In This Episode:

When it comes to relationships, one of the most asked questions is, “How can I overcome a broken heart?” If you haven’t had your heart broken yet, there’s a good chance you will. To be in love is to be vulnerable to the other person so if they want to hurt us, they can. The deeper the love, the deeper the hurt. All this pain begs for an answer, what can you do to fix or mend a broken heart?

If you follow my advice, I’m convinced you will heal more quickly and more deeply. In this episode, I will give you 6 ways to help you overcome a broken heart. This episode also includes Jacob and Nina’s story of heartbreak. They will both get through this and so will you.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

It happened…you opened yourself up to love and got hurt. You’ve been left heartbroken and vulnerable. The hurt is powerful, we are not going to pretend otherwise, but you can overcome. It’s only when we feel our pain that we are honestly able to deal with it and move on. You can move on past this hurt and find healing for your heartbreak.

Resources for Overcoming a Broken Heart:

• Take a look at my blogs: Getting Over A Broken Heart – 6 Steps To Healing, 15 Practical Steps to Help You Get Over a Broken Heart, 5 Ways You Can Move Forward After a Broken Heart, and Stop the Heartbreak – 4 Things to Avoid
• For more help, download the free eBook: Getting Over a Broken Heart
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
• Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at TheHopeLine Prayer page 

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

How to Find Healing From the Damage of Fatherlessness.

In This Episode:

Father hunger is a lack of sufficient fathering which is extremely impactful to a person’s life for good or bad. I will explain to you how you can heal from the damage of an absent father. Then, I’ll give you practical ways to deal with father hunger, including powerful, “I release my father from…” statements of forgiveness. This episode also includes Christina’s story and how the lack of a father in her life affected her. You will hear my advice for Christina, which can be applied to your life as well.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps you can relate to father hunger in your own life. Have you let a negative relationship with your father define you? Have you held onto anger and resentment from times he’s hurt you? Or maybe you’ve done things you’re not proud of to try to fill the void, left by not having a father. It’s taken a lifetime for you to get to this point and healing will not happen overnight.

Resources for Father Hunger:

• Take a look at my blogs: How to Deal with Father Hunger, Sex and Father Hunger, and Reaching Out for a Father
• For more help, download the free eBook: Understanding Abandonment
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
• Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at TheHopeLine Prayer page

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

See you next week and whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

What Does It Mean to Have a Love Addiction?

In This Episode:

“So, Dawson, what does it mean to be a love addict?” I’m glad you asked. A love addict is someone who seeks to maintain a relationship, no matter how unhealthy or one-sided it may be, in the hope of receiving love and acceptance. A love addict almost always has deep emotional hurts somewhere in their past – wounds of which they may be unaware. They believe, often subconsciously, that only a consuming relationship can heal that hurt.

Did Today's Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps you saw yourself or a friend of yours in the story we just listened to. Maybe you're realizing for the first time that you need to take some steps to get healthy.

Resources for Love Addiction:

• Tips for love addiction healing and recovery.
• For more help download the free Understanding Dating eBook
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
• Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at TheHopeLine Prayer page

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you liked this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you'd like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

See you next week and whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 
 

The world is FULL of hurting people

Could showing kindness make an impact?

Every day on TheHopeLine, people respond to us, telling us about their burdens, sharing their depression, and expressing feelings of brokenness and deep loneliness. What can we do to impact their lives? I believe that a little kindness could go a long way because showing kindness gives others value.

Here’s a glimpse at some of the comments we receive:

“I am bullied by my friends. They start teasing me spread fake things about me. My other classmates have good friends except me.” - Amaya

“I remember from young on I was always obsessed with love. It was what I wanted more than anything in the world. I even subjected myself to a lot of bad treatment just to feel love. I've been used, abused, and mistreated by a lot of guys just to get it. Now I realize I brought it upon myself in some way.”  - Lindsey

“I hated myself for a while…I felt that I wasn’t worth anything and wondered why anyone would want to waste their time on me.” - Betsy

“At least you have people that care and love you. I don't have that and never did. I actually do care bout others but I have not one person asking me if I'm ok. Never did.” – JK

“Living is hard, dying is simple and easy. And to die by my choice seems to be the only way. Nobody not one friend nor family to talk to.. I'v wasted years thinking somebody could help me. The more i realise i'm just alone the more evident it becomes i'm not meant to live this life. Everything seems so pointless being alive.” – Sane

Where Does It End?

