She Has Been Thinking About Suicide

She has a plan to drive her car off of a really high bridge. It’s always serious when someone says, “I’m suicidal,” and I take it as very serious. If they have a plan, it’s serious on steroids. I asked Britney why she wants to. She said, “Because I don’t feel like I have anything going in my life. My life has revolved around taking care of my family and friends.”

Driving off the bridge is not the answer. Suicide is way too medicine for the sickness. Last weekend, her mom overdosed on her pills and she wasn’t sure if it was an accident or not. Britney constantly worries about her mom. Britney was put in foster care growing up and also had to take care of her grandmother, who had cancer.  She wonders, “What’s the point?”

She no doubt was asked to do something she was way too young for – something that was too demanding for her age and emotional needs.  Here she was, a foster child (which has its own issues), taking care of her dying grandmother.  It was all too much for her.

She sounds emotionally exhausted.  She didn’t say it, but her mother’s overdose probably makes her wonder if she’s going to have to go through the hurt again of taking care of someone who is dying, and who will leave her.  As the old song goes, “Alone Again, Naturally.”

Peer to Peer: Messages of Hope for Britney 

As I talked with Britney on my show, I realized that some of the most invaluable advice and encouragement could come from others who had been in her shoes. She needed some real uplifting and as we opened up the phone lines asking for people to give her message of hope…the calls came flooding in. Here are a few of those calls, from Katelyn, Brad, Caleb, and Lauren. These people were right on with their messages of hope and their encouragement!

Keep Going, Suicide Is Not the Answer

Katelyn says to Britney, “Keep going, suicide is not the answer. I’ve been in your shoes to the point where I didn’t want to be there anymore. And you just need to pray, be strong, and hold your head up. Even though you’re going through a rough patch right now, just know that God is handling it. God is watching over you. Look up to Him and pray to God. You are a strong beautiful person.

There is no reason you should end your life because God has a plan for you.”

Katelyn gave Britney Firsthand Experience

Katelyn was kind but direct.  She spoke of firsthand experience.  She, too, had thought about killing herself.  People who have been suicidal and have come through the other side can be extremely helpful.

Some people are afraid to talk with a suicidal person about their issues, thinking about what they say will push them off the ledge, but that’s not true.  Talking with someone openly about suicide can only help, as long as it is respectful, kind, and without any baiting.  For example, “You’ll never kill yourself.  You’re too stupid to do it.”  That’s baiting.  And it’s very dangerous.  But Katelyn didn’t do that.  She spoke openly about the issues and was extremely respectful.

Katelyn was also hopeful.  And her hopefulness had been impacted by her faith in God.  When you bring God into the equation, you also bring hope because whatever is troubling someone who is suicidal can be solved by God.

You are Worth More than Driving Your Car off a Bridge

Here’s Brad’s advice for Britney. “I’ve been in your shoes before, I know exactly what you’re going through. I have felt the world against my shoulders, felt the world was crashing down around me and there was nowhere to turn…except to end it all. I had a plan myself. I started to do the plan and then one of my friends called me. I just happened to pick up, completely in tears, completely upset, feeling I wasn’t loved, that there was no there just to say, “Hey, I got you. I got your back. I’m always here if you need something.” It’s all sort of unexplained mysterious work at hand just to let you know that you are worth more than driving your car off a bridge. Your self-worth and the worth of everybody around you and around the world that’s listening right now. The fact the whole world is blowing up to let you know, girl, you got this. You can beat this, you are loved by millions of people. You’ve called in to talk with Dawson, you’ve called in and are listening to all of us. Just to talk to you and we are here to say we know where you are coming from. I get it. I understand. I’m here if you need me. I’m here if you need anything at all.”

Brad’s Advice offered Hope

Brad, too, offered tremendous hope to Britney.  He said the very fact that she had called the show was a sign of hope.  He’s right. 

Some people are so depressed they don’t have the emotional strength to call.  She did.  She was serious, and she was getting the answers she was looking for.

He also talked about the millions of people who were hearing her plea for help.  And those million were all pulling for her. Always remember what people want most is hope.  If you will sincerely offer it to them, you are giving them an amazing gift.

You are Here for a Reason

Caleb said to Britney, “You called Dawson for a reason. God sent you to Dawson for a reason, so you could call him. That way God can speak to you through someone else to help you not do what you are trying to do right now. There have been many people in your shoes. I have been in your shoes just recently. I wanted to drive my car at 110 mph into a tree. But Dawson came on and spoke words to me that I’ve never heard before and I listened to his show for 8 years. I had friend’s blowing up my phone, they all tell me there’s a reason I’m here. God didn’t put you down here for no reason. Nobody is down here on this Earth for no reason.

