Adulthood can be an exciting time of growth, change, and learning. But it can present lots of challenges, too.

Sometimes talking to your parents seems more difficult than it used to be, and strained parent relationships make life harder at home.

If you have had a poor relationship with your parents, it will impact you in a number of ways as you grow and mature. The clearest effects are often seen in your mental health and in your relationships with others. You may feel fearful of closeness to others, or you may form relationships too quickly before you really get to know someone. You may experience symptoms of depression and anxiety, such as isolation, loneliness, or panic. Whatever it is you’re facing, remember that your difficult parent relationships are just one part of your life, and you can find freedom from the negative effects.

There are ways to ease the strain and negative effects to build stronger relationships with your parents.
Here are some of the ways I’ve seen relationships between parents and their adult children change for the better.

How to Change a Bad Parental Relationship

1. Remain Respectful

Stronger parent relationships are possible when you’re able to remain respectful in spite of disagreements. Dr. Kathleen Smith puts it this way on her blog post about parent relationships:

“While you don’t have to agree with any of these opinions, your parents will likely prove a lot more receptive to your choices if you treat these differences with respect. You can be honest about who you are and what’s important to you without being dismissive of their own beliefs.”

If listening to your parents speak about issues where you disagree feels impossible, there are likely lots of other things you can talk about that won’t cause as much friction. Try shifting the conversation to more comfortable topics while you find peace about your differences.

2. Remember: Nobody’s Perfect

It can be hard to confront our parents’ imperfections when we had very high expectations of them as children. But your parents make mistakes, experience failure, and have been shaped by painful experiences just like you have.

If you’re constantly disappointed by what your parents say and do, it may be time to adjust your expectations to something more realistic.

Try not to make assumptions or take things personally. Often people are frustrated and angry for a variety of reasons. Rather than assuming the worst about why your parents are upset, try asking them questions. You may find that you're wanting to better understand them puts them more at ease and decreases tension.

3. Look for Positives

Whenever possible, find the positives in your parents’ lives, their legacy, and their actions toward you. If you feel safe talking to your parents, let them know you love them and appreciate what they’ve been able to do for you. Hearing you’re loved makes a big difference for you, and I’m sure your parents would feel a great sense of relief and peace knowing you love them.

4. Keep the Faith

I know that parent relationships are different for everyone. Some are just frustrating, while others include a history of toxic or abusive behavior.

It may not always be possible to fully repair your relationship with your parents. But there can always be hope for a feeling of greater safety in the present and peace about your past.

Don’t lose hope if your parent relationships are tough. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine to get help with parent relationships.

We are here for you, and we’re hopeful your family relationships will continue to get stronger.

Are you having a hard time forgiving someone?

Whether you’re a new believer or have grown up in your faith community, sharing your faith is likely important to you. You care about your friends, but you don’t want to be ashamed of what you believe.

So, it’s natural to wonder: how can I talk about faith without harming friendships?

I’m hopeful that I can encourage you to share your faith confidently and lovingly using some of the things I’ve learned along the way.

Without Love, It’s Nothing

One of my favorite passages in scripture are Paul’s words about love in 1 Corinthians. He starts the chapter this way:

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

It helps to remember these powerful words before I share my faith. If we share our faith to be boastful, or because we are looking down on others, we might as well say nothing. Our words and actions must be motivated by love to make a positive impact on the people around us.

And yes, this means sharing our faith with other people because we love them. But it’s more than that. If I shared what was wrong with someone else’s life or their beliefs, they aren’t going to be open to having many more conversations with me about my faith.
But if I am sharing what I love about my faith, it’s much more likely to come across in a kinder, gentler way.

Put Faith into Action

Talking about what we believe is good, but when people see our faith in action, that’s even better. Here’s how:

• Treating people with kindness
• Loving our enemies
• Helping people who are in need
• Being patient with someone who is struggling

These are just a few of the many ways we can show people that we trust in God’s power and love with more than just our words.

Be Prepared for Some Rejection

This may sound discouraging, but I find it freeing. If I am not expecting perfect responses every time I share my faith, I feel a lot less pressure. It helps me to remember that Jesus and many of his followers got treated terribly by many for sharing their faith. But they still changed many lives with love.

If someone gets angry or distances themselves after talking to me about faith, it’s natural to feel down. But it’s helpful to know that, even if I ruffle a few feathers, it’s still good and right to share what I believe with kindness.