I can’t take it all in without asking myself, why so much sadness? How and where does it end?

Mother Theresa, one of the modern-day saints, said it well, “The world is lost for want of sweetness and kindness. Do not forget we need each other.” She spent her life on the streets of Calcutta, India, amongst the poor and orphans and she recognized that “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

So, I wonder…what if we were just kinder to one another? Here’s my challenge:

We Need More Kindness

For just one day take your eyes off of your own problems and considered that you are surrounded by people with problems of their own. They may look like they have it together…but, likely, you look pretty good from the outside as well. It doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting. So, what if, for this one day, you simply choose to be kind?

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

After years of talking to teens and young adults on the radio, I know this to be true…we are all desperate to be loved and accepted. I also know that when someone is treated with kindness and respect, they feel worthy and can hold their head a little higher.

Whether you live in the slums of Calcutta, a ranch in Montana, small town Ireland, or the streets of Hong Kong, ALL of humanity wants to be seen and feel like they matter.

Sound too simple?

A Day of Choosing Kindness

I get that kindness won’t solve every problem, but let’s see what it could do.

There are a million ways to show kindness.

Today I encourage you to try this:

• Sit down with the girl who always eats alone and invite your friends to join you, rather than walk past her again.
• Tell your sister the shirt she stole from your closet looks nice on her rather than getting back at her for taking it without permission.
• Take 5 minutes of your time to call your friend who is going through a tough time. Don't keep putting it off.
• Make a point to encourage teammate who lost the game for you, rather than blaming them.
• Stop and say hi to the little kid on your block who sits outside by himself most days, rather than ignoring him.

Or how about this scenario:

Every morning when you wake up you have some choices to make. For example:

You could yell at your mom, flip off the driver who turned in front of you, ignore the person who sold you coffee, and give the cold shoulder to your friend who didn’t text you back.

OR

You could hug your mom, wave at the person who turned in front of you, make eye-contact with the person who sold you coffee and wish them a good day, and forgive your friend for the oversight and ask how their night was.

A lot of it has to do with the impact our little choices have on others.

Here are some more simple ideas to consider:

Tell someone you like their sweater.

Compliment your boss or teacher.

Visit with your grandma.

Ask the gas station attendant how their day is going.

Help the person who dropped their groceries.

O.K. I’ll stop now. You get what I’m talking about.

Are you wondering what’s in it for you?

Showing Kindness Makes You Happier

We are not on this planet alone….and when we care for each other our life takes on more meaning…. more purpose…and quite honestly, more joy.

It is probably obvious to point out that after a day of purposefully showing kindness, the people around you feel better.

But here is the beauty of it all. How do you think you are feeling at the end of this day? Do you feel still feel angry, frustrated, hateful, etc.? Or do you actually feel encouraged, energized, inspired and hopeful yourself?

You get it, right? Kindness has rewards on both ends!  Holding on to all the angst you feel and taking it out on others will NEVER make you happier. But making someone else’s day…that will always feel good.

In fact, this is proven by research. In a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology, people were asked to take a survey measuring how satisfied they were with life.  Then they were divided into groups.  One group was told to perform a daily act of kindness for 10 days, the other group was told nothing. After 10 days they filled out the satisfaction survey again. The group that practiced kindness had a significant boost in happiness.  And this little experiment only lasted for 10 days!

Is it really that hard to choose kindness? Are you ready to give it a try?

Kindness is Not a New Idea

Obviously, the idea of being kind is not new, but I feel like it gets forgotten along the way.  We get too busy and become too self-centered. We focus on our own stuff and neglect to take the time to pay attention to others.

