To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
I have been in an on again off again relationship for the past 2 and a half years. This guy means the absolute world to me. He is mentally abusive and cusses at me a lot. I can't help but think its my fault. What should I do?
Leave him no one deserves to be abused ur worth is more and if he can’t settle with u after 2 and a half years he never will u deserve better he doesn’t appreciate you and will put everyone above you and in the end break ur heart, everyone deserves to be respected by there partner, find a partner who will love and respect you for you
Leave! You at worth so much more than that! It will hurt, cut all contact with him block him from everywhere, social media, text, calls, email. EVERYTHING. I was in a similar situation, and before I had him block me from everything I told him every single thing I had to say to him, the good, doubts, the bad, everything it helps with closure and I saw he had no good answers, he swears he loves me and says I was to much, that I would fight and jealousy, but the thing is we could never comunícate and when I tried to address issues in our relationship he would always get mad cuss at me and blame me, and say that he couldn’t make me happy, when in reality he did but all the things that happen I couldn’t address them, things never changed, and they never do. It was really toxic, and he will never change, and you deserve so much more, someone who will work with you, who will be proud and happy te be at your side support you and work things out not just get mad and cuss you out and say they don’t want to see you for that day that they look for you when they feel like it. So leave, cry, scream, feel your feelings, have zero contact don’t fall for him cause he will not change, maybe for a while but he will do the same as before. Love yourself and with time you will see how you faded into him and lost yourself, and you will be happy because you will see your worth and resilience, and strive to feel indifferent towards him. Don’t obsess over the next girl cause 95% the same will happen to her, he will destroy her, just like he did you. So leave, go to therapy, no contact, erase everything btwn you guys pictures text, all the gifts and his things put in a box and drop off at a friends and tell them not to give it to you for 2 years, no matter how mucho you beg for them back. The right guy will come, just focus on you and be happy and happiness come from no where else but you.
I was in a 15 year relationship she left me with no closer came home she was gone I'm very broken over this need to heal
i been broken-hearted for about 7 days, 12 hours and 48 minutes..
my relationship ended badly it felt so unreal, like it just ended then and there..
a few days ago i felt like i was healing and just then he started saying that im hurting him even though we broke up, once again im blamed for everything.
i asked him how and why
he said because i was hugging a boy who was MY friend..
then he said really hurtful and rude things to me, and now im back to square one feeling pathetic and used.
im feeling worse and worse each day, and i dont know what to do anymore..
if anyone is about to do something special for their man dont.
relationships suck and sooner or later or if and when the relationship dies and the flames burn out just ask yourself what are you gonna do?
i used to be confident and friendly and happy..
now im not myself anymore i isolate myself from anything good..
because when i make connections with people now all i think of now is "when will it be their time to leave me"
I understand your pain. I have been in a relationship for quite a while & it just ended very badly. I had asked my now ex to marry me in a very lengthy text message. His reply was a thumbs up & then he blocked me. At that point in time, I felt so utterly useless. I admit that he did break my heart but it was partly my fault or at least that's what he says. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but in all honesty time does nothing but make you hurt more. I have so much time to sit around & think that I just go insane. This guy has done nothing but hurt me repeatedly & the sad thing is that I keep going back to him. Yeah it hurts but my mind always tells me maybe he's changed. When in reality he's still the same insecure immature guy that he always had been. To be honest it never gets better. I have always thought that the reason things ended so badly was because of me & my insecurities but it was him. He was the reason it ended. He made me feel so low & so worthless that I contemplated suicide. No matter what anyone did or said I was always gonna think of my self as a P.O.S. all because of a guy. Wow. I can't believe I let myself get to that point. It's scary.
The pain will still be there whether it's a day or a year or even 10 years from now. The thing is it's how you deal with it & whether you let it eat away at you or you let it become your inspiration to go on. Yes there will always be a place in my heart for my ex but if I keep dwelling in the past & how he treated me then I will never be able to look forward to the future. & I can already tell that my future is bright! I'm slowly healing.
You asked him to marry you in a text? No offense, and I feel your pain, but that just seems like the wrong way to propose to someone. Maybe that has something to do with his reaction.
I've had my heart broken before...been here, done that. I just had it broken again a few days ago. It makes you wonder if you're worthy of anyone. But then, I sit here and think I need to breathe, deep cleansing breaths, and when I start thinking of the pain, I have to stop myself. It is soooo hard, I know how you feel. But write things down, write emails to him...BUT DON'T send them. The writing itself is a healing process. Heal yourself from the inside out, love yourself, know you are a fabulous person, own that! Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself.
I'm in a similar situation, and it hurts so badly. My life has crushed into pieces....
I am too. Life feels grey, but I know better days are ahead. I just have to push through the pain. You can do it too, Cate. I know it hurts so much now. I feel rejected, unloved, wondering if I'll ever find anyone who will love me for me and forever, but I also count my blessings and I know God is right here beside me. But OMGOSH, it hurts so much! I'm sending you cyber hugs, Cate. Stay strong!
I will and for all of us to overcome this this is such a nice words i will pray for all of us to overcome this
Can you help me guys? My girlfriend and I had a 6 years relationship, She is so dependent to me wherein she dont need to work to help me out in our future. Then I realize that I am the who keep on giving effort on our relationship then realize im falling out of love with her.
I want to break-up with her but it holds my feelings that the people surrounds us especially our families are attach to each others. What should I do?
dont do it*
Be honest with her. Be gentle. It won't be easy, but in the long run it'll be better for both of you. You may end up resenting her if you stay. If you don't already.
run dude they don't care whet you have given they care more about what more they can get.