No Easy Answers

Sometimes from the outside looking in we can't understand why someone doesn't just end the relationship after cheating occurs or end it before they decide to cheat in the first place. However, there aren't always easy answers to these questions. And sometimes the relationship is worth saving, but how and why?

So, let's take a look at these questions.

Why not end the relationship before you decide to cheat?

A lot of people (guys and girls) commented that guys don't end relationships before moving on because either they don't know how to tell their girlfriend it's over, or they simply wimp out and avoid all uncomfortable conversations. Some even cheat as a means of breaking up.

Melzer wrote: I think guys cheat because they want to end their current relationship...

Dustin wrote: He (looks for) a way to make her leave him, so He finds someone else who fits those needs and finds a way to let her find out.

Dante wrote: There are guys who cheat because they know it's over but they're not willing to end it...In the meantime, he goes out and cheats until he gets caught.

Melzer wrote: I think I just realized why men cheat, well one reason at least, its because it's so hard walking away, and letting go, hurting someone...When I read it, I knew that I had to take that step with the guy I'm dating, let him know it's not personal, but I'm ready to move on. I'm not a cheater, but I've never been so unhappy with someone before and it's hard to walk away, so I've been miserable lately, and now I know how to leave, thank you.

HARD TRUTH

Nobody changes the oil in a car they have already decided to trade-in. Get the point?

If someone has already decided to move on, preserving and maintaining the current relationship is not a high priority. So rather than having a conversation to end the relationship, which may be uncomfortable, they just move on and break hearts in the process.

Sometimes they may have been sending signals for a while that they are not committed to the relationship any longer, but the person they are dating is not recognizing the signs or is choosing to ignore them. If you are seeing signs they are not committed, don't hang on until they cheat.

So why not leave the minute you've been cheated on?

Scared to be Alone

Unfortunately, I get lots of comments from people who were clearly in toxic relationships. They know it, and probably everyone around them knows it too. They have been used and hurt and almost certainly will be used and hurt some more. But they cannot bring themselves to leave. The people who hang on despite it all likely have a love addiction.

Love addiction is a lot like other addictions in that a person obsessively and compulsively tries to relieve or medicate the deep pain in their life with feeling loved. If someone is a love addict, they think they cannot live without the other person no matter how toxic, and you will do just about anything to keep the relationship alive.

Cristy wrote: I'm 15. I was recently cheated on and don't know what to do...he begs for me back and I was about to when I saw him again... he knew this. Yet he got back with his other ex, slept with her then they broke up and he still wanted me back. I just don't know what to do and I feel so lost. I think I am done but I love him...

Gina wrote: (The) question would be why people stay with someone who cheats over and over again?

HARD TRUTH

The more you love someone, the more power you give them to hurt you. So, no love, then no hurt. But that's not the best solution. A good guideline is to measure out your emotions according to your age, how much you really know about a person, and your true prospects for a lifetime together. Guys or girls who get into relationships and quickly put the gas pedal to the floor emotionally are going to have so many wrecks, their love life might be permanently damaged because trust is hard to come by.

So, when and how should you save the relationship?

The Cheater Needs to be Genuinely Sorry

Derek wrote: I cheated on my girlfriend but want to move past it with her. She doesn’t think she can. What can I do?

Unfortunately, Derek has dug a deep hole for his relationship, and it’s going to take a lot of work to dig out of it. He has shown his girlfriend (and himself) that he is an untrustworthy person. And now he's wondering if it’s possible to ever rebuild trust with her. I believe it is if he truly loves her and is truly sorry for what he did.

Most guys just say to themselves, I did it. I told her I was sorry. So, let’s move on. But it doesn’t work that way. The person who's been cheated on needs a much longer time to heal. If you really want to work it out, don't lose patience and walk away from their relationship just about the time they are starting to heal.

So, in Derek's situation what might his girlfriend be feeling? She might be feeling he is not really sorry for what he did. She also might want to make sure he pays the price for his actions and punishes him breaking up with him.

HARD TRUTH

The brokenness in any relationship can only be healed by the cheater seeking forgiveness for what they've done. So, how do you do this?

