I Witnessed My Fiancé Shoot Himself

Anna is struggling with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD is a mental health disorder caused by trauma. It’s the pain of reliving the trauma over and over. Anna’s fiancé shot and killed himself in front of her on Thanksgiving, 3 years ago.

Feels Like I’m Never Going to Get Better

Anna says, “I went through a year where my PTSD got so bad, I couldn’t even function. I couldn’t feed myself. I couldn’t dress myself. Let alone, work or go to school. But I’ve been seeking treatment for about a year and a half now. I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m living on my own. I can hold a part-time job and I’m a lot more self-sufficient than I used to be. But I’m just struggling with how much energy, emotional and physical energy it takes for me to get through a normal day because of the PTSD and the symptoms I have. Therapy is helping tremendously, but by the end of the day, it feels hopeless, like I’m never going to get better than where I am now.

Why Did He Do It?

Anna – “He actually had PTSD himself, he was in the Air Force. He struggled with it after his plane was shot down over Afghanistan. He came home, and he was pretty much like I was, not functioning. Every time a plane would fly overhead, like if we would be driving to dinner or what, he would go into a full-blown flashback and I would have to bring him back to the present.”

You’ve Made Amazing Progress

Anna, you’ve made amazing progress! Do you know the Lord? Anna explains that she used to, but she’s lost touch with him because she doesn’t trust him anymore.

I Need Hope that I Can Get Better

Anna says, “How Do I Get My Hope Back and Trust in God?”
If you really want to get well from the inside out, you need to give your life to the Lord. Only he can take you to the next level, and the next, and the next, etc. You don’t want to fight against the great physician. He’s trying to help and he’s really trying to help tonight. Would you be willing to tell God that you are open to making peace with him and coming home? Anna says, “Yes.” Okay, I’m going to give you a prayer to pray:

Dear God,
Every bit of my healing has come from you. I praise you for it! Now, tonight I want to give you my life…all of my struggles, to walk with you day by day.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Peer to Peer Help for Anna:

Madison shares she doesn’t know much about PTSD, but she’s learned she can trust the Lord. Kyle’s a veteran himself, he says with time and God’s help, the wounds heal. Sherri knows what it’s like to lose everything and she says God can give you strength. Here are their responses and others to Anna:

You Can Always Trust the Lord! ~ Madison

Madison – “I don’t know much about PTSD, but I do know about feeling like you can’t trust the Lord and trust His plan. I know it can be hard. You can trust that through the hard times, the parts where you feel like you want to give up. He never leaves your side. The thoughts in your head telling you, “Give up. Stop. You can’t do this anymore.” That’s not him. You can trust that’s not him. He’s telling you go get help. You are doing fine. You can do this. You don’t ever have to doubt him, you can always trust him."

I’m a Veteran Myself and Have Some PTSD! ~ Kyle

Kyle ~“I’m a veteran myself. I served 2 tours in Iraq, as a Marine. So, I have some Post Traumatic Stress from the various combat I was in. Also, my roommate was shot in the chest right next to me. I tried to save him, but it just wasn’t God’s will, so we lost him.

At first, PTSD is very uncontrollable and you have no hope. But as time goes on, the wound does heal, and you eventually can function much more.”

Do you still see your buddy dying there in front of you?

Kyle ~ “I can picture it like it was yesterday if I want to. For a while, I had a bracelet with his name on it. A lot of veterans do that when they lose a buddy. At one point I took that off…some separation from things that trigger memories is good to help you move on.

I had a friend that had a very similar situation. She and her husband had a little baby boy. She came home one day, and her husband did the exact same thing Anna described [of her fiancé]. I don’t think her baby boy was in the room when it happened, but she had a hard time dealing with that at first. Eventually through the Lord and with time, she’s moved on as well.”

