It’s time to love yourself!

I know for SO, SO many people this is hard.

I’m overwhelmed with the number of messages I receive every week that are full of self-loathing. Here are just a few of the many received JUST. THIS. WEEK.

These messages come from all over the world…there is no country immune to this issue.

I am 13, and I want to kill myself. Nobody cares about me, and I hate myself

I feel so numb all the time.

Am I worth it? does anyone truly love me ?

Life is this huge vapid hole  I don’t see why my life is important.

I hate being me. I’m embarrassed that I am me and wish I could be someone else.

There is no easy, one-step answer here. Deep-rooted issues lie beneath such low self-esteem.

But we need to start somewhere, so today I want to talk about place to begin the journey towards learning to love yourself.  I want to talk about self-care.

But before you can even begin any steps toward self-care, you need to make a choice right now.

Are you worth it?

I can list important steps towards self-care and loving yourself, but first you need to decide that you are worth the effort. If you don’t, you will never take these steps.

The fact that you are reading this, tells me that you WANT to believe you’re worth it.  So let me give you permission to believe it. YOU. ARE. WORTH. LOVING.

I’ll tell you why you are worth loving in a bit, but first let’s talk about self-care.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care is any activity that we intentionally do in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others. (PsychCentral.com)

A common misconception about self-care is that it is selfish or indulgent. But self-care is not about pampering yourself, going to the spa or on a shopping spree. “While self-care can include pampering yourself, it’s so much bigger. It’s so much more meaningful and important. ‘Self-care is essential to our survival,’ said Jessica Michaelson, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and certified coach for those who want to find more joy and meaning in their lives.”

Self-care involves realizing and prioritizing what you need to do to take care of you. It is not selfish, because when you feel good about yourself, you will be able to give back to others and live a life of purpose. And when you live a life of purpose, you will no longer feel like life is a meaningless void where you are just taking up space.

Self-Care is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Self-care will look different for everyone. Taking care of yourself starts with discovering what fills your tank. What helps you refuel? And then making sure you do that.

For some that may be quiet time, while for others it may be time spent with other people. For some it may be dancing it out to your favorite song, and other people may need to watch an hour of their favorite show. What activity makes you happy?

It’s also important to note that another part of self-care may include activities that aren’t always pleasurable. It may involve making that doctors appointment you’ve been avoiding or confronting pain from your past.

While self-care looks different for everyone, there are some universal steps to help you get started:

9 Steps to Self-Care

1. Identify what activity makes you feel good and do it!

No excuses here.  Everybody has something they enjoy doing that makes them feel good. Take a walk, bake a cake, draw/color, roller skate, talk with your grandma. I don’t care what it is. Every week you must do this thing that rejuvenates you. 

2. Add it to your schedule

You need to actively plan to set aside time to do this activity and stick to it. You are worth it. 

3. Just Start

Maybe the first week you don’t give yourself even an hour for your activity. But do something. If your activity is to walk and you only get a five-minute walk in, feel good about accomplishing that and try for more next week. 

4. Take care of yourself physically

• Sleep – most adults need 7 to 8 hours a night.
• Eat well - A healthy diet fuels natural energy and boosts our self-esteem and confidence.
• Exercise - It is as good for our emotional health as our physical health because of the endorphins released. However, in keeping with the self-care principal choose an exercise you like.
• Maintain good hygiene – You’ll just feel better about yourself.

5. Give up what drains you

Are there relationships that zap your energy? Give yourself some distance. Are you constantly connected to your phone…checking e-mails, texts, snap chat, social media? Set your device aside for an hour. Are there certain events you hate attending? Stop going.

Your time, energy, and emotional well-being are valuable and should be used with intention. When you establish boundaries, you reinforce healthy self-esteem.

6. Choose who you spend time with

Look for people who are upbeat, positive, and enjoy life. Get rid of toxic relationships. It is also good to have people in your life who have perhaps faced similar struggles as you and can relate. Support groups can be very helpful.
Celebrate Recovery is a partner organization of ours that offers support to anyone struggling with hurt, pain or addiction of any kind. They are a safe place to find community and freedom from the issues that are controlling your life. You can find a group in your community here: Celebrate Recovery Group Finder

7. Stop Overthinking

If you start to over-think, haul out a journal and write your thoughts down.  Acknowledge what is on your mind. Now that they are written down and your thoughts are captured, you don’t need to dwell on them anymore.

8. Realize Self-care is non-negotiable.

Have the attitude that self-care is a necessity and don’t give it up. It can be easy to put it off or make up reasons you just can’t, but YOU can!

9. Why is Self-Care So Hard for us to do?

According to Jessica Michaelson, Psy.D, many of us don’t know how to practice self-care because "we weren’t taught to pay attention to our inner states — or to trust them. 'Instead, we are taught what we’re ‘supposed’ to think and feel, and try to ignore feelings that we think we ‘shouldn’t’ feel.'

