Wouldn't it be awesome if you could read the mind of the person you are interested in dating? The whole guessing game could be eliminated!

Have you ever asked a similar question to those shared by Shelly and Bret?

Shelly asked: "My friend keeps saying things about how he likes me so much, and then the next day, he acts like he doesn't even see me."

And Bret shared: "There's a girl I like who flirts with me sometimes and at other times she walks right past me."
These mixed signals quickly lead to confusion.  So why do people act this way?

How to Navigate Mixed Signals in Dating

They Like the Mind Games

Some people send mixed signals because they like to, and they're good at it. For them, it is a power and ego trip. They'll play the game with just about anybody because they're hooked on the game. You need to avoid flirt addicts because in the end, you will get an emotional pie in the face. Let's face it, you have enough drama in your life without asking for more.

It's wise to not read too much into the signals you pick up from guys or girls. Girls, you might be thinking a particular guy really likes you, when in fact, he's just being friendly. Same with guys just because she smiles at you doesn't mean she wants to go out with you.

Fear of Rejection

That being said, many times the person may actually be interested in you but is scared to put themselves out there for fear of rejection.  So, they test the waters a little and then maybe pull back if they are having a hard time reading you.  It can be scary to risk sharing your heart but being brave enough to have clear communication could go a long way. Without it, you will continue to imagine all kinds of crazy things are going on in your friend's head.

It could also be that he or she is simply thinking about a problem they are facing. When people are hurting, it's easy for them to become preoccupied and walk right by the people who can help them the most. Here's your opportunity to reach out and see if they are O.K.

If you continue to be confused and you really want to see if there could be more to this relationship, it's probably time to have a talk and get to the bottom of it or move on. In the end, the only way you can truly clear up the confusion is to talk about it. I would go to the person who is sending you mixed signals and try to clear up the confusion. You might not like what you hear, but at least you won't be in the dark with crazy imaginations.

What to do when your GF/BF questions your feelings for them?

Stephen asked: "What are some things I can do to show my girlfriend that I really love her. She says things like, 'Sometimes I wonder if you really love me or not.' And I do!"

It can be easy to assume the person you love knows how you feel, but it's important to be intentional in expressing your love and not take anything for granted.

5 Love Languages

Many of us receive love in different ways so knowing the "Love Language" of the person you are dating is very helpful. The five love languages are:

1. Words of affirmation

2. Quality time

3. Receiving gifts

4. Acts of service

5. Physical touch

Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they receive love. Perhaps you feel most loved when your girlfriend grabs your hand or gives you a kiss and so you think when you show her Physical Touch, she must know how much you love her.  However, if her love language is Quality Time and you are always busy and don't make time for her, she isn't feeling loved no matter how many times you give her a hug. Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book 'The 5 Love Languages:' The Secret to Love That Lasts explains this further. You and your partner could take a Love Language Quiz - Here.

9 Ideas to Communicate Affection

It's also important you don't assume that you told her you loved her three months ago, so she certainly remembers that, right? We need to continually express our love. It's not a one-and-done thing.

Here are just a few simple ideas to communicate your affection for her. Pick a couple, especially those that match her love language or ask her which of these things would be meaningful to her.

1. Spend time with her.
2. Take an interest in the details of her life.
3. Smile, make eye contact.
4. Truly listen to her.
5. Buy her gifts from time to time it doesn't matter the size or price, it truly is the thought the counts.
6. Invite her to be a part of events with your other friends and family.
7. Surprise her with a special date night.
8. Help her with some of the everyday chores she faces (wash her car, etc.).
9. Be more open about how you feel. she wants to know what's going on in your head and heart.

Insecurity Breeds Doubt

It could also be that she is insecure in herself and feels you are too good for her and will soon move on to someone else. Clearly you chose her and that should be enough, but insecurities aren't always rational. She is going to have to work her insecurities out for herself, and while she does you building her up will go a long way. Communicate clearly that you aren't going anywhere and assure her she's exactly who you want.

If she's insecure, she could also be sensitive to the attention you give to other girls. So be mindful of that and show her enough respect not to flirt with anyone else.  However, if she gets jealous and controlling, when you don't deserve it, that's another issue entirely.

Relationships aren't easy, especially since we can't read minds, but they are worth it. And taking the risk of sharing your heart and communicating how you feel will be worth it in the end.  Don't keep them guessing!

