What to Know About Falling in Love
What Causes Someone to Fall in Love?
"Falling in love" is what drives the romances we read about or watch in our favorite shows and movies. But what does it really mean to fall in love with someone? Falling in love happens when you have strong feelings of admiration and attraction to someone you care about. It is easy, when you are new to a relationship, or new to these feelings, to see the best about a person easily. You probably prioritize the time you spend together, and share lots of time, gifts, and affection with them. Falling in love is often a joy, and it can be part of what points you toward the person that's right for you. But it's important not to rely on strong feelings of attachment alone when making decisions about dating and marriage. You want to be sure, if you feel like you're falling in love with someone, that you share compatible beliefs about life, about priorities, and about spiritual things. You want to commit to someone only if they are respectful of you, your needs, and your boundaries. And if you feel "out of love", it may not be a sign of the end of your relationship. Depending on your reasons for falling out of love, you may be able to rekindle warm feelings by getting support and talking through your relationship.
Friendships are one of life's greatest joys. Finding someone we can share our heart with -- someone who understands and accepts us just the way we are is priceless. When we can have a deep friendship with someone from the opposite sex, it is a tremendous gift. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite-sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are can be intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.
Is dating your best friend worth the risk?
You’ve probably heard the popular saying: “Marry your best friend.” Why then is it so darn stressful to figure out whether or not to date your best friend? On one hand, the prospect of a romantic relationship with someone you already share a deep bond with can seem like a dream come true. But… What if it doesn’t work out? It’s an idea with its fair share of risks and challenges that should be carefully considered.
Dating your best friend could mean that you’d be starting your romantic relationship ahead of the game, with a foundation of trust and understanding that already exists. You know each other's quirks, preferences, and values, which can lead to a pretty seamless transition from bestie to BF or GF. That kind of familiarity can create a strong emotional connection, since you're not starting from scratch in getting to know each other.
What’s the catch? The fear of ruining a cherished friendship. You won’t just lose a partner if things go wrong, you might lose or irreparably damage the friendship. Two heartbreaks in one go.
Dating a friend could also change the dynamics in your social circle. It could be tons of fun for your friend group when you get together, but if you break up, mutual friends might feel awkward or forced to pick sides. Instead of losing one friend in the breakup, it’s possible that you could lose several, or that your friend group will never feel quite the same way.
All that said, there’s a difference between being cautious and wise about such a big decision, and letting your fear make your choices for you. Consider this question: what if it does work out? Does the potential of finding a deeper love with a person you already know and trust outweigh the potential for heartbreak? Will you be okay with your decision, years from now, if you let fear keep you from taking a chance on something that could be beautiful? Check out this reminder to be brave from Joshua 1:9.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
We’re not meant to let fear dictate our decisions. Dating your best friend can be worth the risk if your bond is strong and you’re both committed to making it work. The transition from friendship to romance requires careful consideration and open communication. Of course there are potential pitfalls, but the reward of finding love with someone who knows you deeply can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience.
The Gut-Wrenching Challenges to Secretly Loving Your Best Friend
Laura reveals the gut-wrenching challenges she's facing being secretly in love with her best guy friend: It's been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we're just friends. It's torn my heart up on several occasions. I'm currently trying to get over him, because it's just too hard to love him from a distance. I don't want to lose our friendship as we've been through a lot together in the years we've known each other, but I'd rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.
It's okay to have feelings of love because of the trust you share with your best friend, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are in love. But it does mean you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into a great marriage. Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you're friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be.
A lot of good friends can do things that romantic partners cannot. Friends usually say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.
Two Warnings if You Think You Are In Love With Your Best Friend
When you start to feel you desire more than just a casual friendship with your best friend and you're not sure what to do next, let me offer you some advice that could strengthen both your relationship and your love for each other.
First, don't rush into a romantic relationship with your best friend. Many times, people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your other friends.
Second, don't spill your guts right away. You might feel like you have to share all your thoughts and feelings with the other person as soon as you start to feel something. That's usually a mistake.
Javier agrees: This girl and I have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. After that relationship ended, I didn't feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found myself being freer and I got to thinking: Don't rush into [a romantic] relationship with your best friend...many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.