Did you know that the Bible often talks about being kind?  “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) and “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, “ (Colossians 3:12)

God is kind and He desires for His children to be an example of Him. God hates to see us hurting and wants to use His people on earth to spread love and joy by caring for others. He wants us to love others the way He loves us.

I’ll leave you with this final quote from Mother Teresa.

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”

Trust and Security

After 25 years of taking countless phone calls on my radio show, I've heard thousands of stories about heartbreak due to relationship failures. What is so often lacking in all these relationships is a foundation of trust.  And without trust people have no sense of security and can never rest secure in their relationship.

So, let's look at some key factors needed to build trust before a relationship even begins.

4 Ideas to Help Find Someone You Can Trust

So often I hear of people who are deep into relationships emotionally, physically, or even sexually, but still are not sure they can trust their partner. They don't know if they can trust their BF/GF with their true feelings, or if they will be faithful, or even if they are who they appear to be.  I remember an interview with Taylor Swift where she was asked about the most difficult thing she has learned about relationships.

"It's when you think you know someone," she replied, "then later find out that is not at all who they were."

Passion wrote: I've been dating this guy for 5 months and I found out he gave his number to another girl, I don't even see him the same as I used to, I look at him and wonder if everything is a lie.

LittleShorty wrote:  He tells me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... But my problem is that he thinks I am cheating on him... but I am not cheating on him... What I wanna know if he is cheating on me or not...

HARD TRUTH: 

No relationship is going to succeed or survive without a strong foundation of trust.

So, how do you arrive at trust? How do you know if you can trust your BF/GF? No simple answer to those questions, but here are a few ideas:

1. Start by simply avoiding relationships with people you already know are untrustworthy. That might quickly eliminate a few possibilities.

2. Look for someone who will talk to you about common interests, as well as personal stuff like faith, values, and what you want to do with you lives. You can't always go on what people say but talking about those things gives you a momentary glimpse of what is really inside that person. What if they don't want to talk about that kind of stuff? It's not a deal-breaker, but an unwillingness to let you see inside makes you wonder what's really in there.

3. Observe what they do and how they act under pressure. That's when our real selves begin to show.

4. Set your standard high and look for a BF/GF who wants to know you, be with you, love you for who you are not for access to your body, not to hitch a ride on your popularity, and not for something he/she wants to turn you into. Before jumping in with both feet, be sure they love you for who you are, just as you are, right now.

Insecurity is another big issue holding relationships back...have you ever worried your BF/GF was going to leave you?

How do I get past the thought that my BF/GF will leave me?

Fear of abandonment is very common, especially if you have finally met someone who you really like, or if have been abandoned in the past. It's natural to want to hold onto things that mean the most to us. But still, we are never given permission to own or control another person.

This means other people are always free to do whatever they want, even if it means leaving the relationship. There's a fine line between wanting to have someone in your life and wanting to possess them. Many people don't have enough belief or confidence in themselves to ever imagine being alone. This can cause a person to hold on too tightly. Loyalty is one thing--fear of being alone is another.

Most people do not want to be in a relationship with someone who is extremely insecure, negative and clingy.

To get past the fear of being left, you need to get to the place where being alone is not the worst thing that could ever happen to you. This will take time, but it's worth the effort. Spend some time trying to figure out what kinds of things you enjoy. What kinds of things make you feel really alive? As you get to know yourself, you will have more of your complete self to bring to a relationship.

It also helps to know that you will never truly be alone...even if your BF/GF leaves you.  God promises us in the Bible that He will never abandon us and will always love us because we belong to him...we are his children. If you believe this, you will find such confidence and comfort because you know you are never truly alone.

So, if you are in a good relationship, thank God for every day you have with your BF/GF. You have today, tomorrow will take care of itself. And God will always be there.

I'm a Man

"I’m a man, so I’ve got to be ___________________. " (Fill in the blank)

What word came to mind?

• Strong
• Brave
• Self-Sufficient
• Powerful
• In control

As a man, I know these are the types of words that pop into my head. This idea that we need to be a "man's man" and all that.