Listen and Learn

It’s good to remember that sharing our faith is a conversation. It’s always a good idea to listen to your friends, let them ask questions, and share their feelings. As long as it’s a mutually respectful conversation, it’s a great way to grow your relationship and strengthen your friendship.

Wait on God

I’ve noticed that, unless I make a conscious effort to put it before God, sharing my faith can become more about me than about Him.

Sometimes we have no idea what to say, and that’s okay. Prayer and patience are great ways to put things before God in faith. There is nothing wrong with waiting on Him to make things clear.

Praying for friends is always a good choice, too. It is an act of love, and it can help us gain wisdom and insight on how to be a better friend to them when they need us.

It’s important to remember that you will always feel a little uncertain when it comes to sharing your faith. And that’s totally normal. After all, we don’t know how it will go until we try. But it’s a great idea to reach out for encouragement when you feel afraid.

Talking with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine can help you find a way to bring faith and friendship together. We are here to listen and support you however we can on your faith journey.

Is your friend mad at God right now? Our expectations or false ideas of who God is can sometimes be the root of the anger. Read my blog, What to Do When We're Mad at God for help.  

How to Respect Yourself More

It’s frustrating to struggle with low self-esteem, but you can build it back up. Think of people and places that make you feel nourished and cared for, spend time with those people and in those places when you can. Remember that feelings, while strong and powerful, aren’t always true. Learning why you feel the way you feel and talking to people about it can be a big help.

If you have low self-esteem, respecting yourself can feel challenging. But it’s possible to grow and feel more comfortable in your own skin and be happier with your life.

I’ve learned some healthy habits that tend to lift my mood and improve my self-esteem when I put them into practice. I hope they encourage you, too.

Acknowledge Your Good Qualities

Often at the root of our struggles with self-esteem is a battle to reclaim and rebuild our self-worth. If you hate yourself and you don’t feel worthy of love, you’re going to struggle with feeling good about yourself, even when things seem to be going well.

It can be easy to only focus on what’s gone wrong in life and mistakes you feel you’ve made. But that’s not the sum total of who you are. You have good qualities. Take time to acknowledge things like:

• What you like about yourself
• What your family and friends like about you
• Times you’ve been there for friends
• Times you’ve helped someone feel better
• Moments you made someone smile or laugh

Taking a moment to remember your strengths and good qualities will help you realize your worth to other people and your deep value in their life.

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

You may be going through a tough season of life right now. I’ve definitely been through times like that. When I feel that way, it’s helpful for me to celebrate accomplishments and milestones, even if they seem small.

Think back over your life, and over the last few weeks or months. Ask yourself:

• What are you proudest to have achieved or been a part of?
• What recent projects have you completed for school, or for your favorite hobby?
• What did you check off your to-do list this week?

Our accomplishments, big and small, can increase confidence and help us remember that we’re capable of overcoming challenges and coming out on the other side for the better.

Make a Habit of Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is about more than building good habits. Regularly focusing on gratitude can have a measurable impact on self-worth and self-esteem over time.

Similarly, a gratitude ritual can make it easier to recall and focus on positive circumstances, beliefs, and relationships when you’re struggling.

For example, when I am thankful for the love of my family, and I focus on what I appreciate about them every day, it makes it easier for me to realize how much love and respect they give me, and how valuable I am to them.

If you’re not sure what to do for a gratitude ritual, try adding it into a routine you already have. Maybe you think about what you’re grateful for on your morning run. Maybe while you’re praying in the morning, you can take a moment to thank God for His abundant love and forgiveness. Or maybe you can take a few minutes before bed to list what you’re grateful for in a journal.

Whatever you decide to try, see if you can notice how it improves your self-worth and your self-esteem over time.

Build Healthy Relationships

Sometimes our self-esteem takes a hit because we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who make us feel bad about ourselves and tear us down.

Distancing ourselves from toxic relationships and focusing on building healthy relationships can go a long way toward helping us remember our value to others.

Sometimes it can be hard to rediscover your self-worth, no matter how hard you try. But you aren’t alone in this struggle. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you need help improving self-esteem. We care about you and believe you are worthy of love and acceptance. Reach out to us whenever you need someone to listen.

Are you feeling worn out and down about life? Try these 31 tips to boost your mental health.

I Do Things with Guys to Feel Good Enough

Mikayla shares with us her struggles with self-worth. She says, “I’ve been struggling with some self-worth issues. I tend to look for my self-worth in guys. I’ve recently moved here, so I don’t have a home church and I don’t have any friends yet. I don’t know how I can be held accountable for not going and doing things with guys in order to feel good enough. I don’t know how to hold myself accountable for that if I don’t have any friends to do so.”

