To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
i had a bf i have been dating for 1 year ,i love him so much gave him all ,stayed in his hard times ...
but recently he said he has feelings for his ex and his been lying to me
later on he asked my sister out
and left her and later
came to me ,he loves his ex and i don't understand ...
i love him and still do
it hurt me so
bad i cant stop crying
he just changed nd am pregnant for him
i don't even know what will become of us
I was dating my ex for 1 year and 7 months. During this time he confessed to me that he wasn’t over his ex of 4 years. He told me he didn’t love me or see a future with me.
I told him how this could not be true because I love him deeply and I seen it in his eyes as well.
On our anniversary we got pregnant. I am now 8 months pregnant. He has broken up with me and went distance.
It just really hurts because I invested so much, we’ve been through so much together. I stuck with him when he was going through hard times.
I don’t understand how he could be so cruel and treat me this way.
He was my best friend and now he is becoming a stranger. We have a baby on the way. He hasn’t been there for me at all! He didn’t go to any doctor appointments or anything.
It’s just not fair to our daughter and me.
I want to move on from this hurt. So I can be strong for my daughter.
I just don’t know how!
I pray and have faith in God.
I know God is working but it still hurts.
Am also suffered from my love..it totaly burns my emotions,thinking and my strength...love is an accedent in all humans life at the any age...we cont get back from normal once fall down...our soul always asking why it is happend to me...but the most of question is arraised but the answer is never given to us...so the final hope is god only...
I dated my wife for two years before we go married. Two years after we got married she found a new lover on Facebook and cheated on me. After I found out I left the house taking almost everything but her bedroom set while she was at work. I was destroyed. I lost a lot of weight, couldn't sleep or eat. I didn't want to. It hurt. After two months she came back to me saying she messed up and that she'd never do that again. fast forward to November 21st, 2018. I knew she was cheating again but kept denying it and getting mad at me and that was the day I showed her the pictures I had of her and her lover. She left that day. And here I am. Feeling all used up and worthless
Its okay brother. you are not just one in this world who faced this problem don't feel worthless, don't feel that you are a victim. It will take time. go slow, one day at a time. Divert yourself. Same thing happened with me. now i roam with many girls and enjoying my life. And whatever she did to you she will get it back soon.
They don't care about you or how much hurt you're going to go threw, they're selfish people who care only of them selves. The holidays tare me up and my x knew it so she started with a man in October and told me the day after thanks giving. She knew doing it around this time of year would add to the hurt and I believe she gets a kick out of it. They scream about how men are so evil. Well I got news for you, women can be venomous pit vipers when they want to hurt you, say will say or do ANY THING to watch you fall to your knees. I still haven't really processed it yet, she did it Friday after all. She's still using my power in her place, and I'm too much in love with her to do any thing about it. I feel your pain sir and it sucks. All we can do is hope iy comes back on them 10 fold.
I met a guy online a month ago and when we met he was 2 weeks fresh from a breakup.He dated a girl for 2 years and half and all of a sudden the girl said they should breakup.he was really hurt cause he like invested alot into the relationship.it was a distance relationship.Now this guy and I started talking and I am beginning to like him and he said he likes me too but unfortunately he is not ready for a relationship yet..I dnt wana be a rebound,I dnt wanna get hurt I just want him to heal.its so difficult and so I told him that we should stop talking up until he heals but he just ignored my request and just started a new topic and everytime I bring it up he dismisses it...I dnt know what to do...sometimes I think of just disapearing and come back after some months but I am scared he might draw apart,push him away but he needs to heal without me on the picture..he needs to accept whats going on and be single for some time so that he can be able to start afresh...and he wanted me to come to his country and also said he will come here and take me with...it really breaks my heart that we have to wait and that he is going through this..what should I do?