But I know I've hit lows in my life where I didn't feel so strong or brave. Where I thought I should be able to hold it together, but truthfully I needed help. Even admitting that is tough for me. Am I being too vulnerable? Will I be seen as weak? Our culture seems to send a message to men...don't reveal too much...don't "give in" to any discomfort you may be feeling.

I think it is very common for men to feel weak at times, but we try our best to hide it. Many men struggle with depression or anxiety...they don’t feel strong or like they can do it on their own any longer? I know this because I've talked to some of the bravest of these men...the ones that struggle with these things, but had enough courage to call me on my radio show to ask for help.

One young man faced this battle and finally decided to reach out to TheHopeLine for help. After he talked with a HopeCoach, he shared the following story.

Have you ever felt Ashamed?

This is Coy's Story:

My life began to feel so heavy and dark inside. I knew it was outside input from the enemy but eventually, I just started to believe the lie. I was a worthless father, husband, and provider for my family. My new job hadn’t panned out the way I thought it would and left my family of six with a $500 a month pay cut. Over the course of 6 months, we had fallen behind on rent, other bills and it just started to tailspin. Every day at work, I would contemplate and try to just build up the courage to walk out onto the highway in front of a semi. Too proud to ask for help, too much of a coward to take the easy way out.

I would dare say that these are feelings many men have...they want to provide for their families and when they are struggling to provide in the way they want to, they feel worthless, and yet they are too proud or scared to ask for help.  However, reaching out for help made all the difference for Coy and saved his life.  Read the rest of the story here: Coy's Story

The Tension Between Being Masculine and Depressed

The push and the pull between being masculine and depressed is a fight many guys engage in. Blogger, Charlie Scaturro, in his blog Masculinty, Anxiety and Depression  shares his battle. In it he says, “There’s something particularly emasculating about depression. About feeling like there’s no point in being alive and that everything is hopeless and ridiculous. If I were stronger, the narrative goes, I would be able to stop myself from feeling this way…

A real man isn’t supposed to get depressed. A real man is supposed to get angry.

A real man isn’t supposed to have anxiety and panic attacks. A real man is supposed to fight through anxiety and panic attacks and stop being such a you-know-what….

And this reality can lead to a desperate and harmful struggle to avoid whatever the opposite of power and strength and masculinity are. It can lead to denial and a refusal to get help or tell anyone about what’s going on because of the fear that it isn’t masculine.”

The Vicious Cycle

1. You’re a man.

2. You feel you’re supposed to be strong, courageous, self-sufficient, etc.

3. In reality, you are depressed and questioning your purpose? Struggling to get out of bed. Feeling debilitated.

4. You don’t tell anyone because you believe you are supposed to be strong enough to conquer this on your own and you don’t want others to see you as weak.

5. The depression causes you to have suicidal thoughts, but you don’t dare reach out for help.

Masculinity as a Possible Suicide Risk Factor

To begin with, here are some suicide statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

• Men die by suicide 3.5xmore often than women.
• White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2015.

A new study published in Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology on Masculinity and Suicide found that, “one characteristic of dominant masculinity—self-reliance—stood out as a risk factor for suicidal thinking.”

The study went on to say, “Men who are self-reliant may believe that they should be strong in the face of any adversity, consider that feeling down is a sign of weakness, and be unlikely to reach out to friends, family or professional sources for help.” 

You're a Man. You're also human.

You are a man, but you are also a human made to experience all kinds of emotions.   If you are struggling with life, feeling you don’t measure up, struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, worrying you are not financially stable enough…those are not things that make you weak they are emotions that make you human. It is possible to be both masculine and depressed. By acknowledging this and then finding the courage to share what you are feeling with another person is how you will find help and healing.

In our society, for the most part, men are emotionally isolated from other men. I don't know of many platforms where men can be vulnerable with one another. But I think it would be a move in the right direction to start these conversations and create safe groups for men to talk. It can start with you being willing to share a struggle with a friend. You may discover they have felt the same way.

