To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
I just had a break-up yesterday. He called me on the phone and say that he thinks we should break-up. Just like that! I ask why and he told me that he just wanted to be alone. This man has been a part of my life for almost a year. I've met his friends and folks and he met mine. We talked and text everyday. Spend quality time together, talked about the future etc. We live about an hour and a half apart from each other but we both agree that we would make it work, although I made most of the sacrifices to make it work. There was no secrets, no other relationships, no arguments or conflicts, nothing. I asked him was it finances, issues with his ex-wife, his son, me? Nothing. How could you say and show that you love someone and than the next week all of a sudden don't want to be with them more? How could you be dedicated to the bad and troubled women that were in your life and hurt the good one? The one who was there for you? The one who was unselfish and show you the love that was missing from your past relationships! People always say that they want a great relationship with someone that would treat them better than their ex did but runs away from a great new relationship! My heart is in pain. I will be happy when this feeling goes away. It hurts so much. 🙁
Sincerely,
Heart Broken
I found my ex on face book we made plans to get back togther after all these years .he was coming to see me. Then He just stop talking to me i dont even know why. We had the same dreams. I tried to be as honest as possible. And we never had a fight . I dont know what happend. But i wish i never spoke to him . I had regets and he is the love of my life. I never knew i miss him so much . My life went from happy to so sad. I feel like my heart is breaking and the lifes been sucked out. I have not pm him. I feel leaving him alones best. But i am so hurt and heart broken .... God i hope this feeling stops
Last night he hangs up on me, ignores my texts and messages asking him what is going on. He starts removing me from FB and Steam. I ask him again for an explanation and he ignores me. I then start removing him off stuff. He finally says something to me and tells me this is what I wanted. After 4 years and telling me he would never leave and how much he really loves me. I am completely lost and heartbroken I deserve to know why!
i wasted 4 years of my time too. I know how it feels.
i lost 7 years of my time.. and it’s my first...
5. I'm losing my will to live.
Nobody is worth harming yourself over. I understand completely the feeling of just wanting to die. Ive felt it many times throughout my life. That feeling will subside eventually. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Think about all the people who would be more heart broken than you are right now if you were gone. You may not have deserved what happen to you, but all those people that love you dont deserve to suffer over losing you. And they are the ones that would be hurt if you were gone. Besides, you cant fix whatever happened if you're no longer alive. I wont say that its never as bad as it seems. That would be untrue. But no matter how bad it is, it can always be made better. That is unless you arent around to make it better. Talk to a professional if you're having thoughts of suicide or anything like that. They can help you with problems like that, but only if you let them. Life is far too short to justify making it any shorter. I'll pray for you. Just know, it will get better.
"Defeat is a state of mind. Nobody is ever defeated until they have accepted defeat as a reality."
-Bruce Lee
That's a great quote. I will keep that with me. Ty
I promise it will get better.
I'm sure, you've overcome worse than this.
Remember that.
last night i had a really hard break up .. mine relation was 5 years and now i feel like i am ... i imagined everything with her and now it's all gone what do i do 😭
Today I broke up with my (former) guy after over 12 years of going nowhere fast. It sucks. I feel as you do, I imagined everything with him and now that future is gone, but I am hoping that once I heal (and you too), that there is a brighter future on the horizon. Take care of yourself.
i wasted our 2 yrs. and i don't know what to do. I feel so guilty ,tears keep falling and thinking about suicide.
Azzila, Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry you are going through this. It's important that you continue to talk about how you are feeling. We have HopeCoaches available you can chat online with Monday - Saturday from 7pm to 12am CST. They would listen and help you through this. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
It hurts like hell... Im planning to let go becuz im to old for this.I dont want to continue to hurt I need my peace of mind back.I didnt see it coming and to think her loves someone more then he loves me is so painful.What did i do wrong why didnr he talk to me so I could fix it.Why why .. im so tired of hurting .I dont wont to be here anymore. ...I dont need someone help to convince me to stay....its my life and Im ready to go
Feelings are so darn strong . I wish sometimes something could make me numb to feelings but the darn truth is that there isn’t anything to completely rid of feelings. Sucks ! What does help is to find a group of people who equally share hate for their exes and can bash on them all you want . Need one person who can hear you out of all the wrong. I get you it’s messed up how people can continue loving in peace after they screw someone over. I hope you can keep busy doing something that keeps your mind busy like volunteer your time in someplace / Area where you have passion for. Good things will come to you .
