To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1. Take heart. You will get through this.
Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.
It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)
4. Take your broken heart to God.
If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)
5. Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other's feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other's perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
Hi I was really hesitant about writing on here but I thought I would open up to something like this. I was seeing this guy for about a month and a half and we were getting to know each other and both had said we liked each other. He lives long distance about 2 hours away but when we started talking we both agreed that distance was not a problem since we would just make trips to see each other and it wasn’t that far. About a month and a half of talking everyday and hanging out he sent me a text that he didn’t think the distance would work and like anyone I was completely crushed and for a couple days I couldn’t eat. It’s been about 4 weeks since then and I still am hurting. We still talk sometimes on Snapchat but I can tell we are both distant. I don’t trust him anymore but gosh I miss him so much.... I don’t know how to cope with this and the pain is so horrible sometimes. I have talked to family and friends but I find myself wanting to be alone. I don’t know if it’s because this was my first real relationship kind of thing or because I am 18. I honestly don’t know how to cope with this.
I’ve been seeing someone about 6 months.. I fell in love very hard and couldn’t get myself to a clear state of mind. We would do things together, I met some of his friends.. I had trust issues that I made clear to him so he could be open about anything to me.
I started to get attached but he kept feeling more and more distant.
He used to drink heavily but stopped around the time we agreed to date. A few days ago he got very drunk and made a huge deal about things in his life that were very damning.. then he stopped talking to me.. completely. I went to his house to check on him to find all the lights on and cans all over the floor.
From what it appeared he had another person over cause the bed was a mess and he cheated on me.. I broke it off but the pain is so great I literally wanna disappear..
slowly feeling better but I’m not in my right mind and kind of shut down.
I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, the first month and a half we were together crap happened and we took a break, he slept with another girl that he was talking to the entire time we were together before because he thought he had feelings for her. A week later we talked fixed things and moved on, the 8-9 months after that was amazing. We were so happy, after that things got rough, he lied a lot about things so I confronted him about everything and he said he wanted to fix it because he loved me it's about a year later and we just broke up today because he said he doesn't know what he wants, he says he loves me and he doesn't want to lose us but I don't know what I should do. Should I fight for him and our realationship.? I love him, he's everything to me.
Have patience. He loves you but he made mistakes he shouldn't have. Focus on what you want and that doesn't makes you selfish. Talk to him. Talk to someone who cares for you.
Your best frnd or frnd. Let him explain further..have a heart to heart talk and then decide.
Please dont i have been through that him telling you that he doesnt know what he wants means he is weighing options..if you fight for him he might agree to be with you not because he wants to but because yiu made effort and it might cost you in the future when things go wrong he will blame it on you that you failed to listen
I was talking to this guy for a year plus.. he was my first love. I dont think ive ever loved someone as much as i do with him. We talked like couples do but never declared that we were. After a year i think we're still in that 'getting to know each other' phase. We are in a long distance rship as i was out of the country studying,and hes working in our home country. Until last month i told him that i am coming home and we can meet. I was excited bc i could finally see him. He never really showed that he was excited as well,so i assumed maybe bc hes busy with his work. But on my way home he kept texting me to tell me if ive arrived bc he wanted to pick me up. To make this story short,he couldnt make it so i went home with my parents. The next day i asked him if he wanted to meet me and he was like "hmm not sure. I thought yesterday was perfect for us to meet" so i was like ok..but a little bit confused.
A day after, suddenly i had this instinct to check on his sister's instagram...and found out that...he.just.got.married. Yesterday. When we were casually talking. No clues or wtv. We didnt fight. He didnt say nothing about his upcoming marriage. He was there, sitting next to a woman in her wedding dress......i was just out of words. I didnt cry at first, i was still in confusion. Thoughts running through my head, i feel like dreaming. I slapped myself repeatedly and PRAYING this was just a dream. And then the crying happened. I lose my appetite and did not leave my bed for few days.
I was broken,shattered and in pain. How could he do this to me. What sin have i done to him to deserve this punishment? I cried til my head hurts and i no longer can produce any more tears. I texted him but all i get was being left with 'read'.
He replied 7/8hours later trying to explain himself. His replies were trash. He is a trash. He just said that he wanted to tell me long ago but worried that i wont be able to study for my exams so he had to delay it. He also said that it was during summer that he had to choose between me and the girl (who is his wife now) as to who he should get to know further. Yes, I was treated as an option and he didnt choose me because i am living overseas and it'd be hard for us. There was zero communication about this with him, i swear i can figure things if he really wanted to get married with me.
He said that he wanted to SEE ME for the LAST TIME before he get married the next day. How cruel this person could be 😭💔 i really could not brain. How could you see some girl the night before he was getting married. Still crying as i type this. He is just too much.
To make this short, i just ended the conversation with him. Its no use. He is happy, i am broken so what more could i do. It is still painful and i am saving myself from depression. I dont want to get myself fall into depression. I hope i can recover soon. Guys like this they give u hope,sweet talk you and made u believe they had something with us but in reality...thats just in our side of the story. I felt too much and he didnt. So goodbye,he wont see or hear anymore from me.
SadSunflower, I hope this message doesn't reach you too late, I just wanna say I felt deeply moved by the cruelty of that guy's action and I feel very sorry and compassionate for you. I hope this serves you as a way to grow and not give your heart away to anyone until you're sure it's really reciprocated and things are clear. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You just seem like a genuinely kind and sweet person. I hope you're never again taken advantage. He's clearly pure trash, as you say it. I'm going through a very long breakup myself (one year and a half of pain) so I know how it's like to cry until you head hurts and there aren't any more tears left. It's horrible, and I've slowly crawled myself from the pit and gained the strength to do other things that make me happy and have hope in better things to come. Hope you find a way to happiness and eventually meet a person who treats you with fairness, honesty and respect. Massive hug.
To me it sounded as though you were dating before you met in person?? What he did is under no circumstance remotely okay. That is a classic scumbag move. But as the article says learn from it, gain wisdom and don’t start dating someone online before you meet them. I’ll give you that tip.
Girl you know what you should be happy he didnt choose you that guy has no chill at all you wouldnt want to be the bride of a man who request to meet with another woman night before the wedding.you deserve better
My boyfriend never gives me attention. At the beginning of the relationship he used to say i love you but now nothing. Nor i love yous nor i miss yous... nothing. He doesn’t give me any attention and I feel like he isn’t proud to be with me. It’s very one-sided.