Dating relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Are you having a hard time understanding why your partner's playing mind games?

Most of us are familiar with the statistics–victims of bullying, as well as the bullies themselves, are at a higher risk of depression and other mental illnesses than those who never encounter bullying. Mental health research has even been looking at the link between bullying and suicide, further cementing the relationship between bullying and depression as a dangerous one. Does that mean that if you’ve been bullied (or are a bully yourself) you’re doomed to have depression and experience suicidal thoughts? Not necessarily, but it would be wise to watch out for the signs and symptoms.

How Does Bullying Lead to Depression?

What Does Depression Look Like?

Someone suffering from depression might exhibit symptoms like a persistent feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, increased isolation, physical exhaustion, irritability, etc. Some colloquially refer to depression as “The Big Sad,” leading to the popularity of TikToker @skettska’s “Life Hacks for The Big Sad” series. With such a vast range of symptoms, depression also boasts a range of causes. Depression can stem from childhood trauma such as bullying, but it can also happen because of chemical imbalance, relationship or career challenges, or chronic physical pain. Some experience temporary, situational bouts of depression, while others contend with a lifelong, clinical illness. Regardless, everyone with depression deserves support on their journey toward better mental health.

What Does Bullying Look Like?

Bullying can also take many forms. From the classic playground bully to the covert cyberbully, people with the inability to resist inflicting pain on others are pretty prevalent in our schools, our workplaces, and even, sometimes, in our families. One way to define bullying is to describe it as one person’s attempt to exert power over another. The bully has a narcissistic tendency to feel superior to others and to prove that superiority using manipulation to control victims. The victim is left feeling powerless, helpless to defend themselves against the bully’s unfairness and cruelty. Not strangely, the symptoms you might experience if you’re being bullied are very similar to those of depression. If you or someone you know exhibits signs of increased isolation or avoidance of social situations like attending school, decreased mood, increased exhaustion or irritability, bullying could be going on behind the scenes.

Listen to our live call with Ivan who's being bullied by a guy at school. Ivan's tried to ignore him but he keeps messing with him. Ivan wants to know what to do to make him stop.

What to Do if You’re Being Bullied

If you or someone you know is being bullied, don’t wait. Get help. Tell a trusted adult or confide in a counselor to get their advice. Because bullying is so strongly linked to depression and suicide, it may be critical that you address the situation in a timely manner. But proceed with caution. Confronting a bully directly can be risky, emotionally and physically. Consider discussing any plans to stand up to a bully with a professional or an authority figure, like a therapist, police officer, or school counselor. You can’t confront the negative impact bullying has on the lives of its victims until you confront the situation itself, but you shouldn’t do so at the expense of your personal safety. Once the abusive situation is brought to light, both the bully and the bullied have a long road ahead of them. 

How to Heal from Bullying

For the Victim
Nobody deserves to be bullied, least of all you. If you’ve been bullied, we’re so sorry that happened to you, and we want to support you in your healing journey. We encourage you to reach out to one of our Hope Coaches, any of whom would be happy to help you figure out the next steps for recovering your mental health and self-esteem. Know that there are organizations dedicated to putting an end to what you’ve gone through, and we can put you in touch with resources that aid you in dealing with your experience. We also suggest finding a counselor, relying on supportive friends and family, and practicing self-care.

Don’t be ashamed if you experience symptoms of depression as a victim of bullying. Your feelings are not only valid but completely understandable, and better times are ahead. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the patience and kindness your bully didn’t.

For the Bully
You should consider seeking counseling as well. It’s time to admit that your behavior is harmful to both yourself and others. Whether you are treating people poorly due to a mental illness like narcissistic personality disorder or due to your own unresolved trauma and pain, the longer you allow yourself to be cruel, the more you disrespect yourself and increase your own risk of struggling with depression in the future. You also risk external consequences like expulsion from school, community service, or even jail time, depending on the level of your bullying tactics.

If you’ve already sought help and begun to address your bullying behaviors, you may experience feelings of guilt or shame. You may become overwhelmed by regret, at times even doubting whether you’re worthy of forgiveness or a second chance. Take responsibility for your actions but remember that your mistakes do not have to define you forever. Accept that some bridges may be burned, but know that with support, you can walk in a new direction, not as a bully, but as a kind, compassionate human being worthy of love and acceptance.