We all make a difference, whether it be now, in the past, or in the future. You could wake up tomorrow and then something new sparks up and you’ve just changed the whole world. You never know.”

Caleb said Something Powerful

Caleb had something really powerful to say – he said, “You’re not down here for no reason.”  He was saying don’t blow the opportunity God has given you.  It may be dark today, but that could all change tomorrow.

There’s so Much You Haven’t Experienced Yet

Lauren says to Britney, “Life gets really really hard sometimes and it feels like you’re at your breaking point. I suffer with depression. I’ve been through a lot of things and been suicidal.  You’re so young and there’s so much you haven’t experienced.

There’s so much in the world to see. And you’re worth so much more than driving your car off a bridge.”

You are worth so much more!

Lauren, another caller, piggy-backed on what Caleb was saying.  She said, “You’re so young, and there’s so much in the world you haven’t experienced, and there’s so much in the world to see.  And you’re worth so much more than driving your car off a bridge.” Amen Lauren!

What advice would you give Britney?

Britney said the advice was amazing! After hearing the messages of hope, she said, “I’m not going to give up!” If you have advice for Britney, would you type it in the comments below! You never know when Britney or someone else struggling with suicidal thoughts might read it, be encouraged and find hope.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Have you been having thoughts of suicide or know someone who’s there right now? It’s incredible, the difference we can make in someone’s life by speaking love and encouragement to them. What I loved about each of those that gave messages of hope for Britney, was that is they could relate to what she was feeling. Each one of them had felt like giving up at some point in their life.

They told Britney, they’d been there, feeling like she does, and she didn’t have to be in that place alone.

I love what Caleb told Britney, “God didn’t put you down here for no reason.” God has an amazing plan for each one of us. Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Let God be your hope. He alone is our hope and our refuge. As the Psalmist David wrote, “We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.” (Psalm 33:20-22)

Resources for help with Suicide:

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

• Here are our: Suicide Prevention Resources
• Check out my eBook: Understanding Suicide.
• Check out: Verses of Hope for Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts.
• Check out my blogs: Why Say No to Suicide?, To Those Who Feel Worthless, and How Can I Find Hope?.
• Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,
My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

It’s never easy to cope with job loss – and it’s even harder if you’ve been fired or laid off unexpectedly. Most people experience grief after losing a job, just as they would after any other significant loss.

It can be jarring to feel the intense, negative emotions that come with unemployment. But there’s no need to feel guilty for being sad, angry, or anxious about the future. You’re not alone in your feelings or your circumstances.

The important thing is to have a plan for dealing with your feelings in a healthy way so that you can move forward to the next opportunity.

Take a Break

In the days right after losing your job, it may be tempting to exhaust yourself with job searching. You may also feel immobilized by depression and anxiety.

It’s important to take a break to lower your stress level. Make time to rest, hydrate, and eat well so that you can keep your focus sharp and your energy up as you get ready for your next steps.

Don’t forget to stay active in things you enjoy. Getting exercise and keeping engaged in your favorite hobbies are simple, effective ways to decrease anxiety. The endorphin boost makes it easier to maintain a positive attitude.

Find an Outlet

Often, one of the most upsetting things about losing your job is losing your peer group at work. But the good news is, they weren’t your only outlet. When facing unemployment, you can reach out to family, friends, or a mentor you can trust. Having someone to talk to is a great way to process your feelings and makes it easier to maintain a positive perspective. 

Make a Plan

You’ll need time to adjust, but making a plan for moving forward ensures you don’t stay stuck. Career experts suggest:
Make time: Set aside time to job search (and separate time for other important things in your life). Schedule your job search as you would your work.

Join a Job Club: Job clubs and career centers are a great place to update your resume and cover letter, refine your job search techniques, and perfect your interviewing skills.

Network: Connecting with others is a great way to find your next job opportunity. To make it easier, you can attend networking events with friends.

Keep the Faith

Things can seem bleak after losing your job, But there’s always hope. God will never abandon you and he rewards faith during difficult times.

“Now faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see. . .  Anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:1, 6

If you have an existing mental illness, the sudden changes that happen when you lose your job makes things even more difficult. It’s always important to avoid places and situations that could trigger addictive or harmful behaviors, but it’s good to be especially careful during this time.

When keeping the faith gets hard, don’t give into despair. TheHopeLine is here to help We can help you talk things through and plan for your success. Are you ready for a new beginning?

