How to Help a Friend Struggling with Addiction

I’ve talked with a lot of people whose lives have been impacted by addiction. It can be a roller coaster of ups and downs, depending on where someone is in their recovery process.

If you love someone with an addiction, one question is likely on your mind often: can I help? It’s natural to want to help someone you care about, and there are ways you can offer support. But it’s important to balance what you are able to do to show you’re in someone’s corner, and what is their responsibility.

Here are some ways I’ve seen people support friends and family in recovery while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Learn About Recovery

You’re already taking a great first step. Educating yourself about addiction and recovery can help you better understand some of the things your friend or family member is facing. Recovery is different for everyone, but your loved one’s journey likely follows a path others have taken.

It’s also okay to ask someone questions about their recovery. But I suggest keeping things general and letting them guide the conversation. Simply asking how you can be supportive will go a long way in making them feel less isolated.

Create a Safe Environment

One of the most difficult things about recovering after addiction is finding an environment absent of relapse triggers. Many social situations (bars, clubs, parties, etc.) encourage behaviors at the root of many people’s addictions. You can be a strong support to your loved one with addiction by creating an environment that avoids their relapse triggers. You can do this in a few ways:

• Trusting them when they say they need to keep their distance from certain people or groups of friends
• Have meals, parties, and social time without alcohol, or in places where alcohol is not served
• Letting your loved one choose times and places that support their recovery

Believe in Your Friend

Recovery can be very difficult for your loved one if they have to isolate themselves from the places connected with their addiction, or from the people with whom they used to engage in addictive behaviors.

Check in with your friend when you’re able to offer them a listening ear or a quiet place to recharge. Believe in them and their recovery. Pray for them when you think of it, and remind them of God’s love for them, no matter their past or present struggles.
Encourage them to celebrate the little things and remind them of what you love about them. You can’t take away their pain, but you can offer them comfort while they’re facing painful things, and that is something we all need from time to time.

Take Care of Yourself

Many of us who care for people going through a tough time tend to be so concerned for their wellbeing, we forget to take care of ourselves. Be sure that you don’t get too drained when supporting your friend in recovery. Take time to recharge by getting plenty of rest, nourishing yourself with healthy meals, and getting regular exercise. Give yourself a fun distraction from time to time. Go to a movie or do a hobby you enjoy.

You may also need extra support and guidance once you learn more about your friend’s addiction and have to watch them battle through recovery. It’s not easy. But it’s never hopeless.

At TheHopeLine, we’re here to listen and help you stay hopeful through challenging times. Talk to a HopeCoach when you need someone to listen. We’re here for you, and we believe you and your loved one can build a stronger relationship as they continue in recovery.

Being afraid to talk about addiction makes recovery challenging. If your loved one is afraid to talk about their addiction read this blog for advice on how to help them. 

I know the pain of losing a loved one or going through a traumatic, sudden loss like being fired or ending a relationship. All these things lead to grief.

And grief gets so intense sometimes, we just want it to stop. We start to wonder when and if grief ever goes away so things can get back to normal.

And here’s the tough part: most grief is grief because we know our lives will never be the same after experiencing this loss. In some ways, grief won’t go away entirely. After all, we’ve lost someone or something we can’t get back.

But healing from grief is possible, and you can still have a full, happy life that includes grief and loss.

Understanding How Grief Changes

A big part of coming to terms with grief is understanding how grief changes and recognizing when those changes come.

Everyone grieves differently. How your grief changes over time depends on things like:

• The nature of your loss
• How sudden or unexpected the loss was
• What your relationship with the person you lost was like

In general, the intense feelings of grief (crying spells, appetite loss, sleeplessness, and other ways grief affects your health), diminish over time. But grief is not a single story with one beginning, one middle, and one end.

Psychologist Collin Parkes says this about grieving: “As time passes the intensity and frequency of the pangs of grief tend to diminish, although they often return with renewed intensity at anniversaries and other occasions which bring the dead person strongly to mind. Consequently, the phases of grief should not be regarded as a rigid sequence that is passed through only once.”

You will go through phases of grief repeatedly. Knowing you can expect feelings to change but come back in different ways can help you find meaning and understanding when grief resurfaces.

Getting More Comfortable with Grief

Something that really helped me to deal with grief was understanding that it wasn’t something to be afraid or ashamed of. Grief is a sign of love and connection, so carrying grief is healthy and normal.

