornness and pride. Im not sure who's fault it was. Mine for being too emotional or his for not understanding why I was emotional. We loved each other deeply. But never seem to be on the same page. It hurts to end things when I know I truly love him. But I need to move on and reading everyone's stories on here helps. Thank you for posting.
I am George and I lost my fiance I have been with for seven years, we had an issue of trust and am going through pains I still love her
Hmm am dying i cant even control myself i have been dating for almost 4years and her family dont even like me and now we have broke up hmmn
YOu seem to be a very intelligent and insightful woman- Thank you for sharing this!!
I really needed this right now. A guy just broke our 9 year relationship off 2 weeks ago right before we were supposed to move in together. It devastated me...I reacted irrationally - I've cried and haven't been able to eat or sleep since he broke it off. To add to the pain, I walked in to a sports bar last weekend to find him there with his new female friend. Talk about another blow to the gut. Sorry to go on & on.... I just wanted to say that your words and advice has helped me a great deal. I know over time this will be for the best. I really hope I see the reasining behind all of this pain soon.
What a tough situation your experiencing- it must have been awful shocking for you. It may sound tough,but be glad it happened before you moved all your stuff in because believe me it's so difficult to move out and have to go through all your stuff. I recently had to do this after 14 years woth my fiancee. Even though i wanted the break up its hard. Seeing him with his girl friend must have been hard too. Think about this- he may be on the rebound which is unhealthy and rarely works out.take out a piece of paper and make columns. Write what you liked about him,what you disliked,what your communication was like,did he support your career,did he support your dreams and desires,did he give you affection as you needed ,did he ever hurt you or anything you deem is important. Then in each of those categories answer each of them with what you desire. You can make up your own categories.Then compare them and you may be surprised that maybe the relationship wasn't everything you really think is healthy.sometimes we wear rose colored glasses and when we write things out on paper we see things more clearly. I'm terribly sorry for yiur hurtful situation though and I know how heavy my heart is and yours must feel the same. Sending you healing blessings to breathe and believe for every dark storm one weathers there is always light that shines through. Hope this helps. Sorry for the typos
My story beats all of those. Ive been with my guy 3yrs off and on. He got married twice on me. The first time it was a civil union to help her with INSURANCE cuz she had cancer. So once she was cancer free took bout a yr. HE dissolved the civil union and within weeks he married his so called ex girlfriend who lives in another state all while we was going thru our off and on, but never COMPLETELY off. I feel so STUPID and my hearts hurts so bad. How do get over him cuz i still love him. Yeah i know.
I too am a mature woman (61) who got dumped by the man who said I was his last love. We were in the middle of plans for our future together and suddenly he just said he can't do it, it's over. We were together over 2 years. I was devestated! That was this past early June. I'm still dealing with the pain. I'm doing my best to move forward and have had a lot of art backs because he said he loves me a number of times after the initial break. He is a typical minimal communicator so I was hanging on to hope that he just needed space and time. I made the mistake of checking in on him via texting over the summer. I was always the initiator and for the most part, his responses were vague and minimal. His last response (2 days ago) was a simple "no" when I said "it would be nice to catch up a little. How do you feel about that?" I got my straight answer after 3 months but no real explaination.
Anyway, it's time to heal and I will. You can't avoid the pain but with the love and support of family and friends I will live and learn and be a better person for it. And, I keep telling myself I'm stronger than I think.
Reading. On all the heartbreaks I realize ,it's truly a part of life,Ican say now that I've experienced one too I've lived life not deeply loving,then one day it just happened,I truly felt a bond ,connection with this person never felt before .But it must have just been in my head and heart feeling that way.All the time he.would leave over little nothings,then a week or so get back .This has been going on for two yrs now finally over I feel there should be a reason,so broken heart remained with questions I may never get answered.
this is awesome and so very helpful.
You are sooooo right. One of the harder things for me to go through is waiting, looking, hoping for that email. And when I give in to look and it's not there, the crushing pain comes rushing back. My looking has become less frequent, I'm down to maybe 3-4 times a day.....yes, it's like saying "no" to a destructive drug. It would be easier and quicker, for me, if there were no computers. I THANK GOD that I don't have a smart phone, I would totally go NUTS constantly looking.
Best wishes my brothers and sisters in heartbreak...
WE WII GET THROUGH.
I am always looking for a response from my ex too. It is torture. I texted him a really kind heartfelt message to try to rekindle the love.....crickets!