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

If you’re in addiction recovery, you’re probably haunted by one question over and over: will I relapse again?

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to staying clean, but there are some things recovery experts recommend that could go a long way toward helping you avoid a further relapse into addictive behavior.

Know Your Triggers

“Relapse triggers” are any of a number of emotions, behaviors, or situations that are likely to put you at high risk of relapse.

Many triggers are connected to strong physical and emotional sensations. When you’re hungry or tired, you’re more likely to turn to addictive substances or behaviors to soothe those feelings. Healthy self-care (remembering to eat, hydrate, and rest) is key to recovery without relapse.

Although anger, stress, depression, or anxiety can feel overwhelming, negative emotions are a part of everyday life. Learning how to manage them with healthy coping techniques like therapy, mentorship, or the help of a support group (rather than turning to addictive behavior to numb them) can help you avoid relapsing.

This is particularly important if you have a preexisting physical or mental illness. Mental health diagnoses can make it more difficult to identify healthy coping mechanisms without help from a trained professional. But working with a mentor or therapist equips you with a plan unique to your needs, your goals, and your strengths.

Be Mindful of Places and People

As you grow in your recovery, more positive emotions will surface. You may even feel ready for life to “get back to normal”. But be very careful when it comes to choosing where and with whom you spend your time.

Experts recommend avoiding the people with whom you engaged in addictive behavior in the past. If you need help building new relationships, find a local support group or recovery meeting.

Spend time in places where there is little-to-no temptation to engage in your addictive behavior. For example, if you have an alcohol addiction, avoid bars and nightclubs. Try your favorite park, cafe, or museum instead.

It’s a good idea to avoid romantic or sexual relationships within the first year of your recovery. Sudden, heightened emotions – even positive ones – can trigger a relapse.

If you’re in a long-term relationship before beginning your recovery, make sure your partner is also willing to stay clean and sober. Whether or not they have an addiction, encourage them to come to recovery meetings with you. Make sure you communicate regularly about the support you need from them, and be sure to show appreciation for their support.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who will promote, encourage, and prolong your recovery. Because they help you avoid social isolation, healthy, loving friendships and family relationships make relapse less likely.

Something to Celebrate

When you’re in recovery, every day clean and sober is a victory. But how do you celebrate without putting your sobriety in danger?

Be encouraged by the words of the Apostle Paul:
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” — Romans 12:3, NIV

Do your best to temper overconfidence with a realistic, healthy view of your struggles and limitations. This will help you be more mindful of your relapse triggers, more likely to share them with people you trust, and more likely to avoid them in the future.

While you certainly shouldn’t despair if you stumble during your recovery, it’s important to strike a balance. Ask for help when you’re struggling, rejoice when you succeed. Strengthening your faith and recommitting to prayer helps you avoid unhealthy extremes, like thinking you’re invincible during your recovery or reminiscing about “the good old days” in a way that minimizes the pain of your addiction. This sober mindset means you run less risk of hurting yourself or people you love further by relapsing into addictive behavior.

Getting support, avoiding isolation, and facing your feelings in a healthy way will empower you to better avoid relapse as you take charge of your recovery journey.

Celebrate your victories, no matter how small, with gratitude and humility. Give thanks in prayer each day. Let the people who love you know how important they are to your healing and wholeness. Pour your favorite tea, go for an afternoon walk, or sit down with your favorite movie. There are plenty of ways to celebrate while keeping yourself sober and safe.

Have a Plan

Knowing what triggers your addictive behavior can certainly help you avoid a relapse, but that's not enough. you need a plan that includes:

• How you will replace unhealthy or addictive behaviors with healthy ones
• New places to go (and people to spend time with) that don't tempt you toward addictive behavior

Get Support

Recovery from addiction is never impossible but getting and staying clean is a lot more attainable with the right support.
In fact, addiction research shows that treatment programs can help prevent relapses and decrease relapse rates, particularly if the entire treatment program is completed.

Whether it’s getting help through TheHopeLine, your faith community, a recovery meeting, or a close friend or family member, you can free yourself from past addiction and avoid future relapses.

We support people at every stage of addiction recovery. We can help you heal from addiction — starting now.

How to Support a Friend with Depression

I love my friends and family. I don’t want any of them to struggle, suffer, or feel pain, especially not when I feel like I might be able to help.

If you love someone who has a depression diagnosis, it can be difficult to know what to do. After all, you can’t fix their brain chemistry, give them more energy, or change any difficult circumstances in their life.

But don’t despair. There are a lot of ways you can help.

