Wants to Help Others Who Struggle with Alcoholism 

Candice is struggling with alcoholism and has been for a long time. She’s 28 years old now and has been drinking since she was 14.  She admits, “It’s gotten bad and DHR has 2 of my kids.” She doesn’t want to drink anymore but still ends up drinking. She doesn’t understand why. She recently went to rehab. During her time there, she felt the Holy Spirit move, and felt all the angels praying for her. Since that spiritual experience, she sees people and their sin more clearly. She doesn’t just see them as people getting on her nerves but sees them as people with sin who she can pray for specifically regarding what they are going through.

Candice feels a strong desire to help others in their struggles: “I feel like I can help people because I’ve been through a lot. I feel like I can help someone else that might not even be as far as I am. I’m not where I should be, but I’m not where I used to be either.”

Candice is asking us to pray for her strength to fight this alcoholism that keeps calling her. I shared with her Genesis 4:7b, “Sin is crouching at your door; it desires you, but you must master it.” Candice wants to know if she can still help people in the position, she’s in; even though she’s not ‘fully recovered’.

Who is Fully Recovered? 

If you wait until you are completely clean on an issue, you’ll be waiting a long time to help anyone. Reaching out to others and telling the truth, saying, I’m still struggling with my own addictions, but this is what I’ve learned. This is what happened to me. I’ll pray for you, and you pray for me. This is a powerful way of helping people and helping your own sobriety.

Peer to Peer: What Do You Think? Can Candice Help Others?

Candice is looking for advice and prayer. Can she help someone, even as she fights the pull of alcohol at the same time? Absolutely! We got some great peer to peer feedback from Bailey, Tina, Cindy, William, and Kyle. Whoa, some of these Rockstar’s know the Bible so well and they shared lots of scriptures with Candice as well as spot-on advice!

Share Your Testimony

Bailey has advice for Candice, “My sister was an alcoholic and thanks to Jesus Christ, has recovered. Praise God! In the experience I’ve had, telling your story/giving your testimony is the only way to know there are other people in your shoes. She’s really going to touch other people’s lives and I’ll think she’ll be surprised, as she learns and grows, how many other people are going through what she’s going through. My encouragement is to find a church home and stick with it because you are on the right track and you have what you need, which is God.

Pray Affirmations Over Your Life

Tina says, “The struggle she is going through is not unique to her. When she talks about how she’s caught between the dark and the light, the apostle Paul had the same struggle. He said, there were 2 things that warred on the inside of him. This (Paul) was the person who wrote 60% of the New Testament and he had a struggle. It’s important to understand, the struggle happens when you try to hold onto the things you are not supposed to hold onto. Like Bailey said, when she gives her testimony, she’ll realize how many people she can help as the Bible says, “They overcame by the word of their testimony.” The enemy will try to silence her, but the Bible also says, “life and death is in the power of the tongue.” One of the things I do is pray affirmations over my life and Candice should pray affirmations over her life. I read these scriptures which affirm the Word over my life:

• 1 Peter 1:23, “For you have been born again, but not to a life that will quickly end. Your new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God.”
• Ephesians 1:7, “He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.”
• Hebrews 9:14, “Just think how much more the blood of Christ will purify our consciences from sinful deeds so that we can worship the living God. For by the power of the eternal Spirit, Christ offered himself to God as a perfect sacrifice for our sins.”
• Colossians 1:13-14, “For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.”
• 1 John 1:9, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”

There are a lot of affirmations she needs to do. When she begins to speak these over her life. The bible says, He will write the Word on the tablet of your heart. She needs to get into the word of God and daily, because the Word of God is the bread of life. When you read the word of God, it’s what God is saying on a daily basis.”

Deal With the Real Reasons You are Hurt

Cindy agrees with Tina and shares, “I grew up in a family of alcoholics. They drink to bury pain. They drink because they hurt. I think if she goes after the real reason of why she’s so hurt inside. She’s shoving hurt back down inside every time she wants to drink or there’s something that’s triggering the urge to drink. She’s wounded inside and needs to deal with the hurt and she needs healing. It’s better to be filled with the Holy Spirit than it is with wine. If she can surrender her struggle and go to the cross, she could be totally free. When she is totally free, and applies the Word, she will be able to minister and help other people as well. She doesn’t have to be bound because, Jesus will set her free.”

