I Keep Thinking Just One More Time

John’s been dealing with pornography troubles a good portion of his life. He knows some people don’t think it’s a bad thing, but he wants to stay away from it permanently.

He’s been addicted since he was 13 years old and ever since has been battling this massive and cruel addiction. John has gone a whole year without porn, but then something happens which triggers it, and he thinks, “just one more time.”

John has guts to call and talk about this. It’s amazing how he’s bringing this to the light so the light can push away the shame.

Peer to Peer: Messages of Advice and Encouragement for John

We asked for you to call in and share advice and encouragement with John. Here are your suggestions on how to get rid of porn for good:

Pulled Out of Porn Addiction by the Grace of God

Dave shares that by the grace of God he was pulled out of the addiction of pornography and masturbation. He was addicted from 14 years old up through college and grad school. He says, it’s only by Jesus was he able to stop. A few things helped him pull through. The first was an accountability buddy. Then he started finding scriptures he could rely on. One of those verses is Psalm 145:19, “He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” And Psalm 18:16, “He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.” Dave knew he had filled his intimacy desires with porn instead of God. But then he realized there was no way out without God. He started to pray anytime he felt the temptation to look at porn. The first couple of days it didn’t work but then a few days later, God started to fulfill those holes in his life. Dave says, rely on God and scripture, God is faithful!

Porn Addiction Can Hurt Your Future Relationships

Serina’s husband struggles with porn addiction. She says, John, you are not alone. There are a lot of people out there to assist you if you reach out for help. Support groups are great. Reading literature on this topic is great. Serina says, addictions can cause long term effects, including physical effects. And as you get older and do it longer, it gets more addictive so it’s good to get help now. If you keep doing what you are doing, it will hurt your future wife if you continue. She will feel like she’s not enough.

Looked up Scriptures on How to Fight Lust

Nick says he’s been there too. Like Dave, God pulled him out of it. It wasn’t easy. He got addicted at 9 years old and is now 18. Nick told God he didn’t want the addiction anymore and needed help and healing. Nick said only by God’s grace can you pull through. The hardest battle was when he was just sitting on his bed and was about to look at porn but instead, he looked up scriptures on how to fight lust. He pulled through that night and had 3 months of being porn free. He’s been tempted some after that but always goes to God. Nick said his life is so much better now!

Be Willing with a Sincere Heart to Change

Pete says he dittos what Nick said. He’s been reading Ephesians and the first book of John, and it talks about confessing our sins with a pure heart so we can have a pure heart. Becoming humble and willing with a sincere heart to change. Pete says he struggled with a porn addiction for many years and even had 2 attempts of suicide. But God helped him and saved him. He said humble yourself before God, offer yourself to Him and He will give you what you need.

Surrendering Everything

Cassandra got introduced to porn at 11 years old and is 34 now. She got over it by giving herself completely over to the Lord and surrendering everything. She says, keep your mind on Christ, and stay focused by listening to spiritual things. She says, you have to stay positive no matter what. When you feel yourself getting weak, you pray and ask God to help, and He will deliver you from it.

Stay Focused on God

John is a newborn Christian for about a year and a half. He says, God delivered him from alcohol, pornography and many other things, in just a short time. John says to John, God can do anything for you if you want Him too. Stay focused on God and He can do amazing things, as long as you are willing.

Establish New Habits

Carrie was married to a man for 22 years who was addicted to pornography. They had 5 beautiful children. His addiction really affected Carrie and she was very injured by it. Carrie said there is a place in TN, called Bethesda where people who have been injured by addiction or who have been addicted can seek healing on a spiritual level. She said it gave her a new beginning and she learned she’s worthy to be treated like a woman should be. In order for her to get healthy, she had to get divorced. Today, she can say, John, you need to be surrounded by a lot of people who can teach you to live a new way and you’ll have to leave the old way behind. She said it’s hard to establish new habits, but those new habits will give you a new future. She shares, Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Carrie said she didn’t have the strength to help her husband but there are trained professionals who can help. There is hope to break away from this.