Listen

Listening is crucial for the success of any friendship or relationship, but it’s especially powerful for your friend with depression to know they’re heard. It helps counter their feelings of isolation and reminds them that they are indeed worthy of your time and attention.

Affirm

People with depression have often told me that one of the most frustrating things they experience is feeling like it’s “all in their head”, or that they’re just being “too emotional” and overdramatic. That's why depression and insecurity go hand in hand for many people. Affirming that you understand why something is sad or frustrating goes a long way toward helping your friend feel more grounded – and less alone.

Encourage

When everything feels hopeless, knowing someone is in your corner can go a long way. As you talk to your friend, you might learn about specific things that make their depression more difficult. For example, perhaps they feel guilty for not getting everything done on their to-do list because they had a hard time getting out of bed.

You could encourage them by letting them know that you understand how hard it can be for them to get going. Let them know you're proud of them for all they’ve accomplished so far.

Celebrate whatever victories you can along the way, however small they may seem on the surface.

Learn

There are tons of resources out there to help you learn about depression and other mental illness. Doing some research can empower you to be able to better support people in your life with depression. Maybe you and your friend can even learn together by listening to a podcast or reading through a book.

Share Quality Time

Meet for tea or coffee. Watch their favorite movie. Share a meal together. Sure, you can talk about how they’re feeling. But don’t make every conversation about their diagnosis. Remember to laugh and have fun along the way. If possible, silence your phone so you can focus on your friend. Being present can increase their sense of connection with you, which may help to alleviate some of their sadness or loneliness.

Check-In

Text or call now and then just to see how they’re doing. It’s a simple way to brighten someone’s day and let them know they matter.

Pray

You can pray for your loved one with depression anytime. If prayer is part of your daily routine, put them on your prayer list. Ask them if they need more specific prayer. Next time you read an encouraging or uplifting verse, share it with your friend. There are lots of Bible verses to read when feeling hopeless to remind them of God’s love and care for their heart and their circumstances.

Find Out More

You probably already do a lot of these things for your friends and loved ones. Keep it up! Even choosing one or two of them to do with intention whenever you see your friend will make a big difference.

It can seem overwhelming when you friend, loved one, or family member has depression. If you need help along the way, we offer mental health resources, prayer, and mentorship. All you have to do is reach out.

Life can be difficult and saddening. Whether you’re grieving, dealing with a tough relationship, or just feel like you have the blues, it’s easy to feel weighed down. I can remember many times when I felt isolated, ashamed, or lonely and had a tough time tracing it back to a specific cause.

Sometimes that feeling of heaviness can last for a while. But how do you know if you’re just having a bad week, or if there’s something more going on? What shifts our mental state from “feeling blue” to a depression diagnosis?

What are Your Symptoms?

First, it’s a good idea to know some specific clinical depression symptoms so you can be more aware of when you’re experiencing them.

• Feeling sad, weepy, or empty (and often unable to explain it)
• Significant weight loss or gain within the last month that seems unconnected to dieting
• Insomnia or sleeping too much
• Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide
• Plans of suicide
• Losing interest in or not enjoying your favorite activities
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Feeling guilty without reason
• Feeling worthless

Along with showing specific symptoms like these, people with diagnosed clinical depression experience them regardless of circumstances in their life.

If your symptoms are so strong that they negatively impact your life (your grades, your work performance, or your ability to get out of bed or get moving in the morning), it’s definitely time to seek help.

Another way to recognize that yours are depressive symptoms is knowing how often they occur, and how long they last.

If you’ve been experiencing 5 or more of these symptoms almost every day for 2 or more weeks, it may be time to visit a doctor for a mental health screening. Depending on your diagnosis and the severity of your symptoms, any of several solutions might be recommended.

What are Your Options?

Talk Therapy: Discussing depression with a mentor, therapist or other mental health professional is a great way to understand why you feel the way you do and to make a plan for managing difficult thoughts and feelings.

Medication: Medication can help manage the physical side effects of depression and other mental illnesses. If you’re prescribed medication, it’s important to take it exactly as directed and not start (or stop) without a doctor’s supervision.

Nutrition and Exercise Plan: Sometimes what we eat, and drink can affect our energy levels, which might impact depression symptoms. Your doctor or nutritionist can help you plan meals and snacks that work best for you.

Prayer: Faith is a great way to remain strong and hopeful when struggling with depression.

What’s the Next Step?

While everyone’s experience of depression is a little different, there’s always hope. You don’t have to receive a formal diagnosis to get support when feeling isolated, lonely, or sad.