Find another good friend you can trust—someone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love. This other friend will help you continue to show the self-control of letting a good friendship grow into an even deeper friendship. Hold your emotions and get them out in a healthy way with another friend. Why chance ruining a good thing, at least for now?
Friendship IS the start of a Real Romance
On the other hand, after you've been a good friend with him/her for some time, you should be able to read their moods. You should be able to get some sense as to whether or not the friendship has developed into more of a romance for him/her, as well as yourself. If you see these signs, you might want to begin to talk about them with the good friend you so deeply love. After all, good friends should be able to talk about nearly anything.
I think Jane has a great perspective: The only time I would recommend someone reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn't love you, isn't having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend who might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don't have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already.
First and foremost, good friends should know how much each person values the other. We make the mistake of demanding that many of our relationships be all or nothing romantically. Whether the person you are in love with ends up marrying you or not, you have had the joy of experiencing real love.
Real Love
Real love is rich, pure, and self-sacrificing. To experience that kind of love with anyone is a priceless gift.
This is how the Bible describes true love: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Isn't that awesome? This verse also describes how God loves YOU! Trust God as He shows you whether your best friend will become your life's partner. You may want to pray to God for guidance in this relationship and even have others pray for you.
Still wondering if it's really love or friendship? Read: How to Know if it's Really Love.
i'm only 16 but I am well and truly convinced that my best friend is 'the one'. We're both girls (both admitted to having open sexualities) and we have a connection which I don't think many best friends even have... I would do absolutely anything for this girl. Heck, she has saved my life.
We always talk about how we will live together after university and how we want to go to another world together. We were cuddling at night during a sleepover in a very 'couple-like' position and she would just say 'is this gay?!' and i was just like 'probably' but we stayed like that... When saying goodbye after meeting, we would just stand and hug in the middle of the street for ages and ages and neither of us would ever want to let go...
We were together on new years and when she was really drunk she told me that she loved me, like, really was in love with me... but i dont know if she remembers because she never brought it up after and i never told her that she said it...
But what I'm really scared of is losing her. I've never had good experiences with dating, and no relationships made at 16 ever seem to last long. This girl is my soul mate and there is no way I'm risking losing her so soon... I might wait til after university, but what if we drift apart by then... what if she finds a partner in university... i can't imagine myself spending life with anyone but her, so I don't know what to do...
Wow... typing all this out has been like letting out a big breath of air... i still dont know what to do about all this tho...
I am stuck in the exact same situation.. I really do suck at this stuff so I'm sorry, but I think you understand. I am in love with my best friend, the thing is, we are both female. I still remember the time we hugged in the hallway, it seemed to last nearly five minutes. I just wanted to hold her for the rest of my life. Once, We were laying on her bed and she was looking me in the eyes silently. It was very peaceful and though all I wanted to do was confess, I sat there with her. She kissed my cheek as we left, quick and friendly, but I will never forget it. I drives me insane, they way we act just seems like a little, even a little, more like friendship and I just want to openly love her so bad. We were stargazing and she cuddles close to me because she got cold and... I just wanted to hold her. These simple interactions are killing me, all I want to do is love her. Her and no one else. But the problem is, she is always talking about her crush, male, which always throws things off. We act all affectionate and almost lovey and he comes up. I don't understand..
I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way about my friend but the only difference she told me she only wants to be friends. It didn't destroy our friendship but it rips me apart.
I know this guy for 6 years now, and we were friends at the beginning but not that close. In 2014 I found out I'm bisexual and told my friends and when I told him he found the courage to tell someone he's gay I was the first person to know. We became the best of friends. He came out, I came out. I feel so happy when I'm with him and I know saying this probably means I have low self esteem but I feel whole when I'm with him and I know that I love him, with all my heart but drawing the line between platonic and romantic love can get hard. Now I don't know what to do, what's best for me? Maybe we can be in a poly amorous relationship... He confuses me, sometimes it is clear we are just friends and other times we joke about being a couple and we like to hold hands and ugh I don't know what to think, please give me some advice.