Thank you for that. I'm going through the same things. At our age, after 6 years, it feels like the last hope has gone. Maybe it's why I tried so hard to be everything I haven't in the past. I appreciate your words and I can move on.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT!, we are strong, indeed stronger than yesterday!.. We will get all through this. We are bigger than this!
I do not know why I am writing this...maybe just to hear myself think...and I do not expect a reply. Someone who I had been with for 4 years, breaking up, but always coming back together, broke up with me over a year ago. It caused me to change my whole life and return home to feel like a loser. I really thought we would cool it off again, then get back together like always, but this time she announced, "I am seeing someone". I really thought I was over this, but she gave me hope again just a few days ago, only to learn that she was still seeing someone...and it hurts again, just as if it had only happened yesterday. It honestly turns out that she really misses me and wants me back, but, wants me and her boyfriend in her life. When I realized this was the case, I told her that I just simply could not support her doing what she was doing to anyone else. Of course, since then, I have text her several things that maybe I should not have trying to elicit a certain response, but only to realize that although I was feeling horrible again, she is happily in someone's else's arms and does not feel the same. I really was getting over this. Had tried to lose contact with her, but then she gave me hope, and simply in pain again.
Thank you. Interestingly some research shows that women heal more re quickly. Partly due to the intimacy among women and their friends. Many of us men don't have as much of that. My heart aches so bad. We men feel it just as much as you all do. I know I'll survive but the intensity of the pain is almost unmanegeable. Thanks for your comment
I think it would be to your and all here's advantage to take some control over your situations, instead of giving the other person all the control. In other words, when the other person says to you, "I still want to be friends" or "let's just be friends" or whatever version of that they tell you, a good response would be, "I appreciate that you still want to be friends, but I don't think it's a good idea. I will be working towards moving on from this relationship and would appreciate it if you don't contact me. If you need help, call me and if I'm available to help I will do my best, but I will be moving on." This empowers you, puts the ball in the other persons court, and gets them thinking about the decision they just made. Plus, it lets them know they can't have it both ways by playing emotional roulette with your feelings. If they are meant for you, they will be back, but you must not be super available to them - at first. You have to play a little hard to get. This works as I had my heart severely broken by the man I'm happily married to today. I got this advice from a book I picked up in Walmart but I do t remember the name because it was years ago. Oh yes, and lots of prayer, maybe even some counseling, read your Bible and commune with God. Ask Him to speak to you and comfort you. Be blessed! There is love out there for you if your most recent love doesn't return to you.
Hi - find your story inspiring - can you tell us a little more...?
same here.. but now how are you feeling?
Hey Ryan i just started to go thru what your going and i feel your pain bro. I started dating this girl from church shes the pastors daughter and shes divorced because her ex went into drugs and then to jail. Just today in the am she texted me that she cant do it anymore, she said its to much pressure, she said its not from me that im awesome and that when shes with me everything feels good. But she just cant. Now im hurt and still have to see her at church. I told her i would respect her decision and that i felt peace but that only lasted for a bit it just started to hit me. That pain hope it goes away soon
Hang in there Anon4. The update I have is not good. I'm learning men handle heartbreak wayyy worse than women. Men take it so hard internally when women can shake this sort of thing off which seems kinda cold but it's just the way it is. The pain of breakup did reduce, but my spirit is still crushed, and motivation and joy is nearly gone. Several times thoughts enter the mind to end it all, but I wont do that. I read the pain must not outweigh the coping abiilty. Also read alot about Oxytocin withdrawal being like real drugs. Much of the time I feel intense emotional pain, I seek out God but seem to get minimal relief. I must have ruminated to 120 people by now, it adds up and people repel after awhile. What is really bad is when you need love the most, like when your depressed, no one is going to want you the most then. It seems not fair that when you need someone the most, it's the hardest time to find love. It feels like my life is shrinking into a smaller and smaller bubble, cant' go anywhere or listen to music, or watch any movie as it causes memories and emotion take over. And the worst thing is she wont speak to me and wont' tell me why, when the last thing she said was she wanted to be freinds. It's like 2 heartbreaks, one for the relationship, and one for the freindship. Losing the friend part was even harder. Now she made up lies in her head about me and started believing them, when all i ever did was love. She had said I'm too emotional as to the breakup, she would'nt undrestand that it was temporary as that's what happens when u fall in love.
Ryan and Anonnymous4,
Your stories really touched me. Thank you both for sharing. My boyfriend broke up with me on December 13th, 2015 (so about a month and a half ago), and the pain is still excruciating. The people who love more tend to hurt more. It's a sign that you love deeply, and that is a precious quality for a person to possess.