• First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you have hurt another person. This means taking full responsibility for your actions, and not just thinking your BF/GF is blowing things out of proportion.
• Talk to God about this, and ask Him to forgive you for what you’ve done, and ask for courage to say what you need to say to and do for your BF/GF.
• Ask for your BF/GF's forgiveness. You need to clearly explain what you’re sorry for, without making any excuses.
• Let you BF/GF respond to you without getting defensive about what they say. Again, remember they will need time to sort out their feelings.

After this, the best thing you can do is to show yourself as completely trustworthy, avoiding opportunities to slip back into your wrongful, untrustworthy behavior. But, you did the right thing by seeking forgiveness, and your new attitude and actions will be the best way to prove you are truly sorry for what happened. Just remember, this is going to take a while.

How to Love Well

If you want to really love someone well, the Bible has one of the best definitions of love ever. "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." This kind of love may never be fully achieved by people on earth who make mistakes, but it is a good standard to work toward.  And the really beautiful thing is that this definition describes God's incredible love for us...even when we mess up.

Are you the cheater? Whether the relationship survives or not, move forward. To have meaningful relationships in the future try these 5 Life-changing Steps.

The subject of cheating can be very personal, and you are likely looking for personal answers.  Why did this happen to you?  Why did your guy cheat on you?

Did Your Guy Cheat? Why?

When employees leave a company, the common practice is to conduct an exit interview. That is where the Director of Human Resources (HR) meets with the departing employee and questions about them why they are leaving. They talk about their job description, their working environment, and what they really think about their boss. They also want to know what the company could have done better to keep them. The HR director might even try to persuade them to stay or to come back if things don't work out with the new job. The objective for the company is to help them do a better job of recruiting and retaining good employees. If, however, an employee is caught stealing (or cheating), security guards usually escort them out of the building and the exit interview never happens.

Most dating relationships do not end with constructive exit interviews, especially if it ends by one person cheating on the other. If you did have that kind of meeting, your objective would be the same...to learn how to find and keep a better boyfriend (BF). So here is a little mental exercise an imaginary exit interview with you, your ex-boyfriend, and the human resource director in charge of finding your next BF.

Exit Interview Questions to Ask Yourself

1. Describe how and why your relationship began with this cheating ex-boyfriend. What attracted you most to one another?
2. Were you or was he rebounding from another relationship? How and why did those relationships end?
3. What were you initially looking for in the relationship with the BF who cheated on you? Love, companionship, sex, marriage, popularity, interesting conversations, getting back at your previous ex-boyfriend, getting out of the house, getting back at your parents/guardians, something to do on the weekends?
4. What do you think your ex-boyfriend was looking for?
5. Were there outside pressures weighing on you before and during the relationship? Peer pressure to have a boyfriend, pressure from friends, feeling left out of your group, etc.
6. How deeply did the relationship go beyond physical attraction?

If you answer the imaginary exit interview questions in all honesty, then you probably already know why the relationship didn't last. Being completely honest and straightforward (even with ourselves) is not as easy or as common as you might think.

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Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
Sex And Father Hunger
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

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Take An Honest Evaluation of Yourself

People spend as much or more time lying to themselves about their true intentions as they do lie to others. Have you ever listened to someone rant and rave about a person or a situation? And the more you listened, the more you realized that they were completely out of touch with what really happened. They were so wound up about being hurt, disappointed, or embarrassed that they just could not take an honest look at themselves.

Jen wrote: You know, this is one of those things that is quite difficult to answer, as to be honest, whoever knows why people do the things they do. There are many different opinions on why men and women cheat. To me, there are just way too many reasons to know what the real "why" is or maybe. As for me, I often still find myself wondering what the answers are. I'll admit, relationships confuse me to this very day! Every relationship I have been in, something bad has always happened... In the end, relationships are hard, and cheating occurs for answers I wish I knew. I have yet to figure this out. And I have yet to figure "me" out. Maybe that's the answer? I don't know.

Other people (perhaps, like Jen) seem to be quite sincere, but just have not been able to dig down deep enough to pull out the answers. Being able to look at yourself with no-holding-back honesty is a pretty important part of learning from what has happened to you.

More Thoughts on Cheating

Cristy wrote: I'm 15. i was recently cheated on and don't know what to do...he begs for me back and i was about to when i saw him again... he knew this. yet he got back with his other ex, ****** her, then they broke up and he still wanted me back... i just don't know what to do and i feel so lost... i really trusted him and he doesn't understand.... i think i am done but i love him...

badboyloveshugs wrote:(Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? It is because) he is allowed to do so by girlfriends who keep taking him back.