Acting Out Sexually is a Great Thrill but a Horrible Chill

Mikayla needs accountability to keep her from acting out sexually online with guys because the acting out is a great thrill but a horrible chill, all at the same time. After acting out, she always comes back empty wanting more. She needs help so she’s not trapped on the terrible slope she’s headed for now…being used by guys to feel better about herself.  Then she needs to ask herself, Why is my self-esteem so low and how can I see it get lifted? And that’s the hard work. We can’t get to the hard work yet, because all the acting out is making matters worse.

Peer to Peer: Advice Needed for Mikayla

How can Mikayla get accountability help? Where should she go and who should she turn to? How can she work on her self-worth, so she doesn’t have to keep turning to guys to feel good about herself?  Edith, Brandon, and Savannah had awesome advice, feedback, and encouragement for Mikayla. Let’s find out what they had to say.

The One Who Hung the Stars Loves You

As Edith was waiting to speak with Mikayla, she prayed and asked God to guide her in what to say to Mikayla. Edith says, “I’ve been exactly where you’re at, looking for love, looking for that acceptance, and looking for that one thing that makes me feel good. The thing that keeps coming to my mind is the one who hung the stars, loves you and He picked you. He says you are beautiful, and you are perfect. It does not matter anything in your past, because He forgives all. He knows all about it and also knows all about your future. He has a plan for you. He is stronger and mightier than any weakness you may have. Picture Jesus in your moment of weakness and in your moment of desperation…picture Jesus. You have to know He loves you and the easiest way to do that is to picture Him. He will fulfill every desire, beyond your wildest dream. He’s all you need. It’s so hard in that moment of weakness, in the moment you want to give in to those fleshly desires, it’s so hard to remember that. But if you can keep His picture, turn your whole mind and picture Jesus and say, “Jesus, I need you.” Jesus is saying back to you: “Mikayla, I love you and I hung the stars for you. You are all that I’ve ever wanted. You are perfect just the way you are.” He wants you to know that, but you have to let him in and let that knowing invade your life.

Edith prayed for Mikayla: “Lord God, I lift up Mikayla right now. I ask that you pour out your love on her and you pour out your abundance. Lord God show her what you look like and show her what she looks like. Lord God just absolutely cover her in your grace and your mercy. I thank you for all the people, everybody in her life that you’re going to send towards her, that’s going to show your love. In Jesus Name, Amen.”

Pray and Believe

Brandon says to Mikayla: pray about it. If you pray about it, and you believe God is there, He will help you to get through these feelings. Brandon shared Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He says, God doesn’t want any of His children going through something like that and so, if you just pray and believe it, the Holy Spirit will come down and help you face those temptations.

Brandon recommends a song to Mikayla called, “Priceless” by the Christian band, For King and Country.

Mikayla, God Loves You Unconditionally

Savannah shares, “God has put it on my heart to tell you, Mikayla, God loves you so unconditionally. These guys will like you one day and the next move on. God’s love will never change for you. He’s never going to one day wake up and say, Oh you did something wrong, I don’t love you anymore. No, He is always going to love you. He loved us first and that’s why we love him. Don’t give up! Get connected with a church. I pray you hold on and know you have a whole bunch of people supporting you and praying for you. You’re really not alone through this.”

What advice would you give Mikayla?

I’m so proud of Mikayla for calling in. Edith, Brandon, and Savannah all shared with her about the love of God. God does love Mikayla deeply and loves you too. Do you have insight into how Mikayla can deal with her self-worth issues? Have you been in a similar place as she is…looking for your self-worth in someone or something other than God? Please share in the comments below!

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

We all deal with self-worth issues. Mikayla’s self-worth issues are leading her down a very destructive path which is why it’s so essential she get help and accountability to stop acting out and turning to guys. They can’t give her the fulfillment she’s looking for. Only God can do that. Through our peer to peer callers’ messages, it’s like the Lord’s putting His arm around her, saying you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to go to a dumpster to find a steak dinner. God is saying to Mikayla, “I’m your Father and I love you. I don’t want you to trash yourself and sin against your own body and mind. I’ve got a man for you and I’m going to get you ready for him.”

God is a God full of grace for Mikayla and for you. His grace is enough for whatever you are going through.