We Aren't a Failure in Christ

William shares that Christ still loves her regardless of her failures. “The biggest lie comes from the enemy is that we’re a failure to God when we make mistakes. My failure was that I backslid on God and went back to alcohol. We aren’t a failure in Christ. The Bible says, a righteous man will fall down seven times, but he’ll get back up. Paul said to God, I have a thorn in my flesh, but God told him His grace was sufficient for him. God loves you, Candice, regardless, of what you’ve done wrong, what you’re battling with. Keep your head up and fight the good fight of faith and lay hold of what God’s called you to do and there’s somebody that your supposed to help.”

Get a Sponsor at Alcoholics Anonymous 

Here’s Kyle’s awesome advice: “I’ve been an alcoholic myself since I’ve been 14 and I’m 26 years old. I’m going on 9 months of sobriety. I was able to do that through AA. It’s very important to get into Alcoholics Anonymous. You can find a location near you or a building downtown for it. Once you get into AA, it’s very important to get a sponsor. In those moments where you have urges to drink, you just give them a call. Find someone you admire, someone that has the same traits as you and that way they can be your sponsor. I’ve had moments where I wanted to take a drink and it’s been eating at me. I got down on my knees and prayed. It was amazing, the urge to drink the alcohol went away. Pray the serenity prayer, over and over if you have to, whatever it takes, as long as you don’t drink. I found when I take myself out of environments where there’s a lot of alcohol involved; it keeps me from drinking. I’m a sober person now and closer to God. I was able to take the mistakes I’ve made and turn them around and become closer to God. I’m now the person I was meant to be. I encourage you to do the same.”

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Addiction to alcohol is keeping Candice stuck. She wants to help people but is not sure if she can. She’s had an experience with God but is feeling the conflict of God’s call on her life as well as the dark calling to her. The awesome part is that Candice is recognizing the struggle and talking about it. She’s allowing the truth to come out and allowing others to speak truth into her life. She needs to get into AA and get a sponsor (thank you Kyle!) and she needs to get Team Candice around her so that she can have support to resist the pull of alcohol. In James 4:7, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Candice must resist as the temptation of alcohol tries to keep her stuck.

What advice would you give Candice?

If you’ve faced an alcohol addiction and have advice for Candice. Please share in the comments below!

Resources for Alcoholism Recovery:

You can recover from addiction. Start down the road of recovery by downloading our free eBook: Understanding Substance Abuse.
Also, check out my blogs on Addiction Recovery:

• Addiction Recovery: Warning Signs of Addiction
• Addiction Recovery: What to Do After a Relapse
• How to Break the Silence: I’m Afraid to Talk About My Addiction
• Healthy Self-Care for People in Addiction Recovery

You Have a Purpose:

• Pursued by God
• Sabrina's Dream: Never Give Up!

If you are using alcohol to mask your hurt and pain, you are not alone. These verses of Hope will help you cope and understand substance abuse and God’s love for you: Verses of Hope for Substance Abuse.
Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

How to Reduce Stress When Studying

Studying is one of the most important parts of succeeding at school, but it can also be one of the biggest and most consistent sources of school pressures. So how can you lower stress when it’s time to hit the books? Here are some healthy study habits that help me when I have to do intensive research for a project.

#1: Take Care of Your Body

Your brain and your body are inseparable. So caring for your physical health can only help your study time be more effective and more productive. This includes things like:

• Not drinking too much caffeine, which can make you feel more anxious
• Drinking plenty of water
• Replacing sugary snacks with more nutritious, protein-rich snacks (veggies, mixed nuts, hummus, etc.)

I like to keep a bottle of water nearby while working so I can stay hydrated. Caring for our bodies is a great way to keep our minds sharp.

#2: Take Mindful Breaks

Taking breaks during studying can be beneficial, and can help you sustain your focus better when it’s time to get back to work. Time your breaks for between 5 and 10 minutes for each hour of study time. During this time, you might:

• Pray or meditate: If your study time is particularly stressful, or for a high-stakes test, it is a good idea to still yourself with some deep breathing, so you can remind yourself that God can handle anything. No matter what you’re facing, it will not overwhelm God.
• Move: Healthy movement, like walking around the room or doing some light stretching, keeps the blood flowing. That makes you feel better, and can give you a little energy boost during a long evening of studying.

