What to Know About Falling in Love
What Causes Someone to Fall in Love?
"Falling in love" is what drives the romances we read about or watch in our favorite shows and movies. But what does it really mean to fall in love with someone? Falling in love happens when you have strong feelings of admiration and attraction to someone you care about. It is easy, when you are new to a relationship, or new to these feelings, to see the best about a person easily. You probably prioritize the time you spend together, and share lots of time, gifts, and affection with them. Falling in love is often a joy, and it can be part of what points you toward the person that's right for you. But it's important not to rely on strong feelings of attachment alone when making decisions about dating and marriage. You want to be sure, if you feel like you're falling in love with someone, that you share compatible beliefs about life, about priorities, and about spiritual things. You want to commit to someone only if they are respectful of you, your needs, and your boundaries. And if you feel "out of love", it may not be a sign of the end of your relationship. Depending on your reasons for falling out of love, you may be able to rekindle warm feelings by getting support and talking through your relationship.
Friendships are one of life's greatest joys. Finding someone we can share our heart with -- someone who understands and accepts us just the way we are is priceless. When we can have a deep friendship with someone from the opposite sex, it is a tremendous gift. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite-sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are can be intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.
Is dating your best friend worth the risk?
You’ve probably heard the popular saying: “Marry your best friend.” Why then is it so darn stressful to figure out whether or not to date your best friend? On one hand, the prospect of a romantic relationship with someone you already share a deep bond with can seem like a dream come true. But… What if it doesn’t work out? It’s an idea with its fair share of risks and challenges that should be carefully considered.
Dating your best friend could mean that you’d be starting your romantic relationship ahead of the game, with a foundation of trust and understanding that already exists. You know each other's quirks, preferences, and values, which can lead to a pretty seamless transition from bestie to BF or GF. That kind of familiarity can create a strong emotional connection, since you're not starting from scratch in getting to know each other.
What’s the catch? The fear of ruining a cherished friendship. You won’t just lose a partner if things go wrong, you might lose or irreparably damage the friendship. Two heartbreaks in one go.
Dating a friend could also change the dynamics in your social circle. It could be tons of fun for your friend group when you get together, but if you break up, mutual friends might feel awkward or forced to pick sides. Instead of losing one friend in the breakup, it’s possible that you could lose several, or that your friend group will never feel quite the same way.
All that said, there’s a difference between being cautious and wise about such a big decision, and letting your fear make your choices for you. Consider this question: what if it does work out? Does the potential of finding a deeper love with a person you already know and trust outweigh the potential for heartbreak? Will you be okay with your decision, years from now, if you let fear keep you from taking a chance on something that could be beautiful? Check out this reminder to be brave from Joshua 1:9.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
We’re not meant to let fear dictate our decisions. Dating your best friend can be worth the risk if your bond is strong and you’re both committed to making it work. The transition from friendship to romance requires careful consideration and open communication. Of course there are potential pitfalls, but the reward of finding love with someone who knows you deeply can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience.
The Gut-Wrenching Challenges to Secretly Loving Your Best Friend
Laura reveals the gut-wrenching challenges she's facing being secretly in love with her best guy friend: It's been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we're just friends. It's torn my heart up on several occasions. I'm currently trying to get over him, because it's just too hard to love him from a distance. I don't want to lose our friendship as we've been through a lot together in the years we've known each other, but I'd rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.
It's okay to have feelings of love because of the trust you share with your best friend, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are in love. But it does mean you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into a great marriage. Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you're friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be.
A lot of good friends can do things that romantic partners cannot. Friends usually say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.
Two Warnings if You Think You Are In Love With Your Best Friend
When you start to feel you desire more than just a casual friendship with your best friend and you're not sure what to do next, let me offer you some advice that could strengthen both your relationship and your love for each other.
First, don't rush into a romantic relationship with your best friend. Many times, people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your other friends.
Second, don't spill your guts right away. You might feel like you have to share all your thoughts and feelings with the other person as soon as you start to feel something. That's usually a mistake.
Javier agrees: This girl and I have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. After that relationship ended, I didn't feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found myself being freer and I got to thinking: Don't rush into [a romantic] relationship with your best friend...many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.