Things Will Get Better

Whether you’re in the midst of a bullying situation, struggling with the lasting ramifications of one, or both… know that it won’t always be this way. Healing is possible, and there is hope. If you’re having trouble envisioning a future without the pain that bullying has caused in your life, reach out to TheHopeLine. Christ’s love simultaneously defends us against bullies and offers the bully a chance at true redemption. We want you to know that you’re not alone.

Are you being bullied? Read this blog on how to recognize bullying and how to get help.

Should I Rush Into Marriage?

Feeling Pressure to Rush into Marriage?

Marriage is a huge step of trust and commitment between two people. It takes a tremendous amount of hard work and self-sacrifice. It is heaven if you're ready for it--and hell if you're not. It should never be entered into lightly.
I received a couple of questions about marriage that I would like to address today.

Aaron asked: Why are some girls in such a hurry to get married? To me, only six months to a year of dating is way too fast.

Hoping to Feel Complete

There are some women (and men) who feel like they can't be a complete person unless they are married. Many of them are looking for another person to solve their problems and help them feel whole. Unfortunately, this never works. Even the BEST people will let us down. No one is perfect or loves perfectly and looking for our worth through someone else's attention is unsustainable. Only God can meet our deepest needs. Only God loves perfectly. And only God can make us feel whole. Never ask your marriage partner, or anyone else for that matter, to meet the needs only God can meet.

Some women are also driven to marriage out of an inborn desire to have children. While many women are waiting longer to have children now, the desire to be a mother can be very strong, even at a young age. And many rightly understand how raising children is more effective within a committed marriage relationship. This pressure to have children can sometimes push a woman into making a rushed decision about who she will marry. Some tend to forget that who you marry is the second most important decision you will ever make.

Family members can also be guilty of putting undue pressure on single women to get married. When you think about it, most movies or television shows point out how the happiest women are always the ones falling in love and living happily ever after.

No Magic TimeLine

All that being said, there is no magical formula for the amount of time you should date before marriage. It has more to do with the maturity of the people in the relationship, and their true understanding of love and commitment.

If you are feeling rushed or pressured, you are obviously not ready for this kind of commitment.

What If My Spouse No Longer Finds Me Attractive?

Physical attraction is an important part of a marriage relationship, but a healthy marriage will be built on so much more!

Jenn asked: I am 20 and married. My biggest fear in my relationship is becoming unattractive to my husband. My question is: should I expect him to always feel attracted to me, no matter how old or fat I get? Or should I anticipate him accepting me for me, but not being as attracted as he is now?

This is a very vulnerable question which I appreciate. The truth is you will never be able to completely control how attracted your husband is to you, just like you didn't control his attraction to you when you first started dating. His attitude about accepting the way you look is completely up to him. However, there is nothing wrong with desiring that you are attractive to your husband. The physical part of any marriage relationship is always important. If your husband knows you are committed to him, he will be appreciative of any efforts you make to be attractive to him. After all, he won't be getting any younger either.

Things that Make a Marriage Work

Yet, what makes a marriage work is not the physical aspect alone. If that were true, there would be no divorces in Hollywood! In the end, the love, commitment, respect and encouragement you have toward your spouse will come from your soul and be the most attractive thing.  Also, your shared experiences and the life you build together will provide a special bond. That is why you will see people who are very old, and have lost almost all of their physical attractiveness, still loving each other deeply.
As you get older, your relationship will have many layers, and staying in the best possible shape you can, both physically, emotionally and spiritually is important, but do this, not simply for your husband, but also for yourself.

Ultimately, marriage is about building a life with another person, possibly raising children, but most definitely living out God's plan for your life together.

And if over the years you learn to love each other as God describes in the Bible, your marriage will stay strong.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Loss is difficult to handle no matter the circumstance, and the emotions that follow are called grief. Any type of loss can cause grief, but when the loss is in your immediate family or unexpected, the grief may feel insurmountable. If you’re here because you’ve lost a sibling, the first thing we want to say is that we are so sorry for you and your family. The death of a brother or sister will have a lasting impact on your life, but it doesn’t mean your life is over. Let’s talk about how you can healthily grieve your sibling, process their death, and find ways to build a new life for yourself.

