What to Know About Falling in Love
What Causes Someone to Fall in Love?
"Falling in love" is what drives the romances we read about or watch in our favorite shows and movies. But what does it really mean to fall in love with someone? Falling in love happens when you have strong feelings of admiration and attraction to someone you care about. It is easy, when you are new to a relationship, or new to these feelings, to see the best about a person easily. You probably prioritize the time you spend together, and share lots of time, gifts, and affection with them. Falling in love is often a joy, and it can be part of what points you toward the person that's right for you. But it's important not to rely on strong feelings of attachment alone when making decisions about dating and marriage. You want to be sure, if you feel like you're falling in love with someone, that you share compatible beliefs about life, about priorities, and about spiritual things. You want to commit to someone only if they are respectful of you, your needs, and your boundaries. And if you feel "out of love", it may not be a sign of the end of your relationship. Depending on your reasons for falling out of love, you may be able to rekindle warm feelings by getting support and talking through your relationship.
Friendships are one of life's greatest joys. Finding someone we can share our heart with -- someone who understands and accepts us just the way we are is priceless. When we can have a deep friendship with someone from the opposite sex, it is a tremendous gift. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite-sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are can be intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.
Is dating your best friend worth the risk?
You’ve probably heard the popular saying: “Marry your best friend.” Why then is it so darn stressful to figure out whether or not to date your best friend? On one hand, the prospect of a romantic relationship with someone you already share a deep bond with can seem like a dream come true. But… What if it doesn’t work out? It’s an idea with its fair share of risks and challenges that should be carefully considered.
Dating your best friend could mean that you’d be starting your romantic relationship ahead of the game, with a foundation of trust and understanding that already exists. You know each other's quirks, preferences, and values, which can lead to a pretty seamless transition from bestie to BF or GF. That kind of familiarity can create a strong emotional connection, since you're not starting from scratch in getting to know each other.
What’s the catch? The fear of ruining a cherished friendship. You won’t just lose a partner if things go wrong, you might lose or irreparably damage the friendship. Two heartbreaks in one go.
Dating a friend could also change the dynamics in your social circle. It could be tons of fun for your friend group when you get together, but if you break up, mutual friends might feel awkward or forced to pick sides. Instead of losing one friend in the breakup, it’s possible that you could lose several, or that your friend group will never feel quite the same way.
All that said, there’s a difference between being cautious and wise about such a big decision, and letting your fear make your choices for you. Consider this question: what if it does work out? Does the potential of finding a deeper love with a person you already know and trust outweigh the potential for heartbreak? Will you be okay with your decision, years from now, if you let fear keep you from taking a chance on something that could be beautiful? Check out this reminder to be brave from Joshua 1:9.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
We’re not meant to let fear dictate our decisions. Dating your best friend can be worth the risk if your bond is strong and you’re both committed to making it work. The transition from friendship to romance requires careful consideration and open communication. Of course there are potential pitfalls, but the reward of finding love with someone who knows you deeply can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience.
The Gut-Wrenching Challenges to Secretly Loving Your Best Friend
Laura reveals the gut-wrenching challenges she's facing being secretly in love with her best guy friend: It's been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we're just friends. It's torn my heart up on several occasions. I'm currently trying to get over him, because it's just too hard to love him from a distance. I don't want to lose our friendship as we've been through a lot together in the years we've known each other, but I'd rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.
It's okay to have feelings of love because of the trust you share with your best friend, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are in love. But it does mean you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into a great marriage. Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you're friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be.
A lot of good friends can do things that romantic partners cannot. Friends usually say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.
Two Warnings if You Think You Are In Love With Your Best Friend
When you start to feel you desire more than just a casual friendship with your best friend and you're not sure what to do next, let me offer you some advice that could strengthen both your relationship and your love for each other.
First, don't rush into a romantic relationship with your best friend. Many times, people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your other friends.
Second, don't spill your guts right away. You might feel like you have to share all your thoughts and feelings with the other person as soon as you start to feel something. That's usually a mistake.
Javier agrees: This girl and I have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. After that relationship ended, I didn't feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found myself being freer and I got to thinking: Don't rush into [a romantic] relationship with your best friend...many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.
Find another good friend you can trust—someone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love. This other friend will help you continue to show the self-control of letting a good friendship grow into an even deeper friendship. Hold your emotions and get them out in a healthy way with another friend. Why chance ruining a good thing, at least for now?
Friendship IS the start of a Real Romance
On the other hand, after you've been a good friend with him/her for some time, you should be able to read their moods. You should be able to get some sense as to whether or not the friendship has developed into more of a romance for him/her, as well as yourself. If you see these signs, you might want to begin to talk about them with the good friend you so deeply love. After all, good friends should be able to talk about nearly anything.
I think Jane has a great perspective: The only time I would recommend someone reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn't love you, isn't having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend who might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don't have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already.
First and foremost, good friends should know how much each person values the other. We make the mistake of demanding that many of our relationships be all or nothing romantically. Whether the person you are in love with ends up marrying you or not, you have had the joy of experiencing real love.