Becoming more comfortable with grief as an expression of love, rather than something to be “gotten over” may be a helpful step toward healing.

Centering myself emotionally and spiritually was important to finding acceptance. It helped me to know that God understands grief. He cares about me when I’m grieving, and He will never rush me into the next phase. Prayer, meditation, or connecting with a faith community where you feel safe can all be great sources of support as your grief changes.

Talking About Grief Over Time

People expect you to talk about your grief after the memorial service or in the weeks following your breakup or layoff. But it’s important for you to have people to talk to about grief well after the event passes.

Having ongoing conversations about how grief is affecting you helps to process your feelings and find greater peace. It can help to talk to people when:

• Birthdays or other important anniversaries happen
• When you see something that reminds you of the person you lost
• When a story or happy memory comes to mind
• When you are wondering what to do to move forward while still remembering your loved one

If you’re not sure who to talk to, reaching out to a HopeCoach can help. TheHopeLine offers grief support and resources to anyone struggling with grief. We are here for you and will support your healing however we can.

For more here are some healthy ways to experience and process grief that I hope will help you along the path to healing.

We also have a partner, GriefShare, who is a caring support group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life's most difficult experiences.

Having a broken heart can bring up a lot of difficult feelings. Through my radio show, I have talked to many young adults that are heartbroken and feel overwhelmed by how painful the circumstances are.
If you’re going through heartbreak, I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. I hope it encourages you to know that healing from heartbreak is possible, and that you can start taking those steps right now.

Why Does Heartbreak Feel So Overwhelming?

Heartbreak can put a real strain on our mental health, especially if we’re already living with depression or other diagnoses of mental illness.

Heartbreak might feel overwhelming if:

• You’re heartbroken after losing a loved one and having trouble dealing with grief.
• You dealt with numerous upsets either right before or right after the heartbreak, and you’re feeling especially vulnerable.
• You’re heartbroken because someone you love, and trust has hurt you deeply and unexpectedly.
• You’ve just broken up with someone you thought you would always be with.

The important thing to remember is that you don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty about these feelings. It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed by the feelings of shock, loss, and betrayal that are so often connected with heartbreak.
https://www.thehopeline.com/can-broken-heart-physically-hurt/

Can I Stop Hurting Like This?

I want you to know that, as intense as your feelings are, and as valid as your pain is, it doesn’t have to last forever. And it doesn’t have to dominate your life.

One of the most effective ways I’ve found for healing after heartbreak is to think about how many people experience it. Virtually everyone past a certain age has had their heart broken. And while the situation that broke someone’s heart may always cause them pain, they’ve found a way to get through it.

Even the people you know that appear the happiest, the strongest, and the toughest have been through some intense loss and heartbreak. But they’ve found their way to the other side of the most overwhelming part. And you can, too.

Can I Heal Heartbreak Myself?

Doing anything completely by yourself may cause you to feel more overwhelmed than you were to begin with. But there are small steps you can take on your own that go a long way toward greater recovery after heartbreak:

• Committing to getting support: Even though getting support from someone who can help you does involve another person, the decision to get help is your own. Deciding to reach out for the support you need is one of the surest ways to make progress.
• Keeping the faith: It’s hard to believe that our faith can comfort us during a heartbreaking time. But the truth of the matter is, God is close to us in our heartbreak, and His power is greater than any situation or person that could overwhelm us.
• Enjoying little things: There are still things to enjoy about life, even during a painful time. Try to spend a little time every day doing something you enjoy or thinking of things you’re grateful for. It may be just the shift in perspective you need to give you the strength to keep moving forward.

Where Can I Start?

The first step toward healing is often the hardest, especially when we’re still reeling after a recent heartbreak. But you’re in the right place.

At TheHopeLine, we have ebooks, podcasts, and blogs to encourage people to stay hopeful. Or you can talk to one of our HopeCoaches if you need a listening ear. We’re so sorry you’re heartbroken, but we believe you can get through this. And we’re here to help, starting now.

If you’ve had your heart broken as a result of a failed relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re facing a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings.

One of the most common yet challenging struggles is the feeling of despair and loss of hope that comes after a breakup. It’s so hard to imagine not being frustrated or in pain that you find yourself wondering: Will I ever start dating again?