Get Accountability

Kyle says to John, you’re not alone. He struggles with it every day. It started when he was really young. It put him a dark place in life, robbed him of his self-worth and had him contemplating suicide. Then he got into church and got into a men’s accountability group. He says, there’s hope but definitely get accountability. He has guys who help keep him accountable and they encourage each other. He also recommends cleansing your social media. Kyle fasted social media for 21 days and it built up his discipline and self-confidence. It was the longest time he had gone without masturbating or anything. He says to John, keep going, don’t give up on yourself, and remember you are a child of God. Stay in the word as much as possible. First 15 minutes of the day, read your devotional, spend time in prayer and worship. Set the tone for the rest of your day and it will give you strength and encouragement for the rest of your day.

Porn Addiction Needs to be Brought to the Light

Sasha is so grateful John had the bravery to call in for help. A lot of people in the church don’t want to talk about addiction to porn because of the shame but it needs to be brought to the light. There’s a difference between conviction and condemning. Satan comes to condemn but Jesus comes to convict us to help us change. She said, God wants to help John change in that area of his life. Set some boundaries, have something to do in place of looking at porn and have scripture references ready. Sasha shared 1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you.” And shared Romans 8:1, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” She said Jesus doesn’t come to condemn you John but to help you.

What advice would you give John?

Have you ever struggled with an addiction to porn? Will you share what helped you the most to stop? Share in the comments below! What you have to say could be exactly what John or others need to get them through.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Those were powerful stories of God’s grace, from people who had John’s same struggle with pornography. Nick, Pete, Cassandra, John, and Kyle all agreed in their advice to John, if it wasn’t for God, they wouldn’t have gotten victory over porn addiction and be where they are today.

I love some of the practical advice Kyle had for John:

• Get other guys to hold him accountable.
• Cleanse your social media. Get rid of any inappropriate people, sites, or organizations who you are connected with and put restrictions on your accounts.
• Fast social media for a time, like he did for 21 days. He said by fasting it for 21 days, it helped him build up his discipline and self-confidence.
• Devote the first 15 minutes of your day to God. Spend time in prayer, in worship and reading scripture. It definitely does set the tone for the rest of the day.

Have the Tools Ready When Temptation Comes

Nick specifically looked up scriptures on how to fight lust. It’s not that you don’t get tempted again, but you have the tools you need when the temptation comes. Romans 8:6 is a great scripture if you are dealing with lust and porn addiction, “So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” 2 Timothy 2:22 is also a great verse to memorize and meditate on, “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”
With the Lord’s help, you absolutely can get help for your porn addiction. It’s not going to be easy but nothing worth doing ever is. Take heart, ask the Lord for help and start applying some of the practical advice you heard in this episode.

Resources to Overcome Porn Addiction:

We have an awesome eBook to help you with porn addiction: Understanding Pornography Addiction.
Check out my blogs to help you towards a porn-free life:

• Is Pornography Addiction Harming Your Relationship
• 7 Steps to a Porn Free Life
• Porn: the Gateway Drug to Sexual Violence
• 6 Reasons to Cut Porn out of Your Life for Good

Check out other’s stories on struggles with porn addiction:

• I was the Good Christian Girl Addicted to Pornography
• Pornography Addiction: Being a Muslim to Christianity

One of our partners, XXX Church, helps men and women who are struggling with porn. They can help you to break bad habits and create a great life with a healthy view of sex. Learn more about XXX Church.
Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

How to Break the Silence of Addiction

Most people know that struggling with an addiction is an uphill battle. But not too many people realize the trauma that comes with revealing that addiction to others. Breaking the silence may feel more difficult than the addiction itself, but talking about substance abuse is an important and necessary step on the road of recovery.

Admittance

We’ve all heard it plenty of times: “Admitting that you have a problem is the first step towards solving it.” Why is this statement true? Think about it for a moment. Let’s say that my cell phone has a terrible crack in the screen. Everyone around me notices it and tells me I should get it fixed. Even though I can see the crack, I’m pretty sure that the crack has no negative effects on the way I use my phone. Since I don’t think there is actually an issue, I never take it in to be repaired. “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it,” after all.