I Know What It’s Like to Lose Absolutely Everything ~ Sherri

Sherri ~ “I too have been through a lot in the past 3 years. I know what it’s like to lose absolutely everything. I want to give you hope, Anna. What got me through was trusting the Lord. He’s always there. He’s going to strengthen you through your tough times. One verse that got me through everything was Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

Get Around Other Christians for Support ~ Michael

Michael – “I lost a few of my close friends through PTSD in high school when they came back from tours. What you can do is keep trusting the Lord. That helped me through it. I too was lost from God for so long, but I always come back. Now, I’m so attached to the Lord, I’m going to church. I’m being active in my church. Being around other Christians and explaining what you are going through…they can be there to give you advice to help you through your time of need.”

God Has Plans to Give You Hope and a Future ~ Julia

Julia – “I’m very sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to share the verse Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future.” Hang in there. I encourage you Anna to seek a local church, they can be of tremendous help in difficult times.”

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Wow, Anna received some amazing advice and encouragement. She surrendered to the Lord, so there’s going to be some major healing in her life. As Michael said, go to church and get around some people who will support you.

What advice would you give Anna about PTSD?

If you have PTSD and found ways of coping or have any other thoughts or encouragement for Anna. Please share in the comments below!

Resources for help with Post Traumatic Stress:

• Free eBook: Understanding PTSD (Anna mentions in the podcast)
• Blog: PTSD: What Is It and Do I Have It?
• Blog: PTSD and Suffering: Each Person’s Trauma is Different
• Blog: 6 Self-Help Skills for Coping With PTSD
• Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

Abuse always feels like a betrayal, and it is. Someone you’ve trusted, or even cared about, has hurt you deeply.  

Abuse that occurs within a church building or by a trusted spiritual leader can feel especially painful and shocking for many victims. After all, your place of worship and the things you experience there are sacred. It’s no place for cruelty. And the spiritual mentors you trust should protect you. They should not be the ones to violate your relationship.

You are in the right place to find help if you’ve been abused either at church or by someone within your church. I am committed to helping people break free from abuse cycles, and that often begins with coming to grips with what happened. In addition to the abuse itself, this kind of betrayal often leads to spiritual trauma.

Understanding Spiritual Trauma

Spiritual trauma happens when you are hurt by someone in your faith community. If you've experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from a member or leader within your church or at your place of worship, your trust is likely deeply broken, and you may experience Spiritual trauma or a crisis in faith.  You can also be traumatized if someone within the church uses your religious beliefs or practices against you to cause you pain through control or manipulation.

None of this is right and certainly is not God's desire. My heart goes out to you if you’ve experienced this kind of treatment from someone you once trusted at church. But please don’t despair. Know there is hope, and there are steps you can take to heal.

Knowing the Truth

Abuse often goes hand in hand with deceit. One of the most frustrating things about abuse within a church community is that abusers distort the beautiful truths of faith into something they misuse to hurt us.

But abuse is never your fault. And someone else’s choice to be cruel does nothing to diminish your value, your great qualities, or how much God loves you. You are cared for by many, and you can find hope in God, even after the pain of spiritual trauma.

God is Grieved by Abuse

Often people walk away from the church altogether because of the trauma they experienced there. They may even walk away from God entirely because they can’t understand how something as painful and harmful as abuse could happen at church. 

I know it is tempting to wonder how God could let this happen. But abuse is never part of God’s plan. God never wants abuse to happen inside his Church, and it grieves him deeply to see one of His children cause such pain to another.  

The Church is made up of broken, sinful humans; yes, even hypocrites and people who give themselves over to abusive behavior.  When a Christian, a supposed Christ-follower, misrepresents Jesus in such an awful way, they are taking God’s name in vain, and He knows their terrible error and your deep pain. Abuse is truly a time when Satan is at work, trying to destroy unity between people, and distance them from God.

Leaving the specific church where your abuse occurred is a sensible and safe step. But the Church as a whole is still a place for healing. There are many, many healthy faith communities where you can safely heal and recover. As you seek help during post-abuse recovery, think about what you hope for from a faith community. Ask your friends about their experience, and perhaps attend a service or meeting with them.

Reporting Abuse

Reporting abuse is always an option, even if it’s been a long time since the abuse occurred. You can report your abuse to the police, who will help protect you and ensure your safety. 