If you don't have a friend you feel you can talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out to TheHopeLine Chat for help. Our HopeCoaches will never judge you. Rather they will encourage you and provide you with resources that can help. You do NOT have to do this alone. Sometimes the biggest sign of strength is having the courage to say you need help.

In the News

Unfortunately, there have been a number of tragic suicides recently of rock stars and other famous men whose public persona appears strong and masculine. Yet behind this public image they must have struggled with some difficult private battles.

Thankfully, mainstream media is also working to spread the message of hope.  The rapper, Logic, has a song titled, 1-800-273-8255 which is the phone number to the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine.

Here’s a verse from the song:

I know where you been, where you are, where you goin’

I know you’re the reason I believe in life

What’s the day without a little night?

I’m just tryna shed a little light

It can be hard

It can be so hard

But you gotta live right now

You got everything to give right now.

Know Your Worth

You do have something to give to this world. I believe God created you for a purpose and that he has a plan for your life. Don’t give up on that too soon.  Don’t quit before you find out what that purpose is and what joy may lie ahead. Come just as you are, flaws and all, and ask God to help you. He loves you so much! God says in the Bible, “The thief’s (satan’s) purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” 

If you have questions about this, please chat with a HopeCoach.

If you or a friend is struggling - What Now?

• Remember that you are not alone in what you are feeling.
• If you need to talk, call 800-273-TALK (8255) for free, confidential, 24/7 help.
• Get help for yourself https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
• Get help for someone else https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/
• If you are outside of the US, please visit infohttps://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/ to find resources in your area.
• Verses of Hope for those facing Depression
• Verses of Hope for those struggling with  Self-Worth
• Verses of Hope for those thinking about Suicide

If you are having suicidal thoughts or if you know someone who is considering suicide, find out what to do in TheHopeLine's eBook: Understanding Suicide.

Recovery from Addiction is Possible

In my blog Life At the End of The Trail we talked about what happens to people when they do not break the chains of their addiction. We talked about where they would be 25 years later. Now I want to talk about what you can do to experience recovery from addiction.

If you want to break the addiction in your life or know someone who does, this blog's for you. Unfortunately, there are many people who never come to this point, and as they say in Narcotics Anonymous, these are the people who end up in jails, institutions, or dead. But to the fortunate ones who say, "I really want help." There is help. There is hope. While it won't be easy, the chains can be broken.

So how does someone break the chains of addiction?

That's a good question. Books have been written on it, but let's give it a shot. Who knows? It might just change your life.

Step One: Come out of denial

What is denial? Denial is all the false beliefs our addictions hide behind. Like a living thing, an addiction will fight to stay alive. Its first line of defense is to remain hidden, so it constructs powerful arguments for why we are not addicted. How many times have you or someone you know who has an addiction come up with crazy statements to pretend they don't have an addiction? For example:

• I can quit anytime I want.
• I just use my addiction when I want to.
• My addiction isn't hurting anybody anyway.
• Oh well, it's too late.
• I can't change anyway.
• I'll quit someday, but I'm having too much fun now.

These and other statements prove the addict has not yet come out of denial and is not yet ready to start the long journey to freedom. Allie put it really well: You must admit you have an addiction and then have the will to change it. You must understand that it will not be easy. (Allie)  When somebody who's addicted says, "I can't go on like this; I will do whatever it takes to be set free," then you know there is hope for that person.

For example, I received this comment from Kitty: Dawson, I have been struggling with an eating disorder for several years. I'm anorexic. I know that if I don't quit, in 25 years, I will be dead. (Kitty) It would appear Kitty has faced the cold reality of her addiction. She seems serious in her willingness to change.

Step Two: Admit You Are Powerless

Just about every program teaches that the addict must admit they are powerless over their addiction. This is a difficult thing to do because many addictions make a person feel powerful while on the high. It's humbling to say, "I cannot help myself by myself; I am powerless over this monster called addiction."  For many, they have spent years with the false belief they have all the power. It's a huge step to come forward and admit to another person, "I am powerless over my addiction. I need help." But it is the only way to begin the recovery process.