Consider a newborn who cries when they’re hungry. That is an example of self-care, Michaelson said. 'That is sensing your inner state and taking action to get your needs met.' Because when we ignore our needs, over time, we become sick, unhappy and overwhelmed, she said.

Maybe you’re anxious about a certain situation. But you’re ashamed about your nervous feelings, so you pretend they don’t exist. Maybe you’re really upset about something. But you think you should be happy, so you stuff down your sadness. Maybe you really need 9 hours of sleep. But you believe you should be able to function just fine on 6 hours—so that’s what you try to do. Maybe your entire body is saying no to a commitment. But you don’t want to seem rude or impolite, so you say yes."

If you never make an effort to do something about the fact that you don’t like the way you are feeling or take the time to examine why you are feeling that way and consider what you can do to feel better, your emotions will catch up to you and you will start to feel hopeless. 

This reminds me of this famous quote:
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” - Henry Ford
But there is always HOPE.

I told you I would get back to answering the question of why you are worth loving. Here’s what I know. 

Why you are worth loving

Unfortunately, in this selfish, sinful world people will never love us perfectly. Even those who truly love us will let us down at some point. Perhaps you have been let down by someone who was supposed to love you. We are all human and will make mistakes in our relationships. If we put our hope in people, we will be disappointed.

In the Bible it says: “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:21-23

Even when people turn their back on you, God still loves you NO MATTER WHAT. He cares so much for you; he even knows how many hairs you have on your head. He desires to have you know him and to have a relationship with you. 

When you know how God feels about you and what God says about you, the world no longer has the power to define you.

Do you have any idea who you truly are? Are you searching for “the real you”? Get this:

The Real You

You are created in the image of God. You are not random cells thrown together. God designed you to be like Him. He didn’t make a mistake when He created you. You are amazing just the way you are.

The Bible says, “Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:26-27)

How can someone created in the image of God be worthless?

Your identity is no longer tied to:

• What you achieve · What you look like · Who approves of you · Mistakes of your past

Your worth is defined by who God says you are:

• Chosen ·Accepted ·Treasured ·Beautiful  ·Protected ·Able ·Complete ·Known·Overcomer ·Masterpiece ·Rescued ·Held

Want to read more about what God says about you? Bible Verses for Self-Acceptance When You Hate Yourself

In conclusion…

How do I learn to love myself?

Start with these three things:

1. Decide you are worth taking care of.
2. Practice Self-Care
3. Learn to see yourself as God sees you.

The Adrenaline Rush of Gambling is Overwhelming

In This Episode:

I Like the Rush of Gambling

The love of money is so gripping, it can cause us to wander away from God and lead us into all kinds of trouble, where we have broken hearts with many sorrows. And we don’t just break our own hearts but also those near to us.

In this episode, I speak with Mike, who spent his trust fund money on gambling, money that was intended for his education. I talk with Paris, who hasn’t been to the casino recently but still feels the temptation. And he almost lost his wife because of his gambling addiction. Finally, I speak with David, who is losing friends and family over his addiction and is spending money he doesn’t have, even gambling during his breaks at work.

It can take a while for gamblers to hit the wall so to speak, because most are optimistic by nature, easily fooled by their own reasoning. They think everything is going to work out just fine. They live for the high of winning.

I’m Going to Win Eventually

Gamblers can easily become delusional. They hold beliefs which contradict reality. They reason within themselves, next time I play, I’ll hit the jackpot and everything’s going to be great. Always chasing the big prize, while slipping and sliding into more and more debt.

King Solomon wrote, “Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies will have their fill of poverty.” Proverbs 28:19

The gambler is chasing a fantasy of winning big. At some point, the gambler loses his grip on reality. The buzz to the gambler is that winning hand, which will set everything straight. Some addicted gamblers are extremely arrogant and narcissistic. They think people who don’t play are chumps for not having the guts to take a chance of walking away with easy money.

What Gamblers Think…

• The buzz of winning is awesome.
• It’s easy money.
• Winning will bring me massive thrills.
• I’ll win more than I lose.
• Even if I lose, I’ll win next time.
• Seeking the great thrill is an awesome escape.
• I’m not breaking the law.
• Everybody gambles.
• I’m smarter than the game.
• How can it be so bad, if it feels so right?
• I’m not hurting anyone.
• I’ll figure out how to pay my debt.
• My family will put up with my addiction.
• I control it, it doesn’t control me.
• What I’m doing isn’t bad, it’s not like I’m doing drugs.

What does God say about gambling? Why does he want us to stay far from it?