Find another good friend you can trust—someone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love. This other friend will help you continue to show the self-control of letting a good friendship grow into an even deeper friendship. Hold your emotions and get them out in a healthy way with another friend. Why chance ruining a good thing, at least for now?
Friendship IS the start of a Real Romance
On the other hand, after you've been a good friend with him/her for some time, you should be able to read their moods. You should be able to get some sense as to whether or not the friendship has developed into more of a romance for him/her, as well as yourself. If you see these signs, you might want to begin to talk about them with the good friend you so deeply love. After all, good friends should be able to talk about nearly anything.
I think Jane has a great perspective: The only time I would recommend someone reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn't love you, isn't having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend who might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don't have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already.
First and foremost, good friends should know how much each person values the other. We make the mistake of demanding that many of our relationships be all or nothing romantically. Whether the person you are in love with ends up marrying you or not, you have had the joy of experiencing real love.
Real Love
Real love is rich, pure, and self-sacrificing. To experience that kind of love with anyone is a priceless gift.
This is how the Bible describes true love: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Isn't that awesome? This verse also describes how God loves YOU! Trust God as He shows you whether your best friend will become your life's partner. You may want to pray to God for guidance in this relationship and even have others pray for you.
Still wondering if it's really love or friendship? Read: How to Know if it's Really Love.
My best friend and I have known each other for about a year now, and the problem is I’ve liked him since I first saw him. He’s the kind of guy that teases you constantly, but is still a gentleman. A few months ago, I told him I had feelings for him, and he said he did too. The problem is, I’m the worrying type, and I would always talk to my friends about the situation. Though I never asked them to act upon the situation, they repeatedly nagged him about dating me. Over time, I completely fell in love with him. Until one day, after more repeated nagging, he told me he didn’t like me. I couldn’t help myself from thinking he was just tired of the pressure, but regardless, I cried myself to sleep that night. It’s been about 4 months, and I can’t seem to shake my feelings for him. He constantly teases me, but it’s always kindly, and he seems so happy when I’m keeping him company. I’m just worried that I’m picking up the wrong signals, and he just views us as close friends, or brother and sister. He’s my best friend and I’m scared that telling him how I feel will ruin our relationship. He’s the best person in the world and I just need help.
This is currently happening to me right now. My guy best friend and I have been friends since the beginning of high school. We are both freshmen in college now, and our friendship hasn't changed. I go to school in CA, and he goes to school in NY. Every time we go back home, I always somehow develop feelings again. I just don't get it. During high school, my friends always told me that he liked me, but I did not think much of it. I was not even sure it was true. Now that we are both in college, I somehow have garnered feelings for him. There are many times when I think he likes me more than a friend but many times where we are just friends. He is an essential person in my life, and I care for him deeply. A week ago we were face timing, and suddenly he asked me, one of our friends told me that I should be dating you? What do you think about it? Since of course, I do not want him to know the truth, I told him oh we are just friends nothing that goes beyond that. Yes, I realized that I was digging my hole. Then I called him a week later, deciding that I would tell him the truth about how I felt. I did not have the guts to do it, I repeatedly said, I don't think that our friendship will go beyond friends. I said this twice! Yes, I do not know why I do this. Then he asked me if I ever liked him? I said I was confused and I was not sure. I did not want to tell him the truth because it did not seem like he liked me. He said he was just asking out of curiosity and that stopped me from telling the whole truth. I called him later on telling him that I lied and that I was open to the idea of the two of us but in the future because we are both so busy as of right now. We both are not looking for a relationship. He told me thank you for clarifying and don't worry about the future because we don't know since ts the future. He even told me about this girl who asked him out and he said yes. Then he said he didn't feel right about it and said no the next day. I just don't know anymore. I feel like it is time to give up because I just feel torn and I don't know what to do. He's such a serious person and I don't know, I really don't know.
From what I’ve read the feelings are mutual, so you never know until you try. Right? However you are best friends and getting into a romantic relationship is very risky to your friendship so the question for you is; Are you willing to take the risk? Not to confuse you any further but know this “a person who risk nothing, does nothing, has nothing.”
