Faces of Addiction at the End of the Trail

I used to do a lot of trail riding in the Colorado Rockies. From my log home, I would saddle up and have several trails to choose from. One trail was only a mile long. Another ten. And still another, twenty-five. But each trail one thing in common there was an end to it. Life is like that. There is an ending to it. I've done a lot of thinking about addictions these last few weeks. I've read a lot of stuff too.

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I couldn't help from thinking, where do our addictions take us? What does someone who is addicted feel like or look like 25 years later or, at the end of their trail? It's hard to think about these things when you are young because, when you're young, 25 years seems like an eternity. Plus, when you have your youth, it's easy to feel invincible, like nothing can hurt you (that's why so many soldiers are 19 and not 40).

Where Addictions Lead

The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said some awesome things about life. They are written in the Bible for us to read. He said for example, don't let the excitement of being young keep you from your Creator. At another time, the king was warning his son about sexual addiction. The king didn't warn his son of the damage sexual addiction could do to him today, but what damage it would do to him over a long period of time:

So, my friend, listen closely;
don't treat my words casually.
Keep your distance from such a woman;
absolutely stay out of her neighborhood.
You don't want to squander your wonderful life,
to waste your precious life among the hardhearted.
Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you?
Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?
You don't want to end your life full of regrets,
nothing but skin and bones,
Saying, Oh, why didn't I do what they told me?
Why did I reject a disciplined life?
Why didn't I listen to my mentors, or take my teachers seriously?
My life is ruined!
I haven't one blessed thing to show for my life!'"

King Solomon painted a very graphic picture of where his son would be if he fell into the addiction trap.

Allure of Addictions

Somebody once said, the devil can paint a pretty picture too. That's true, and so can every addiction. No addiction wants to paint the picture of a life at the end of the trail. But with your help, I have attempted to paint that very picture. Trust me, it is not a pretty one. You may be tempted to turn away. Please don't. What you read from your own peers could save your life. So, the end of the trial does not have to be a horrible, deadly, bitter place for you, but a place of freedom and joy.

Every word you read from this point on is written by you and your peers.

Drugs

You know my mom has been addicted to marijuana 25 yrs or longer! Her life is horrible. She took my childhood because I had to raise my sister and has left me with a lot of guilt because I did a bad job. She's very bitter about her life and her choices and is extremely paranoid all the time. If you could see and live what I have, you would never try marijuana. After 25 years, she has ruined her life and affected everyone around her. She's left me with emotional scares I don't think will ever heal and that affect me in my everyday life. I can't even have a healthy relationship now because I have no clue what that is. - Kelly

Gambling

I think that 25 years from now, someone who is addicted to gambling would be living on the street and have absolutely no money at all. People wouldn't trust that person because they've been known to have a problem with gambling. They would end up on the street because they would probably use up all their money to go to the casino and play - Mariah

Love Addiction

In 25 years, people that are addicted to relationships and or love will be emotionally drowned by their own needs and the real sad part of it is that they won't even know it. They [will] live their whole life around the idea of always having to be in love. - Liz

Sex Addiction

25 years from now, a girl with a sex addiction could end up sitting in a room wondering how she is going to pay next month's rent because after 25 years of prostitution, her body isn't beautiful' enough for the business. The future looks hopeless. Years of abuse and roller coasters of emotion have taken a toll on all forms of hope for something greater. The need to be loved and accepted is still unfulfilled despite the money-making highs' night after night after night. All sense of self-worth, value, identity...disappeared long ago. The loneliness must be unbearable. - Sarah

Eating Disorders

I have had an eating disorder for 6 years, going on 7. I've lost: My friends, my family, my body, my mind, my sense of identity, my ability to think clearly, the ability to stay warm, the ability to not go a day without hating myself. I've lost my ability to know who I am, and my purpose in life other than to self-destruct. My eating disorder started as a way of coping. And I just thought, once I lost a little weight, once I was a little thinner, then I would be better. It would let me GO. IT HAS NOT LET ME GO!! I have become a liar and I hate myself every day. Eating Disorders are hell, and knowing all this about myself, I am still an addict. I'm still sick. - Trisha

Cutting

I am a cutter, and I hate myself every time I do it again. In 25 years, my arms and legs could be full of scars. I want to work with children when I finish high school, and who is going to trust me with their children if they see the marks on my body? Who's going to ask me for help and guidance with their children if they see what I did to myself? I will probably have lost a lot of friends. I will probably have a hard time getting a job anywhere. I'll have to spend the rest of my life covering up my scars Plus, I may accidentally cut myself in the wrong spot and bleed to death if I don't quit cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.  Abby

Conclusion

There are so many things wrong with addictions. They take over your life. It never ends with just one addiction. Then you can't stop lying to feed your addiction and other times you steal to get what you want (not need). You put your addiction first above anything else, including your friends, family, job, self-respect and morals.  Your addiction ends up causing you to hurt the people you love. You mess up your life and sometimes you can't pull back. Pretty soon you'll lose everything, accept your addiction. But by then, it's not even worth it. - Jenna

I have been thinking about addictions a lot lately. It all started when I began receiving so many calls on my show, Dawson McAllister Live. It seemed like 60-70% of all the calls coming in dealt with some kind of an addiction. Not only did I hear about personal addictions, but from people who knew the addict and were paying a very dear price because of it.