While God does not say specifically, don’t gamble. He has a lot to say about the sin behind gambling, which is the love of money. A writer on BibleStudyTools.com put it this way: “Most often when people gamble it is because they become addicted to the love of money. A simple game can become a sin when it takes over our minds and hearts and leads us down a road of never being satisfied.”

Gambling adds fuel to the consuming fire of the love of money. Most gamblers end up craving the thrill of chasing the money they love and the rush of winning it. The Bible says, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10

Money in and of itself is not evil. It is just a tool. But the love of money is. King Solomon, the wisest man in the Bible said, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 5:10

And so, the gambler is never satisfied, ever. What the gambler wants is more thrills, more games, and more money. He can never get enough. He is forever craving, wanting even more but never satisfied.

Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Matthew 6:24

If you love money, you will not love God. If you love God, you will soon despise the love of money. Unless the gambler turns to God and turns away from the love of money, he will forever despise God.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

God uses the consequences of our actions to force us back to Him. God is bigger than your gambling problem, no matter how big it is. It’s not just a matter of telling the world you want to reset but it’s the ongoing hard work it will take to get free. You can change your love of money to a love for God and He will help you if you ask. You can find freedom from your addiction.

Resources for Getting Over a Gambling Addiction:

• Check out my blogs: So Who’s An Addict?, At the End of the Trail, Staying Clean After an Addiction, and Recovery from Addiction
• You can contact the National Council on Problem Gambling by texting, calling, or chatting: https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/national-helpline-1-800-522-4700/.
• Find a Gamblers Anonymous Meeting near you: https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/locations.
• Consider joining a Celebrate Recovery group. These groups are a safe place for anyone struggling with any kind of hurt, hang-up or habit. Find a support group by state: www.celebraterecovery.com.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope

Getting Over Your Ex is Not Easy

You’ve been in a relationship with someone and now that relationship is over. You have ties to that person which are hard to break.

Sometimes, it’s tremendously harder to move on from them than you thought it would be. If you’re having a hard time moving on from your ex, join me as I speak with Anthony, Jessica, and Keith, each of them trying to get over their ex! You might just find some advice that works for you as well.

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her

Anthony’s ex-girlfriend told his current girlfriend he was cheating on her with her (his ex).  His girlfriend believed his ex, so they decided to break it off and just be friends. But now, Anthony can’t stop thinking about her.

Anthony thought his relationship with his girlfriend was much stronger than it turned out to be. They had only been in a relationship a few months. It was hardly enough time for them to build a solid foundation. Every relationship is tested in some way. When their relationship was tested, it crumbled.

What Anthony’s ex did was wrong. No one, including Anthony needs their reputation trashed. But in the end, it became a blessing. It helped bring to light the trust issues his girlfriend had and his obsessiveness in their relationship.

They both had their reasons for breaking up and agreed they needed to be just friends. But, once Anthony realized the relationship with his girlfriend was truly over, he began to obsess. He became emotionally overwhelmed with what he could not have, which was her.

What he needed to do was go back over the reasons they decided to break up to begin with. All the reasons are still there. He should let his obsessive feelings go, even though he doesn’t feel like it. The sooner he lets go, the quicker he will stop obsessing over his ex-girlfriend. And the sooner he’ll be able to walk away completely.

He Broke Up with Me and I Didn’t Take It Well

Jessica’s boyfriend broke up with her but she knew there was still something between them. He started dating a girl 10 days after breaking up with her. Then a bit later, Jessica and he started having sex even though he was with another girl. Jessica said she’s still wants him so she’s willing to put up with being used. The problem is that whatever he’s saying to Jessica, he’s staying to this other girl. Whatever he’s doing to Jessica, he’s doing to his girlfriend as well.

So, many people know their relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway. Most of the time it doesn’t work and ends up in a lot of heartache. In Jessica’s case, she tried to prop up her relationship with her ex with sex.

Jessica is shifting the blame and saying it’s okay for her to have sex with her ex, because this other girl took her boyfriend away from her. What she’s saying is, I’m willing to disrespect myself to get what I need which is feeling loved by him again.

Instead, Jessica needs to stop having sex with her ex so she can walk away with self-respect. Sex will not meet her deepest needs or bring her boyfriend back. Her ex doesn’t have the capacity to meet her deepest needs. He became tired of her before, and he’ll get tired of her again. People ask too much of their exes. They ask them to meet needs only God can meet.

If you want to know more about having a meaningful relationship with God, check out my podcast episode number 9.  You can hear how Ronnie’s life was changed and how yours can too.

I Can’t Find Reasons To Move On

Keith feels stuck in a rut. He split up with his girlfriend 2 years ago. They were 6 months away from being married but things deteriorated and their relationship ended. Keith keeps thinking about what could have been if they hadn’t broken up. He said he can’t find reasons to move on.

