To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
My best friend kissed me. We've been close for about two years. We've always had a flirty relationship. However, he lives in another country now. He kissed me when he came back to visit. Afterwards, he realized that it was an in the moment thing and he didn't want us to engage in a relationship. I agreed. We were back to normal for about a week. However, afterwards, he started claiming that we were never friends to start with to our mutual friends. I got over it because he was my best friend. However, he just stopped talking to me one day. I haven't heard from him since. What do I do?
Wow I feel for all of you!
My heart goes out to all of you!
My wife turned cold to me after 24 years and we ended up getting divorced
It was like she was a different person
I was heartbroken and she moved to another state like we were nothing
I finally moved on and have just met a sweet woman that I hope may be my new future
One thing is that I have learned to be alone and do things on my own
I have also learned to give space and not depend on someone else to make me happy
You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else
I have given myself time to heal and now it is time to live!!!!
I fell inlove with a this guy who Ive grown very close with we were just friends in the beginning we hung out everyday every second it was like I was the female version of him, while were just friends he had a gf but they broke up we grew closer and hung out more we fell inlove with each other was the most beautiful thing iv ever experienced but we tried being together plenty of times & it never worked because he was still inlove wit his ex 🙁 ive been dealing wit this guy for 4 yrs now & thts my bestest friend but he couldn't make it work I tried to show him how to love & it didn't work & now I'm sitting here depressed and heart broken cause I tried to show someone how to love me the way I wanted them to love me & all along they just loved the idea of me being aroun #brokenheartedgirl
Was married for 3 years but (un)fortunatelly going through a divorce now. I am so hurt, heart broken and sad but also pissed off at myself for opening my heart to her. I'm 35 and she is 33. The very first time we met I thought she was physically attractive but I wasn't looking for anything serious so I gave her a cold shoulder. Few weeks later she persuaded me into a date, we had a lot of fun on that date, we laughed and talked over a dinner . She also told me that her family is Muslim and that was a huge concern for me because I'm an Eastern-European-American Christian man and my family follows the Christian Orthodox religion so I didn't know how they would react. I have always been honest and open with her so I told her this. I told myself let's do everything right from the beginning, no secrets, no bs. So I told her that I don't want drama and that there is potential for it if we date considering she is a Muslim. Her response was that she is not religious at all and that she was only born a Muslim but has never practiced it. I still had my concerns and once again I told her honestly how I feel. I talked to my family about it and they gave me a blessing and said we will support you no matter what as long as you are happy. I was so freaking happy and excited to have my family's support and so was she. We got married after only dating for 7 months , everything was going well , we seemed very happy and we both had similar goals for the future. I did ask her before we got married if she would be willing to get baptized in a Christian church even if she doesn't want to practice because it would mean so much to me. She agreed, we even made plans to have 2 weddings , one at the city hall and in the future when we save up little bit of money at some small Christian church overlooking the Adriatic see in Europe. Few months after being married arguments started, she suddenly was much more concerned with her career then us. She even said love is not the most important thing in a relationship because love doesn't pay the bills BUT I was a small business owner and there was no reason for her to go after a new carrer, I asked her to find a job that makes her happy no matter what she gets paid and that we will be fine. Well she didn't want to do that, she accepted a new position at work and was now suddenly traveling every month for a week or so all over the USA. It made me upset, I wanted my wife and didn't want to lose her every month for a week or two. The arguments got so bad that she would scream and yell and one time even hitting me , off course I was upset and I yelled back but the day she hit me I realized that I need to get out of this or one of us will end up in jail or worst. I told her the next day that I want to move out as I no longer saw the point, my wife wasn't there anymore. She was upset that I'm leavin her but didn't really try talking me out of it, she just screamed and yelled and cussed at me. I moved out and was heart broken but as the time passed by I was able to move on and find my happiness again. 4 months after our separation (not divorce) she started contacting me and eventually we sat down and talked and not sure why (I guess emotions) we decided to give it another try. I thought something was wrong with me and that I had insecurities as she would tell me "what's wrong with you, what man wouldn't want his wife to be such a great worker and wants to make the money?" ... And I off course don't mind my wife making money but I do mind having to lose her for a week or so every month. So I talked myself into being open minded and accepting her new role and that everything is going to be okay. Once again I was completely honest towards her thinking she has realized what she had lost and will change (as she promised) , after all I am an honest, non cheating man who is also a hard worker. In October of 2015 I was crushed to find out my business partner was stealing from me (our company) so I was a mess, I was hurt and very upset. I decided to get out of the business with him and start one on my own. He wasn't only my business partner but my best friend and the best man at our wedding. I fell in depression as I couldn't believe he did that to me, I was really hurt especially since for 5 years I have put a lot of hard work into that business. Well I opened up to my wife again , saying I need your support and some help, I feel defeated and depressed because of what happened and her response was "don't be a p*s*y , man up, everybody goes through some shit in life" so even thought I was hurt by her response I tried just moving on but I couldn't. It effected the start of my new business as I lost a lot of motivation and was constantly dwelling on the fact that my best friend screws me over and stole from me. Any time I asked my wife for support her response was something like stfu and do something about it and as much as I wanted to I couldn't, depression took over me and I was pretty much useless. I asked her to please just give me some mental support and that I will be back on my feet in no time BUT instead she felt that I am no longer up to her standards (being depressed and all) so she asked for a divorce. I was crushed, I couldn't breath, I thought I was going to die or killmyself , how can anybody's heart handle all this at the same time, I lose my business (sold my shares to ex best friend) , lose my best friend/best man, fell into depression, barely enough money to survive and now on the top of it my wife left me and doesn't want anything to do with me. Today is the Valentine's Day and I had made reservations 6 months ago for us at this awesome reataurant and when I received an email yesterday reminding me of that I broke down. I still love her even though she obviously doesn't love me but I can't help it, my heart misses her and I think about her 24/7. Why am I hurting so much when it is obvious that she doesn't deserve me? Why can't I just move on knowing that even if she came back I will not take her back? She has poisoned my heart and more importantly my mind and I don't know how to get over it? Btw, my new business is doing good but I almost don't care , all I want is my wife even though she has became a cold hearted biazntch ... So I know she is no good for me and I know she can't be trusted yet all I think about is her. It is driving me crazy and it is really effecting my mental health, I don't know what to do because I moved into a different town to have some sort of change but I have no family or friends here and all I do is sit on my couch and think about her. I love her so much and she doesn't care, am I just a weak person or what do you suggest (anyone)? Thank you so much and God Bless you!
Hang in there buddy- life puts you through certain tests at times..have faith that God is just removing the negatives from your life-he sees that you are a good person- and this is a blessing. Stay strong!
God revealed who she truly is, I know it's a difficult time but you will heal, try and find a church in the new location and get yourself busy a long a long side your business. Jesus said he will never leave us nor forsake us, the fire won't consume us, the waters will not drown us....healing is assured hung in there bro.
I believe you're afraid to be alone. Go exercise, boost your self esteem so you can go out and find a new woman. You also need a friend or family member that you can confide your feelings to. It helps. Good luck and God bless.
I found out my bf was seeing another woman and that she bore him a child it broke my hrt so bad when he told me the truth and the fact that he asked for time to think about what he wants that he cannot let her go with no reason the man i loved so much cannot let her go. Ive tried to end it but he keeps asking for more time to sort things out. My whole world is a mess i dnt trust him anymore i just want to let go relieve myself of the pain i dnt want to be stuck in this drama for the rest of my life. Sm1 help me let go i hate wats hpning to me