Just because you were cheated on and just because it hurt really bad, doesn't necessarily mean you are going to learn anything from that experience. How do I know that? Because girls who have been cheated on often go back their cheating BFs, or they find a new BF who does the very same thing.

The questions above help you take a long hard look inside. That kind of honest look at yourself is going to make you a wiser, deeper person, and one who is going to attract some great guys.

This might sound a little foreign to you, but it's not wrong to feel angry.   It does matter, though, how you respond or react to it. 

You might not realize that you have a choice. You may feel like all you can do is express your anger by hitting, yelling, or throwing something. In this blog, I talk about how to deal with your anger...to keep it under control from being a harmful and negative force in your life. But here's the good news, you can do something else with your anger. You can use it for good when you approach the situation from the perspective of a problem solver.

Anger comes from a very real place of feeling out of control about a situation or even a relationship. Clarissa wrote: We get angry when something is wrong, and sometimes we can actually let the aggression motivate us to try to change what's wrong, rather than just blow up at people. I think there are a lot of ways I could be making the anger a motivational tool for change, and let love take care of the rest. I also know in my heart that I have a God who can help me deal with this.

You are always going to encounter difficult and challenging circumstances and people. Learning how to productively work through problems is going to help you for the rest of your life. Instead of just letting the feelings of anger take over, stop and figure out what is making you so angry. Make a plan for how you can fix the situation and approach it with good intentions.

Anger can motivate you to try to get something changed, whether it's a broken relationship, or even social injustice.

Anger About a Relationship

Is it that someone ignored you, or made you feel stupid, or did they physically hurt you? Decide if you really care what that person thinks about you. If you don't care, then just move on. But if you do, you can be the bigger person and seek to make peace with him/her.

Sometimes explaining yourself when you've been wronged, in a manner that is (as much as possible) free from emotion, can help you decide whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if you actually need to leave it behind. Find a safe situation where you can express your anger and frustration in a way that isn't accusatory, but instead, allows for dialogue with the other person. Sometimes just telling someone how you feel helps tremendously to lessen the anger you're experiencing. But remember, the goal is to solve the problem, and not just to get something off your chest. Find out what the other person's perspective is on the situation. A lot of anger stems from common misunderstandings.

Dealing With Injustice

Many people get angry when they see other people treated wrongly. Expressing your anger with focus and passion can be very inspirational to other people and will help you stay motivated as you work for your cause.

Sarah wrote: I got so angry at how some other kids were being treated at my school. I went to the administration, and they made some new rules that helped to protect them.

Many people, like Sarah, see injustice going on in the world around them. Maybe it's at your school, or in your home, but it might also be some horrible tragedy you find out about going on around the world. For example, you might want to help by raising awareness about the sex trafficking problem going on in the U.S. and other countries. Maybe poverty and starvation really get you upset.

Focusing your passion and energy toward these horrible situations can be very productive.

Joseph wrote: If you are able to turn your anger into passion, you can use it for good.

It's not wrong to feel angry. Taking all that powerful energy and working to find solutions, help, and healing with things you see as being wrong can be very beneficial to your own peace of mind, and the betterment of the world around you. Be the brave and courageous one who decides to stand up and make a positive difference. Let anger work for you, and it will soon affect others in a very positive way.

Anger can affect your physical health, but there are healthy ways to manage it with self-care. Find out how here. 

Do you know someone who struggles with anger? You probably don't have to look any further than your own mirror. I've written about what anger is, and now I'm asking the question, why do we get angry?

We get angry based on our reaction to a variety of things, people, circumstances, memories, or personal problems, just to name a few. It can also be a response to a single event, or a reaction to numerous events. What makes you angry? Here are some reasons people have sent me:

Shawnee wrote: What makes me angry? Being ignored.

Ali wrote: Fake people and liars.

Jake wrote: Trying hard at something and failing.

Ashley wrote: I hate it when people criticize me and have no idea what I go through.

Michael wrote: Being nice to people, only to have them be mean to me.

Jane wrote: Not being able to control my emotions.