Resources for Self-Worth:

For help identifying self-worth issues and to find ways to stop hating yourself, download our free eBook: Understanding Self-Worth. In this eBook, there’s also: 10 ways to build a healthy respect for yourself and maintain it, 4 things not to do when trying to maintain a healthy self-worth, and there are also ways to help a friend dealing with self-worth issues.
We also have Verses of Hope When You Hate Yourself.
Also, check out my blogs to help you improve your self-worth:

• How to Talk About Shame and Ask for Help
• Silence the Voice of Comparison
• Accept Yourself: Being Me is a Good Thing
• This Hole in My Soul
• How Can I Learn to Love Myself?

You are not alone! Others struggle with similar doubts about themselves, and don’t think they are good enough. Here are some of their stories:

• Learned to Appreciate My Own Self-Worth
• Tania’s Story: Not Believing in Myself

Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

How to Cope with School Stress

School pressure can feel overwhelming, especially during midterms and final exams. Multiple classes, multiple assignments, and, of course, the social pressure: everyone wants to feel like they are valued, and that they belong. But the pressure of school stress is not impossible to overcome.

I’ve seen many dedicated students face and overcome school-related stress by making simple adjustments to their habits and their mindsets. If you’re stressed from school, I hope these ideas will encourage you as you try finding greater peace during stressful times at school.

Set Smaller Goals

While some stress definitely comes from external factors, I’ve noticed there are other times I can cause myself stress because my goals themselves are stressful. Here are some things I’ve found helpful that might also ease stress for you at school:

• Make goals smaller: Instead of setting just a few big end-of-year goals, set smaller goals to celebrate all the little victories along the way. For example, setting daily goals for practicing your foreign language for 20 minutes will help you feel more confident about homework assignments, and will make it more likely you do well on tests and exams.
• Make goals reasonable: If you have struggled all year in chemistry and currently have a C-, it would heap stress on you to strive for an A+ with only half a semester left. Setting a more realistic goal, like moving up half a letter grade, will likely relieve some stress while still giving you something to focus on.
• Share your goals: I don’t mean telling everyone, of course. But sharing the goals most important to you with people you trust (like your parents, your teacher, or a guidance counselor), will ensure they are better prepared to help you achieve what you set out to do.

Remember to Rest

Getting adequate rest doesn’t just help you feel better, it makes it easier to maintain focused and stay centered during times of heightened stress.

Be sure you schedule your studying so that you are getting adequate sleep at night, and take rest breaks throughout longer periods of studying to recharge.

Just like limiting study time in general, limiting breaks helps things stay balanced. Try taking 10-15 minute breaks for:

• Short walks: Light exercise can keep you energized when your brain needs it most.
• Deep breathing: Meditation and breathing exercises help you feel calmer faster in times of heightened stress.
• Prayer and reflection: Asking God for help finding peace during times of stress can help you center yourself spiritually, which can help lower mental stress

Reach out for Support

Grades and schoolwork are your responsibility, but that doesn’t mean you’re on your own when it comes to handling stress. You can ask a therapist for help when you feel overwhelmed, or you can let your family know you need a break for some time together.

Teachers, guidance counselors, and people who care about you want you to succeed in school. Don’t feel ashamed about asking for help when you need it.

Sometimes recovering from stress takes extra support, and we are here to help. Talk to a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine for one-on-one help with stress management throughout the school year. You can get through this, and we are here for you.

Is school stress causing you to have panic attacks? Learn grounding techniques to help you with panic attacks here. 

When I’m feeling brokenhearted, loving God doesn’t come as easily. It’s easy to trust that God loves me when things are going well but being faithful during hard times is a difficult test of my commitment to Him.

Whether you’re a new believer or have followed God all your life, feeling God’s love during a difficult time isn’t easy. But it is possible, and God is always with us.

There are a few truths I return to when times are tough to find my way to spiritual healing. I hope they comfort you, too.

Love Is Not a Feeling

Just like love for others, love for God isn’t dependent on how you feel. Loving God is both the daily decision you make to stay faithful and the actions you take to keep your relationship with God strong.
These acts of love for God will help build your faith during difficult times, even when warm, calm feelings are hard to come by:

• Prayer: Praying is our way of communicating with God. Why stop talking to Him when we need Him most? Even if it’s for a short time, praying each day will help you ground yourself in your faith when times are hard. You can be 100 percent honest with God about how you feel, and how you need His help to heal a broken heart.
• Worship: Whether you worship alone or in a faith community, praising God for the things He has given you is a big help when it comes to shifting your perspective. I find gratitude is one of the surest ways to rediscover hope when I’m hurting.
• Reading Scripture: Reading encouraging Bible verses is a great way to find solace in your faith during a heartbreaking time.