If you are not over your ex after 2 years, something is wrong. What could keep him obsessing that long?

It’s because they became serious way too quickly. They were acting like they were married, but the relationship did not hold together. Once you start acting like you’re married, you’re in deep. It may be fun to act that way, but it causes a lot of pressure on the relationship. Slow down, the action will happen soon enough.

There is a common problem with people who can’t get over their ex: 

• They are not remembering their ex the way they really were.
• They are remembering a fantasy of their ex.
• They keep the fantasy going by saving all the mementos of their ex.

It’s difficult to throw away memories of the past but Keith will continue to have a difficult time with his emotions if he doesn’t.
Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. It’s the truth that sets us free. It’s time for Keith to believe the truth his relationship is over so he can get on with the rest of his life. There is so much more to live for.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Just about everybody will walk away from an ex at one time or another. So many people living in the past, obsessing over something that wasn’t even a reality. Ask yourself, am I living in the truth or am I in a fantasy? That’s a difficult question to answer but if you can answer yourself truthfully then you can get on with the rest of your life.

Resources for Getting Over Your Ex:

• Take a look at my eBooks: Getting Over a Broken Heart and Understanding Dating
• Check out my blogs: 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex, Ever Heard of Love Addiction?, It’s OK to be Single, and When An Ex Won’t Leave You Alone
• Check out other’s stories about relationships: Bad Break Up and Unhealthy Relationships, Relationship From TheHopeLine, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer and check it out.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

We often hear a common concern…

"I’m afraid to see a professional counselor."

Have you had this thought as well? Do you feel you may benefit from seeing a counselor, but face fears about scheduling an appointment?

Perhaps you have convinced yourself of many reasons why you shouldn’t go to counseling. A lot of these reasons may be seemingly understandable. However, more than likely, they are common misconceptions rooted in fear.

Today I want to address some of those myths because I see such value in talking to a counselor on an ongoing basis.

I can talk to someone for 4 minutes on my radio show and our HopeCoaches can chat a bit longer on TheHopeLine. This gives us enough time to point someone in the right direction, to love on them and to give them hope. But many times, that guidance includes encouraging someone to seek ongoing counseling, especially for those deeper issues.

Listen to my live call with Elizabeth whose parents sent her to therapy after she attempted suicide. She lied to get out of it. Now, she's struggling with suicidal thoughts again and wants to know what to do. Elizabeth needs to go back to therapy with an open mind and an open heart to find the help she needs

If you have considered seeing a professional counselor, but have talked yourself out of it because of unwarranted fears, I hope this information will help you become more comfortable in seeking the help that you need.

One of our partner organizations is Centerstone. They are one of the nation’s largest not-for-profit providers of community-based behavioral health care. Below they share a list of common misconceptions about treatment that we are in turn sharing with you:

Common Misconceptions About Treatment:

1. If I need help, something must be wrong with me. I must be broken or abnormal.

Just like with physical illness, mental illness and addiction are medical problems. You wouldn’t say that someone who has cancer or the flu is broken. They need treatment just like someone with a mental illness or addiction.

2. No one will understand my problem. I don’t deserve help. 

One in four American adults will experience a mental illness in their lifetime. That’s 25% of the population. There are many people who know what you are going through. You deserve to feel healthy and whole.

3. If I come in for an appointment, they will take me away.

Involuntary commitment is extremely rare, particularly at first appointments. Just like a physician’s office, there are occasionally people who need to be taken to the ER. But most folks just go in for their regular treatment.

4. They’ll put me on pills that will put me in a fog, and I’ll never be able to stop taking them.

As with physical illnesses, some mental health disorders will require short- or long-term medication regimens. It can be an important part of treatment, but it should never make you feel like you’re not yourself or in control. You have a say in these treatments.

5. If I just try harder, I won’t need treatment.

Mental health and substance abuse treatment is for people who have an illness that deserves treatment, just as much as any other illness. It can’t be cured by trying harder or ignoring the problem.

6. People will think less of me if I go to a therapist. 

Thankfully, we are at a point in time where a lot of people are speaking out about their mental illness and a lot is being done to combat the stigma surrounding it. And while you may be encouraged to talk to your loved ones and community members about your illness, a counselor respects their clients’ privacy. They will never reveal you receive treatment without your express permission. In fact, they can’t; it’s the law!

7. Therapy is just a lot of talking; I can get the help I need from my friends.

While a strong support system of friends and family is very important, there are things that we can help you with that your loved ones might not be able to. Our clinicians have extensive training and experience so they know all the tricky ways that your mental illness can trip you up and how to overcome your hurdles.

8. If I get treatment, I’ll have to keep going forever.

A counselor’s goal is always to get you back into your community as quickly as possible. While some patients may need long-term treatment, many individuals just need a few weeks or months to deal with their problem.