Please know that women can hurt every bit as much as men. Breakups completely devastate me. It's been my observation that it hurts most to the person who didn't want the breakup. We reach out in love and give of ourselves, some of us giving everything we've got. Then to have our love rejected not only injures our heart, but bruises our self-esteem. What did I do wrong? Why could he/she not love me anymore? What could I have done differently? Am I unloveable? And part of the pain, too, is the loss of the expectations we had for the relationship.
I can feel you right now Jamie we both in the same situation. I've been in relationship for the past 4 years. I loved him even more than my self, I did everything to made him happy. I even forgot my own happiness. I always prioritize him in every decision I was made. I believed that he loved me unconditionally. That he cannot able to hurt me nor cheat on me. I'm over confidence about the foundation of our relationship. Ofcourse sometimes we had some misunderstanding but at the end of the day we managed to solve it. Let say I was dreaming during those times I thought love is always have a happy ending that I'm leaving in wonderland. But recently everything suddenly changed. Yeah he changed a lot until I reached to the point that I cannot recognised him anymore. I keep on asking my self why he changed? What I did to made him hated me? Recently also he even told me a lot of excuses why he was busy, he always going outside never tried to called me in our daily routine. All of sudden everthing turned wrong. He even created some imaginary friends to made me believe that's he's not doing anything wrong he just enjoyed his life. Of course I'm not stupid up to that level, one day I all the lies was unfolded. Even if he did not told me face to face that he already in a relationship with someone else but he's actions was more than enough for me to realised that he already unlove me. He treated me in a very bad ways. He never considered my feelings if I'm going to be hurted by his actions. Now he left me. He even told me that he don't wanna see me anymore. All those words broke my life. Until now I don't know what I'm going to do. How i will fix my life again. How to be happy. Moving on is not easy. I'm always depress and feeling sick everyday. Sometimes I'm praying that I won't wake up anymore so that I cannot feel the pain. I'm far away from my family and that's added my depression.
im sorry that the both of you are going through this because i know exactly how you feel and as a women i would not say that is something we shake off my heart has been broken 2 times in a row and it hurts so bad its almost unbearable and although it seems like its the end of the world i know there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel ..i've just been praying and staying positive even though deep inside i feel dead and not alive but with Gods love and help im trying ...Stay strong a heartbreak is one of the most difficult things i've ever had to go through and i've been through 2 now one from a cheating husband that i loved for 7 years and one from a man that i thought was different that helped me deal with my pain and went in and shattered my heart into 1 million pieces. But be strong and positive it will get better with time.
Hey Ryan, I know exactly how you feel. About 5-6 years ago my ex of 2 years had broken up with me. She was my first everything. I was consumed by depression for 7-8 months. I lost a total of 50 lbs. I couldn't eat for those months. It was my fault that the relationship ended. Having the feeling of regret is the worst pain. About a year after my breakup I met another woman. Ended up having 2 kids with her, two beautiful boys. Been together for 4 years now just recently the relationship ended. I'm going through it all over again buddy. If I can make it through the first one I can do it with this one and I know you can do the same. God bless.
Good luck I feel ur pain
HI
WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONAL PAIN.
THROUGH THIS PAIN IS WHERE WE BUILD CHARACTER.
CHARACTER IS ONLY BUILD THROUGH HARD TIME [ NOT GOOD TIMES]
IT'S THIS CHARACTER THAT HELPS US IN THE STORM.
YOUR DAY WILL COME AND YOUR OTHER WILL NOTICE.
Know the feeling, & it's so hard ,went thur the same but was with him for 16 years! ! ,& he was cheating & married the girl just after 8 months, it's a hard thing 2 cope with when u have lost your best friend & the Love of your life, but I know God will help me thur all this ,& I am still setting around & it will b 3 years in January, I pray all the time 4 help just 2 move on !!! So sorry & I do feel your pain! !!