There’s no single approach to healing after a breakup, but with time, dating is possible. There are plenty of people in healthy relationships and marriages now who went through some serious heartbreak at other times in their lives.

Here are some things I suggest focusing your time and energy on as you engage in the healing process.

Practice Forgiveness

Forgiving someone after a breakup is no easy task, especially if cheating or cruel treatment were among the reasons for your breakup. But forgiveness is not only something you offer your former partner. It’s essential to forgive yourself.

Breakups and relationship problems can fill us with guilt and shame, which are often behind what makes us feel unlovable.

As you learn to forgive yourself, forgive your partner, and accept God’s forgiveness, you will find greater freedom, which will help you be open to the possibility of dating again in the future.

Remember, forgiveness is not about being okay with what happened, or letting things go right back to the way they were. You don’t even need to be in contact with someone in order to forgive them, especially if you feel unsafe around them.

Forgiveness and how it is practiced are different for everyone, based on the situation. Do the best you can and take things one day at a time.

Get to Know Yourself

When we lose a relationship, we are often left feeling like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. Breakups certainly change us, but they don’t have to change us for the worse.

The time after a breakup can be one of self-exploration and self-knowledge. Getting to know yourself is a great way to strengthen your character, rediscover your skills and talents, and build your self-esteem. All this will help you feel more confident and calmer when the time comes to start dating again.

Don’t Let Fear Win

Sometimes, when I’m wondering if things will ever get back to normal after a big disappointment or heartbreak, I end up getting in my own way. There are all these “what ifs” that keep me from moving forward.

It’s normal and healthy to have some reservations about dating again. After all, you don’t want to rush into a new relationship when you don’t feel prepared, safe, or comfortable with the thought of new girlfriend or boyfriend.

But don’t let fear win. Do your best to shift your mindset about dating. Think of it as a new opportunity to learn and grow, rather than a scary new frontier.

Bolster your courage with the support of a therapist, someone you trust in your faith community, and close friends who you trust to support you on your healing journey. As the idea of dating and meeting new people becomes more positive, you’ll find yourself less afraid, less despairing, and more prepared to enjoy dating again.

It can be intimidating to know where to start, or who to talk to. We are here for you. Reach out to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine anytime you need support healing after heartbreak. We’re here to listen and support you in the important work of strengthening your heart and growing in your self-confidence.

Recovering from a breakup can be a long process, but it is possible. For more help read, How Long Does it Take to Recover from a Breakup?

You can’t separate your body from your emotions. What affects one affects the other. So, it makes sense that, even though heartbreak is emotional, we can still feel physical effects from the pain of a broken heart.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. But I’m hoping that being able to identify what’s causing you pain and discomfort will help you talk about how you’re experiencing it in your mind and body so that you can find some relief.

Heartbreak Impacts Mental Health

Heartbreak is often connected with a sudden, unexpected loss:

• Loss of relationship: This is what we experience when going through a breakup
• Loss of intimacy: This loss of closeness with a friend can happen after a fight, or after a big life change like a cross-country move
• Loss of a loved one or pet: Few things are more heartbreaking than death and dying

Heartbreak isn’t just feeling sad for a day or two. You’re grieving what you’ve lost. That grief can cause:

• Feelings of depression, anxiety, or abandonment
• Difficulty eating or sleeping
• Anger
• Crying spells

Your heartbreak is unique to your situation. But take some time to think about how you’re experiencing it in your mind. That will make it easier to connect heartbreak with the physical pain going on in your body.

Mental Health Impacts Physical Health

All of that stress and strain is not going to go unnoticed by our bodies. When I think back on heartbreak I’ve experienced, I remember the pain of missing the person I cared about. I remember the exhaustion I felt. I thought I was never going to be able to get back to normal.

But our bodies heal. And our broken hearts can heal, too.

Recovering from Heartbreak: Start with Simple Self-Care

Psychologist Guy Winch has spent a lot of time studying the science of our emotions and how they impact our lives. When talking about healing from heartbreak, he often speaks of “emotional first aid”. Our bodies and minds need the same care, effort, and attention to heal during a difficult time.