In order to find a solution, we need to first see the problem as a problem. Breaking the silence must always begin with admittance.

Once you face the reality of having an addiction, the road from here on out will be much smoother. You don’t need to be afraid to talk about addiction. Leave shame and embarrassment at the door. It has no place. Own your truths and with God at your back, walk steadily on.

Who to Tell

The first person you should tell that you have an addiction is yourself. Yes, you. The more you say it, the easier it is to hear. As you accept this fact, you may begin to tell God as well.

Once you’ve settled the fact within yourself and with God, you can begin revealing your addiction to the person you trust most. Anxiety and fear will be heavy. Try to find someone who will be free of judgment, willing to support you as you seek help, and who can provide you with comfort as you confide in them. This might be your parents, pastor, best friend, or another relative.

Remember to speak only the truth. There is no need to sugarcoat the issue. The more transparent you are, the easier it will be to get it all out.

When is the Right Time?

In truth, there is no perfect time to discuss substance use disorder. It’s a difficult thing to talk about for both you and your confidant, so the sooner you do it, the better. Waiting can cause you to have second thoughts and the fear can build to the point of locking away the truth.When the time comes, however, make sure that you have plenty of time to say all that you want to say. Be sure that you are alone with your confidant and that there are no unnecessary distractions around you. You need their undivided attention and you need to be able to give them yours.

Widen the Circle

There is safety in numbers. If you have become fully comfortable with revealing your addiction, you may begin to widen your circle of trustees. In other words, you can build your support team. This means telling multiple people that you are an addict. This is a scary idea, but you can do it. Hiding the truth is a form of denial and it can be a dangerous road to walk. Open up and allow God and your loved ones to help you along your way.

As of 2017, 19.7 million Americans (ages 12 and older) suffered from a substance use disorder. With numbers like these, it is clear that you are not alone. Millions of people around you are dealing with the same issues and are talking about substance abuse. Connect with fellow fighters and lean on them for support – and let them lean on you.

Getting Help

With the right support team, you can move confidently toward recovery. You might want to consider checking into a rehab center or researching local support groups. Here at TheHopeLine, you can find fellow addicts and compassionate Christians who you can connect with to find help. TheHopeLine offers resources and prayer. It’s a safe place that can start you off on the right foot.

We are here to help. You don’t need to feel fearful or hopeless, and you don’t have to be afraid to talk about addiction. If you keep God as your focal point, you can step out confidently on the road to recovery.

Worried you're developing an addiction, or have a history of addiction in your family? Read my blog to find out about the warning signs. 

There are few things more painful and frustrating for me than seeing someone I care about be hurt. If you have a friend in an abusive relationship or know a loved one is being abused, then you know exactly what I mean. You want to help, but you don’t know what to do.

I’ve learned that helping a friend escape abuse is complicated but helping someone we love find healing after abuse is never impossible!

Don’t Take Charge

I know it’s tempting to burst into the home where your loved one is being controlled by an abuser and say “Let’s go! I’m getting you out of here!” But that’s not the best approach.

Encountering your “take charge” attitude may make your friend feel like you’re trying to control them, too. But there are ways to help without putting a strain on your relationship.

Make Yourself Available

Spend time with your friend, away from their abuser if possible. Let your friend know that you are concerned for their well-being and that you are available to support them and spend time with them. Instead of saying “I’m so sick of the way they treat you. How can you let them do that?”, try something a bit gentler: “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately and I’m concerned about you. Is everything OK? If there is ever a time you feel hurt or unsafe in your relationship, will you reach out to me? I would love to be there to help. It’s what friends are for.”

Opening the door to help your friend when they feel they need it most is far healthier than telling them what they need, and when they need it.

Safety First

Once you let your friend know you are available, the time may come when your loved one is ready to leave their abuser. They may call you to ask for help with their escape plan. It’s important to avoid putting your safety (and your friend’s well-being) at risk. Only offer to help in ways that feel safe and comfortable for you.