How to Grieve a Sibling

Get to Know Your Grief

Grief, famously, comes in five “stages,” which is an idea developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the 1960s. The stages are known as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Learning about those stages can be helpful, and you should check out some of our posts that go into more detail there, but there are other ideas out there about grief, too! In the 1970s a pair of British scholars had the idea to organize grief into four “phases” instead. These phases are:

1. Shock and numbness. This is the part where you’re more focused on surviving than feeling. You’re in go-mode. Maybe you’re busy helping your parents with the funeral arrangements, trying to comfort your other siblings, or maybe you don’t even take the day off from work after you hear the news. You’re on autopilot.

2. Yearning and searching. This is the part with a lot of feelings. Sudden outbursts of anger, weeping, fear, loneliness. Longing for the old times. Wishing your brother or sister could just come back. Feeling guilty for being the one who survived. Wanting desperately to ease the pain you see in your parents and other family members.

3. Disorganization and despair. You’ve given up hope that things could be different. You’ve accepted that they’re gone. You slip into a state of depression, more numbness, and perhaps you pull away from your friends and activities that you used to love. This is the part where you feel like nothing can ever make your pain better.

4. Reorganization and recovery. This is the part where you feel like, just maybe, you could play soccer again. You could see a funny movie and laugh with your friends. You could try something new. You know life will never be the same, but that doesn’t have to mean that life is over.

It’s helpful to learn about these stages/phases so that you can begin to understand and process your feelings, but it’s also important to know that everyone’s journeys through grief are different. Don’t worry if you’re hitting certain stages out of order or more than once. The point is not to get it “right,” but to get a feel for where you are on the grief path each day.

Your Grieving To-do List

It probably feels impossible to know what to do when your sibling dies. There is simply no handbook for how one should proceed when the unthinkable happens. The good news is that means there isn’t really a “wrong” way to go about your grieving. There are, however, healthy and unhealthy ways to tackle the grieving process. In VeryWellMind, Angela Morrow talks about four “tasks” you could focus on to keep yourself on a healthier grieving path:

1. Accept the reality of the loss. The truth is: your brother or sister is gone. The only way to move forward is to face this harsh reality.

2. Work through the pain of grief. Take the time you need to feel all the feelings that come in the wake of this loss. Let yourself cry. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself question why this happened. Avoiding all these thoughts and feelings will only make the grieving process last longer.

3. Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. Again, it’s going to take time to get used to your sibling simply not being around. You’re going to have to pass by their old locker. You’re going to have to eat breakfast across from their empty seat. You’re going to have to watch your favorite show alone. You may even, eventually, need to do their old chores or drive their old car. Give yourself time to adjust to that and be patient with yourself when it’s hard.

4. Find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life. Eventually, you’ll find ways to tuck your sibling’s memory away into its own special place in your heart and memory. You’ll carry them with you all the time, but they won’t necessarily be part of everything you do. And that’s okay! You can try new things, enjoy your life, and find meaning in things they aren’t a part of.

You don’t have to forget your brother or sister, and nobody wants you to, but you also don’t have to bear the full weight of your grief every day until the end of time.

Sharing Your Grief

Grief is often overwhelming, and that means you shouldn’t have to do it alone. One of the worst parts of heartbreak is the feeling that nobody could possibly understand the pain you’re in. This process of grieving is something that many people have done, many people are currently doing, and many people will do in the future. You are not the first, and you won’t be the last. Look to others for support and observe how they’ve walked through their grief. Relating to others through a grief support group could be an excellent way to find people who are in your position right now or have been.

Another way people have shared their journeys with grief since the beginning of time is through their art. Poets, painters, singers, dancers… they’ve used their mediums to communicate their grief in ways that may help you feel seen. Writer Christina Patterson shares her own story of losing a sister by interviewing poet Joanne Limburg, who lost her brother to suicide. Both women were able to process their personal grief by relating to each other’s experiences.

Songwriters and poets have often written about grief as well. From Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth to Kenny Chesney, contemporary artists have expressed grief and loss in song over and over again. You may also relate to poetry, such as W.H. Auden’s line from “Funeral Blues,” which says, “The stars are not wanted now; put out everyone….For nothing now can ever come to any good.” The speaker is so saddened by his loss that he can’t even bear to look at the beauty of the stars, a feeling which sounds like one of those phases of grief. Which one do you think it is?