Start with simple self-care routines to help your body strengthen and heal after heartbreak. Try things like:

• Snacking on fruit and vegetables (and drinking a glass of water) when you start to feel depleted.
• Moving and stretching your body throughout the day to stimulate blood flow, relax tense muscles, and keep your energy up.
• Going for a walk through your neighborhood. The simple act of getting out of the house for some fresh air can help you reset faster and focus on things outside your heartbreak.

As you make an effort to care for your mind and body, don’t forget your spirit. Even if your broken heart has made you lose faith, God is still closer to you than you know during heartbreak. Reaching out to Him in prayer, asking someone to pray for you, or going to a special place where you feel spiritual peace will make a difference.

Trust me, you will get through this. Healing a broken heart is possible. And if you feel overwhelmed, don’t worry. You don’t have to go through this alone.

TheHopeLine has the resources and support you need to talk about heartbreak in ways that help you find hope and healing. Talk to a HopeCoach when you’re heartbroken: they can help you make a plan for better self-care and a healthier outlook. Whatever you’re going through, we are here for you.

Looking for answers? Watch this video as a licensed counselor, Gretchen Lawson, answers the question, "How do I get over a broken heart?" 

Faith

It’s hard to have faith when life is hard, but something I’ve been comforted by over the years is the realization that God understands my pain.

Whether my pain is from the consequences of my own actions or something completely beyond my control, God loves me and will not abandon me.

God Understands Weakness

In one of his letters to the churches, the Apostle Paul says something amazing:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” - Hebrews 4:15-16

God understands our weaknesses and has experienced them in his own way. He knows the pain our struggles cause us, no matter if we’re a new believer or have been building our faith for years. This means we can feel more confident reaching out to Him for help, without being overwhelmed by shame or guilt.

Even the people you admire most in life have undergone some immense struggles. God forgives us for so much, and the pain our weaknesses cause us doesn’t have to last forever.

God Understands Sadness

When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus wept for him, even though He planned to raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11:35). God understands our sadness. He made you, including your feelings.

And you don’t have to hide anything from God or put on a brave face. You can be yourself and share your sadness with Him. He will help you through it.

It can be hard to connect with God during a really difficult time. But it is always possible. Something as simple as focusing on Him, saying a brief prayer, or writing a letter to Him may help. He knows your heart, and cares about what you’re facing right now.

God Is Love

We hear it all the time: God is love (1 John 4:8). But what does it mean? I think one of the most powerful meanings of this teaching lies in how God puts people in our lives to show us His love and kindness, even when we are struggling in our faith or have given up belief in Him.

No matter how hard things get, or where you are in your faith, there are people who love you, care about you, and want to help you get through this painful time in your life. This could be a parent, a longtime friend, or a new acquaintance. Even the smallest gestures of kindness can be great reminders that we’re loved.

If you feel like you have no one to turn to right now, don’t despair or give up. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine whenever you need a listening ear. We can help you find greater hope and encouragement during this difficult time. We are here for you, and we want you to know there is always hope.

When you’ve lost a loved one, it can feel like you’re being hit by wave after wave of grief. Everything seems to remind you of them, and your emotions seem stronger and more painful than they’ve ever been.

In those times, I know what it feels like to just want the pain to stop. Part of you wonders, “When will this be over? When can I stop hurting and get my life back?”

Adjusting to “the New Normal”

It may be painful to hear the truth, but I think it’s important for real healing. Grieving for someone you love never really stops. Grief recovery expert Stephen Moeller puts it this way:

“The passage of time has nothing to do with actually moving through the pain of loss. If anything, all that happens as time goes by is that grievers become so accustomed to living with the pain that it becomes an everlasting part of their lives. That pain will continue to control them if they fail to take meaningful action to actually deal [with] it .”

The pain doesn’t go away with the passage of time. But when we expect pain, rather than trying to ignore it, get over it, or make it go away, we can be honest about how it makes us feel. And, if we are willing to adjust to the “new normal” of grieving, we’re more likely to reach out for help when we need it.

The Symptoms of Grief

Of course, the severity of your feelings will likely change over time. It depends on how close you were to the person you lost. Grief symptoms often mimic physical or mental illness. Crying, loss of appetite, depression, changes in mood, and difficulty eating or sleeping are some of the most common ways grief shows up in our bodies and minds.
While you’ll never stop loving and missing the person who has died, you will likely see a decrease in the intensity of these symptoms.