9. I can’t afford it.

Most insurance providers will cover some form of mental health treatment; it may be less expensive than you think. For those without insurance or those whose insurance doesn’t cover mental health treatment, you should inquire about programs set up to help provide funds to those who need assistance.

Live Your Best Life

If you are struggling with a serious issue such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, self-harm and many more, please love yourself enough to consider the option of counseling. Don’t dismiss the idea because of one of these misconceptions listed above. You do deserve to live your best life and you can achieve it.  Sometimes we all just need a little help.

It Can Be Stressful to Have an Unplanned Pregnancy

In This Episode:

If your pregnant and it’s unexpected, it can be quite a shock! You might be wondering who to turn to and what to do. In this episode, I speak with Kayla, Lee, and Tarah. They are all in very different situations but each of them is pregnant and having their own set of struggles.

Kayla is not exactly sure who the birth father is, Lee’s boyfriend is an alcoholic and smokes weed, and Tarah hasn’t settled on keeping the baby but she says abortion and adoption are not options for her.

Give yourself time

I know it can be scary to have an unplanned pregnancy. You don’t know what your family and friends are going to say. Sometimes the baby’s daddy reacts badly or is not even in the picture anymore. But if you’re pregnant, the baby is coming and you have a limited amount of time to make decisions. You need to give yourself time to absorb the shock of being pregnant, then rally the right people around you, and start to make the life-changing decisions of what to do.

I’m Pregnant and Don’t Know Who the Father Is

When you get pregnant, you’re not the only player in the game. Kayla needs to find out who the birth father is. There should be no guessing. She became pregnant by one of two guys. She doesn’t want to have to tell her child years from now, “I don’t know who your birth father is.”

The baby is by far the most vulnerable in this drama and needs to be Kayla’s number one priority. She can do the best thing for her baby and herself by finding out the truth. Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

A DNA test may help

So, Kayla should go to the doctor and figure out the timeline to determine who the birth father is. If it is still not clear, then she should have DNA testing done, once the baby is born. But she needs to remember, the child’s well-being should be considered first.

My Baby’s Daddy is an Alcoholic and Smokes Weed

One of the biggest issues facing a pregnant mother is the character of the baby’s daddy. She needs to figure out what kind of a person he is and answer the question, “Is he stable enough to be in my child’s life?”

Lee told me she’s pregnant and then after dating her boyfriend for 2 years, found out he’s an alcoholic and smokes weed. As she was telling me this, I thought to myself, if she just found out about his addictions 2 weeks ago, think of all the things she hasn’t found out about him yet.

For example, he could be cheating on her. If he is willing to yield to the temptation of drugs and alcohol, cheating on her would be an easy choice to make.

She will most likely find out he’s also a thief. He’s got to get the money somewhere to feed his habit, not to mention, his baby. So, rest assure, if he hasn’t started stealing, he will soon.

The needs of the child

He’s also self-centered. Anyone addicted to drugs and alcohol cares only about themselves and how they are going to feed their habit. If he’s so consumed with his drugs and alcohol, he won’t be able to focus on the needs of his child or you. Having a baby is all give, they don’t care if you’re tired or upset or whatever. If they have a need, you’re going to hear about it.

Also, if you think your boyfriend is in bad shape now, you haven’t seen anything yet. Nothing good happens with addictions. You don’t want an unstable, addict father around, he’ll end up doing more damage than good.

I have real hope for Lee, she’s already thinking about what’s best for her baby. But she really needs our prayers. She faces an uphill battle and only God can give her the strength to love and protect her baby.

I’m Stressed, Pregnant and Against Abortion

Tarah needs to help lessen her stress. She’s making it harder by not talking to her mother or family who hopefully will support her. If her mother doesn’t want to help and kicks her out, there are others who will find a home for Tarah and her baby.

Make sure you have people supporting you and your decisions but, ultimately only you, can make the decision.

Tarah is up against it. She’s pregnant and feels all alone and knows she has a choice to make.

There are only 3 options

Anytime, one gets pregnant, there’s only 3 options: abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. By saying yes to one, you’re saying no to the other two. It’s easy to figure out, it’s not always so easy to make the choice. And this is the kind of decision you can’t take forever to make; the baby is coming whether you like it or not.

Tarah made it clear, she didn’t want an abortion. She also said she didn’t want to choose adoption, this leaves her with one choice, to raise the baby. If you choose to keep your baby, you don’t have to figure out everything right away. As Jesus taught, take it one day at a time. He said: “So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:34)

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

If you are pregnant, and don’t know what to do. You need to first gather all the facts, which includes going to the doctor to have the test to make sure you are pregnant. Secondly, you need to get people around you who care about you. You need a support group of people who will encourage you, love on you and give you wise counsel. Then with the help of those who love you, you can go on to make the best decisions for you and your baby.