Understanding depression is tough. But managing it (and living a healthy, happy life) is possible. Especially with people in your corner. We are here to support you, pray for you, and cheer you on every day. You can reach out; we’ll be here as soon as you do.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Giving Thanks Increases Happiness

Let’s be honest. Sometimes life is really hard. We feel broken, lonely, shamed, hopeless. It’s hard to find the positive in anything. And why should we even bother to try? Everything is just messed up. But what if we made a point to find SOMETHING to be happy for. What would happen to us?

Trust me, I’ve had my share of trials. Did you know I have a son who was in a car accident in his early twenties and now lives in a nursing home because he had a traumatic brain injury? It’s sometimes hard to “look on the bright side.” I get it.

But here’s something to consider, research has proven that intentionally giving thanks for things in your life, even in the tough times, increases your happiness by twenty-five percent! Now tell me, who doesn’t want to be twenty-five percent happier?

Research Proves You Can Be 25% Happier

In a study done by Emmons and McCullough, they asked some of the participants to maintain a journal recording things for which they were grateful and a separate group of participants to record things they found annoying. When the results came back they found that participants in the group monitoring things for which they were grateful had significantly higher levels of well-being than the others. It turns out that practicing gratitude increases happiness, optimism, and satisfaction with your life by approximately 25%.

It makes sense. Whatever you wire your brain to focus on is going to directly impact how you feel. Emmons says. "When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you get angrier; when you express gratitude, you become more grateful."

Practicing Gratitude

So how do you go about “practicing gratitude”? It could be as simple as making a point every day to stop and find at least one thing to be thankful for. And don’t convince yourself there isn’t even one thing to be thankful for because there always is. If you are choosing to not find even one thing, then you are essentially choosing unhappiness. That is your choice. But if you want to try to find happiness look around you.

Perhaps the thing you are thankful for is as simple as…

• My favorite comfy sweats
• That person who held the door for me when I was shopping
• The warm shining sun
• Singing with the radio
• TheHopeLine

Here were some things I found to be thankful for in the midst of my heartache for my son.

• He receives great care and is loved by many
• We can still share a laugh together
• He often gives me a big thumbs up
• I am still able to host my radio show which I love
• And my list could go on…

These are a start. A start to training your brain to look for something good. I know it doesn’t make the bad go away, but your attitude will start to shift.

You can also practice gratitude by keeping a journal and documenting things to be thankful for. This is a great tool to go back and read when you are feeling down.

Further Research: Helping Others Increases Morale

The study also found that grateful people stop focusing so much on their pain and problems, and rather start to see how they can help others in distress. It is a great morale booster to take your eyes off your own problems and focus on helping others.

If you need some help to get started with how to give back, we’ve come up with a list of our Top 10 Ways to give back. Click here to view the list.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). God knew that life on earth wasn’t going to always be easy once sin came into the world, but he also knew long ago, what researchers have just recently proven…that if we continually give thanks through it all, we will make it through the tough times and find happiness.

What can it hurt? Give it a try. Give thanks!

There Is Hope for Depression

Overwhelmed and Depressed 

Have you noticed there are many people who struggle with deep emotional issues? They are often sad and miserable and can stay that way for months, even years. These people are depressed. Depression is described as a prolonged unexplained sadness which affects everyday life.

If you are depressed, you may feel trapped beneath emotions of overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. Maybe you lack the motivation, energy, and strength to face life’s many challenges. The good news is there are many people who have won this debilitating emotional battle.

Join me as I talk with Samantha, Melissa, and Cody each who are in some way seeking to cope with their depression. I’ll also speak with Dustin who is creatively reaching out to people he knows are depressed.

Emotionally Exhausted

Samantha is 17 and just transferred to a new school. She knows a few people but can’t play sports and feels she can’t be herself. She just reunited with her real dad and her stepfather doesn’t know.

Most who are depressed are carrying too heavy of a load and over time become increasingly drained and weary. Because they are downhearted, it is difficult for them to identify what’s depleting their emotions. It’s like their emotional batteries are slowly but surely being drained.

Samantha has big issues draining life from her. She needs to identify and prioritize big things that are pulling her down. For example:

• She transferred to a new high school. That would be a big adjustment for anyone, let alone someone at 17 and in their senior year.
• She loves sports but can’t play them this year because she changed schools.
• Changing schools would be more than enough but there’s more going on in her life. She just reunited with her birth dad and her stepfather doesn’t know a thing about it.
• To make matters more complicated, she doesn’t get along with her stepfather. In fact, they hardly ever speak.
• She feels it’s her against the whole family.