This may include things like staying on the phone with them while they call a helpline or the authorities for assistance, connecting them with a support group or abuse counseling resources, or going with them to an appointment with their doctor or therapist. Rest assured that you don’t have to take on everything to be a tremendous help to your friend.

Don’t Forget Self-Care

There’s one mistake I’ve made often. I get so wrapped up in helping others that I become drained, exhausted, and end up neglecting my own self-care. In order to be there for your friend and help them find healing after abuse, be sure you’re taking care of your own emotional, spiritual, and physical needs.

Remember that God sees all in our hearts and minds. He knows you care for people in your life who are hurt by abuse, and He knows that your friend needs help. God cares about the people you care about, and He will never abandon them.

We are here to offer prayer for you and your loved ones, and we can help you make a plan to help your loved one while protecting your heart and spirit. We are always here for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out.

Are you dating or married to someone that has had a past that includes abuse? Here are some important things to help you as you support them. 

No matter how much you care about someone – whether it’s the person you’re dating, a close friend, or someone in your family – relationships can start to feel a little “off” over time.

I’ve talked to so many people who didn’t realize they were in an unhealthy relationship until after they had a listening ear. And I understand why. We get so caught up in checking our to-do list and doing our best to be there for people that we forget to check in with ourselves to see how our relationships are really doing.

Reality Check: How Do You Feel Around This Person?

It takes a bit of a “reality check” for me to realize how things are going. Especially if I am used to seeing or talking to someone every day. But I learn a lot from asking myself questions like:
How do I feel when I’m around this person?
Am I often stressed or worried when I see them calling or texting me?
Do I tend to feel drained after our time together?
Do I find myself more easily irritated with my friend or loved one than I used to be?
Do I find that I’m spending way more time with them than anyone else who is important to me?
If I’m answering yes, more often than not that relationship has gotten out of balance and it’s time for me to set some healthy boundaries to get things back on track.

What Are Healthy Boundaries?

When I mention healthy boundaries, I’m not talking about building a fence around yourself and not letting anyone in. It’s more about recognizing what you need and making an effort to speak and act in a way that gets those needs met.

But it’s important to remember that no matter how clear I am about my needs, no parent, partner, or friend can meet them all. In those moments, I have to take a leap of faith and trust that God knows my needs and knows how to fulfill them.

When I struggle to believe that I ask people to pray for me and spend time in quiet places (like my church, or my favorite park) that make me feel closer to God. That usually helps me to gain the perspective I need about life and relationships and gives me more peace of mind about setting healthy boundaries.

What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?

No friendship or relationship will be perfect. Having boundaries isn’t about trying to insist on perfection or “fix” each other. After all, you care about and love each other, or you wouldn’t be close to begin with.

A healthy relationship allows both of you to feel safe talking to one another about what you need, to feel comfortable asking for help, and to show each other how much you care.

Regularly checking in with people you care about is a great way to make sure no one gets too drained. If you need space, that’s perfectly okay! It’s good to have time alone now and then to gather your thoughts, and you’ll only be that much happier to see your friend or loved one when you next meet up.

But knowing where, when, and how to start the conversation about having a healthier relationship can be hard. That’s why we’re here for you to offer confidential, non-judgmental help with relationships.

We can share mentorship, resources, and encouragement that will help you feel more comfortable in your family relationships, friendships, and dating life. All you have to do is reach out!

If you’re looking for a deeper relationship, sometimes a mindset shift is needed.  Read how these 3 mindset shifts can make a difference here. 

When I say the word “grief” what comes to mind? Chances are, a time of sadness after losing a loved one, friend, or family pet to death.

But death isn’t the only difficult life event that causes grief. There are other situations you may experience that can bring on the same types of feelings, without someone passing away.

While understanding this may not take grief away, it can help you know how to get help with the complicated emotions you’re feeling so you can find healing and recovery during grief a bit easier.

Grief and Loss Go Hand in Hand

When I was learning about grief, I realized that you could feel grief anytime you feel like something important to you has been lost. Some of the most difficult times you might experience grief (other than someone’s death) could include:

Losing a Job: After losing a job, it can feel like you have lost everything you’ve worked for, and that no one else you respect and admire will hire you. Many of the feelings you have after losing a job due to firing or layoff can be helped with grief support.