Depending on who abused you at your church, you may also choose to report the abuse to other church leadership.

Whatever you decide, there is support to help you report abuse in the safest possible way. It will be painful, but you are not alone at any point. 

Along with our trained HopeCoaches, I can recommend these organizations wholeheartedly as safe places to open up about abuse:

• RAINN
• Focus On The Family
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline

They will help you protect your personal and emotional safety, and they will treat you with kindness and respect.

Putting Safety First

As with any experience of abuse, your safety is your number one priority. Do whatever you can to put distance between yourself and your abuser. That may mean not going to the same church anymore, and that’s okay. You never need to feel ashamed of making decisions that are necessary for your well-being. 

Healing after abuse is a slow process, but there are lots of ways to find extra support and strength. If you’ve experienced abuse at church, you are not alone. TheHopeLine is experienced in helping people through post-abuse recovery. Talk to a HopeCoach for judgment-free support after abuse. We are here to listen, and we believe you are always worthy of acceptance and love.

Statistically, it's not just girls who are being sexually abused..it also happens to guys. Whether you are a girl or a guy there is hope and help to cope with sexual abuse. Find out more here. 

When things get stressful, our phones and computers can seem to offer us an escape from the frustrating and draining things going on around us. But the truth is, constantly being plugged in to our phones and other devices can actually be more stressful.

Our phones can overwhelm us with stressful news updates, and everyone’s anger about them, without giving us any greater sense of calm or control. They also put us at greater risk of developing digital addiction, which can harm our relationships, and make it very difficult to focus on our priorities.

I know it’s easy to get stuck in the loop of scrolling and refreshing. I hope these tips for putting down your phone and living your life will encourage you to unplug and reconnect with the people and places around you.

How to Use Your Phone Less

1. Spend Time Outdoors

Taking a walk around your neighborhood, sitting on your porch, or visiting your favorite park or nature reserve are a great way to feel more grounded and centered. And with natural beauty to contemplate, screen time becomes less tempting and appealing. To avoid reaching for your phone, bring along a book you enjoy, or try some journaling. If you happen to be spending alone time outside to recharge your emotional batteries, nature offers a lovely backdrop for meditation and prayer. I often find that reconnecting with nature reminds me of God’s love for His creation, and His constant presence, no matter what is going on in the world.

2. Create Something

Having a creative outlet is a great, healthy way to get away from the screens. You can learn a lot about yourself and your manner of expression by painting, drawing, coloring, or crafting. If you love music, now is the perfect time to improve at your instrument, to learn a new instrument, or to write that song you’ve been thinking about.

3. Learn a New Recipe

Cooking and baking are very therapeutic for many of us. When you have an evening at home, use it as a chance to bake something new or cook a new recipe instead of spending more time scrolling through your newsfeed. It will give you a sense of accomplishment and you can enjoy the fruits of your labor right away.

4. Volunteer

There are always people in our neighborhood and communities who need help and support. Volunteering is a great way to be active, engaged, and connected without being so dependent on screens and apps for that sense of community. Reach out to organizations you support to see what kind of help they need. There will likely be something you can do that is a good fit for your interests, issues you want to learn more about, or skills you want to develop.

5. Encourage Others

Just like the people you may not know yet who you will meet through volunteering and acts of service, there are people in your life right now who need uplifting and support. There are plenty of ways to encourage others outside of texting or messaging them in an app. Send a card, letter, or care package, drop off a gift in person on their birthday, or simply ask them how they’re doing when you see them. Seemingly small acts of encouragement go a long way toward helping us feel more connected in challenging times.

If you need encouragement, too, we are here to help with online mentoring. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine today for ideas on how to feel more connected to others without being drained by dependence on digital devices. We are ready to listen.

Do you take lots of selfies? Do they define you? Learn how to move beyond selfies to reclaim your identity with these 10 questions. 

Many people still plan to wait to have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend until marriage. But sometimes, those plans fall through. Maybe you felt a strong connection and were convinced they were the only one you would be with. Maybe one of you felt pressured to have sex as a way of being sure you stayed together. Or maybe you just got caught up in the moment.