Resources for an Unexpected Pregnancy:

• Take a look at my eBook: Unplanned Pregnancy
• Check out my blogs: What to Do if You’re Pregnant, Pregnant? Consider Adoption, Help, I’m Pregnant, I’m Pregnant. How did I let this happen?
• Check out other’s stories about pregnancy: Teen Pregnancy and Depression and the Fear of Pregnancy.
• Get help with any pregnancy related concerns you have and find a pregnancy center near you by contacting Option Line. They have a 24-hour helpline. To reach, call 1-800-712-4357, text “helpline” to 313131, or Chat with Option Line.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer and check it out.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

You’ve been in a relationship with someone and now that relationship is over. You have ties to that person which are hard to break. Sometimes, it’s tremendously harder to move on from them than you thought it would be. If you’re having a hard time moving on from your ex, join me for my next episode. I speak with Anthony, Jessica, and Keith, each of them trying to get over their ex! You might just find some advice that works for you as well.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

Going Through the Pain of Being Cheated On

Let’s talk about cheating again but tackle the other side of it, what to do when you’ve been cheated on! Last podcast (episode 14), I talked with Josh, Sean and Ameera who did the cheating. This episode, I speak with Tabitha, James and Katelynn, who have been cheated on. Let’s hear firsthand, what it is to go through the pain of being cheated on.

Hoops He Needed to Jump Through After Breaking Her Trust

Tabitha gave away her heart for her boyfriend. Even though he had already cheated on her, she agreed to marry him anyway. She took a chance she should have never taken. It’s a huge mistake to agree to a bigger commitment when the smaller ones haven’t been met. Jesus said, "If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10

Tabitha’s fiancé had not proven he could be faithful. She wanted the relationship to work so badly, she trusted him again even though he had broken her trust. There are hoops he needed to jump through to prove to her he was serious about being faithful, like counseling and accountability groups. Instead, they started talking marriage. They tried to put their relationship back together, without dealing with the difficult issues. They thought a commitment to marriage was going to solve their trust issues. It seldom does. They even traded usernames and passwords to help him stay accountable but that didn’t work either. She caught him having inappropriate conversations with girls online.

Now, she’s in a difficult situation because they’ve set a date for their wedding. Some money has already been spent and preparations have started. Obviously, it would be huge mistake to go ahead with the wedding. One mistake, setting the date, doesn’t mean you have to make another and go ahead with the marriage. Better disappointment and some heartache now then the grief after they’re married.

It’s time for Tabitha to break things off completely with her fiancé. It’s going to be hard but the longer she waits, the harder it will be. She needs to begin to focus on her healing and moving on with her life.

I Don’t Care Enough About You To Stay Faithful

James received the incredible shocking news that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. To make matters even worse, she is pregnant and the baby is not his. James never saw it coming; after all, they had been together for 4 years. James responded to her betrayal in all the wrong ways. He started drinking and he’s so upset he’s not thinking clearly.

When someone cheats like James’ girlfriend did, she’s making a statement which says, I don’t care enough about you to stay faithful. For James to try to salvage the relationship would only make matters worse. There is one thing for James’ to be thankful for, this other guy has taken his girlfriend off his hands. Fortunately, James found out what she is really like before making any bigger commitments to her.

James can’t avoid all the pain, either way he’s going to suffer. But he can cause himself much more time and hurt by trying to prop up a dead relationship. Instead, James needs a whole new foundation for his life. He seriously needs to turn to God, who will never cheat on him, and receive God’s unconditional love. Then he can see himself as God does, valuable, worthy, and in need of His love. It sounds impossible now but James can come to the other side of this cheating nightmare even stronger.

Being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your life story. You can recover, move on and have an awesome life.

Cheated On Multiple Times

Katelynn’s boyfriend has cheated on her multiple times. If you find yourself obsessing in a relationship, you don’t have a good one. You may have heard the saying, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they’re yours. If they don’t come back to you, they weren’t yours to begin with.”

If she keeps blowing up his phone, what is she saying to him about herself? That she thinks she can’t live without him. That’s bogus. She needs to hold her head high, and not belittle herself by what she is doing, which is borderline harassment. If she keeps obsessing, she isn’t focusing on her own life. There are people at her school who need her and she has a lot to offer.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Tabitha, James and Katelynn have each been heartbroken from being cheated on. When you are cheated on, it’s really hard to trust in future relationships. But being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your story. You can recover and learn to trust again!

Consider turning to God, who will never cheat on you! You can receive God’s unconditional love and see yourself as God does…valuable, worthy, saved by grace, chosen and a representative of Him!