It takes a lot of humility to break free. And there is that old enemy called shame, always there, ready to discourage someone from going forward.

Step Three: Turn to God

The most well-known and used program that helps people overcome addictions is the 12 Step Program. Five of the twelve steps deal directly with one's relationship with God. Only God can empower an addict to make the changes necessary for freedom. I received a very moving story from a guy named Dan. Once you have read his story, you will see how important a relationship with God can be:

I was addicted to sex for 25 years, since the very earliest experience. At the end, I had truly come to the end of my trail. I didn't feel human anymore and I thought I'd never be able to feel enjoyment or sense beauty ever again. I had the stink of death on me, and I would have been happy just to die in the desert away from humans and have my bones bleach in the sun. All the years of trying to quit and relapsing again and again accomplished nothing. I thought I was headed to Hell.

I drove all the way across the country. Halfway through Texas, I asked God what I was doing out there, and at that moment, I saw a sign in the middle of nowhere. It read: Trust Jesus. Well, I've been doing that ever since, and He's real and true. He's freed me from sexual addiction. He's showed me that the Bible contains all that we need to know. Jesus is the one who came, not to break us or put out our little flame of life, but to set us free. (Dan)

Very few people have left God out of their recovery attempts and been successful.

Conclusion:

To the person who is serious about breaking free from their addiction, whether it's cutting, gambling, drugs, eating disorders, etc., there is hope. People all around the world are overcoming their addictions one day at a time.

If you have broken an addiction, read this for help staying clean.

For more information on how to overcome your addiction, download TheHopeLine’s eBook:

We Are Facing An Opioid Epidemic

If you listen to my radio show you know that I’m a pretty straight shooter. I call it like it is. Sometimes it can come across harshly, but I’m often dealing with life and death situations and I don’t have time to sugar coat things, especially when someone calls who is addicted to drugs. Lately, the majority of drug-related calls I receive are from people addicted to pain-killers otherwise know as opioids. I often straight up tell them they are going to die because it’s the hard truth and someone needs to tell them. We are facing an opioid epidemic and we need to wake up.

Just listen to this call from Daniel. He’s reaching a breaking point as he is now up to 30 pills a day!

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/DANIEL+20+Chattanooga+-+30+Pain+Pills+a+Day.mp3

Opioids are a group of drugs often used for treating pain. However, when they are abused, the statistics are alarming.

What are the signs of substance abuse?

Substance abuse is characterized by an inability to stop using drugs, alcohol, or other harmful substances. You may hide your using from others, and you may find yourself becoming very angry when others express concern.

Here are the cold facts according to the Department of Health and Human Services:

• More people died from drug overdoses in 2014 than in any year on record.
• The majority of drug overdose deaths (more than six out of ten) involved an opioid.
• In the last 15 years, the rate of overdose deaths involving opioids—including prescription opioid pain relievers and heroin—nearly quadrupled.
• 91 American’s die every day from an opioid overdose
• The largest increase in overdose deaths from 2014 to 2015 was for those involving synthetic opioids (other than methadone), which rose from 5,544 deaths in 2014 to 9,580 deaths in 2015.

I’m not going to mince words in this blog either. You need to hear this. Prescription pain-relievers like Oxycontin, Oxycodone, Codeine, Hydrocodone, Methadone, Fentanyl are dangerous. They are nothing to experiment with. Taking your friends’ or parents’ prescription drugs is like playing with fire. These drugs can be highly addictive, and once hooked, it is extremely difficult to break the addiction.

Once addicted you often need a stronger dose to experience the same high and many users end up turning to illegal heroin. In fact, nearly 80 percent of Americans using heroin reported misusing prescription opioids prior to using heroin. And as the stats above indicate, abusing these drugs can kill you. So there’s my warning…DON’T DO IT. Just don’t go there. EVER.