Whatever the reason for having sex before marriage, if you’ve done something that goes against what you and your partner agreed on, you’re probably dealing with some difficult emotions. I hope that I can offer you some encouragement as you decide how to move forward in your relationship, and how to find support.

You are Not Damaged Goods

The most important thing to remember is that you are not damaged goods if you have sex before marriage. The concept of being “damaged goods” is a harmful one that is rooted in an unhealthy sense of shame. It’s important to take responsibility for your actions, but it’s best to do so in a way that is kind to yourself. Instead of thinking, I can’t believe I did this. I’m such a horrible person. I hate myself, t’s a lot more helpful to think in terms of how you can understand what happened, what you will do differently in the future, and how you and your partner can better support each other in the shared goals you have for your relationship.

God Loves You

God’s love and forgiveness is one of the most comforting things to hold on to during a difficult time, or when thinking through a decision we’re unhappy with. Even if you believe that having sex before marriage is contrary to what your faith teaches, it is important not to lose faith in God. Because he still believes in you. He still loves you, and he still has plans for you to have a full and joyful life.

People Love You

You are loved and cared for by family and friends. Reach out to people you trust when you need someone to talk to during this time of processing and healing. Remember: you do not have to share personal details with every friend or family member. If you feel safe with them, by all means let them know what’s been going on, and what support you need. But if the thought of telling them makes you feel afraid or unsafe, you can protect yourself by only going to people you trust with private details about your life.

You Have Support

If you’re not sure who to talk to, you’ve started in a good place. TheHopeLine has many resources, articles, ebooks, personal stories, blogs, and podcasts that make us a judgment-free place to talk about sex. If you need one-on-one support, we offer email or chat mentoring.

You can talk to a HopeCoach today to find clarity and encouragement during this time, and to brainstorm how to move forward in your dating relationship. We care about you and want you to know that no matter what happens, you are valued and loved.

When you feel a strong attraction, it’s hard to know if what you’re feeling is lust or love, understanding the difference is key to a healthy relationship. Find out more here.

There are a lot of challenges in life that test our friendships, and some seem to bring them to the breaking point. Lying is particularly disruptive and destructive to otherwise strong relationships. After all, we get close to people based on trust. And lying violates that trust, leaving us feeling betrayed.

When Someone Lies to You

When someone lies to me, I'm often left feeling uncertain about how to move forward in the relationship, and about how much I can trust that person again. But over time, I've found there are ways I can turn my mind and actions toward healing. I hope it encourages you to know that it is possible to forgive someone who's been lying to you, and that you can do so while still protecting yourself.

It's Okay to Be Angry

It's important not to bottle up your anger over being lied to, because that will only cause more problems in your relationship, not to mention it can affect relationships where you otherwise wouldn't have any issues.

Acknowledging that you're angry and expressing anger in a healthy way are key to dealing with conflicts that arise due to lying. Start with being honest about how you feel. And, if you want to talk to the person who lied to you about your feelings, you are allowed to give yourself time to process your feelings in private until you are sure you can re-engage with them without blowing up or saying something you might regret.

You Can Forgive and Keep Your Distance

One of the most valuable things I've ever learned about forgiveness is that it's not about forgetting. And it's not about "everything being okay" between you and the person who hurt you. You can forgive the person who lied to you without continuing the relationship if you don't feel comfortable or safe doing so. That's because forgiveness means letting go of the need to take revenge. You can do that letting go as a part of your healing without having to pretend you're okay or ignore something that caused you pain.

Faith Can Help You Forgive

In the midst of something as painful as being lied to by a friend or loved one, you know forgiveness isn't easy. But it is possible. And when you feel like you can't do it on your own, faith can help you forgive. Praying for the person who needs forgiveness helps me to remember I can't heal my own pain, and that God's unconditional love and forgiveness are present, even when I struggle to see or practice them.

You're Not Alone in the Struggle to Forgive

The feeling of betrayal we have when we are lied to is very isolating. But I want to reassure you, you are not alone in your struggle to forgive.