Resources for cheating:

• Take a look at my eBook: Understanding Cheating in Relationships.
• Check out my blogs: 15 Signs Your BF-GF May Be Cheating On You, Your BF/GF is Cheating on You…Now What?, Why Did Your Guy Cheat on You?, and Moving On From A Cheating Boyfriend – 6 Things NOT To Do
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine prayer and check it out.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

In the next episode, join me as I speak with Kayla, Lee and Tarah, each of them pregnant and needing guidance. Kayla is not sure who the birth father is, Lee’s boyfriend is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and Tarah has a life and death decision to make.

Facing the Consequences of Cheating

Let’s talk about cheating. People have different ideas of what they think it is. It all comes down to betraying your partner by doing something intimate with another, which he or she would not approve. Here’s a list of what some people might consider cheating, from a blog called, “What Counts as Cheating?”.

What Counts as Cheating in Relationships?

• Deny being in a relationship with someone else
• Sleeping in the same bed with someone else
• Purchasing intimate gifts and presents for someone else
• Chatting online with someone else (online affairs)
• Having sexual contact with someone else (physical infidelity)
• Becoming emotionally involved with someone else (emotional infidelity)
• Sharing their most private thoughts and feelings with someone else
• Becoming best friends with someone of the opposite sex
• And the list could go on and on....

No matter how you or I might define cheating, you certainly will recognize it, if it happens to you. Where there is cheating, negative consequences come knocking, full of pain and regret.

Should He Confess?

In this episode, we hear from Josh, who really cares about his girlfriend but the fact he cheated on her early in their relationship is weighing on him. Should he tell her what he did? Is the foundation of his relationship strong enough that it can take an earthquake and a few aftershocks? He could own up to it and seek his girlfriend’s forgiveness. But then he runs the risk of losing her; or he could remain silent and live with the guilt and shame, which will continue to haunt him and ruin their relationship. Josh desperately needs to turn to God before he even considers confessing. If he would seek God’s forgiveness, he would have peace.

Then he would have the courage to confess to his girlfriend what he did and with God’s mercy and help, face the consequences.

We don’t know whether or not Josh’s girlfriend will break up with him. However, the important thing is he will have faced the consequences of his actions and can start living with a clear conscience.

He Cheated and Got an STD

Then we hear from Sean. Sean was drunk, had sex with his girlfriend’s friend and ended up with the “crabs.” Do you get the idea Sean is caught in a trap? His girlfriend already suspects she got the crabs from Sean and when it is finally confirmed, she’s going to be furious. Sean’s convinced she won’t stay with him and apart from a miracle I don’t think she will either. Sean didn’t understand or care that drunken parties and loose women lead to heartache. As I shared with Sean, the best he can look to get out of this sorted mess is a lesson.

She Had Sex with His Father

Through Ameera, you can see how complicated, painful, and confusing life gets when people cheat. Just to make this point even clearer, let’s sort through the players in this tragic story. First, there is Ameera. She allowed herself to be seduced by her boyfriend’s father. She could have said no but she didn’t. If Ameera hadn’t had sex with her boyfriend’s father, life would be much better for her. Instead, she chose to betray her boyfriend and now has to face the consequences. Secondly, there is Ameera’s boyfriend. He is a victim. He was betrayed by both Ameera and his father. It’s one thing to be cheated on by your girlfriend but it’s a totally different kind of hurt to be betrayed by your own father.

Then, there is Ameera boyfriend’s father. There’s not much good we can say about him. He is truly the villain. He had no business doing what he did. He will be very fortunate if he doesn’t lose his wife and his son. He needs to break off all ties with Ameera, for good. Then there’s also Ameera’s boyfriend’s mother. This is a woman who has a mother-daughter relationship with Ameera. She has no idea what happened. She has been betrayed by both her husband, and Ameera. Ameera needs to turn to God’s love. It’s going to be hard for her as she separates herself from this family but with God’s help, there is always a way out.

If you’ve cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend, then this episode is for you! Or if you’ve been cheated on, it might help you to get a glimpse into what someone who cheats are thinking.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

We heard Josh, Sean, and Ameera talk about how their lives got much more complicated after they cheated. As we’ve learned, nothing good comes from cheating, except the hard lessons learned. If we follow the teachings of Christ, found in the amazing truth of the Bible, we can learn to live by these truths without suffering the awful consequences of bad choices and instead have a life of love and peace.

I hope this podcast has helped you. So many people ignore the truth about cheating, they live their whole lives facing the consequences. Remember, God is a God of grace who will help us face our failures and rebellion.