Fighting with Someone You Love: Fighting with a close friend or someone you’re in a relationship with is devastating, and it can be easy to feel like things will never be the same. The feeling that your life may be permanently changed for the worse is a big part of grieving, and it needs special care and attention.

Ending a Romantic Relationship: Breaking up is one of the hardest things we go through while we are learning what we want and need from relationships. Even if you broke up for good reasons that protected your heart and safety, you will still feel a sense of loss and emptiness after the break-up that may require a helping hand.

Divorce: The end of a marriage, whether it’s your own or your parents’ is traumatic and painful. It is a type of loss that alters our life and grieving after divorce is a healthy and normal part of healing after the marriage ends.

Pregnancy: While pregnancy is a joyful time for many, some women and those close to them experience grief before, during, and after a pregnancy. This could be due to feeling like you’ve lost part of yourself when becoming a parent. Or it may be hard to accept the circumstances that caused the pregnancy. Whatever the situation, there are people who want to help.

Body Image Issues: Many men and women struggle deeply with body image issues, either because their body changes or because they are in recovery from a food addiction or eating disorder. It may feel like you’ve lost control over your body, or you’ll never have the body and health you used to. It’s important to know that you are not by yourself in this struggle.

Grief is Universal

No matter what the situation that is causing you grief, I want you to know you are not alone in your feelings. The Bible tells us that even Jesus wept and grieved for people he cared about and situations that troubled him. If God Himself grieves, He can help you get through whatever loss is causing you grief so that you can find healing.

And there are always people who care and who want to help. Whether it’s a prayer partner or a mentor, there is always someone who can listen, support you, and offer you guidance to heal during grief. Please know that whatever you’re going through, I am here for you and praying for you to find the strength and peace you need to get through this. If you need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Have you ever asked the question, "Why Is Life So Hard?". Find the answers in this guest blog by our friends at EveryStudent.com here.

Maybe you’ve got a tough relationship with your parents. Maybe you’ve recently been through a breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and it still stings.

Whatever your relationship challenges are, I know it can’t be easy to hear people talking about “letting go” or telling you to “forgive and forget.”

You may not feel like you’ll ever be able to let go. And in a sense, you’re right. The pain others cause us is something we carry with us throughout our lives, even if the intensity fades some over time.

How or why would you want to forget the situation that caused you so much pain? You need to keep past experiences in mind in order to make wise relationship choices in the future.

But you’re not stuck. Because God’s forgiveness can help us even when moving forward after being hurt in a relationship seems impossible.

God Forgives More Than We Know

A search through your Bible shows you some amazing things about God’s forgiveness.
One of my favorite passages about forgiveness is found in Psalm 103:
“Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins?
and heals all your diseases. . .
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
Be encouraged: God’s forgiveness is enough to forgive all our sins and to separate us from what makes us stumble. His love is so great, along with his power over sin, that we don’t have to struggle to forgive people on our own.

How to Ask for God’s Help Forgiving Others

If we ask God for His help, and for His forgiveness to be front and center, our emotions don’t have as much control and we are able to move toward greater freedom from the pain in our relationships.

Praying about relationships is one of the best ways to get God involved when you’re working on forgiveness. Even if you struggle with belief in God, the act of prayer opens a lot of doors. If you struggle with prayer, asking someone to pray for you or to pray with you can have a big impact.

Talking to a pastor, priest, or other spiritual leader you trust can also help you work on forgiveness in a way that makes sense for your spiritual needs.

What if I Don’t Feel Like Forgiving?

Sometimes forgiveness can seem like it’s a cop-out, but there’s good news here. I realized some time ago that true forgiveness doesn’t mean I’m okay with being hurt. It doesn’t mean I have to like what was done, or even that I need to have warm feelings toward the person.

I just need to decide that I don’t need payback or revenge against that person in order to be fulfilled. True forgiveness is a way of letting go of that person’s power over me, and focusing my energy on relationships that are giving and nurturing.