God Loves You No Matter What

Sometimes, the reason I’m heartbroken and feeling distant from God is because I feel guilt or shame. Maybe I’ve struggled in my faith, maybe I’ve hurt someone I care about, or maybe I’ve neglected to keep my word.

Whatever it is, the feelings of shame I have about myself during struggles often cause me pain.

But there’s good news. God’s forgiveness is abundant, and His love is eternal. We have the chance every day to renew our commitment to God, and to reach out for His protection and love.

You’re Not the Only One

One of the most comforting things I’ve learned about faith and spiritual healing is this: There is always someone else who has felt a pain like mine or been through similar struggles.

Your faith community, a prayer group, or a faith-based support group can be great resources when struggling to connect with God’s love during a hard time.

And we’re here for you, too. Talking to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine is a great way to feel more connected to people who can encourage you on your journey to spiritual healing. We believe in you, and we want you to know how much God cares for you, no matter what you’re facing in life.

Are you experiencing a resentment towards God, because of your pain? Read our friend's story on how she overcame addiction and suicidal thoughts to accepting the love of God.

When I talk to people about forgiveness, they often repeat a popular saying: forgive and forget. If you’ve been hurt by someone you care about, you might be wondering: how do I forgive and forget?

But have you ever really thought about that phrase? For me, it doesn’t ring true. Yes, forgiveness is possible, even for very painful wrongs. But none of us can forget being hurt. People aren’t wired that way.

Understanding you don’t have to forget in order to forgive is an important step in the forgiveness process. Here are a few more lessons that have helped me when forgiving others gets confusing and difficult.

Forgiveness Isn’t Approval

Saying “I forgive you” or affirming to yourself that you forgive someone who hurt you does not mean that you’re okay with what they did or that you are expecting the relationship to continue as if nothing happened. 

When working through relationship challenges, it’s healthy and helpful for the person to know what is and is not acceptable. 
For example:

• I forgive you for what you did, but please don’t do that anymore.
• I forgive you for what you said, but please speak with more kindness next time.
• I forgive you for what happened, but I need space before we can spend time together again. 

Setting healthy boundaries is key to practicing forgiveness in a way that feels safe and reasonable for you.

Forgiveness Isn’t a One-Time Thing

Sometimes it can be intimidating to read about forgiveness. The Bible says to forgive “seventy times seven”. And when we think of how completely God forgives, it’s no wonder we are often overwhelmed when trying to forgive people who hurt us.

But we’re only human. And it is completely understandable and healthy for forgiveness to happen over time and to look different from day to day. 

Some days, you may feel at peace with forgiving someone and ready to move forward. Other times, something may happen that triggers your pain and forgiveness may seem a lot farther off. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad friend. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to forgive in small ways each day. Just because acts or thoughts of forgiveness seem small doesn’t make them untrue.

We All Need Help to Forgive

Yes, the wrong you’re trying to forgive is between you and the person who hurt you. And it won’t help to shout what you dislike about them from the rooftops. 

But if you truly want to forgive someone for the sake of your own healing, you can’t do it alone. Talking to someone you trust can help you practice forgiveness without feeling pressured to forgive a certain way, or at a certain pace.

You have people who care about you and who respect your forgiveness journey. And they will be willing to listen without judging or pressuring you.

TheHopeLine offers resources and support to help you heal and forgive. Talk to a HopeCoach anytime you need a listening ear. We are here for you and will do whatever we can to help you find a healthy way to forgive others.

Tough relationships and people talking about "letting go" or telling you to forgive is hard. Read my blog to find out how God can help you with forgiveness. 

If you are a survivor of abuse, you know that the pain of abuse doesn’t go away after leaving an abusive relationship. Emotions are complicated, and the pain caused by your abuser can affect you in unpredictable ways.

I understand if you want to start getting back to normal after abuse. No one likes to feel tossed back and forth by emotions, and no one likes having pain that it feels like no one else can understand.

You can heal and reclaim your life after abuse, but it is a process, and it takes daily effort. The good news is that you don’t have to heal after abuse alone.

I’m here for you and there are a lot of other people on this journey with you. Here are a few things abuse survivors have shared with me that have helped them find greater healing and wholeness.