So, who's an addict?

Let me tell you about some people I know personally.

Somebody very close to me, whom I love dearly, became heavily involved in drugs. It was then I saw all the lying, denying, cravings, selfishness, weight loss, withdrawals, and suicide attempts. Through this experience, my eyes were opened to the treatment process, and the horrific struggle to stay clean.

Recently I received an email from a friend who's highly respected in the youth ministry world. He had a big-time counseling practice, taught at a prestigious college, and helped a lot of people. What I didn't know was that he was a recovering alcoholic. He, like so many other people, kept his addiction a secret. After 30 years of staying clean, he relapsed. He thought he could handle just one drink, but he was wrong. This is where his addiction came back to life, and it all but destroyed him. He lost his job, his family, his health, almost everything important to him. He ended up with a felony conviction, for which he spent time in prison. He's out now and working to live clean.

6 out of 10 People are Addicted to Something

Recently I had a chance to talk with a top addiction counselor. I asked him a simple question, how many people in America have some kind of an addiction problem? He thought for a while, and then said to me, at least 60-70%. I was stunned to realize at least 6 out of 10 people have an addiction to something.

I've learned addictions don't go away on their own. It's not like you grow out of them. It's far more serious than that. Through it all, I've come to hate addictions. I've committed to learn as much as I can about them and helping as many people as possible recover from the addictive grip that is ruining their lives. I am writing a series of blogs on addiction. You will read my personal opinions on this very important subject. It may just change your life. It is my prayer you will never become addicted, and if you should, you will be able to find help and be set free from its horrible grip. Check out Megan's story of hope and healing.

Addictions can include dependencies on:

• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Nicotine
• Sugar
• Caffeine
• Workaholism
• Pornography
• Sexually acting out
• Eating
• Purging (Bulimia)
• Not eating (Anorexia)
• Relationships (love addiction)
• Controlling others
• Spending
• Gambling
• Cutting
• Excessive exercising
• Video games
• Internet
• Lying
• Approval
• Stealing
• Excitement
• Possessions
• Power/Status

So, what is an addiction?

I have checked many sources as to the definition of what an addiction is. So here goes:
An addiction is an uncontrollable craving for a drug or behavior that helps numb the pain that someone is feeling from not having their emotional or spiritual needs met. No matter what the addiction or false feel-good is (drugs, cutting, pornography, sex, etc), it is always used to give the addict a great feeling (a high). Some people call this great feeling a rush.

The rush comes from a release of chemicals in our brain that causes us to feel good. It may be a temporary high (Meth, gambling), or a deep feeling of calmness (pot, cutting). The addict chases the high, not the particular drug he/she is using. It's the high, not the drug, he/she is after. A true addiction will cause withdrawal symptoms when the user tries to quit. This withdrawal can be physical, emotional, or both. All addictions lead to chaos in the addict's life and the lives of those around them. Without intervention, addictions can lead the addict to jail, institutions, or death.

Other definitions of addictions from your comments:

To me, [an] addiction is when you truly believe you need whatever you're addicted to just to make it through the day. When you go out with your friends the first question you ask is "are we getting high" or "drunk" or whatever. When you think you can't live without it, it's all you think about, and it makes you miserable to not be able to have it. That's how it is for me. I feel like I'm dying without it. I can't do anything without it. - Becky

[Drugs or certain behaviors] affect the mind, get into the blood, create a feeling or better an illusion that everything is perfect. [It later makes] the person feel moody, depressed, and angry. All that person can think about is the next fix, the next drink just so they don't have to feel this way again. None of these addictions are a way to live; they are a way to die. Eric

I think the definition of an addiction is something you feel you need in your life to survive, something you just cannot live without. - Shannon

An addiction is something that a person turns to when they cannot handle the cards that they are being dealt. Amanda
I define addiction as something that's controlling you, as opposed to you controlling it. When you have an addiction, it's like you can't think for yourself, and that addiction is living your life for you. - Iris

"I believe that the only reason I continued doing the drugs I did, was to get back that first feeling I had when doing them. " - Submitted by a friend of Amy who later died of an overdose.