When you feel anger, it's easy to want to lash out to get back at whatever, or whoever, has hurt you. Unfortunately, we all know that anger can get out of control and become destructive, causing a ton of problems.

So why do we get angry?

1. We get angry when our expectations are not met. When something doesn't go the way we think it should, we try to take control over the out of control situation with anger.  Chells wrote: Usually I don't get angry much, however, being accused of things will set me off big time.

2. We also get angry when we feel we're being threatened. And it may or may not be a real situation. We've all seen a person get angry about something that isn't a real threat at all. For example, the guy at a bar who gets in a fight with another guy because, He looked at me funny, when the other guy didn't even know he was there. People carry a lot of emotional baggage into certain situations, making them feel more threatened than they need to feel.

1. Additionally, some angry people carry their resentments and rage around with them at all times, creating an environment that makes other people be more aggressive toward them, just enhancing the whole anger cycle. These are the kinds of people who have a very short fuse, and any number of things will set them off.

Here are some other reasons why people might get angry. Maybe you have experienced some of these, too:

• Grief - losing a loved one.
• Rudeness
• Tiredness
• Hunger
• Pain
• Withdrawal from drugs or some medications
• Some physical conditions, such as PMS
• Physical illness
• Mental illness
• Alcohol, some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse
• Injustice
• Being teased or bullied
• Humiliation
• Embarrassment
• Deadlines
• Traffic jams
• Disappointment
• Sloppy service
• Failure
• Infidelity
• Burglary
• Financial problems
• Being told you have a serious illness

The fact is, just about anything can trigger an angry reaction. Monica said, I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don't know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all comes out.

Remember, even though anger will most likely be a part of the rest of your life, you don't have to let it control you. In my next blog let's talk about ways to manage your anger.

Your friend,
Dawson

Forgiving people who have angered you, even if they don't deserve it can free you from the toxic emotions which trap you.  To understand how to forgive and why it’s so important for you to forgive, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

The Monster Within

There's no escaping the reality of anger. It affects everybody at one time or another. Over the many years I've been in talk radio, I've become convinced at least half of those who have called me are in some way angry or have suffered as a result of someone else's rage. There are literally millions of people whose lives have all but been destroyed because of the monster within, anger.

And yet, there are so many people who don't recognize how angry they really are, or even how they are expressing it. Much less, how it is affecting every aspect of their lives, including all their relationships.

So, what is anger?

Anger is an emotion that can be very powerful and all-consuming. It's a deep feeling of displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something we think has hurt us. Anger usually has with it a desire to get even or hurt back.

Anger can be so powerful that it can even affect us physically. For example, anger increases heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline. Its effect on the body's nervous system can lead to a weakened heart and stiffened arteries. There's also the potential for liver and kidney damage, as well as high cholesterol. Anger may bring along other issues like depression or anxiety. Some scientists think that chronic anger may be more dangerous than smoking and obesity as a factor that will contribute to an early death.

Ultimately, anger is a reaction to feeling hurt, weak, vulnerable, or belittled in some way by someone or something. We use anger to help us feel strong and in control, and to help mask our feelings of hurt and weakness. When you see an angry person, you see a hurt person using anger to try and make up for all the pain.

Jenny wrote: One of the things that makes me angry a lot is not knowing a single thing about my birth father. And how much not having him in my life affected my life growing up and how I am with guys since I have never had a father figure to show me how it is to be loved by a man the right way.

Jenny is obviously hurt. She feels abandoned by her birth father who she has never met. Not only that, but she has never had a father figure in her life. Jenny's anger helps her make up the difference between her desire to feel loved and accepted, and her feeling so weak and neglected.

If you are struggling with anger and bitterness from being hurt, you may want to consider How to Forgive or listen to this podcast on How to Deal with Anger.

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

39% of teens are sexting

A recent study found that 39% of teenagers have sent or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves or sent sexually suggestive emails, texts or snaps! Most of these are being sent to boyfriends/girlfriends, but others say they are sending these pics and texts to someone they want to hook up with, or maybe even someone they only know online.

Let me ask you...What do you think about sexting? Why do you think so many people are doing it?

Why do People Sext?

Here is some insight I received from your comments:

Cassie shared her reasons for sexting: I think us girls do it because we think we have to. It's a way to get a boy's attention and show him what we got and get him to like us more. Looking back, I regret it and wish I didn't. I think the boys might actually lose respect for you.