Or maybe you can figure out the stage of grief in Edna St. Vincent Millay’s poem “Time does not bring relief; you all have lied,” which talks about how the speaker can’t go anywhere that doesn’t remind her of who she’s lost:

There are a hundred places where I fear   
To go, —so with his memory they brim.

Not all the poems about grief are depressing, though! Quite a few poets write about death in a more hopeful way, such as the famous line: “Do not stand at my grave and weep. / I am not there; I do not sleep.” In this poem, Mary Elizabeth Frye points out the way in which those we’ve lost to death are still with us because we can see them in the small details of our day to day lives.
And this one, by Mary Hall, which encourages the grieving to live:

If I should die, and leave you here a while,
Be not like others sore undone,
who keep long vigils by the silent dust and weep.
For my sake, turn again to life, and smile,
Nerving thy heart, and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine,
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you!

Then, in a poem that seems to just be about watching a ship sail so far past the horizon that the speaker can no longer see it, Henry Van Dyke writes, “Gone from my sight. That is all,” as if to say that those who are “gone” will never really be truly gone, regardless of whether we can see them anymore. Rather, they live on, both in your memory and in eternity. As Christians at TheHopeLine, we have great hope that those who have accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior go to heaven when they die. We look to passages from the Bible like 1 Thessalonians 4 and Luke 23:43, which promises that those who see the light of Christ “will be with [Him] in paradise.” So take heart that if you and your sibling have accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, you can rely on the promise that you will see them again–and THAT kind of hope can be a soothing balm to your grief.  

Sharing Your Life with Your Grief

If these artists sharing their grief and hope resonated with you, perhaps you could try sharing yours in a similar way. Write your thoughts down. Paint them. Sing them. Bake them. Don’t keep them to yourself, or they may become so overwhelming that you forget to live.

It’s important that you accept the fact that your loss will be with you for the rest of your life. That doesn’t mean that you won’t have a good life. You will learn to cope with it but losing someone as close to you as a brother or sister leaves a permanent mark on our hearts. Every once in a while, you’ll see a flower, a movie poster, a burger, or a rock that, for whatever reason, reminds you of your sibling so intensely that a wave of grief will hit you. Ride the wave. Feel the grief. Try to feel grateful that you got to have this moment with your brother or sister, and then go about your day. There’s enough room for both deep sadness and lasting joy in your heart, so allow yourself to experience both.

Learn More About How to Cope With the Loss of a Sibling

If you’re struggling with the loss of a sibling, and you don’t know where to turn, now is a great time to reach out to TheHopeLine. We have Hope Coaches and mentors who will listen to your feelings without judgment and can help you find resources to move through your grief. We want you to know that you’re not alone, and that there is abundant joy in your future, even after deep sorrow like this. Never hesitate to reach out for support!

For more here are some healthy ways to experience and process grief that I hope will help you along the path to healing.

-Jen DeJong

We also have a partner, GriefShare, who is a caring support group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences.

How Are Loneliness and Suicide Related?

The Loneliness Was Too Much

Everybody gets lonely from time to time...it's human nature. But my loneliness almost led me down a path of ending my life.
I was kicked out of my old high school for bad attendance. I felt like a failure when I was forced into an alternative school. (Which surprisingly turned out to be a better school than my old one!)

Thankfully, I was with a guy who was there for me. We were together for 8 months, he was my world, he was my life, and I gave him everything. We had a pregnancy scare and I told a few of my close friends, and by the time I knew it...they blocked me on everything! I was okay though; I still had my man.

A few weeks ago, my man admitted to me he didn't love me. He just saw me as a friend. This destroyed me. I was alone, and my mother was too far away to hug. I sat in bed crying and self-harming for two weeks.

Something Inside Me Snapped

Finally, something inside me snapped. I lost it, and I was ready to end it all.

I was too afraid to draw that blade across my wrist so in a final attempt I sought out help on the internet, and I came across this site, TheHopeLine.com.

My Hope Coach helped me get through it and has sparked my passion to travel again! After I graduate, I plan to travel the states on a journey to find myself and repair my soul! - Liberty

A Message From TheHopeLine: 

Life is hard and you don’t have to go through it alone. You are not a burden and you deserve to be heard and understood. TheHopeLine is here to help you by offering sound advice and a safe place to connect. Take the next step and chat with a Hope Coach today.