Be patient with yourself as you learn to forgive others. It’s definitely a process and an ongoing decision we have to make (sometimes daily). If you’re not sure where to start, try saying something like this in prayer, or even just to yourself as you prepare for your day: I want to forgive this person, and I will try my best. I will ask for help with forgiveness when I need it. You may be surprised how much a mindset shift like that can help you forgive others who have caused you pain in difficult relationships.

If you’ve been making efforts like these for a while but feel overwhelmed by pain and still need help with forgiveness, you’re never alone. We are here to listen and offer advice when you need it, and you are in my prayers each and every day!

Are you having a problem forgiving yourself? Read this eye-opening guest blog from our friend, Amanda Turner here.

How Shame and Guilt Differ

There are times when I make mistakes in my relationships and think, I really should have listened more. I should have been there for that person. I need to remember next time to ask how they’re doing, instead of just launching into a story about my week.

But occasionally, my thoughts or actions toward someone will really throw me off. I’ll spend days thinking, how could I have done that to them? What kind of person am I? Will they ever forgive me? Is this even something I should be forgiven for?

When I feel guilty, I can see where I went wrong and be motivated to fix it. When I feel ashamed of myself, things turn inward. It’s not just that I made a mistake; it’s that I am a terrible person.

There are two powerful feelings at play here, and I need to know how to manage both with faith and kindness toward myself.

Know the Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Guilt and shame are two emotions that often show up together, but they affect us differently, and they require different responses of us.
Brene Brown, psychologist and author of Daring Greatly, explains it well:

“Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake.”

When you say or do something you regret, notice how you feel. Do you want to right the wrong? If your focus is on acknowledging and changing a behavior, you are responding to guilt. If you can’t get past how terrible you are for hurting someone, you are stuck in a shame loop.

No One is a Mistake

I know the feeling of being “beyond repair” when it comes to my flaws and shortcomings. But it’s just a feeling. However strong it seems at times, it isn’t the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter is, no one is a mistake.

Every one of us is made in the image of God, the Creator of the Universe. God has done a lot of things, but He has never made a mistake.

Not to mention that he can help me turn things around in my relationships. If it’s His power I’m relying on, I can change.

You may not feel like you can ever get it right with others on your own strength, and that may be true! But with the love and grace of God helping you, you can change and let go of whatever is holding you back, and whatever is weakening your relationships.

If you struggle with your feelings about God, or your belief in God, that’s okay. It doesn’t change the fact that He’s there for you, and wants to help you be freed from your shame. Something as simple as saying a prayer, or asking someone to pray for you, can turn things around in ways you never expected.

Shame Can Be Overcome

Along with striving to keep the faith, there are other things you can do to overcome shame:

Shift your focus: The next time you make a misstep in your relationship, take some time to process it. Ask yourself: what can I do to be a better friend for this person? Ask them the same question. Moving your focus off yourself and to your loved one will go a long way, because you’re no longer feeding shame and other self-focused emotions.

Ask for help: Letting people know that shame is a struggle for you is a great way to make sure you don’t get stuck in feelings of shame.

If you’re not comfortable talking to your friends and family yet, we have amazing mentors who are not afraid to talk about shame, and can help you make a plan to counter shaming thoughts with healthier thinking.

I’m glad you’re making an effort to work through your feelings of shame. Know you’re not alone and that we have all struggled with shame or guilt. The good news is, there is always hope!

Have you ever blown it so bad that you can't forgive yourself?  Read this guest blog by Amanda Turner. It will change the negative thoughts you're having on forgiving yourself.

Have you ever woken up and immediately felt irritable, anxious, or sad about the thought of going back to work or school. You’re not alone. I have definitely gone through seasons of my life where I was overwhelmed by stress.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way that help me get my peace of mind back when it gets stressful.

Starting Off With Gratitude

Gratitude is one of our most powerful weapons against stress, anxiety, and other things weighing on our mind. Mental health experts have found that a simple gratitude practice, like thinking of things you’re thankful for, or remembering 5 people you love, can change the way our brain is wired. Anxiety may always be a part of your life, but it has less power over you when you keep gratitude front-of-mind.