I also heard from you that people sext because it's so easy to do. It also has an element of risk to it. It's a huge rush, sharing the most personal part of yourself with another person. You don't really know how they're going to respond to it. Will it turn them on, or off? Will they like you more, or less?

Abigail tells why she sends sext messages: My compulsion towards sexting is similar to young girls who are promiscuous; I look for male affection in the wrong places. I seek it from boys who only like parts of me instead of all of me. It can easily become an addiction as strong as drugs or alcohol.

4 Warnings about Sexting

Here are some things to think about before you take the plunge into sexting:

1. Nothing you send or post stays private

It might seem harmless enough, just sending a dirty, flirtatious picture of yourself to your bf/gf's phone. But before you can say, For Your Eyes Only, more people have seen you in your underwear than you ever dreamed. Anna said: If you want every one of your boyfriend's friends, and maybe more, to see your naked body then go for it. My boyfriend asked me for that and I said no and he respected that. My view is that one day I will go far in life, and I don't want sexting' to be revealed now or ever.

It might seem fun in the moment, but your flirty pics may be searchable by anyone on the planet for years to come. You can't control what other people post online, or where they choose to send or post your dirty pictures.

2. Your joking around might be misunderstood

Just because, in your mind, your text or pic is meant to be fun, doesn't mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Not to mention all the others who may see it as well. People may easily assume, and even expect, that you're more open to having sex than you are. You may end up ruining your own reputation, simply for a few cheap thrills.

3. It's impossible to be completely anonymous

If you're sending pics online to a complete stranger, thinking they will never find out who you really are, or where you live, think again. Even though you may be disguising facts about your name, age, location, etc., it's easy for online predators to find out who and where you are.

4. Legally, the consequences could be drastic

Some states really crack down on sexting declaring that sexting photos of someone who is a minor (even yourself!) is considered a felony. You can end up getting labeled as a sex offender if pictures of a minor are found on your phone. That label would follow you for the rest of your life.

Don't Give in to Pressure - You are worth More

It may be very tempting to give into a bf/gf's request for you to sext them. But, whatever you do, don't give in to their pressure. Almost half the people who sext, say they do it because of pressure from other people.

Amber says this is what happened to her: I had guys ask me for pictures and I gave in cause they told me they loved me and I believed them.

Jessica finds herself in the same position: My bf is always asking me for nude pics and I tell him no, and then he wants to break up with me when I don't, so I give in.

How sad!

Jessica was used and emotionally bullied by some guy who doesn't even love her. It's not worth it. It will never be worth it. The damage will far outweigh the supposed benefits. So don't do it. You are worth far more than simply a sexy picture on a phone.

The power of words. You no doubt have experienced how careless and cruel words hurt others and tear apart the closest of friends. Unfortunately, words have the power to destroy someone's reputation.

Destroying Someone's Reputation

Someone commented: All my life I have been talked and gossiped about, and still am, behind my back. I just ignore them and walk away but sometimes I wonder what the problem with me is and what have I done to deserve being talked badly about.

Even though no one can have complete control over what others say or think about them, it is possible to do some things that can protect your reputation, and possibly prevent people from gossiping about you.

Protect Your Online Reputation

The Internet has the potential to define the reputation of a person for good or bad. Online is often where someone's first opinion of you is formed. So, think before you post. What people see or read about you online influences their opinion of you. You have some control here, so the best thing you can do to protect your reputation is to manage your online presence.
How can you do that?

Simple Ways to Protect Your Online Reputation

• Takedown anything that is inappropriate online and put up what you would like others to know about you.
• Don't post inappropriate or sexual comments or photos on social media sites. Whatever you post is painting a picture of who you are. You never know who is going to see something you post. What might seem like an inside joke between you and a good friend can be misinterpreted by someone on the outside, including potential future employers. Information online is often permanent and searchable.
• Don't post music, lyrics or images that are violent, sexual, or drug related. While you may know you don't do drugs, or that you're not violent, someone who doesn't know you might find it easy to think you are...they might not get the joke.
• Don't use an email address with sexual overtones, and don't send sexual texts or photos through your phone. You might think you're only sending it to one person, but you never can know for sure who they will think should see it. Nothing on the Internet or sent through phones is truly private, it can all be traced. And remember, everything you do online is sending a message to others about who you are.