I Found the Courage to Stand Up Again

I'm in Indonesia and I found this site when I was at the very bottom of my emotional pain. And I sincerely thank God that He found me again through this site. Thank you for the Hope Coaches that helped me by listening patiently and giving me the courage to stand up again and move on.

There is no easy way to fix what has broken into many pieces, but it doesn't mean there is no way at all. Sometimes through pain God shapes us into a better person. It is all about the choices we make and whether we want to live in the pain or whether we want to go through it a stronger person. Pain is one process in life, not an end of the things we go through.

"TheHopeLine was really helpful! They not only gave me support, but they also helped me learn to care and support others who are in need." 

My Story of Emotional Pain

I Found Hope from Indonesia

God is so amazing to bring all these great people on your site together despite distance. I found hope from Indonesia!

I'm really thankful for all the Hope Coaches who are really being God's hands and bringing light into my life. I now can see life from a different point of view.  A better one with hope and good faith.

I have made my choice that I will attend a church service on Sunday. I need to be there among believers to be together with them to praise and worship God. It is so good to feel he found me and I'm home now.

He Mends My Brokenness

There's a lot to be done with fixing up my life and emotions but I'm positive that with God nothing is impossible.  He mends my brokenness, and He gives me peace and understanding, which gives me great strength and courage to keep moving on.
Thank you! - Kirana (from Indonesia)

Life is hard and you don't have to go through it alone. You deserve to be heard and understood. Take the next step and chat with a Hope Coach for a safe place to connect and find hope.

How Does Skin Color Impact Dating?

Does Skin Color or Race Matter When You Date?

The human race is created in many beautiful colors of skin. So why should skin color matter when choosing whether or not to date someone? I don’t think it should. I would say that it is much more important to date someone who shares your same beliefs and values than your skin color.

However, when dating someone of a different race or ethnicity, you could face some unique challenges. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date them. It’s just important to be aware of what challenges could occur and be ready to meet them head-on.

Challenges from Those Outside of Your Relationship

For the two people in the relationship there may be no issue at all, but perhaps others outside the relationship cause a challenge. A typical Romeo & Juliet kind of scenario. Two people from different backgrounds or cultures coming together to prove to the world that love can rise above all our differences.

If there are people in your life who don't think you should date someone of a different race or ethnicity than you, I suggest you talk to them and find out what their reasons are based on. Then explain how you have found someone who you really connect with on many different levels. While some may have a difficult time with interracial dating and marriage, you don't have to live that way.

Us vs. The World Identity

Some people who date someone of another race, look at their relationship as being under attack. They get wrapped up in an Us vs. The World mentality. Together they are part of a cause to fight against the negative perceptions. Pretty soon their entire relationship is built on the two of them taking on the world. The problem with that is sooner or later those who are against the relationship will quit caring about the race situation, and the foundation of the relationship no longer exists.

My advice is to be sure your relationship is built on enough substance so that you can remain strong even when the emotion and drama of standing alone against the world is gone. Sometimes without Us vs. The World, the relationship crashes because there was not enough foundation to begin with.

Cultural Difference

Some of the challenges facing interracial dating are due to cultural differences. A good question to ask is: Can the two of you adapt to each other's culture? Remember, cultural differences can be a big deal. Be wise about who and why you're dating, interracial or not.

It can be a lot of fun to embrace a new culture. Be willing to learn about the traditions, celebrations, music, and food that make up your partner’s culture. Ask questions about what it was like to grow up in that culture? What did they love most about it? It’s also important to ask what challenges they faced? And how those challenges shaped them and their views?

By appreciating their background, you will demonstrate that you desire to get to know them better and build deeper love and acceptance between the two of you.

Faith Differences

Differences in what you believe (or don’t believe) about God can sometimes be harder to reconcile. While faith is a part of someone’s culture, it goes much deeper than traditions. It goes more to the core of who you are and how you see the world. For someone who is deeply committed to their faith, their beliefs will shape how they live their life and what their life is centered on. It defines you.