Samantha has been hit with a double whammy, a lot of stress at her new school, and family pressures at home. No one should have to face that kind of exhausting stress. Is it any wonder she’s depressed? Samantha needs to turn to God like she never has before.

Only He can give her the energy she needs to face her challenges. My prayer for her is as she reaches out for help, God will replenish all she has lost and more. He said in Jeremiah 31:25: “For I will refresh the weary soul and replenish all who are weak."

Depression Setbacks, Don't Give Up

Melissa’s been dealing with depression for about 7 to 8 years now. She was getting better but now is going downhill, since her therapist was murdered.

In any situation, where a person needs to change, there will be setbacks and even major roadblocks. In Melissa’s case, she was starting to make progress. Her counselor was truly helping her but then shockingly, was murdered. Now, Melissa wants to give up and throw the progress she has made away. Melissa should ask herself what would her therapist, if he were alive today, advise her to do? No doubt would say, “Hang in there, don’t give up. If you were making progress before, you can make it again.”

It’s God, who can reach down in Melissa’s life and give her the strength to seek help once again. The Bible says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b My prayer for Melissa is although there have been tears, even weeping, joy will come into her life, the kind of joy only God can give.

Worthless, Rejected and Depressed

Cody says he does alright fight the depression back for a little while, but it always comes back. He’s felt a lot of rejection in his life.  He first was rejected when he was 8 and his mom left him with his aunt. He doesn’t want to keep fighting and keep trying to prove he’s worth something to somebody. He’s tried to kill himself before, but his sister kept him from it 2 or 3 times.

As in Cody’s case, sometimes you get to the point, where you just have to hang on. You tell yourself, I’m not going to quit, no matter how hard it is.

Cody needs to give himself a break. He has a core belief that he’s worthless. He’s been blaming himself for this depression since he was a child. His mother, in her own dysfunction, helped drive that lies deeper into Cody’s heart by abandoning him when he was but 8 years old.

Feels Like He Doesn't Belong

Now, after all this time, Cody feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere. Add to that heartbreaking issue, Cody also has financial problems which seem more than he can bear. He feels like a broken man and will need every bit of courage to overcome what has been pounded into him.

He already tried to kill himself and has thought about it a lot. Suicide is not the answer. Instead, may he find the victory over the dark clouds and may God touch his life and heal him.

King David cried out to God at moments of despair. He said, “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.” (Psalm 69:1-3) “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

There is hope! If you are depressed, there are people God has put around you who will help you!

Letters Helped Others with Depression

I got the chance to talk to an amazing, inspirational guy, Dustin. Dustin’s friend lost her brother in a car accident, so Dustin wrote her what he calls, “feel better” letters. When she got depressed, she could read one of the letters and feel better. Dustin has now written over 100 encouragement letters for others dealing with depression.

Dustin has his own struggles. He’s been homebound for 6 years because he has Ehlers–Danlos Syndrome where the collagen breaks down in the body and the joints won’t hold together anymore. Instead of being bitter towards God about his own struggles, he’s reaching out to others. What a powerful example he is. People who are depressed and reach out to help others find a whole new energy.

Did Today’s Episode on Depression Get You Thinking?

Jesus Christ said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28)

I have to say it again. If you are depressed, there is hope!!! God is near to those who are crushed in spirit. He wants to heal your emotions. God wants to help you and He has put people around you to help you. Ask the Lord for help and strength and then look around and see who God has put in your life to help you. Also, check out our many resources for help with depression.

Resources for Help with Depression:

• Check out my eBook: Understanding Depression.
• Check out: Verses of Hope When Struggling with Depression.
• Check out my blogs: Feelings of Depression, To Those Who Feel Worthless, and How Can I Find Hope?.
• Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Are You Trapped in a Cycle of Emotional Abuse from Parents?

Overwhelmed by the Verbal Abuse

The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Trying to Avoid the Conflict with Parents

Lance’s parents get angry at him for stupid reasons. They call him names and he says, “It’s getting stupid.” Lance gets so stressed by his parent’s abuse, he forgets his responsibilities and messes up even more.

Like Lance, most victims of verbal abuse feel put down, afraid, hurt, angry, confused, and helpless to do anything about the situation. In this case, Lance tried to get away from the abuse by hiding in his room, trying to avoid the conflict.

The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. The Bible does not mince words when talking about a destructive tongue. It says, “The tongue is a fire. It is full of wrong. It poisons the whole body. The tongue sets our whole lives on fire with a fire that comes from hell.” James 3:6 In spite of this graphic description, the verbal abuser seldom understands or cares about the havoc he or she is causing. Most are full of rage and have no idea the damage being done.