How Long Does Grief Take?

Check-in with yourself often and try to keep track of how strong grief is when it hits you. How are you feeling a month later? 3 months later? Do you feel different after 6 months? Noticing how your grief changes is important in the healing process. It also makes it easier to manage grief, although grief is always a bit unpredictable.

If it’s been several years, and you still feel like your grief is so bad that it diminishes your quality of life, see your doctor and your mental health professional. You may be experiencing a type of grieving that requires special treatment.

And remember that, no matter how dark your grief feels, God is always there to comfort you. Saying a prayer or asking others to pray for you can calm the fear and isolation that grief often brings with it.

Don’t Forget to Keep Living

It is tempting when I am grieving a loved one to retreat into my grief and stay there. Of course, it’s important to allow ourselves time to grieve. But don’t feel guilty about continuing to live your life and do things you enjoy. Start with the little things, like taking a walk in the park or enjoying a cup of your favorite tea.

When gathering with friends, it’s okay to talk about your feelings of grief. But it may also help to ask them about their lives in order to prevent the overwhelm of missing your loved one. And of course, showing gratitude for them and for your time together is a great way to focus on the little joys of life.

Grief recovery is hard, but it’s not impossible. Sharing your grief experience in a support group setting with others who have also lost loved ones may also be very helpful. You can find a grief support group here: Grief Share

You can also talk to a HopeCoach at the HopeLine anytime you need help working through grief. We are here for you, and we grieve with you as you mourn this loss.

For more on how to understand grief and loss read, Is Grieving Ever Wrong or Unhealthy?

Single Mom to a Son with an Absent Father

Bree is a single mom raising her 7-year-old son, Carter, on her own. His father hasn’t seen him in over 2 years. Bree wants to know how to explain to her son why his father is never around. She works with her son’s father’s girlfriend, who has two children that are not his. The other day he was posting pictures of his girlfriend’s kids, saying how they complete his life and mean everything to him. Bree has tried to keep this from her son, so it doesn’t hurt him since his dad is not involved in his life. But he’s heard Bree talking to her brother about it. A man at the church says, God is a father to all. It’s true and her son understands, but it still hurts him. His father hasn’t seen him in 2 years, but he cares about some other kids.

What Do I Say When His Father is a No Show?

Bree says her son is not resentful yet but she’s afraid it’s going to turn into anger eventually because he doesn’t have a male role model in his life. He has Bree’s brother but he’s out of town for work most of the time. Bree can see her son is hurt and she doesn’t know what to say to make it better. She wants him to understand it’s not him, that it’s not his fault his father is not around.

Peer to Peer: Advice Needed for Bree

Bree would like your advice and she needs your encouragement! Van and Laura had spot-on advice for Bree. Here’s what they had to say:

Make Sure He Knows It’s Not His Fault

Van says, I know what you are going through. I know the pain as a mother, watching your son suffer. My advice:

1. Explain to him that it has nothing to do with him. It’s not his fault. It’s his dad making poor decisions.

2. Get involved in a church where he can be involved with the kid’s youth group. I’ve found there’s usually a lot of fellows willing to step up and be a good role model for him.

Reassure Him of Yours and God's Love for Him

Laura was a single parent for 9 years. She says, both of my son’s dads never cared. What I told my kids was, I love you guys very much and I’m always here for you. God loves you very much. I took them to church and got them involved in church. I took them to a lot of fun things and made their life fun. I reassured them I would always be there for them. I told them it’s not their fault their dad is not there. And explained that some people make decisions in life that are wrong. My son is now, 25 years old and his dad is trying to connect with him. My son doesn’t want anything to do with him but I’m trying to explain to him to forgive. You can’t change the past, but you can forgive and move on. Keep on every day telling him you love him and reassure him how much God loves him.

Involved in a Group at Church

Bree says she’s been thinking a lot about getting him involved in a group at church. She needs to sit down with someone there and explain what she needs. Her son will find other kids who have been abandoned there as well. He’ll be surrounded by a group where there’s a lot of love.

What advice would you give Bree?

If you’ve been a single parent and have some wisdom for Bree, please share in the comments below!