You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit. - Yevgenia

Are You an Addict?

If so, is it ruining your life? If it hasn't yet, just wait. Give it time. It will. If there's one thing I've learned about addictions, it's this: It starts out as your best friend, and later becomes a deadly enemy. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said this about alcohol:

Do not look at wine when it is red, when it shines in the cup, when it is smooth in going down. In the end it bites like a snake. It stings like the bite of a snake with poison. -Solomon

He also said,

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.

The king is right. Everyone who becomes involved in the behaviors that lead to addiction start out wanting to feel good, not bad. They want to be at peace, not chaos. They want to find life, not death. Yet they end up on the wrong road going nowhere, heading for disaster. In fact, all addictions are a lie. I was given a poem written by a teenage addict. I've taken portions of it. I can't say it much better than this:

A love letter from your ADDICTION

To the one who loves me,
I have given you comfort, have I not?
Wasn't I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn't you call me?
I love pretending I'm your friend and lover.
I love to make you cry.
Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt, nor cry.
You can't feel anything at all.
This is true glory.
I will give you instant gratification, and all I ask of you is long-term suffering.
And until we meet again, I wish you suffering and death.
Your friend,
Mr. Addiction

Want to know more about addiction? Click here

[He] Made Me do Nasty Stuff that I Really Didn't Want to Do.

I received this comment from a girl, and it broke my heart, I am 14 years and I listen to your show as much as I can. I had a hard time last year because one boy I like was at the bowling alley and made me do nasty stuff that I really didn't want to do.

I've heard a similar story many, many times before and it never gets easier to hear.

She met this boy she really liked. But by the time their relationship ended, she felt used and ashamed. Why? Because "[he] made me do nasty stuff that I really didn't want to do."

It makes me wonder what her ex-boyfriend was thinking. Why did he push her to do things sexually that violated and hurt her?  Maybe he felt like he was in love with her and wanted his sexual passion to become even more intense.  But the truth is, he did not really love her.

Love Never Violates

You see, love never demands someone to do something that would violate another.  Love does not trash someone else's deeply held values.  The term love is one of the most misunderstood and abused words in the dictionary.  Sometimes, when a guy says to a girl, I love you, he is really saying, I don't love you.  I love me and what sexual favors you do for me.

Love Protects

When a guy really loves a girl, he will do everything he can to protect her.  Someone once said, "Love can always wait to give.  Lust can't wait to get."  I don't really know what Alicia's ex-boyfriend was saying to her.  My guess is he told her he loved her and if she loved him, she would do things he wanted her to do.  He was lying to her, or he was terribly confused.

I often say on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, something very simple: "Don't listen to what a guy says. Watch what he does." Whatever Alicia's ex-boyfriend said to her, his actions proved him wrong.  I believe in guys (I happen to be one myself), but I'm tired of some guys using girls just for their own cheap thrills.

If you’re feeling stressed or strained whenever you’re around someone you care about, you could be in an unhealthy relationship. Answer these relationship reality check questions to find out. 

I received a comment from a girl named Taylor who said something very nice about my show. She said, Wow! When I listen to your show, I feel like it's the only time I'm sane! Lol! Thanks for all that you do!

I got to thinking about her humorous comment, I feel like it's the only time I'm sane!

Do you Feel Like You're Losing It?

Taylor is right. Most of us at one time or another feel we are going insane or living in an insane world. I looked up the word insane, and it said, not of sound mind; utterly senseless. It's so easy to feel like we're losing it because the world around us appears to be utterly senseless. So, how do we stay sane in an insane world?

How to Keep Your Sanity

1. Find a good friend and have a meaningful talk in a quiet place. Everybody needs a quiet place to talk with someone you know will understand. So, turn off the phone, iPod, tv, or any other noisemaker that clutters our lives and just sit and talk. You and your friend will feel better, and the world will seem a bit saner.

2. Realize it can seem noisy and crazy even at a quiet time. For example, some of the craziest, wild, and scary times are in our own minds in the middle of the night. At times like that, we need to find sanity by reminding ourselves that things will be better in the morning. That's why I tell my radio listeners, never make heavy, big-time decisions or commitments in the middle of the night. In the morning, your mind and emotions will be much clearer.

3. Find a quiet place and think spiritual thoughts. Make a list of all the good things that have happened to you from the small to the great. For example, your health, good friends, freedom, a place to live, etc. After you've compiled this list, thank God for all the sane and good things He has done for you. A thankful attitude will help quiet you and make you feel better about yourself and your world.

Yes, we live in a crazy and insane world, but I'm glad sanity can be found.

Talking about anxiety can be challenging, especially with your parents. For help read how to talk to your parents about anxiety.