Lance is afraid of his parents. They use vicious words to control and hurt him. Lance is stressed at what his parents are doing which causes him to forget what they are trying to say. It’s a vicious cycle. They verbally abuse him, he stresses out and forgets what they require of him, so they abuse him more. Then he forgets again, they get angrier and lash out.

Minimizing the Emotional Abuse

On one hand, Lance understands they hurt him, on the other hand he minimizes what they are doing to him. I challenged him to get out of the house and he responded by saying, “Their good parents besides that.” Just because they are good parents the rest of the time, doesn’t change the fact that their verbal abuse is horrific and causing incredible damage. It’s like someone who has been beaten within an inch of death to say of his attacker, “It’s okay that he almost killed me because most of the time he’s really nice.”

Lance doesn’t have an advocate or someone to help him with his problems. His abusive parents have beaten him down and he doesn’t know what to do but just knowing someone cares will help him tremendously with his tragic situation.

A Father Full of Rage and Verbal Abuse

Sarah is in a very difficult situation. She and her sister are in the car, with their father for 10 minutes, twice a day, to and from school. Their father is extremely angry. He’s full of rage because of the divorce and who knows what else. Attacking the girls verbally is irrational but in some ways it must make him feel better, even though he’s doing great harm to his victims.

The wise King Solomon has given incredible advice to someone who is forced to be around another one full of rage. Solomon’s advice is to go soft and quiet when an angry person acts out. He said in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

When Sarah becomes gentle and humble with her words, she can help soften her father’s harsh and angry words by not letting him get her upset. After a while, the father will run out of things to say. He will see love and wisdom demonstrated during their drives to and from school. God’s love is powerful. It can do some amazing things, even turn Sarah’s father into a changed man.

We all ought to pray for Sarah because she needs tremendous patience. With it her soft approach will help change her father’s attitude. Solomon wrote, “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15

Stuck in an Awful Predicament of Abuse

Tameka’s father has been emotionally and verbally abusing her for 6 years. He calls her names and puts her down every day. Tameka feels she can’t take it anymore and is starting to break down.

Tameka is stuck and needs help to find a much better situation. She needs to get away from her abusive father. The Bible tells us about King Saul, who was David’s mentor but also his authority figure. Saul had the right to put David to death and anyone else under his dominion. Saul fell away from God and was determined to kill David because he was jealous and hateful towards him.

David had to go to someone who could protect him and that someone was a man called Samuel. Samuel was a powerful man. He was both a prophet and judge over all of Israel. The Bible goes onto to say, “When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there.” 1 Samuel 19:18

Tameka, like David, is under the authority of her father. Before attempting to leave her horribly abusive situation, she needs to hook up with safe people who will protect her. She definitely needs our prayers for strength and courage as she reaches out to others.

Let us all pray, God will change Tameka’s father, so he will turn from his vicious ways. The Bible says, “A worthless man digs up evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27 May God stop him in his tracks, may he turn to Christ to forgive him and find a whole new life of love and support.

Did Today’s Episode on Abuse Get You Thinking?

Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support that will help them heal. If you have been verbally abused, I want to encourage you to go to a place called TheHopeLine Prayer page. There you will find encouragement and prayer that will start you down the road of healing. Our hearts are with you. God says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” Psalm 102:17

Resources for help with EMOTIONAL and VERBAL Abuse:

• Check out my eBooks: Understanding Hope, and Understanding Forgiveness, and Understanding Self-Worth.
• Check out my blogs: Hope for the Abused, What is Verbal/Emotional Abuse?, and What is Abuse?
• Check out this story of hope: I Hated My Life…Your Show Saved me!
• Need to talk about verbal abuse in your life? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on depression. In this episode, I speak with Samantha who finds herself emotionally exhausted. I also get a chance to talk with Melissa, facing a serious setback after her counselor is murdered. Then, I realize that Cody has a core belief, he’s worthless. Lastly, Dustin shares how even though he’s got some debilitating health issues, he’s reaching out to people who are depressed and encouraging them. From this episode, I hope you gain encouragement and are able to get help by learning from other’s experiences.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
- Dawson

Feeling Alone can be Overwhelming

Loneliness can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Girls Don’t Seem to Like Her

Amy wishes she had girlfriends to go out and have fun with. When she’s not with her boyfriend, she’s at home by herself. She says, girls don’t seem to like her. Amy is asking the question, why? Why does she lack meaningful relationships, especially with other girls?