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

It’s tough being a single mother, handling the load of both parents all the while trying to protect your child. Bree is doing a great job. She’s reassuring her son of her love for him. She doesn’t bad mouth his father. She’s willing to go to church and get him involved and try to find a male role model for him. Bree doesn’t have to be a father; she only has to be the mother. She can trust God to step in to be his Father and do what He will do. We need to trust the Lord with Carter’s life, helping him to cope.

Abandonment can be so hurtful and make you feel as you aren’t worth anything, but that’s not the way God sees Carter. He loves Carter and will be a father to him. As Psalm 68:5 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Bree is going to have to rely on the Lord. God can provide men to be father figures and role models for Carter.

Resources for Abandonment and Single Moms:

Even though the wounds of abandonment can run deep, there’s hope and healing available. To get that help: Understanding Abandonment.

We also have Verses of Hope for Single Moms.
Also, check out my blogs for single moms:

• Help, I’m a Single Mom
• Tips for Dealing With Birth Fathers
• Dating Advice for Single Moms

And my blogs on Abandonment:

• Dealing with Abandonment
• How to Deal with Father Hunger
• Reaching Out for a Father

Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

To anyone considering marriage:

I am writing a very important blog post just for you because it deals with picking the right partner for marriage. I believe the decision you make as to who you will marry is the second most important decision you will ever make. The first decision is the choice about your relationship with God. There is no more important decision than that because that decision will affect eternity.

Who you marry will greatly affect your sense of fulfillment and future. That's why you don't want to make a mistake in picking the right partner.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. No one marries to get divorced. They don't say, "Well I'd like to go through the awful experience of getting divorced, so I think I'll get married." Everyone thinks they have found the right one when they marry. Of course, there are a lot of reasons for divorce, but a big one is you married the wrong person, or you are the wrong person for the one you married. (By the way, I have some great advice for you to consider. Never date someone you know would not qualify as a potential marriage partner. You may end up thinking you are in love with the wrong person for you.)

Finding the right partner to marry is serious business. You need to be attracted to each other (beauty is in the eye of the beholder), but who you choose to marry goes far beyond looks. It has to do with character, who they are on the inside, qualities they will still have long after beauty has faded.

A Commitment to You and Your Marriage

I found out, in my own experience, marriage is at least five times harder than I thought it would be. A successful marriage takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice. If you are not absolutely committed to making the marriage work, it doesn't stand a chance.

In marriage, feelings come and feelings go, but loving someone by an act of your will can save your marriage. It's so great when a guy knows his wife is committed to him and she knows her husband is committed to her.  Every successful relationship has to have a strong foundation of trust and commitment. If the person you're considering marrying is not committed to you, get out of the relationship immediately.

Unconditional Love and Respect

There are people who stay in marriages out of a commitment to their vows, and yet their relationship can still be loveless. Unconditional love says, I accept you the way you are even though there are areas in your life you need to change.  Never marry someone thinking once you're married you will automatically change them. Your husband or wife may change through God's love and the circumstances of life, but this change could take a long time to develop. So you must love each other right where you are.

You want someone who will encourage you to be all you can be, but who loves you without conditions or requiring you to change.
Marriage will bring out the good and bad side of you. You need the kind of partner who will not be a doormat, but will love you the way you need to be loved. You both will need God's love in order to love each other.

Potential to Be a Great Parent

In the end, there are very few things in life that are truly important. Those things that often have to do with relationships. That's why most people at one time or another dream of having a loving family. But raising children is a huge challenge. It is worth the work, but it can be hard. When a husband-and-wife team up together to help raise their children in a positive and loving way, a healthy, happy family can come about. Approaching parenting as a unified front makes a difference in children's lives.

You Get Along With Each Other's Families

One of the most surprising things I learned when I first got married was how important inner-family relationships were to my marriage. All of us come from different styles of families and our families have a huge impact on what we believe and the way we act.

It takes some adjustments to be able to relate to someone else's family in a loving and meaningful way. It's not nearly as easy as it looks. If your partner is a loving person and can somehow adjust to your family who may be far different than what they grew up with, you will save yourself from a lot of arguments and pain.

Take Your Time

A good marriage partner can be hard to find. There are plenty of pretenders, but few who are the real thing. Take your time, get good advice, and ask for God's help before getting married.

I want to end this blog where I began: Who you marry is the second most important decision you will ever make. Make that decision very wisely.

For more advice on finding the right partner, read this post on How To Find a Meaningful Relationship