I found out the hard way.me and my best friend have been friends for 30 years. I fell I love with her.but once we slept together.For no reason at all.she has the police tell me she wants nothing to with me or my family.when I try to find out why. Calling an texting.she put harssment charge's on me.30yrs of friend ship gone because I loved my best friend.
there's this boy and we have been friends for about 3-4 months and when we first became friends he had a gf but they broke up,, before they started dating he liked me but i kinda rejected him bc i had feelings for someone else. but now me and him are best friends and i really like him like i can see me having a future with him getting married and everything. i just dont know if i should tell her now or wait, because i dont wanna mess up our friendship because me and him was there for each other during dark times.
It's a Wonderful Feeling. I guess I could add that a true friend will never hurt your feelings intentionally. This is so helpful and TRUE! So thanks for sharing it with us.
I secretly love my "best friend" if that what he think he is in my life. I am afraid to tell the truth. I fear of losing him if I tell him that (and I might lose myself too). We constantly check on each other, every morning, every night, what we're doing.. We even had our tattoo together, he held my hand as it was my first time. I'm so confused. Oftentimes I feel his love but sometimes I feel that he only sees me as his "friend". He says that he's my "shock absorber" when I'm down but actually he's not, he's my remedy he just didn't know. Many times I've tried to tell him, but I end up having fear that he'll reject me but if I don't, I might lose him forever if he find someone else. It breaks my heart. I'm in love but I'm also falling apart. I don't know how far I could keep this.
Well. This exactly what i'm feeling right now. I've tried multiple times to tell her but failed but keeping this in heart is also very difficult. I beleive I will tell her in the near future because if she don't have feelings for me she will marry another guy and I'll lose her forever but what if she had feelings for me as well and she starts thinking about me. I know there is a little chance but at least I'll not feel guilty of not expressing my feelings for her because that guilt would be more gut-wretching than the present.
Wow. You are not alone.. I feel the same way and I honestly don’t know if I should tell him or not.. But I dont want to be in a romantic relationship but just feel less guilty wanting to be with him&wanting to talk all the time. I dont want to change our relationship now but this unknown/curiosity kills me inside. Should I tell him how I feel? Maybe he is confused too? I am expert at hiding my feelings and maybe he is too?
So many people feel exactly like me. However I chose to tell her what I felt like... So we've been best friends for many years. And I'm so happy to have her as my friend. About two years ago it started changing. I started getting feelings for her. At first I just thought I had to get over it. But later a realized it was impossible. At the same time she had a boyfriend back then, and I really didn't want to ruin anything between them because she seemed so happy with him. Anyways they broke up. Still I didn't tell her. I guess it still felt a bit weird to me, even tho I thought about her all the time. So time went by, both of our lifes changed. She moved to another country 5 months ago, and I did the same a month ago. Both of us would return home next summer. I felt like it would be pointless to tell her back then because both of us were abroad, so even if she felt something for me we would be so far away from each other. I planned to just give this country a try, see if my feelings would change during my stay. If not then tell her about this in the summer when both of us got back home. However, a month ago right before leaving, I went to visit her. She told she had gotten a new boyfriend in that country. I was devastated. And really felt like I needed to do something. So I told her. I told her I really had some feelings for her. As expected she didn't feel anything towards me. I decided to cut her off while I went abroad. To get over her. Try to move on with my life. But she's my best friend. And thankfully she was so understanding/supportive when I told her about it. And what I planned to do. And if your friend really cares about you they'll understand. They don't wanna loose their best friend either. In the end I really hope I'll get over this and we at least can be friends again, Because I really don't wanna live without her, she really means alot to me.
(Oh yea btw, I haven't talked to her for a month so far. I feel terrible, still thinking about her every day, I feel so lonely, I feel like I have noone to talk to, I used to talk about such shit with her. And knowing she's happy out there with someone else is terrible.) This is way harder than expected. But whatever, hopefully everything will work out in the end. Even though I kinda regret telling her and cutting her off, I really feel like you should tell your best friend how you feel. Your feelings won't go away. Do it before it's too late.