Now – if you have been taking an opioid and you are wondering if you may be addicted here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Has your use of opioids increased over time?

2. Do you experience withdrawal symptoms when you stop using?

3. Do you use more than you would like, or more than is prescribed?

4. Have you experienced negative consequences to your using?

5. Have you put off doing things because of your drug use?

6. Do you find yourself thinking obsessively about getting or using your drug?

7. Have you made unsuccessful attempts at cutting down your drug use?

If you answered yes to at least three of those questions, then you are addicted to opioids. (Reference:www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)

To those reading this who are already hooked, let’s talk about how you can get help because there is help available and recovery is possible.

Once again, I’ll be honest, from all the personal stories I’ve heard and the research I’ve done, it’s going to be a hard journey, but YOU CAN DO IT with help. You cannot do it alone. You must tell someone.

In this call I took from Jackie, I had to get pretty blunt with her. She wanted me to tell her she was going to be o.k. and that she would get better, but she was still lying to her parents and trying to hide it. So I had to straight up tell her I didn’t think she was going to get better, unless she admitted to her parents that she had a problem. Take a listen.

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/JACKIE+18+Cleveland+-+Addicted+to+Pain+Pills.mp3

Opioid addicts must seek treatment because breaking this type of addiction will take much more than just willpower. Opioid withdrawal is both physically painful and psychologically difficult.

To treat the physical withdrawal symptoms, there are medications that can help reduce the side-effects and increase the chances of success. I encourage you to look into these with a doctor.

Once you have detoxed and made it through the physical effects of breaking the addiction, it is important to seek counseling. 12-step programs such as those at Narcotics Anonymous have a proven track record of helping people on the road to recovery.

An opioid addiction re-wires your brain and the anxiety and obsession that occur when breaking free are as difficult to endure as the physical discomfort. Your brain has been taught to believe that you can’t be happy without the drug. This is why relapse often occurs. Stress is a common trigger as well as social situations that remind the user of the drug’s pleasure. The brains reward pathways need to be retrained. It will take some time for them to return to a normal functioning state, but it is possible and worth the struggle. It is important to surround yourself with strong people who will hold you accountable.

You CAN stay clean

Bottom line. I care for you and want you healthy and alive. While the journey may be tough I fully believe that everything is possible with God’s help. So pray for strength and courage and a good support system. I encourage you to ask others to pray for you as well. We have a network of Prayer Champions on TheHopeLine prayer page that are waiting to pray for you. If you put your trust in God, He will never leave you.

For more information on breaking addictions, download our free Understanding Substance Abuse eBook.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/breaking-an-addiction-to-painkillers-treatment-overvew#1
https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/heroin
https://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/epidemic/index.html

 Loneliness is On the Rise

If you are feeling lonely, you are not alone. Kind of ironic, but true. The world is full of lonely people. In fact, loneliness is on the rise. Research shows that the rate of loneliness in the U.S. has doubled over the past thirty years. Today about 40% of Americans (60 million) report being lonely. In the 1980s, it was only 20%. (General Social Survey).

For some reason in this world full of people, we are struggling to find friends and make relationships that last.

Being lonely is a sad and unhealthy way to live. To be happy we need intimate bonds with others. We need to have people we can confide in. We need people who will support us and people whom we can support in return. We are created to live in community.

If you are finding yourself struggling with feelings of loneliness, let me encourage you that this does not have to be a permanent issue, and there are things you can do to fight against it.

What is Situational Loneliness?

Seasons of mild loneliness are totally normal. There are situations in everyone’s life that leave us feeling lonely. These seasons can be caused by a number of situations.

• A move to a new city
• A loved one died
• A change of school or job
• A new social network with people that are very different than you…you don’t have a common bond of faith or culture or interests, etc
• You have no romantic interest at the time

Situational loneliness is temporary, because situations change over time.

What is Chronic Loneliness?

Chronic loneliness on the other hand is a continual state of feeling lonely with no end in sight. You have a void of real emotional bonds with anyone that you can trust and confide in.