Pairing regular, short breaks with a mindful attitude is a great way to build healthy study habits that make you feel better, not worse.
https://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-cling-to-god-in-the-midst-of-anxiety-and-worrying/

#3: Study Every Day

Even if you don’t have an assignment due the next day, regularly reviewing what you learned is more effective than just cramming the night before a big exam or project due date.
Like practicing a musical instrument, the more you familiarize yourself with what you’re studying, the more comfortable you’ll become with the material.

#4: Have a Support System

According to the American Psychological Association, respondents in a stress study who had a support system reported they had a significantly lower stress level than people without a support system. Just knowing someone is there for you, or there with you, can make a big difference. This can mean:

• Studying with a group: If you’re all committed to doing well, a study group can be a great means of support. You can divide up the study materials, so it is not all on one person’s plate. And instead of having to rely only on your memory, you get the benefit of what others remember, too.
• Tutoring: Getting a tutor can turn things around if you are struggling in a class. Your instructor can recommend a tutor, or you can find a friend you trust who is doing well in a difficult subject and ask if they are willing to help.

Sometimes, no matter what you try, it feels like school pressures are overwhelming. You don’t have to face them alone. Chat with a Hope Coach from TheHopeLine today. Make a plan to lower stress, build healthier study habits, and succeed this school year. We are here for you.

If you're feeling stressed from school, there are ways to cope. Read my blog, School Pressure: How to Cope with Stress in a Healthier Way.  

How to Improve Your Mood

If you’ve been going through a difficult time, I know how overwhelming it can feel. Mental health challenges can make every day feel unpredictable. You can experience a lot of ups and downs in a short amount of time.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to include our mental healthcare as part of your overall healthcare. You may need to see a doctor or psychiatrist so they can prescribe medication to help correct physical or chemical imbalances.

But there are also many simple ways to improve your mood that may help in addition to prescribed treatments, starting with building healthy habits.

If you are struggling with depression these ideas may not seem simple to you, but try one thing at a time, one day at a time. Give yourself a lot of grace and keep trying. You are worth it!

Unplugging from Your Devices

We need our digital devices to some degree to work, learn, or communicate with our loved ones. But sometimes too much digital device use can lead to feelings of anxiety or overstimulation (where you’re wound up by lots of things happening around you at once).

Taking breaks from those devices is a great way to calm your mind and help you feel more relaxed, which may improve your mood.

You could try silencing your phone after school or work, deleting apps that constantly notify you of activity, or putting your phone in your bag or pocket when spending time with loved ones. Taking any of these steps, in addition to calming you down, could also make you feel more focused on the conversations or activities around you.

Listening to Music

Numerous studies have been done about music’s impact on the mood. And the news is good. Music can improve mood, even if the songs are sad.

Next time you’re feeling depressed or anxious, listen to some music. No matter what you choose, you’ll likely experience a sense of calm, relief, and feeling more connected to others.

Getting Active

One of the most important parts of a healthy self-care routine is regular physical activity. While some people enjoy long runs or intense workouts as a form of stress relief, intensity is not necessary to see a benefit from physical activity.

It could mean gentle stretching, a daily stroll, or using hand weights. Whatever you’re able to do, regular physical activity releases endorphins. Endorphins make people feel happier, and stress can be reduced as muscles move and relax.

Meditation or Prayer 

Many people find they feel better on their journey to emotional healing when they take a little time out of each day to center themselves. Meditation and breathing exercises can be a great way to check-in with your mind, body, and spirit. And taking a moment to slow things down can have a positive impact on your mood.

Likewise, spending time in prayer and worship could be very beneficial, especially if you have found comfort in your faith in the past. Prayer is a great way for me to remember that God cares about me and is listening to me, even on days when I feel like no one else is.

Prayer is also a great time to pause and think about good things in your life and thank God for those things. Practicing gratitude and remembering what you are thankful for is important in shifting your thoughts away from negativity.

Talking Things Through

Once you’ve had some time to yourself to understand how you feel, it could be very helpful to talk about your feelings with someone else. A close friend or family member can offer a listening ear for the day-to-day stressors.

If you feel like you need extra support, TheHopeLine is here for you. Talk to a HopeCoach to get ideas about how to improve your mood and better care for your mental health. We are here for you, and we believe things will get better.