am also suferrin here... am currently dating with this guy but am not really getting the attention i need from him so it makes me think he is just using me.. i care soo much and am always there for him anytime and i sacrifice for him, but hes just too i dont know,.. and am hurt inside of me,.. just wana leave but the pain is just too much, wana know how i can get over him
Hi Ryan,
I know you wrote this 7 months ago and I hope that you have already moved on. If I read this 7 months ago, I would have scoffed and tell you to be a man. But now that I experienced this kind of pain, I could only shake my head. I fell in love with a guy I hooked up with. How stupid could that be? Unfortunately, I'm just a hook up for him and wanted us to just be friends. At first, I thought that I should just give him time and he'll eventually fall inlove with me. I changed my whole lifestyle for him too. I gave him everything I could...as in everything. But it's still the same.... Unrequited love. I started to doubt myself. Am I that unlovable? Am I ugly? Fat? Dark? I started running and lose weight and considered getting fairer skin but I don't think those are the answers. I just think that I'm not worth loving, period. I became so insecure and also thought of ending it all which of course I didn't or else I wouldn't be writing this. I slept a lot too because when I'm sleeping, I don't think about him and feel anything. When he's not sending me a message, I felt like my world is slowly crumbling down but just one hi from him, everything changes. I will suddenly feel light and happy. He's like a drug I couldn't quit. I'm so drawn to him and I couldn't get enough of him. How do I move on? I couldn't sleep and work properly. My friends are all tired hearing from me that I'll move on but at the next minute I'll tell them that I'm happy again because he said hi. They told me to cry it all out and pray. I did both but I'm still stuck! When does it end? When will the pain go away? Why do we have to feel this? I have tried to be busy but everytime I stop for even a single second, it's his face that I see. I think I'm getting crazy or is this normal for someone who loved deeply?
April, you are telling my story. I am having a TERRIBLE time getting over my wife I am separated from, even though she has cheated on me several times during our separation. This have been going on for over a year and the cheating started with someone I respect because of what he does for a living and something I am passionate about (MMA). After going through the horrible pain last year, him and her broke it off and I came back into the picture. At first it was just supposed to be to fulfill our physical needs, have our cake and eat it too, but that slowly turned into intense feelings again. I tried to guard my heart as things were progressing in a positive direction, but after several months of bliss, she ended it suddenly letting me know she was not ready to settle down. Mind you we have been together for going on 17 years and married for 11 with a special needs child. I am having a terrible time, trying to focus on work and wake up every morning with severe anxiety, depression and I weep like I never have. This week she called me pathetic in a text because one of her boyfriends showed up at her apt while i was visiting her a few days ago and she lied trying to cover her tracks. I'm not sure how to get over her. She can hurt me over and over and i still want her back. Its a sick and viscous cycle.
omg! Yes! once I stop doing anything I instantly think of my ex! horrible, eats up all my brain cells. hey-did it get better yet? I am still in the beginning stages,,,,,,
I just hope you're soo over him by now. Hold your head up.
Hello april..
I hope your over your breakup and never ? Yourself. You stated something that saddened me, you said to dark. I know that could not be it bc we are all gods children and beautiful inside & out.
I 100% feel this scenario.. I know that I am not alone. The Following Repsonses are Very Helpful too. I do not want to 1 up the person, dishonor the other person, become better than or worse than the other person,,, Healing is what i want.. Healed, Wholeness of Heart.
I am sorrybfor you and know how you feel my boyfriend of 2 months caused a break up because that is what he wanted.Be started by saying he couldn't understand my text though I was very clear. It hurts because I was really into him and it took me a while to open up from a break up 2 years ago. It really hurts worse when you are intimate sexually with someone. I know I'll be celibate the rest of my life as I can't allow myself to be hurt again. Sex is a soul tie and I can't allow my soul to hurt anymore.
I've been single for 16years now... you don't want to do that. I'm @ a complete loss as of how to communicate with other human beings & have lost all hope of ever finding an accomplice to my adventures... Death would be a sweet relief but mom is still alive for now.
Gael, anyone who says'accomplice to my adventures' has something to offer, a love for life. Please look for depression treatment or something because you rock,
Hi Ryan,
This sounds exactly what I am going through now. It hurts so bad. I dated this widowed guy that has three kids until I fell in love with him. But after months of dating, this guys said to me to be friends because he said , he is still healing from the death of his wife, but what I do not understand is, he also said that I am not the girl he is looking for and he said that he has someone ,(prospective date), to go out with and he said that this new girl can be his second wife. 🙁 I am so pained. 🙁 What I did, I made a to-do list to make myself better. Toning my body, and keeping myself healthy is one on the list. But good for you because she is still replying to you. This guy I date, he is pushing me away. He doesn't want me at all. I am so in love with him. I love his kids, too. I miss him so much. 🙁 (sigh)
that is quite hard to deal with. 3 years later I still have symptoms from the extreme heartbreak, but I totally don't want that girl now, but the emotional pain still hurts from damage. I have a wonderful woman now. I hope you feel better. Time really helps lessen the pain.
Update 2 years later. The tradjedy all made me stronger. I had to be broken down to be built back up better than ever before. That inner soft loving person will always exist but I had to guard my heart. Now I have great success with women and can take my pick from learning about man to woman relationship success videos on youtube.