People everywhere are in relationships that feel stressed, strained, broken, and in need of forgiveness. While that's hard to wrap our minds around, it can be comforting to know that others are there to listen, to support us, and to encourage us to look ahead toward more peaceful relationships, and a more hopeful outlook.

If you've been lied to, TheHopeLine is here for you. We offer mentoring to help you navigate the tough, messy challenges that arise in friendships and relationships. Talk to a HopeCoach today about the pain of lying, and the path to healing from it. We believe in you, and we know you can get through this.

Forgiving someone who has hurt you could be the greatest challenge of your life, but also the most freeing and healing. Here are 6 steps on how to forgive. 

Cheating and infidelity can destroy a relationship, but does that always have to happen? Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of painful conversations with people about cheating: both those who have cheated and those whose partners have been unfaithful.

After Cheating

As far as whether you can save your relationship after cheating, there’s a lot to consider. There’s not a one-size-fits-all approach, and how well reconciliation works depends on several factors.

What Happened?

Infidelity can encompass a range of behaviors, depending on what boundaries you set in your relationship. All cheating is traumatic and painful, but it may seem more possible if what happened between you is something you both agree is not worth ending the relationship over.

For example, you may think you can reconcile if one of you exchanged texts with someone else. But you or your partner might not feel like it’s possible to get back together after more explicitly physical or sexual infidelity.

How to work through this difficult time is unique to you, your partner, and your situation. But it’s important to remember that while reconciliation is sometimes possible, it is not the best choice for everyone.

Were You Safe with Your Partner?

One circumstance was getting back together is especially high risk is if your relationship became abusive leading up to or after the infidelity. Abusive relationships are, by nature, unsafe and unhealthy. Going back into that environment will only increase your risks of pain and heartbreak.

While recovery from abusive behavior is possible, it often takes years (or even decades) of in-depth work on the part of the abuser. Plus, it is very difficult to commit to your own healing and recovery after cheating if you are always wondering whether the abusive behavior will repeat itself.

How Long Has It Been?

Time is essential if you are trying to work to mend a broken heart (and a damaged relationship) after cheating. Because breaking up is lonely, it’s tempting to get back together after the first apology is offered. After all, this is someone you’ve cared about for a long time, and that doesn’t go away overnight. But it will likely take a good deal of time for you both to clear your head, face your pain, and learn for yourselves if it is truly possible, and if it’s wise, to get back together.

If you feel like your loneliness is pushing you to talk to your partner before you feel ready to do so, don’t forget how much God loves you. Reach out to him in prayer when you are struggling and talk to people you trust to help you feel less isolated who remind you of God’s love. Give yourself all the time you need to avoid making spur-of-the-moment decisions that will just cause you additional pain.

Have You sought Advice?

Even if you and your partner agree that repairing a relationship is possible after cheating, it’s important to get an outside perspective. You need to talk things through with someone who won’t take sides and will help each of you come to terms with the reality of rebuilding a relationship after infidelity. It will be a painful, challenging journey, if you commit to it, you will need a lot of support.

If you’re not sure where to start, you are in a safe place. TheHopeLine offers mentoring and support to people whose relationship has been impacted by cheating. Talk to a HopeCoach today about how to heal after infidelity. We are here for you.

Get Help Right Away: If you need immediate help after assault, call 911. If you or someone you know is being abused or neglected, you can call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at (800) 422-4453. Push 1 to speak to a counselor.

Assault is one of the most painful and scary things you can go through. It’s so overwhelming that knowing what to do if you’ve been assaulted can be difficult in the midst of the devastation and confusion you may feel.

Facing the Truth: What is Assault?

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is hurting you, they may try to make you feel like what’s happened is no big deal or that it’s all in your head. Being honest with yourself about what’s happened starts with having a clear understanding of what assault is:

Assault is deliberate. The person who assaulted you hurt you on purpose, with the intent of making you feel fear or pain. Assault is a type of physical abuse and is often a pattern in toxic relationships.