Cierra said: If you want to protect your reputation you have to think about if I do this just once, do I want people knowing about it or thinking of me in this way? I know you shouldn't care about what others think, but there are times when it's okay to.

Think about what you are showing others by what you say and the way you act, not only online but offline. People are watching and making judgments about what kind of person you by what you show them. As you begin to understand this, you are better able to act in ways that will enhance your reputation rather than damage it.

If your reputation has been damaged, I wrote this blog with tips on How to Rebuild a Bad Reputation. Check it out!

Maybe you've made some bad choices, and the gossipers are now using them against you. Our reputation can be harmed when we make poor choices at work or school, or when we hurt others in our relationships.

Perhaps you struggle with the same relationship problems over and over, or you keep falling back into harmful or addictive behaviors. All that has an impact on your reputation.

Or maybe someone is making up lies about you, simply trying to hurt you.

Gossiping is such a popular way for people to spend their time, and tragically, the damage it can do spreads like a virus, until someone's reputation is seriously damaged.

You may feel like there's no chance to counteract the horrible things they are saying. It's going to take some time, but trust me, the good news is, you can rebuild your reputation and you can recover.

Here are some ideas on how to do it:

Ignore the Negative

It is very important to stop listening to all the bad things being said about you it will only bring you down and leave you feeling discouraged and hopeless.

That was Sarah's experience: I was driving myself crazy, listening or even trying to imagine what other people were saying about me. I had to stop. Then I could finally move on.

Plan out your Future Self

Figure out what kind of person you want to be, and then work on showing that to other people. You're well aware of how you don't want people to view you. How do you want them to view you? And why?

Find a Friend you can Confide in

Find one other person you can talk to who will remind you of the person you want to be and believes the best about you. If you can't find anyone, be that person for yourself.

Are your friends adding to, or taking away, from your reputation?

Devon commented: Until I could find a good friend, I had to keep telling myself over and over I am not the person they say I am. I'm a good person and though I'm not perfect, I'm working on getting better.

Be Honest about your Mistakes

If the source of the gossip is rooted in truth, let people (especially the people you care about the most) know what is true, but that you want to change. Then, over time, go about proving it to them!
Time will usually heal a lot of difficult situations.

A New Group of Friends?

Figure out if you need a new group of friends.  Are your friends adding value to, or taking away, from your reputation? If they are affecting your reputation in a negative way, you don't have to neglect, or start talking badly about them, but you might want to add some new people into your life people who are known to say encouraging and positive things.

Misty said: I found out from another friend that the people I was hanging out with were only hurting my reputation. I still care about them, but I need to be careful about what influence they might be having on me.

Show you care about Other People

Smile, and be nice to people you see. Take a genuine interest in what other people are doing or thinking. People always appreciate someone who seems to care. You'll find that people will be drawn to you, and less likely to talk badly about you.

Simply being nice to others gives you a chance to feel good about yourself, win new friends, and allow existing acquaintances to, eventually, reconsider their thoughts about you.

Make a little change

Sometimes changing something as simple as your hairstyle or your clothes will make a ton of difference in how people view you. Be creative, and don't be afraid to conform just a little bit to what seems to be the current looks.

Don't ever try to turn into something you are not!

Be patient

It takes time to build a good reputation. And even more time to rebuild a damaged one. In time, the truth about you will be known. A good reputation is hard to destroy. Who you are as a person speaks for itself. Besides, sometimes people go on with their own lives, and forget what was said about you.

David had this experience: I had people saying bad things about me. But after a while, people just kind of forgot about it. You just have to be patient and stay confident.

An additional tip to help you rebuild your reputation

If you're feeling like you need to rebuild your reputation, ask your close friends or family what they see to be your positive or negative traits. What do they think would be beneficial for you to adjust, in order to help improve your reputation?

No matter what you do to rebuild your reputation, don't ever try to turn into something you are not. Just remember to be true to yourself, and honest to your closest friends. As you seek to live the best life you can, you will be able to hold your head held high no matter what other people say about you.

Rebuild a bad reputation also by working on your self-esteem. It's possible to change what you and others think about you.