Be Truthful About What Happened

Don’t minimize or excuse the abusive behavior that you experienced. Acknowledging the truth of what happened and the depth of pain it has caused you to people you trust is a way to ensure you are more fully healed. Just as you wouldn’t hide your symptoms of illness from a doctor if you wanted to recover from an illness, it’s important not to hide the truth about your abuse from yourself or from others entrusted with helping you.

Do Not Contact Your Abuser

Do everything you can to ensure that you and your abuser are not in contact. Delete their contact information, block them on social media, and do not answer any communication you may receive from them. If you have friends who still see or know your abuser, let them know you cannot discuss that person, and ask them to respect your need for a total break from your abuser.

Make a safety plan that ensures you are protected if you see your abuser in spite of avoiding them. People in your circle of support can help you make this plan.

Put Your Health First

The cycle of abuse can be draining and depleting, especially in a long-term relationship. When you leave an abusive relationship, it takes a while for your energy to be what it was.

It’s very important that you prioritize your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Don’t overextend yourself or overcommit to things, people, and activities that make you feel exhausted or frazzled. Caring for yourself is priority number one.

Ongoing Support is a Must

True healing from abuse can’t last without support from professionals trained in abuse recovery. Seek therapy, talk to your doctor, and pursue whatever medication or treatment your support team recommends for your well-being.

You can also find support through support groups for abuse survivors. These groups have a deep understanding of both the pain you’re experiencing and how to find peace after leaving an abusive person.

Many people I’ve talked to say that spiritual healing was key to their emotional healing. I understand if the pain you’ve been through makes it hard to believe in God. But He cares about you deeply and He can help your heart heal in ways you’d never expect.

While a support group or a prayer group can't replace a doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist, everything you do for support works together to heal the different parts of you (mind, body, and spirit) that have been hurt by abuse.

I’ve seen TheHopeLine be part of healing after abuse for many people. If you need extra support, talk to a HopeCoach who can be there to listen as you’re recovering after abuse. Know that you are loved, and we are always here for you.

Does your partner get angry often? This behavior could become abusive. Read my blog to learn the difference between anger and abuse.

Divorce is never easy, especially when your parents’ divorce is sudden or involves a lot of conflict. Whenever I talk with people about their parents’ divorce, I get one question more than most: Is my parents’ divorce all my fault?

If your parents are fighting a lot about what’s best for you and your siblings, you may be tempted to think, “Maybe if they didn’t have kids, they wouldn’t be this upset. Maybe this whole thing is happening because of me.”

There are many reasons for divorce, and your parents have their own thoughts about why they needed to make this difficult and painful decision. But it’s time to stop blaming yourself for your parents’ divorce. Their decision to end their marriage is not your fault.

I hope I can offer more encouragement by way of some important reminders as you sort through this tough time.

Your Parents Care About You

Parents are in conflict about their kids during a divorce because they care about their children and want what is best for them. Often, they may have different ideas of what “best” means.

Anger and conflict often come from a place of fear or from feeling hurt. It’s very possible that one or both of your parents are fearful that they won’t get to see you as much as a result of their divorce – and that’s hurting them, so they’re upset.

While it is difficult to see our parents get angry with one another, it doesn’t mean that they are becoming abusive or that things will always be this difficult.

Your parents are human, and they are both struggling through some very difficult emotions. Do the best you can to understand where they’re coming from. Know that they love you no matter what.

Your Parents Want to Hear from You

No doubt your parents have struggled through their divorce knowing it will impact you. They want to know how you’re doing. Take time now and then to check in with them and let them know how you’re feeling. Ask them questions if you’re unsure about things and let them know what is important to you moving forward.

Don’t forget to express your love to your parents when you have the opportunity. If you’re not sure what to say, telling them you love them goes a long way. Praying for your parents can also be a great source of comfort for you and for them. God always knows how to comfort us in the ways we need it most, no matter what we’re going through.

Don’t Bottle Things Up

It’s hard not to feel like you’re in the middle of things during your parents’ divorce. But it is possible to make time and space for your healing after divorce. And while your parents’ divorce will always affect you, you will be able to lead a fulfilling life after this change.

One of the most helpful things you can do is build meaningful relationships with people who make you feel calm, encouraged, and heard. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be difficult to know where to turn.

TheHopeLine offers confidential mentoring. Reach out to us anytime you need to talk to someone about your parents’ divorce. We also have many divorce support resources like blogs, ebooks, and podcasts that have helped many people find hope and healing.

We are here to listen, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

Divorce is a type of loss, and it is normal to experience grieving. Read my blog on healing during grief for more help with dealing with your parent's divorce.