It’s a challenge to maintain long-term relationships. We live hurried, busy lives and don’t always take the time to develop them.

We get prideful and don’t want to appear like we need others. Sometimes we don’t know how to find and keep deeper relationships. Or it’s easy to take offense or decide we are better off without people in our lives.

Afraid to Reach Out

Many times, when we ask, why am I lonely? We already know what the answer is. The challenge is it’s too emotionally risky to solve the problem. Most people know what to do, they just don’t know how to do it or they are not willing to pay the price to remedy the problem. What are some reasons people are afraid to reach out?

• Pride – Amy doesn’t want to look like she’s trying too hard to make friends.
• Fear of rejection – you have to put yourself out there and you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.
• Confused about how many friends you really need. Amy is thinking about a lot of friends but one friend at this point is really all she needs. Most people only have 2 or 3 really close friends anyway.
• It’s hard when you’re lonely to think that other people around you are lonely too. Some camouflage their needs really well. It’s not like they have a sign on their forward that says, “Talk to me I’m lonely.”
• Some people don’t understand there are sacrifices to developing new relationships. Amy may have to cut back on her time with her boyfriend to take the time to make friends with other girls. It’s worth it but it’s not easy.

Show Yourself Friendly

Amy needs to put aside her pride and be willing to make the first move toward gaining a friend. She needs to begin to show herself friendly. She can’t just wait for friends to come to her. This means she has to set aside time to get to know other people. She’s going to have to get out of her comfort zone and do activities with people other than her boyfriend. Amy has the tools to do this and with God’s help she can.

Grief and Loneliness 

Tim was an only child and both of his parents died. He said they were very poor but he never lacked for food or clothes, his parents took good care of him. It’s been 5 years since they died. Tim works in the oil field and makes good money but the girls he’s dated think he’s gullible and lonely.

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies. Sometimes through no fault of their own, the very people who would help fill the gap of aloneness are snatched from them. Grief and loneliness can come hand in hand.

Tim has really been through it…losing both parents can be devastating. Ye he’s the only one who can make the changes in his life that will help develop deep, important, and potentially long-term relationships with others.

Tim, however is constantly reminded he’s all alone. He’s had shallow relationships with girls who don’t care about him. At the same time, he’s observing others who are enjoying the good family life. So, what hope does Tim have?

God’s Help for Loneliness

He needs to remind himself how God helped him when he was very young. The same hope he had as a child when God put the food on the table from a very poor family is still available to him now. That same God who helped him back then, can and will help him again with his fears and loneliness. King David wrote, “The steps of a man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand. I once was young and now am old, yet never have I seen the righteous abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:23-25

The good news for Tim is he already has a relationship with God. He speaks of God’s provisions but it’s hard for him to apply that to his feelings of loneliness. As Dr. Billy Graham once said, “Nothing dissolves loneliness like a session with God’s Word.” Tim needs to seek the Lord with all of his heart and then friendships and relationships will fall into place. Jesus said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33

Be a Good Friend

Rebecca is feeling lonely and wants more friends. She has 2 friends at school, but they are in different classes, so she doesn’t see them much.

Rebecca needs to understand this is not a little thing we are talking about. God’s will is for her to have friends. If God wants us to have friends, then he will make the way for us to find them.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

God’s going to help Rebecca. Part of His plan is found in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” As I mentioned to Rebecca, if she is a good friend and shows others she’s approachable, then people will want to be around her.

Shared Experiences

One key to making friends is shared experiences. This is why teammates can become so close as well as roommates, coworkers, and people into the same interests. They share experiences together and get to know each other while doing similar activities.

Rebecca needs to find a group to join; whether it’s a club, team, community service group, study group, or youth group. This way she can get to know people through shared experiences. Meaningful relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

God does not want us to go through struggles alone. He wants us to have friends, who will stick with us through thick or thin. Proverbs 12:12 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

A friend can make all the difference in your life whether you are going through a really hard time or you are doing well. A true friend, as the Bible says, can stick closer to you than a sister or brother.

My prayer for you is that you will find the right kind of friends and they will help you and you will help them and you will have a much richer life. God bless you as you seek to find those friends.

Resources for help with LONELINESS:

• Check out my eBooks: Understanding Loneliness and Understanding Friendships.
• Check out my blogs: 10 Tips to End Loneliness, Just Say Hi, How to Make Friends, and 9 Tips for Being a Good Friend
• Check out this story of hope from Leigh who struggled with loneliness: Isolation.
• Need to talk about loneliness? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on verbal abuse in the family. The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!