• Assault is unwanted. If someone touched you in a way that you did not want or consent to, it is considered assault.
• Assault is used to control you. If you feel like someone is forcing you to do anything through physical intimidation, or that they are forcing you to have sex or perform sexual acts, you are experiencing assault.

It is a sign of great courage that you are looking to take action after assault. Here are some steps you should take right away for greater safety.

Reporting Assault

Reporting assault can help protect you from future assault. You should file reports with:

• Law Enforcement: Calling the police or visiting your local police station to speak with an officer in person can alert them to the fact that the person who assaulted you is a threat to your safety.
• Doctors/Hospitals: Receiving medical attention after assault is important because it documents your assault and ensures your physical needs are taken care of.
• Leadership or Supervisors: If your assault took place at work, school or church, let the leadership of that organization know what is going on as soon as possible so they can help you feel safer in that environment and put as much distance as possible between you and your abuser.

Finding Support After Assault

The right support makes all the difference when reporting assault and recovering after assault.

Assault causes a great deal of pain, and there are many healthy ways to ease that pain and work toward healing. You can reach out to:

• Therapists/Counselors: Counselors and therapists are specially trained in techniques that can help you heal from trauma and manage the difficult emotions that come with abuse. If you are still in an abusive relationship, they can help you make a plan to leave that prioritizes your safety and well-being.
• Support Groups for Assault Victims: You are not the only one dealing with this pain and you are not alone. There are support groups for victims of assault where you can find a sense of community with others who are in your corner.
• Faith Community Leaders or Prayer Groups: Often a pastor or spiritual leader can be a great comfort if you’ve been in an abusive relationship. They can remind you of God’s unconditional love and pray for you when you are struggling to heal from the pain of an assault.
• Mentors and Coaches: Mentors and coaches can be a great resource during the day-to-day struggles that come with recovering after an assault. They can make sure you have the help you need and can offer encouragement on the tougher days.

TheHopeLine is here to help if you’re not sure what steps to take first. Talk to a HopeCoach now to get help and find healing after assault. We are here for you, and we will get through this together.

If you've been sexually assaulted contact our partners at RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) for help. 

Eating disorders are a group of mental illnesses that can have very serious consequences on physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health. If you have a friend who might have an eating disorder, it can feel scary to watch them struggle.

But you are not powerless.

Learning more about what your friend might be facing, along with practical things you can do to make them feel safe and supported, can go a long way toward encouraging them to get an accurate diagnosis and begin their recovery journey.

Does Your Friend Show Signs of an Eating Disorder?

While each person’s experience with their eating disorder is unique to their situation, there are common warning signs to look for, such as:

• Extreme overeating, undereating, or cycling back and forth between the two
• Harsh, critical, or cruel statements about their body, weight, and appearance
• Avoiding eating or eating very little at meals
• Excusing themselves to the bathroom very frequently after meals, often immediately after finishing a meal
• Never being satisfied with their size, shape, or weight
• Exercising or exerting themselves physically to excess or exhaustion, in an attempt to lose more weight

If you’ve noticed your friend struggling with their relationship with food, their opinion of themselves, or if they seem obsessed with their weight, they may have an eating disorder.

Can You Help Your Friend?

You can help a friend with an eating disorder, but it is important to do so in a way that doesn’t shame them, pressure them, or further enable their behavior.

Here are some suggestions for what to do if you think your friend has anorexia, bulimia, or another eating disorder:

1. Plan the conversation, but don’t stage an intervention. This talk should have the feel of any other conversation between dear friends, so they don’t feel distant, attacked, or judged.

2. Share your concerns: It is important to share your concerns with your friend. Let them know you want them to be happy and healthy, and that you’re worried about the serious consequences of their relationship with food, and their unkindness toward themselves.

3. Let them know there is help available. There are plenty of judgment-free places to get help recovering from eating disorders. Share this information with your friend and let them know they have your support in their treatment and recovery.

4. Remind them of God’s unconditional love: People with eating disorders often struggle with shame and feeling unloved. Sharing spiritual encouragement with your friend can be a great way to uplift their spirits and bond with them over a shared sense of hope.