Are you feeling worn out and down about life? Read 31 tips to boost your mental health by our friends at Centerstone.

It pains me whenever someone shares with me that they’re being abused. And if you feel stuck in the cycle of abuse, it can seem like there’s no way to escape it. 

But you CAN get out of an abusive relationship. And there are people who are equipped to help and support you as you do so. 

At TheHopeLine, we’ve helped a lot of people break free from the control and cruelty of an abusive relationship. Here are some of the things people realized on their journey to escaping abuse and starting to heal.

They Understand Things Are Bad

One of the keys to getting out of an abusive relationship is admitting to yourself how painful it is. This reality check is key. Check in with yourself and offer honest answers to questions like:

• Have I been hurt physically, sexually, or emotionally by this person?
• How does this person’s behavior make me feel?
• Have people I trust expressed concern about this person?
• Has their behavior continued even though they know it is causing me pain?
• Is this person controlling who I can talk to or be around?
• Has my quality of life improved or declined since being close to this person?
• How would my life be different if I could leave this relationship or distance myself from this person?

If you realize after asking yourself these questions that you are suffering in an abusive relationship, don’t despair.

They Want Things to Get Better

People who have been freed from abuse not only realized things were bad, but they also knew things could get better. And they were motivated to see that happen.

I have to agree. Not only because I think everyone is worthy of love and safety, but because I agree that “nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).

I know things can seem scary, but I believe God is always with us and will never abandon us. And I know He believes in you, too.

You do not deserve abuse. It is not your fault. And things can get better. You can take steps to protect yourself, your heart, and your spirit, and you have never lost your worth, value or strength.

They are Ready to Ask for Help

The people who have broken free from abuse have not done it alone. Asking for help and support is critical in any overwhelming situation. While your friends and family may not be fully equipped or expertly trained to help you leave an abusive relationship, plenty of people are.

TheHopeLine mentors are trained to offer confidential support to people who want to heal from abuse.

Email or chat with a HopeCoach whenever you need a listening ear. I also encourage you to check out our list of partner organizations. Many people care about you and want to help you, including me.

I am thinking of you and praying for you. And I believe you can find healing from abuse – starting now. You are not alone.

Are you coping with sexual abuse? There is hope. You can be a whole person, healed and recovered from what happened to you. Read more...

How to Know It's Time to End a Relationship

Dating can be exciting and fun, but it’s not without its challenges. When people come to me for dating help, they sometimes have to ask a tough question: is it time to end my relationship?

Knowing when to end your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t always apparent, and sometimes things can be worked through or overcome.

But there are some unhealthy patterns that can develop in dating relationships. And staying in an unhealthy situation will be harmful to your own wellbeing over time.

If you are trying to decide when and if to end a relationship, I’d start with this: be honest about how you’re feeling, and how the person you’re dating makes you feel.

Do You Feel Unsafe?

Even if your girlfriend has not shown clear signs of abusive behavior, they may have a tendency toward anger or outbursts that makes you feel unsafe. You are not obligated to stay with someone until or unless they hurt you. If you feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or fearful around someone, you don’t have to maintain a relationship with them.

Do You Feel Drained?

Sometimes, we can care a lot about someone, but that relationship can turn into a one-way street where we are always the ones giving our time, our money, and our emotions to make the other person feel happy and comfortable.

Meanwhile, they may not consider our feelings, our energy level, or what we need when we are struggling. If you’re with someone who doesn’t seem to respond or want to change when things feel out of balance, it may be time to make a change. You don’t want to remain in a toxic relationship with someone when there are plenty of people who are willing to have a healthier approach to dating.

Are You Not Ready?

You should never feel pressured to do anything you are not ready to do in a dating relationship. If you’re dating someone who is pressuring you to have sex, move in together, or get married, you should let them know if you don’t feel ready. If they are not willing to respect that boundary, and if they continue to push things forward without listening to you, it is time to start thinking about how to distance yourself from them.

Are You Incompatible?

I’ve heard many stories about dating relationships that start off great, with lots of romance, chemistry, and fun, only to run into trouble when people tried to take things deeper. Sometimes, it’s simply time to step away from a relationship because you are incompatible with them.

This may happen because you have different ideas about God and faith, which shapes how you each approach challenges and big decisions. It may be that you have different priorities. Or you may simply want different things from the relationship. It’s a difficult conversation to have, but it may be best to end the relationship— especially if have serious doubts about your long-term happiness.