Prayer Helps Everyone

Prayer and meditating on God’s love for me is something that has helped me time and time again when I’ve felt stress creeping in. I try to start each day with some short prayers to thank God for another day of life, to ask for His help getting things done, and to ask for His protection as I go about my work.

If I am dealing with someone who has a difficult personality in the course of my work, that certainly doesn’t lower stress. But the more I pray for that person and for peace in that relationship, the less of a grip I find that it has on me.

Minimizing Caffeine

Many of us love nothing more than to start off the day with a delicious cup of coffee. But if you notice your physical anxiety symptoms are hard to control, your doctor or therapist may suggest scaling back on caffeine to see if that helps your body feel calmer.

If reducing caffeine intake doesn’t help, try some deep breathing exercises. If you’re experiencing such strong physical stress that it’s making you ill or unable to get things done, it’s time to talk to a physician to see if there is a medication or other treatment that may help.

Reaching Out for Support

I know work and school can get stressful. There are few things more draining than feeling stuck in a stressful situation you feel like you have to be in, especially if you have a mental health diagnosis like anxiety or depression. It can be hard to feel like anything is working, or that anyone truly understands what you’re going through. When I have those feelings, I know it’s a signal from my heart, mind, and spirit that I need to reach out to someone I trust for some guidance and support.

You may try talking to a friend or coworker you trust, or making an appointment for counseling. But if it seems like working itself prevents you from going to those appointments, you’re not out of options.

If you’ve tried everything and still feel overwhelmed, it doesn’t have to be that way. We are here to offer prayer support anytime. Our mentors can also provide a listening ear and help you develop stress management techniques that you can use to cope with stress.

Do you ever have panic attacks? Read my blog on what to do if you're having a panic attack here. 

I pray that you’re able to find some peace of mind soon. No matter what, I’m rooting for you!

If you have ever struggled with anxiety, you may have experienced a panic attack. These attacks can seem powerful and even out of control.  No doubt they can be scary to experience.  Psychology Today describes a panic attack as "an abrupt surge of intense fear or intense discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes. Its symptoms include sweating, palpitations (racing heart), shortness of breath, trembling, dizziness, tingling, chills, etc."

Panic attacks can be caused by many different things. Distressing memories, intense feelings or regrets. Stress or worry causes swirling, uncontrollable thoughts. Flashbacks associated with trauma. Nightmares. These are all very real issues that can bring on panic attacks.

While panic attacks are very real and incredibly uncomfortable (to say the least), I want to remind you that they are not harmful to your physical health and each attack will come to an end.

However, if you are looking for a way to help cope with panic attacks and alleviate some of the extreme feelings, grounding techniques have proven effective for many people.

How to Ground Yourself During a Panic Attack

What is Grounding?

Grounding exercises bring your attention back to the present by connecting you with the physical world around you and causing you to focus on something you can touch, hear, smell, taste or see.

Since grounding can involve any of your five senses, the options of how to ground yourself are endless and you may need to experiment with different suggestions to see what works for you. Our basic human senses remind us that we are here, and that we are safe.  You will need to discover what works best to bring you back to the present and allows you to calm down. There is no right or wrong method. It’s all about what connects you.

So, I want to provide you with a list of ideas to get you started.

I heard from a lot of people to come up with this list and I must say it’s as diverse as those who contributed. Sometimes two ideas even directly contradict each other which just goes to show that grounding is customizable to YOU.  The common denominator is that grounding involves using one of your senses to connect you back to the present and pull your panic into check.

Pick a couple of ideas from this list that you may be comfortable trying and write them down. Having a variety of options may be useful.

As you practice any of these it is important to really think about how what you are doing feels, tastes, smells, sounds or looks like. Pay attention to every detail and describe it.

Grounding Techniques that use Touch

1. Run cold water over your hands, between your fingers, over the backs, cup the water, etc.

2. Rub a cotton ball between your thumb and finger. What sensation do you get? Rub it on your face or arm. How does it feel now?

