To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
i dont know i still feel bad it been 9 months and it still hurts a lot i feel a big pressure in my chesk it does not go away im all the day thinking about him and this really too painful ive been trying my best but it still hurts
I can't believe that most of the people here have felt how I'm feeling rn. My bf for almost 4yrs broke up with me yesterday. So here's the story.. our relationship hasn't been stable since earlier this year, I was having 2nd thoughts if he really is the one for me. I got distant, yeah he noticed it but he did not make extra effort to know what's going on with me or how I'm acting differently. We had a huge fight and told him what I was feeling, but nothing really changed after that. I guess we just kinda got used to our situation (not acting like a couple). Then recently he broke up with me saying he cannot take it anymore, I had a week to just think about it and I realized that I cannot let him go. I have decided that he is the one for me. I love him and I am willing to do anything to make the relationship work. I've read that Love is not a feeling, it's a choice. So I am choosing to love him and work on our mistakes. After a long talk, he finally agreed for a second chance. We were so happy afterwards, I told him everything why I got distant then he explained his side and we both agreed to work hard on our relationship. I couldn't believe that I was capable of being happy with him again. I was just so happy that time and excited for what the future awaits us. But then we got into a fighr, well I was just being honest with what I'm feeling and I think he took it the wrong way. I was so hurt because we promised that we will be honest with each other and that's what I did. I was expecting him to comfort me and give me assurance that I have nothing to worry about. But he got so defensive and I thought we were going to fix our problems bec that's what we promised before. The next day I was waiting for a simple sorry or a hug from him but I got nothing. I confronted him and he told me that he cannot continue anymore. He doesn't want to think of me anymore and he just wants to end the relationship. I was really hurt because we were so happy already and this fight we had was so easy to resolve. I talked to him for hours but when he was really firm that he didnt want me anymore, then I stopped pushing myself for him to accept me. I am really hurt because just when I know he is the one and I am willing to forget the mistakes from the past, he just decided right there and then that he doesn't want me anymore. I've talked to my friends but I know there's no shortcut to heal a broke heart. I'm just scared because I don't know for how long I'm going to feel this way. I just want the pain to stop.. -K
I am also scared like you did. I don't know how long will I endure this pain. Perhaps, we can try to slowly forget them and think that we deserve someone better. Someone who will love us on our worst and our best. Someone who will endure and fight for us. Someone who will not give up on us and who will understand us. I hope that like you, we will move on from this heartache and heal ourselves, in God's grace.
My story is pretty complex and rather long. I'll try to give you the shorter version. My husband and I meet 10 years ago, we were both very young 21 and 23. After 2 years of dating he decides he wants to join the Navy. I support him, we decide to get married because we loved each other, and wanted to be together. Fast forward a few months he gets an unaccompanied tour to Japan. I'm left, married and alone in the states for 2 years. Seeing him only once a year. I'm faithful, and heartbroken and become severely depressed. He admits to cheating while in Japan, and we agree to work things out, and move together to his new base in Virginia. Its a difficult time for me, as my depression, trust issues, and anxiety are in full form. His time in the Navy is over, we move back home to NY. This time, he deals with depression and this difficult transition back to civilian life. We separate because he can't handle life or me. I love in with my mother, we get back together and begin to rebuild out lives. Again he leaves me with no more than, I'm not happy. That was 2 years ago. We've had small little connections but every time I end up getting hurt, I put my feelings aside and just want us to be together. He says we got married to young, and I agree. But we are grown now, we are different. This latest connection has been hard, neither of us can commit to getting a divorce. He was seeing someone else, and expects me to be okay that he's still friendly with her and me. I'm not! I feel like he owes me enough of his feelings to see if we can be together and not be distracted by someone else. Through all this time, I have become even more depressed and alone. I feel like giving up, I hate that he can do this to me. He has so much power over me and my feelings. He's happy and I constantly suffer. He always gets what he wants. I'm not sure why I do this to myself over and over again.
My boyfriend just broke up with me 3 days ago. I am so mad at myself because I caved this afternoon and tried to call him (no answer) then, I texted him and sounded so pathetic and needy. I am definitely not going to contact him at all anymore. I am so scared that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am 46 and fear there is nothing left for me, now. I can't eat. All I want to do is sleep. I feel so alone. If anyone reads this, thank you for letting me vent.
After 3.5 long years of relationship I have to accept the pain of break up. I couldn't accept what is happening around me. It is so hard to accept the reality. I keep constantly thinking of her which makes me terrible. I have believed and trusted on her so much that I would do everything thing for her. Now the truth is bitter and everything is coming to an end. She don't want me in her life despite I tried to make-up our relation back. I tried my best but it seems I m losing her now. Please suggest me what should I do now.
Oh my I can totally relate!! My bf for almost 4yrs broke up with me yesterday. I gave everything to have him back but he still doesn't want me anymore. If you say you tried to fix your relationship but still didn't work, I guess you just have to give her the time and space she needs. Talk to your friends.. Everything happens for a reason. I know it's going to be hard. I don't even know how I'm going to survive this. But just take it one day at a time. It's helpful to read other people's stories and if they got pass through it, so will we. We have no choice but to deal with the pain and hope that eventually it will get better. Do something good for yourself.
Thank you for the response hope your relation have become better by now. I m still trying my best to make it up yet it seems things are get worst in the process. All she want is to end up, I m left with no option than to accept the fact of getting over. Days seem difficult to pass now m leaving the decision up to god. Hope it is happening for best thing to happen between us. I still love her so much and m not will to move on as of now.
Thank you for your stories. He also doesn't want me anymore and it hurts. But yeah, Kassie is right: Talk to your friends.. Everything happens for a reason. I know it's going to be hard. I don't even know how I'm going to survive this. But just take it one day at a time. It's helpful to read other people's stories and if they got pass through it, so will we. We have no choice but to deal with the pain and hope that eventually it will get better. Do something good for yourself. Hopefully, we will all heal.