The silver lining to these tough conversations is this: you don’t have to go into them unprepared, or without support. TheHopeLine can help. Ask a HopeCoach for dating advice on important relationship questions or browse our ebook and podcast libraries. Whatever you decide, we are here to support you as you learn about healthy, happy relationships.

If relationships are not building you up, it is worth finding new relationships. Watch this video from a licensed counselor helping you with the fears of ending a toxic relationship.

I’m sorry you’re going through grief. It can be a painful, confusing, and frustrating time. When I’m in a season of grieving for a loved one, I struggle to remember God’s love in the face of the difficult emotions I’m feeling. I need spiritual encouragement during grief when nothing else seems to help.

I have found solace in scripture time and time again. Here are some of my favorite Bible verses to help you find greater peace during the stages of grief.

Denial

“My heart is in anguish within me.
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
Fear and trembling have beset me.
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, ‘Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.’”
Psalm 55:4-7, NIV

It’s hard to wrap our heads around grief and loss, especially when it happens suddenly, or takes someone very dear from us. You don’t have to rush that feeling or try to force yourself to accept the death of someone you care about. Share your feelings with God in that moment by finding a verse like this one to meditate on.

Anger

“My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, ‘When will you comfort me?’”
Psalm 119:82

There have been times during my most difficult seasons of grief when others have promised God’s comfort is on the way. But I’m still angry about my loved one being gone.

If you’re angry, that’s normal. You can express your anger to God by using verses like this one in prayer. He will not abandon you or punish you for feeling angry, and you don’t ever have to be afraid to let him know how you really feel.

Bargaining

“‘Abba, Father… everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’”
Mark 14:36, NIV

Even Jesus found death hard to face, and He prayed that God would take the cup of sorrow from Him. I hope remembering how human Jesus is and how much He was willing to struggle for us will comfort you and help you reach out for Him during the complicated bargaining stage of grief. He is always here, and He won’t turn you away.

Depression

“How long, Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.”
Psalm 13

This short prayer from the Psalms is so encouraging to me when I am wrestling with depression, whether grieving or facing one of life’s many struggles. While happy words may not always be comforting, it is helpful to know that many other people have struggled with depression and have come to find hope during grief with God’s help.

Acceptance

“He says, ‘Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.’” - Psalm 46:10

Acceptance is a difficult stage to reach, but it is possible. Give yourself time to accept God’s presence, even if you don’t feel it, during your time of grief. He has not forgotten you, and there are still many reminders around you of His love and mercy.

Even with encouragement like these verses, it’s still hard to find healing from grief. TheHopeLine is always here for you. We offer grief support through online mentoring and lots of other resources for coping with grief.

Talk to a HopeCoach if you’re grieving and need extra help. We know you can get through this, and you don’t have to face this alone.

We also have a partner, GriefShare, who is a caring support group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences.

Helping a friend can be hard if you don’t know what to say when they’re going through a difficult time. If you need to help a best friend after a breakup, it can be hard to know where to start.

I’ve talked to many people over the years who have been through breakups. Though every situation is a little different, I’ve noticed a few healthy habits that can get you and your friend through this tough time together.

Listening Does Help

Sometimes the temptation is strong to want to make everything better for your best friend when they’re going through a breakup. After all, you care about them and want them to be happy and safe.

But true friendship isn’t about fixing all your friends’ problems. It’s about being present and being with them when they need someone to listen.

Listening doesn’t always feel like helping, but it does. It helps your friend feel less isolated, better connected to others, and more understood. Just being there is more help than you realize.

Encourage Self-Care

Healthy self-care is one of the best things you can do during a tough time, both for yourself and the person you’re trying to help.

Your friend is likely going through a lot of stress right now. And while you can’t force your friend to do what you think is best, you can encourage them in healthy self-care by participating with them. For example:

• Cook a healthy meal together
• Go to a tea shop and try some relaxing blends
• Spend time centering yourselves with deep breathing, meditation, and other physical activities that make you feel more relaxed.

Prayer can also help us find tranquility when we or others we care about are recovering after a breakup or other relationship difficulties.

It may help your friend for the two of you to pray together. But if they’re not ready, it’s perfectly fine to pray on your own and continue being there for them to remind them of God’s love in other ways.