Let me warn you, it can be easy to wallow in a state of situational loneliness to the point that you let it turn into chronic loneliness. It is important to take steps to fight against the feelings of loneliness before it becomes a chronic problem for both mental and physical health reasons.

When you start to feel lonely you can also start to feel ashamed, and then you can start to think of yourself as a loser. If you allow yourself to believe that you may become reluctant to meet new people and before you know it you are stuck in a lonely state.

Licensed psychologist, author and speaker, Guy Winch, PhD, says, “Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us think that those around us care much less than they actually do. It also makes us afraid to reach out because we don’t want to set ourselves up for rejection and heartache when our heart is already aching.”

Feeling lonely, what can you do?
To begin with let’s acknowledge that loneliness is a FEELING not a fact. You can have all kinds of people in your life and still FEEL lonely. So here are 10 tips to help you move past this feeling.

10 Tips to End Loneliness

1. Realize you are not unusual - As the statistics show, you are not alone in feeling lonely. 40% of people are just like you. This doesn’t make the feeling any easier, but it may help to know you are normal and not unusual.

2. Let loneliness remind you of the value of connecting with others. Don’t give up on the importance of connecting with others. Let this feeling motivate you to seek relationships.

3. Identify your lonely thoughts. Write down some of the negative thoughts that you have when you are lonely. Do you think things like: “I will always be alone”, “If I am alone, I have to feel lonely and unhappy.”, “I must be a loser, because I am alone.” “No one must like me. Something must be wrong with me.” If so, try to come up with rational responses to those thoughts:

• Are you really always going to be alone or might you be interacting with people soon…at work, school, church, waiting in line, or participating in an activity. You are not on a deserted island.
• Do you have to feel sad because you are alone? Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be sad.
• Are you really a "loser" because you are alone? Everyone is alone at some time or another. Being alone is a situation — and situations change.

4. Use Alone Time Wisely – If you find yourself alone, you can choose to dwell in your loneliness or attempt to use your alone time to do a solo activity that you enjoy and become good at it. Maybe it’s reading, cooking, baking, golfing, fishing, etc.. Then use your new skill as a way to connect with others. Find a group with similar interests or use it as a conversation starter when you meet new people.

5. Get Off-Line - The internet can make us feel lonely because we attempt to substitute real relationships with online relationships. Though we temporarily feel better when we engage others virtually, these connections tend to be superficial and ultimately dissatisfying. Yet lonely people can exert so much energy to feel connected on-line that they don’t put forth effort to build off-line, fulfilling relationships. Additionally, the internet can get in the way when you are actually with someone in person, but you are both constantly on your phones. Meaningful conversation still won’t occur if you are both on-line.

6. Don’t miss positive social cues - Lonely people can be so wrapped up in their feelings of loneliness that they are less able to pick up on positive social cues, like others’ attention and or signals from others that they are willing to commit to a friendship. Without picking up on these cues, lonely people withdraw prematurely. Open your eyes and look for what others may be communicating to you.

7. Fight the emotional habit of loneliness - Realize you are dealing with an emotional habit and be willing to do the hard work of combating it. Invite someone out or initiate a conversation. It will be worth it. The emotion of loneliness can pass, depending on what you're thinking and what you're doing.

8. Focus on the needs and feelings of others. Shifting your focus from how bad you’ve got it to how you can bless others will go a long way in combating loneliness.

9. Develop realistic expectations – If you are expecting a new friend to call you constantly or spend time together daily, or share every detail of their life, you may be disappointed. Your friendship is not diminished if your time together is limited. People have busy lives and are balancing many relationships and work or school. Don’t give up on a relationship just because they aren’t able to give as much as you expect.

10. Remember you are never truly alone - it is important for us to know that we are never truly alone. God promises to never abandon us and to always be with us and strengthen and help us and uphold us. If you are facing a season of feeling isolated, turn to God. Learn to trust Him through prayer and reading the Bible. Welcome His presence into your life.

You can do this! Put yourself out there, make new friends or renew old friendships. You will be so happy you did!