Real Love
Real love is rich, pure, and self-sacrificing. To experience that kind of love with anyone is a priceless gift.
This is how the Bible describes true love: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Isn't that awesome? This verse also describes how God loves YOU! Trust God as He shows you whether your best friend will become your life's partner. You may want to pray to God for guidance in this relationship and even have others pray for you.
Still wondering if it's really love or friendship? Read: How to Know if it's Really Love.
I'm in love with my friend. We've been friends for about 6 years, close the last year. I'm in a relationship and have been for 3 years, and find myself constantly wanting to be with my friend. He too is in a relationship that has been on and off for the last couple of years. Sometimes I feel like he has feelings for me, but he is always hung up on his current partner and their troubles. We've slept together on 3 occasions and each time we said it would never happen again but it always does. I can't tell him how I really feel as I want him in my life and am willing to sit back and pretend not to be in love with him to save our friendship. When we are together I'm smiling, I'm laughing, I'm so happy. We enjoy each other's company and are very flirty, but I don't think he will want an actual relationship as he loves his partner, as tricky as their situation is. Love sucks.
I have know my best friend for over 14 years now and I have like him more than that. He thinks of us a cousins and all my friends and family think we should get together and I'm not sure if he returns my feelings because i don't want to be rejected i know that he would do anything for me but i don't know if its just as friends or not.
I've known my best friend for 4 years now. We do EVERYTHING together. I have keys to his house. I sleep over several times a week. He doesn't buy anything without me. He refers to everything in his house as "our". All our friends think we are together. He invites me to parties with his colleagues and high school friends. He hosts parties for my parents. 2 months ago we started sleeping together. Now the problem... he is 12 years younger than me. He suffers from a type of depression and fears too much of something good. He has clearly told me he doesn't want a girlfriend and if he did it wouldn't be me because he prefers having me as a best friend. I know he loves me but I fear it's not the same way I love him. Or that he is terrified of losing me if we are officially together. He boycotts himself, we've talked about this. He says he doesn't want romance but he cuddles me all night in bed and I am in his dreams most nights. He knows everything about me. He buys Skittles and takes out all the green that I don't like.
I am completely happy with him, but I will lose him. He will one day want a girlfriend and it won't be me. I don't know if I should leave. But it sounds stupid to leave him just because he one day will leave me.
She was a small crush I had in the middle and jr high school years. It wasn’t until beginning of high school (sophomore year) I became real friends with her. Over the past years I’ve gotten really close to her and we have become equally great best friends. I helped her out of an old toxic relationship. I feel that deep down I have always had these feelings for her, but I always push them away. Or try and hide them so that they do not interfere with our friendship. She’s had a few partners here and there and now she has a girlfriend. I want to be her person so bad, but unfortunately I don’t think that’ll ever happen for me. No one knows just how badly I want to express my feelings to her and have her smile back with tears forming telling me she feels the same way. I know this won’t happen and that I am in fact a hopeless romantic for her. Ever since I started to admit my true feelings for her to myself I haven’t really had any desire to pursue any other girl. It just doesn’t feel the same, none of them are my person like I want her to be. I just wish for things to go my way, I just want a chance. The other thing is that I’m also not entirely sure I have a strong physical attraction to her. This causes me to second guess my feelings as well, being wary that the love I feel may simply be friendship? Then again I am truly the happiest and most at peace being with her. I also love being with her and her family, it’s so enjoyable to me. Maybe I’ll update this page if something ever happens..
aww that sounds rlly cute. i've known my best friend for just quite a while 2-3 years. and just recently i find him v attractive HAHAH. but mb it's not rlly romantic love as what you have. but i rlly hope that you and the girl will get together!!! wish you all the best :))
I have been in love with my best friend for 5 years and I have had three gf but with every one I think about her constantly and I can’t get over it and I always open up to her I always trust her and we have our ups and downs but we get over with it in like 15 minutes I don’t know what to do plz help
I am also very shy guy
And I don’t want to lose her because we have known each other since we were 3
hmm hey it's okay to be scared but maybe you should confess slowly and not kinda blow it into her face
i am crushing over my best friend from 3 years now. Between this span i had 2 crushes. But I cannot come over that feeling i have for her. It is like let anyone come , she is the only one i am going to love. And she loves me but as a friend , a best friend. she went into a relationship a year ago. i tried to keep things simple and as usual they used to be . But i couldn't control and i started to maintain distance . i avoided her. she is a bit self respect holding girl she stopped texting , she knew i cant much longer without her. and finally after a 3 month long fight i went to her and she cried. she said that she never cried for any friend before. "i will break your teeth if you do this again" she said. everything became good but that feeling of her being in relationship ate me from inside a lot. but after that day i decided to back her what made her happy. what eventually important for me was her to be happy then whether she was with me or with me or someone else.
i am a very shy guy when it comes to proposing or something like that. and moreover that i don
't want to lose her. because she is a very big part of my life. i am just having good friendship with her and waiting for right time,
hope it comes soon.
Same except I have known her for 10 years and I feel like I need her every second of every day