5. Remain kind: Your friend’s eating disorder is a part of what they’re battling with, but they’re still the person you care about. Remain connected to what you’re grateful for, and what you enjoy doing with them, and make sure you maintain that sense of friendship with them.

This is a great start toward helping your friend as they come to terms with their eating disorder and begin to recover from it.

Do You Have the Support You Need?

It’s important to remember that eating disorder recovery takes time, and it is a draining process for the person in recovery, and their loved ones. It can be easy to become focused only on your friend’s battles. But be careful to take time to recharge, to focus on things that bring you joy, and to find the healing that you’ll need along the way. That may mean confiding in friends and family, reaching out to your faith community, or getting extra support from a counselor or mentor.

If you want to help a friend with an eating disorder, TheHopeLine team is here to give you the support you need.

Talk to a HopeCoach today about your life, your friend, and how you can care for them while not neglecting your own needs. We’re here for you, and we believe things will get better.

If you’re dealing with addiction or relapse, it can be tempting to self-medicate. But true self-care is the only way to heal your mind, body, and spirit. Find out more here. 

For eating disorder help and information for women, men and teens visit our partners at Mirror Mirror.

It's Important to Feel Connected

Whether you are isolated due to illness, separated from the people you care about due to a move for work or school, or protecting yourself and others through social distancing, time apart is hard to get through.

Isolation can negatively impact your mental health in a number of ways. But being aware of that is a great first step to getting the help and support you need to feel more connected in your friendships and relationships. Here are some of the ways I’ve seen isolation affect mental health, and what I’ve noticed brings some healing.

Depression

It’s natural to feel down when you have to spend time away from people you care about. But the longer that time stretches on, the more likely it is to go from a tough time or a bad week to depression. How do you know? If your feelings of sadness are so overwhelming that it’s hard for you to get out of bed, to take care of yourself, or to fulfill your responsibilities, you may be living with untreated depression.

Depression can also play a role in the loss of interest in things you once loved to do. It’s important to talk to someone if you think you’re living with depression, since leaving it untreated could make the feelings of loneliness that come with isolation worse.

Anxiety

Spending a bit of time each day “alone with our thoughts” can be good. It can help us think about things in a new way and can give us a sense of clarity about life. But if I spend too much time in isolation, those thoughts can turn anxious. Anxiety often happens as a result of isolation because we feel like we can do nothing but worry. If the people we’re separated from are struggling or sad, we become more anxious about not being able to help them.

But don’t forget you can help them by reaching out, offering encouragement, and listening. And, when you talk about your anxiety with a counselor or mentor who can help you work through it, you’re freer to be a help and support from afar to your friends and loved ones.

Fear and Uncertainty

Fear and uncertainty often come with isolation if we don’t know how long the cause of our isolation will last. On top of that, we might be worried that our isolation will go on indefinitely, and that our struggles with fear, uncertainty, and other tough emotions will get much worse.

When it feels like those feelings are starting to take control, I find it helpful to check in with others. Helping others and offering a listening ear is one of the ways we can “get out of our own heads” for a while. It gives us perspective and helps us feel surer that we are loved and valued.

Giving into False Beliefs

Sometimes we are prone to feeling bad about ourselves when we spend all our time alone. We can start to believe false things about ourselves; that no one cares that we don’t matter, that things will never change, and so on. In those moments, remembering what we are grateful for can bring us back to the truths about our lives and ourselves that are kinder and more caring. It can also remind us how much God loves us, and that because of that love, we are never truly alone, even when we have to spend time apart.

Not Seeking Help

The loneliness you may be experiencing in your isolation could make you feel like you’re the only one in your situation and going through your particular pain. While everyone’s pain is unique, no one has to go through their struggles alone. You don’t have to let the tough feelings that come with isolation keep you from getting help.
And you can start here. TheHopeLine offers mentoring to guide you through the ups and downs of mental health challenges.  Talk to a Hope Coach today and start the journey toward feeling more connected to the people and things that matter to you.

Knowing how to feel better can be hard during a tough time, but it can help to practice gratitude. Find out how here.