To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
Okay...so my best guy friend of 10 years left me for his new girlfriend I'm 15 and he's 14 and she's 16 me and him aren't really allowed to date but he does anyway I confronted him that he hurt me by doing this and he said he was sorry but he keeps hurting me by ignoring me we use to have feelings for each other but we stopped I still kinda like him but there's some one eles in my life any way I'm don't know why he left me and I feel like I can't talk to him anymore HELP everyone I talked to has gone through this but is not giving me and "instruction Manuel" of what to do like I want lol If anyone can help I would love it
I am just seeing this blog. I relocated to another state the 1st of October leaving behind a man I had been in a complicated on/off relationship with for almost 5 years. At times during our relationship we would attempt to seperate ourselves from each but it would never last very long. We always found our way back to each other. Unfortunately, the complications weren't things to be changed which made everything MORE complicated. I am 13 years older divorced with 2 children. He is from another country with parents expecting him to marry from his country and had kids. We loved each other very much but it was difficult to navigate. There was serious talk about him moving to me and I really hoped he would. Moving away would have given us time to connect with each without outside pressure and influence. Unfortunately, that would never happen. We were in contact but he was trying to remain distant because talking to me was too difficult. Then on January 1st I learned he'd gotten married a week earlier and he never told me. You could tell it was wedding was rushed and the wedding pic looked like he was with his cousin. He wasn't even touching her! Needless to say, he's married. He blocked my number and won't respond to my voice mails. It's been 3 weeks and some days are better then others but there is always something missing no matter how good things are. Hopefully time will heal my heart too.
I agree, very well put. every hope of a text or email is like waiting for your pusher to bring whatever. Let go, move on, there is nothing else to do. the 50yo woman above rounded it up nicely. It doesn't make it easier, but hoping for news makes it way harder to let go. A woman who tells you lets be friend doesn't want you, and whatever her reasons are, it doesn't matter. 43 yo who went thru this as well.
I mostly agree with the statement about "let's be friends" but I take it a step further by adding some secret meanings to the phrase.
First, she knows she is hurting you, and believes that this softens the blow (when in fact it makes it worse because you hang on to that friendship idea). She does not intend friendship, she just wants not to feel guilty.
Second, she may be worried about your reaction. It is easy to become angry and bitter and lash out at her. Her suggestion may be code for "please don't hate me".
Finally, I believe that in today's society, the meaning of the word "friend" has become diluted and confused. After all, in the online community, if you have never met someone or spoken with them, but sent them a cat video, you can be their "friend". I recently had a woman tell me (before we ever dated) that she wanted to be friends. I assumed that meant she wanted to spend time with me...but later I discovered that was out of the question.
Yes, it's the waiting, hoping and looking for that one email from him that drives me crazy. And then, the huge let down and disappointment, both in him and myself, washes over me when I finally give in to the flesh and look....and nothing is there...
I have a friend, They split up last Nov. 23. I try to court her after 1month and fail. But the good thing is that is, We go outside, Window Shopping, Eating and etc. after courting her. & Yes while doing that things, were like BF/GF because we holding our hands, sleeping to my shoulder and etc.
Now, I have a problem. She ask a favor that to stop seeing each other, txting, calling and etc. Because every time were together she always think that im his EX.
Please gimme some advice. Thanks in advance.
p.s Sorry for my bad in E.
A boy that was the first I truly loved cut it off with me today BC there is this jealous girl that made rumers about me and that I was saying stuff about him and my bf believed her over me and he regretted us and no u don't know what to do everyday we see each other and its painful for me but he seems very happy and is flirting with other girls and i miss him