Take Breaks When You Need Them

Even in the closest friendships, you need time to yourself to regroup when the person you care about is going through a breakup.

Your friend is going to be talking about some difficult things, and they’re going to be expressing a lot of upset feelings. It’s normal in those situations to feel overwhelmed and even a little frustrated. When times get hard, it’s good to take breaks to rest, spend time with family or other close friends, and to do things you enjoy.

If you’re still not sure what to do, even after taking some time to think things through on your own, don’t despair. Things are never hopeless.

We can help you work through friendship challenges without judgment. Talk to a HopeCoach at the TheHopeLine when you’re not sure how to help a friend going through a breakup. We’ll help you both get through this tough time while helping you keep your boundaries healthy and your friendship strong.

Is your friend wondering if they'll ever start dating again? Here are some things for your friend to start focusing on to help with the healing process. 

As you move forward in dating and relationships, it’s normal to wonder if you’re ready to get married to the person you love.

Every relationship is different, just as each person is different, so some couples might feel more ready to get married than others they know, even if they are all at the same age or stage in life.

What I suggest to each couple depends on their situation, their concerns, and their background. In general, it’s a good idea to consider a few things with your boyfriend or girlfriend if the two of you are considering preparing for marriage.

Are Your Expectations Healthy?

It’s probably no surprise to you that a real-life marriage is nothing like what we’re shown in the movies. One person cannot be our everything, no matter how much we care about them.

Marriage will not solve your problems, and it will not mean your spouse can solve all your problems, either. Before you get married, you’ll need to develop a healthy, balanced understanding of the struggles you each face and the strengths you bring to the relationship.

What Are Your Motives?

I know there is a strong social pressure to get married, especially when you have strong feelings, or you’ve been together quite a while.
But getting married isn’t about having kids, or having sexual intimacy, or moving up in life. Marriage is a profound act of service and sacrifice. It’s important to carefully examine what is motivating you and your partner to get married. If your focus is on the wrong place or on the wrong goal, your marriage will start off on shaky ground.

What Role Does Faith Play?

While God can work through any relationship, it is important to remember that marriage bonds you to your spouse physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Have honest conversations with your girlfriend or boyfriend about:

• Where you are in your faith journey
• If you believe in God (and what you believe about God)
• How your faith impacts your decision-making
• Where and how you will worship together
• How faith shapes pregnancy and raising children for each of you

Finding common ground in these areas is very important to center your relationship and understanding how marriage will change it as your lives change.

Have You Sought Counseling?

Pre-marriage counseling is required in many states before a marriage certificate can be issued. But it’s also a necessity if you want to be more certain that marriage is the right choice for you and your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Counseling gives you the chance to ask tough questions in a safe place. You won’t have to be surprised by your challenges and your differences if you’ve taken the time to talk through them with someone who is trained to prepare couples for marriage.

We’re here to help, too. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine when you have questions about marriage, dating, and relationships. These are important steps to take, and we want you to have all the support you need.

Is it really love? Here are 15 characteristics that define a REAL mutually loving relationship.

Closer I Get to God, The Harder It Is 

Lorvena is struggling with pornography and it’s something she doesn’t want in her life anymore. She started looking at it, out of curiosity when she was 12 years old then it fed something in her. Lorvena explains that she’s been clean for about a week now and sometimes can go 3 weeks, but it seems the closer she gets to God, the harder it is. She recently got saved and baptized and thought everything would change. But as she’s been reading the Bible, she would still think about porn and watch it and then felt such a deep sense of shame. She constantly struggles with how to stop pornography addiction.

God crashed through Lorvena’s addiction for Christ to come into her life, but that doesn’t mean the spiritual warfare is less. As she found out, it can be more. As Satan had her in his grasp, he didn’t have to work very hard but now there is a war for Lorvena’s life.

Everyone faces temptation at some time or another, but the Bible says, “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Peer to Peer: Lorvena Wants Your Advice on How to Stop Pornography Addiction

Lorvena is asking for advice and prayer. She wants to know if anyone else has overcome this and what have they done to do so. She wants to know, “Is this something I’m going to struggle with my whole life?”

Our community called in to give Lorvena some encouragement, support, love and ideas to help her with her addiction to pornography. Almost every one of them said they had their own struggles with an addiction to porn. Here’s what Audrey, Stephanie, Connor, Charity, and Preston had to say about overcoming an addiction to porn.