3. Stand barefoot in the grass/dirt/carpet. Pay attention to how the ground feels beneath your toes.

4. Rub your hands over your legs where you are sitting…back and forth. What do your pants feel like? How does it feel to your hands? Your legs?

5. Wrap yourself in a soft plush blanket and feel the warmth and softness around you.

6. Hold ice packs in your hands touch them to your neck or arms.

7. Run beads/sand/flour through your hands. Touch something with an interesting texture…. feathers, sandpaper, stones.

8. Wear an elastic band on your wrist and flick it gently to you can feel it.

Grounding Techniques that use Sight

9. Pick an interesting object in your field of vision and trace its outline with your eyes.

10. Put ice in hot water and watch how it changes shape as it melts.

11. Look for every object that is blue…every object that is yellow…etc.

Grounding Techniques that use Sound

12. Go outside and describe the sounds that you hear…cars, traffic, birds, bugs, wind, etc.

13. Play calming nature sounds…waves, night sounds, trees gently blowing, etc.

14. Play music…some people find pump-up, rockin’ music grounds them. Others want calming tunes. Really give the music all your attention.

Grounding Techniques that use Smell and Taste

15. Hold a mug of hot tea, coffee, or chocolate. Feel its warmth, smell the flavor, and take small sips and feel the heat and taste the warmth.

16. Suck on a sour candy or peppermint. Think about the flavor and describe it.

17. Smell essential oils such as lavender. Concentrate on the scent.

Grounding Techniques that require Action

18. Take a walk around and think about each step you take.

19. If you have plants, tend to them. Soil can be an actual “grounder.”

20. Color in an adult coloring book.

21. Clap your hands together. Listen to the sound, and feel the sensation.

22. 5-4-3-2-1. Think about:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 Things you can touch
• 3 Things you can hear
• 2 Things you can smell
• 1 Emotion you can feel

23. Write messages on sticky notes such as “I’m O.K.” or “I’ll get through this.”

24. Breathe deeply by taking a slow, deep breath in through your nose moving it all the way into your lower abdomen and then releasing the breath through your mouth. Count as you do this. In 3 out 3 or in 5 out 5, etc.

25. Progressive Muscle Relaxation - It works like this:

• Focus on your left hand, notice how it feels before doing anything.
• Slowly inhale while you clench your left fist into a ball and squeeze the muscles in your hand and feel the tension. Do this for about 5 seconds (really feel the tension, but it shouldn't hurt).
• Exhale while releasing the tension in your left hand and feel the muscles relax.
• Relax for about 15 seconds.
• Move on to your right hand and repeat the process. You can continue to do this as many times as needed with different muscle groups. For example, tense your neck and shoulders by raising your shoulders to your ears for 5 seconds and then completely release your shoulders.  You can tense your eyes by clenching your eyelids shut for 5 seconds and then completely relaxing your eyelids and eyebrows.

Prayer As a Grounding Technique

Prayer is an amazing tool to combat anxiety. Prayer can be similar to meditation. To meditate, you get in a quiet place, find a place of stillness, and focus on one word or one thought, allowing the rest of your thoughts to fade away. It’s taking the focus off everything else, so you can quiet your mind and body. It’s the same when you pray. You are getting in a quiet place, finding stillness, focusing on God and what you are praying to Him about. You are shifting your awareness from your anxiety to God, which calms your nerves and reduces stress. When you pray, you are taking your focus away from your problems and putting your focus on the problem solver.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I believe God told us that in the Bible because He knows we are going to worry, but yet he tells us to bring it all to him.  The Bible also says, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.” What a promise! By focusing our thoughts on God, which we do through prayer, we will have the peace of God. 
If you've never prayed before, that's O.K. - you can read more about prayer here - How to Pray.

Grounding Tool Kit

Once you figure out what works for you, be prepared to use your grounding techniques when the need arises.  You might even consider collecting any “props” that you may need in a box somewhere that is handy to retrieve when you need them. Likewise having a playlist ready to go is a smart idea as well.