Resources to understand why you're cheating:

• Take a look at my eBook: Understanding Cheating in Relationships.
• Check out my blogs: 5 Life-Changing Steps for the Cheater, Let’s Talk About Cheating, Cheating – Why Not Just End the Relationship?
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the HopeLine Prayer and check it out.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

In the next episode, join me as I speak with Tabitha, James and Katelynn, who are on the opposite side of things…they were all cheated on. When you are cheated on, it’s hard to trust in future relationships BUT being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your life story. You can recover and learn to trust again.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

What to Do When Parents Don’t Approve of Your Relationship.

In This Episode:

What do you do when your girlfriend or boyfriend’s parents hate you? What do you do when your parents don’t want you with your boyfriend or girlfriend? This episode answers those questions. First, we start with Calvin, who’s girlfriend’s dad hates him but Calvin feels he hasn’t done anything wrong. Then we go to Erin, she’s head over heels in love but her mom doesn’t like her dating an older guy with a child. Then, we hear from Chris. His girlfriend accused him of rape last time they broke up, so his parents do not want them back together. If you are in a relationship and your parents don’t approve of who you are dating or your boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents don’t approve of you, then this episode is for you!

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

We’ve heard Calvin, Erin, and Chris talk about their relationships and the issues with their parents or the issues with their boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents. If you are in a similar situation, have you considered the need to listen to the wisdom of your parents, closest friends, and those around you about your relationship? Those who love and care about you are usually coming from a good place. They want to see you do well and make good decisions. They are not always right and I’m not telling you to always follow their advice. What I am recommending for you to do, is to listen to their wisdom and then weigh it against your own so you can make the best choices for your life.

Resources For Help With Parents and Dating:

• Check out my blogs: My Parents Don’t Approve of Who I’m Dating and How to Get Along with Your Parents.
• Take a look at my eBook: Understanding Dating Relationships.
• To learn more about having a meaningful relationship with God, check out my podcast episode 9: Find Hope and Peace Through a Relationship with God. I talked to a guy named Ronnie. The call was amazing, it really spoke to me. I think you’ll like it a lot. It just might be the most important podcast you’ll ever listen to.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me in my next episode where I talk with Josh, Sean, and Ameera. Each of them are facing consequences from cheating. I’m not going to beat them up. Instead, I hope to help them learn from their mistakes and make better choices in the future. So many people ignore the truth about cheating, they live their whole lives facing the consequences. Then in my next podcast, we will hear from 3 people who were cheated on and we’ll talk about how to heal and move on from being cheated on.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

The Hard Times Were the Best Times Because...

In This Episode:

Looking for Purpose

Luke was kicked out and has been living in his car for 2 weeks. He just found a friend to stay with and is looking for a job but things are not going his way yet. He’s determined not to quit trying. In the midst of all his struggles, he’s looking for his purpose.

Sometimes hard times force us to look for answers to life’s questions; such as: Why am I alive? What is the purpose of my being here? Luke is searching for the answers to those hard questions.

Played by Her Boyfriend

Nakita’s boyfriend played her pretty hard. She stood by his side, loved him and supported him. Instead of being faithful to her and treating her well, he lied to her and cheated on her. Now, the girl he cheated with, is pregnant. Nakita is having a hard time letting go of him but the truth is, there are no roads which lead back to him.

Jealousy Is Tearing Her Apart

What do you do when a friend shines brighter than you? Renee’s friend is getting all the attention and Renee is jealous of her. Renee says jealousy is ruining her life. The truth is, if we compare ourselves to others, it can cause us to have a jealous spirit.

Renee doesn’t need to compare herself to her friend. Her friend may be beautiful and get lots of attention but Renee has been made in God’s image and has her own great qualities, especially in the eyes of God.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Most people’s problems are so deep and complicated, they are not solved on their own. I give advice which can help but Luke, Nakita, and Renee need to take the next right step. It’s not going to be easy but that’s why we have a lot of resources to help them and you, if you are facing your own struggles.

Resources to help you with finding purpose and relationship struggles:

• Take a look at my eBooks: Understanding a Relationship with God, Understanding Cheating, and Understanding Self-Worth.
• Check out my blogs: How to Spot a Toxic Friend, Your BF/GF is Cheating on You, Now What, and Versus of Hope for Relationships, Sex, and Cheating.
• To learn more about having a meaningful relationship with God, check out my podcast episode 9: Find Hope and Peace Through a Relationship with God. I talked to a guy named Ronnie. The call was amazing, it really spoke to me. I think you’ll like it a lot. It just might be the most important podcast you’ll ever listen to.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me in my next episode where I talk with Calvin, Erin, and Chris, who are all dealing with parents against their relationships. Calvin’s girlfriend’s dad hates him. Erin’s mom is not happy about her dating an older guy, and Chris’ parents don’t like that he is back with his ex. My goal is to offer them insights which could help them and hopefully help you as well.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!