What God has Given You is Strong Enough to Overcome Your Addiction

Audrey says, “There’s nothing you can do to completely wipe this out, but every day that God gives you the opportunity to choose Him. That you make the choice to choose Him. The devil may bring that feeling to you of wanting to do something that you don’t want to do. Every day when you wake up, read your Word. “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)

What God has given you, is your faith, and what God has put inside of you is strong enough to overcome it. You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. God loves you. Your name is written on the palm of His hand and you’re important to Him. You can overcome it but choosing God, every day.

When Temptations Come, You Have Power and Authority in Jesus Name

Stephanie’s words are strong! She says, “I’m glad you are asking for help. It’s what the Lord wants us to do. The enemy tries to get us to be silent so he can kill, steal and destroy us. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but the enemy will try to make you feel as if you are not worthy. Where Christ is, there is liberty. You have been set free from these things which have you bound. When temptations do come, you have the power and authority that your Father has given you.”

Keep Submitting Yourself to God and His Word

Connor says, “I also got way into pornography and was hardcore addicted. I tried so many things to get free from it, like physical exercise, I tried to quote scripture, I tried to distract myself. Many of those things helped but none of those things could break the addiction. What finally broke the addiction was I continued to submit myself to God and His Word.” Connor shares Ephesians 5:26b, “Washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”  Connor says he has accountability partners who are peers, but he also has his dad as an accountability partner. Connor says to Lorvena, “As far as breaking the addiction, I couldn’t do it in my own strength. I tried and I tried, and I tried. I can relate to reading the Bible and as I sit there reading, my mind is wandering, and sex is dripping through my head. It takes that daily choice of I’m going to choose to love you God, even over my own desires. At the root of my issues, was pride and God took a 2X4 to my pride and a lot of things in my life changed. I submit myself to God and He set me free from my pride. I still face temptation, but now I’m at a point where I don’t have to give in. You have God, Himself, living in you and you have victory.

Tell the Devil, I'm Not Interested 

Charity says, “As your big sister in Christ, I’m going to give you some advice that will take you a long way in your walk with Christ. The devil is our enemy, and he would like us to believe that he’s complex, but the Bible let us know that he has only 3 weapons against us. I’m going to give them to you. From 1 John 2:16, “The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.” Whatever he throws at you, it comes from one of those. And every time you feel yourself about to do something against God, you tell the Devil out loud, “You are coming from the lust of the flesh…no thank you, I’m not interested. And get around people who are like-minded so they can help you fight. Then get into the Word and it will easier and easier for you.”

Get Rid of Easy Access to Porn

Preston says this is one of the most difficult things to overcome. He shares Matthew 18:9 “And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.” Connor says, “If you are dealing with pornography, technology is a great asset to us but if it’s causing you to stumble. If you have to, get rid of it! You have a choice. Get rid of that which offends you. If you don’t have the avenue readily available to you, it’ll be more difficult to seek it out. Continue to read the Word. Satan has lost you so he’s going to continue to fight for you. Stay in His word, it’s sharper than any two-edged sword.”

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

I know this was a bit overwhelming for Lorvena but what amazing advice and encouragement from those who responded to her. I also heard a common theme in what everyone said…get in the Word of God and stay in the Word of God. Sometimes we forget how important it is but as God told Joshua in Joshua 1:8, “Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” And as Preston pointed out, “The Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” (Hebrews 4:12) We need to use the Word of God in our everyday lives to fight the battle against Satan. I pray for Lorvena. Lord, show Lorvena that you love her and cause her to be an overcomer and not just a survivor. Flood her with encouragement and prayer. Thank you that she had the courage to call in. Honor that! Amen.

Resources for Pornography Addiction:

Even though porn addiction is very difficult to overcome. You can do it. To start towards a porn-free life, download our free eBook: Understanding Porn Addiction.
Also, check out my blogs about pornography:

• Pornography Addiction: 6 Lies Pornography Tells Us
• 7 Steps Towards a Porn Free Life
• 6 Reasons to Cut Porn Out of Your Life for Good
• I Was the Good Christian Girl Addicted to Pornography

And my other podcast about addiction to pornography:

• Porn Addiction: How to Stay Away from Porn Permanently

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

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Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!