I really don't get how I feel. Me, and my good friend were best friends in 4th grade I never thought of him as a crush. We always played video games together, and I thought life couldn't get any better. Then six grade started in August I saw him just a couple rooms down, and It felt electric it was like a needed to talk to him so we talked everyday for about a month, and I had a crush on him. It was the kind of crush were you would tell your friends about him, and practically drull over him thinking things like he's so cute or omg I love his haircut you know. Any way another couple of monthes later I decided I wanted to stop having a crush on him, but for some reason I just couldn't. We were still talking everyday, and then one day I just stopped thinking about him. I felt happy when we would be talking, but when I got over him finnaly that night at about one o clock in the morning I started balling my eyes out, and did it every phew nights, but still be happy when I saw him. Tonight I spent a long time looking at the moon thinking about him still crying. We're still good friends, and I really don't know what this is. Back in 4th grade on the last day of school they played ROAR by katy perry, and I still feel like crying everytime I hear that song.
Where do I begin? I've been best friends with this one boy for a little over a year now. We met on a boating trip to Catalina for a school trip. I had never had an classes with him and didn't even know he went to my school because its so big. Immediately we became close friends and talked and texted each other every single day. I admit I thought he was cute and really sweet but never planned on doing anything about it because he had a girlfriend and was really happy with his relationship. a couple months after we became friends I began to have really severe depression and anxiety and started cutting and even tried to kill myself, and through all those dark days my best friend was there helping me get past it. about a half a yea later I began the start feeling more like myself and things seemed good. A little while later he broke up with his girlfriend because of mutual reasons. for a while things were pretty good for me, I was happy, he was happy, we started to hang out a lot more and I got up the courage to tell him he was my bestfriend and I loved him (as a friend) and he said he loved me too and I was his best friend. shortly after that I started to have more complicated feelings for him and realized I actually liked him liked him. I mean we had always talked about how we each wanted to be married with two kids and wanted to live in Idaho with a big piece of property and I thought to myself "i can actually see myself with this guy, we could have our futures together" but I kept the thought and my feelings away from him, scared of what he might say. this went on for three months and I was miserable the whole time. I felt like he was leading me on because hed always lean on me when we sat down, and hed tell me how pretty I looked with my hair down and he told me that I can actually be something when I grow up, that I can matter, and that really meant a lot to me after going through depression. and so last week he started talking about this other girl that he really likes and was going to ask her to winter ball. and this just broke my heart, I mean it really broke my heart. we were texting at the time and I remember reading what he wrote and just completely breaking down in tears. I quickly texted him I needed to go and he got mad at me. he said that I always "need to go" when he talks about girls and he said I was treating him like a toy and not his bestfriend. I felt so bad about making him feel that way that I somehow got the courage to tell him how I felt. idk what I was expecting, maybe for him to secretly like me back, maybe for him to tell me everything was going to be ok? he started saying how he sees me as family and how hes never going to see me any differently and how we can never be together. and it just tore me apart. I had never felt that bad. but I wiped my tears and managed to tell him that at least I would still have him as a best friend. for he past couple days things have been a little awkward but when he texts me about the girl he likes I have no choice but to listen and try and be as positive and supportive as I can. ive been started to feel as sad as I did in my depression days but I feel like I cant tell him because I don't want him to think its his fault. and so today he came to school with this big poster to ask his crush to winter ball. he said good morning to me and told me he was going to go look for her. he turned to head for the cafeteria and I just stood there and started to cry! in the middle of the school quad! it was so embarrassing and I didn't want him to see me and ruin his happiness so I ran into the halls and into the bathroom and stayed in there until the bell rang. I avoided him all day just because I felt so bad. and a few hours ago he texted me and asked what was wrong and I told him how much hes been hurting me lately and he texted me like he was mad at me! like I was doing something wrong! and I didn't know how to react because I really had been supportive through all of this even though it hurts and now we're having a big fight and I just feel like I ruined everything. I have no other friends to talk to and it fees like im falling apart, what do I do?
I am in this situation right now and I need some help. How do you know if your in love? I have a best friend. He says i'm his girl and I like that, but he only means i'm his best friend. I'm in 7th grade right now, i'v known him since the start of 6th. He is so cool and i'v never thought of him as more than a friend. But now whenever i see him I just feel different. He likes somebody else and when i'd say something flirty like "your so cute" he'd respond with a joke, and he would think i'm joking. I've tried to say I like him in a way that he would take the hint but he always thinks i am kidding.