How have you been feeling lately ? I too have been thinking a lot about where I could have gone different in the past two years. I realized some days I feel better than others and on those days were days I remembered to do something for myself . A physical activity. Ride my bike, go to a group gym class or out of town.
Let me know what activities you like to do .
It's comforting to know that people out there are supporting each other and are giving advice. I got left three months ago for someone else. Its painful and humiliating at the same time. Three years of my life just gone. Hope I can be as strong as you someday.
Azzila... How are you doing? Can i tell you it wasnt 3 weeks ago i was feeling the same. I found comfort insomeone to talk to. Pleae know you are an important person. And even though you may feel like your life is ending know that there are people who love you and care for you. I do.. I do becuase i understand what its like to be there how hard it deeply hurts your heart. How alone it feels to be in so much pain. How could this person do this to me? Dont they see what ive done for them? The truth is they have their own choices wether they choose to accept your precious heart or decide there are other things that are more important to them. Please turn your sadness and brokeness to the world let us help you. And love you. You are worth every bit of it. There will be moments of ups and downs feel it express it but dont stay there. Let if flow through you like a faucet of water. Put those energies into a passion you have. You will inspire others. There are others hurting just like you who will need a precious heart like yours.
By now am sure you are much better than 5 months ago
Suicide should not come our way Darling
I am reeling over the end of a 30 year relationship. We’ve been best friends for 50. Yes, he is m, and is going to stay that way because of money and family. His wife also wants to stay although we have been together through most of their 34 year marriage. She finally found out and all our lives have turned upside down. I cry all the time. I wait for his call or text. He is still around for business so I have to see him occasionally. He is like a drug for me. I just want the pain to stop. I’ve become immobile. I can’t concentrate on anything and I have so much work to do.
I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there.
Today was the worst day i broke up with bf....and its the worst thing..i cant stop thinking about him...our memories and his lips his hugs when we played together...i miss him so much ily so much chris...i feel sad i want to cry and scream...i want to go to him and kiss him again for the last time...but i cant ig.....i canr sleeep withour saying gn baby to him...i cant anymore...💔😩😧😭
It's very sad to hear and I m very sorry for what things have happened. Things will fall into place as time passes and everything will be healed as it's just matter of time. Time heals everything. I have also experienced breakup recently and things are not over clearly yet. Keep faith in god and don't over react. After all everything is temporary, the pain, love , hate and etc... we can't change what is written in our fate. Just stay cool...
try a better one just for the sake of your own life
Try taking day by day. I’m in the same situation
Hello all how you all shaping up? I cant cope with these feelings. Please help
I been through this lately, the pain just seem never leaves considering it has been 5 months since we parted ways. 💔😔😭
I am in the same boat me and this girl were friends for years, we spoke almost everyday but i always wanted more but was too cowardly to say so. One day i finally worked up the courage to tell her how i feel and she doesn't say yes ir no. She just left me in limbo for years as I tried to prove that I could be the guy for her. Until one day 2 years ago for whatever reason she finally comes out and tells me she has no romantic feelings for me. I was devastated i stopped speaking to her for a few weeks but eventually we talked again and it seemed like we would still be friends. But i discovered that i felt u comfortable being around her physically, and started to avoid spending time with her. She noticed and we talked about this but we were never the same. Some time later i think we could still be friends but she picks a random argument with me and then abruptly stops speaking to me. When i experienced a family tragedy and tried to reach out to her she rebuffed me that is when i knew we were no longer friends.
So had my heartbroken a couple months ago, and still feels like it happened yesterday. We're together for 10 yrs I'm 26 now. High school sweethearts . Graduated same year.
Lived together the last 4 years.
She left me once before we lived together. Asked for space only to find out she left me for someone. I forgave her. Got back together , lived together. She came back from a vaca with her girlfriends. Told me she didn't love me no more. Seperated again. And found out 2 weeks later from her ex best friend. She is in a relationship with some older guy. Broke my heart. Think about her everyday. But have had no contact with her since. There is no point. Will only hurt me more to contact her. My love for her was real, genuine, I was loyal. And truly committed to a life with her. :/ I hear about her from all my friends . We have the same friends since we were highschool sweethearts .
I was heart broken twice by the same guy who promise to change for a better