Religious differences can mean:

• Different beliefs about marriage and raising children
• Different morals and values
• Different priorities
• Different ideas about sex and physical intimacy
• Different ways of planning for the future and thinking about your purpose
• Different beliefs about eternity
• Different ideas about what teachings guide your life. (The Bible, The Qur’an, The Torah, The Sutras, The Vedas)

It is crucial to have very open and honest conversations about these things early in your relationship to make sure you can agree. Don't let your heart get in too deep and then discover your miles apart on how you view God.  I’ve seen a lot of well-meaning people try to force their boyfriend or girlfriend onto the same page about religion, but a person's belief system is not quick to change.

Conclusion

As you can see, it's not so much about the color of your skin, as it is about your beliefs and values. Pay attention to what you agree and disagree on and openly communicate about those things sooner, rather than later. Don’t compromise who you are, that will only result in a life of conflict. Rather define what’s important to you and your partner and what your non-negotiables are. Do you agree on those? If so, then you have set yourself up for a meaningful relationship no matter your race or culture.

Are you frustrated with dating? For ideas on how to think differently about dating read, "Do You Have a Type? Try Dating Outside the Box". 

How Hopelessness Causes Depression

Hopelessness Can Lead to Depression

If you’ve been depressed, feeling apathetic about your own life and searching for reasons to live or to be excited about life, you’re not alone. A new epidemic is sweeping the nation, and it’s called “languishing.” Some say it’s a result of the craziness that has been in 2020 and 2021, but some say it’s simply related to pre-existing mental health conditions. Either way, it’s not good. Hopelessness can lead to depression, and depression can quickly lead to thoughts of self-harm and suicide. The first thing to do if you’re trying to think of reasons to be alive is to consider whether you’re suicidal–if you are, get help today.

If you’re just here looking for reasons to feel a little more hope and a little less apathy, you’ve probably heard the usual ones before: your friends and family, sunrises and sunsets, gratitude journals, etc. And those things are great! Perfectly wonderful reasons to be alive, stay alive, and feel alive. In the grand scheme of things, your relationships and appreciating the world around you give you the purpose that makes life fulfilling over the long haul, at the end of the day… but what about right now? If you’re having trouble connecting to your grander purpose and looking for some things that will make today seem a little more exciting or worth living, take a look at these:

Reasons You Haven't Thought of:

1. Cookies. Food isn’t everything, and of course we should be careful about emotional eating but… you can have a cookie today. If that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is. There are people who don’t like cake. There are people who don’t like pie. There are people who don’t like ice cream. But are there people who don’t like cookies? If you don’t like cookies, insert whatever treat excites you. The point is: you have the freedom to consume a treat today. That’s something to look forward to!

2. Plants. Whether you’re a gardener, a house plant person, or a known black thumb… Get yourself to a drug store and buy one of those $5 seedling kits for daisies, strawberries, or mint… whatever floats your boat. There is something innately hopeful and exciting about being able to follow the instructions on the packet and watch weird, brown dots turn from seeds into leafy, green baby plants. You can literally make something alive! Do it. See if it doesn’t at least make you curious to check on the plant’s progress each day. Curiosity is a sign that you do, in fact, have a little hope left in you.

3. Your favorite shoes. You can put them on right now. Even if you’re in your pajamas. Go get them. Do it. Nobody is stopping you. Rock those kicks. They’re your favorite for a reason, and if you can love a pair of shoes, you can love life.

4. Babies, puppies and kittens. Look, even if you aren’t a lover of kids or animals, there’s no way to stare at an infant being of any species without smiling. Whether you’re smiling at their cuteness or at their clumsiness or at their ignorance of basic principles of logic, you’re smiling. Get thee to YouTube and watch a 10-minute compilation video of babies doing cute things and let yourself enjoy it. If a video isn’t enough, go volunteer at an animal rescue or a daycare program. These creatures are real and reminding yourself that you get to live in the same world as baby humans and animals is next-level hopeful.

5. This TikTok account. Come on. Either watch it or go out and do your own version of #drivebykindness. There is goodness in the world. Spreading it is important work.

6. Your favorite song. Listen to it right now. Now, think of a song that used to be your favorite. Listen to that too. If that used to be your favorite song, and it changed as you grew and new music came out, it follows that you will someday, perhaps soon, have yet another new favorite song. Imagine how awesome it’s gonna have to be to beat the current one. That’s a reason to push through to tomorrow. 

7. Your favorite movie or book. Same logic as #6 on a much grander scale. The future holds so much promise. You can’t give up now!

8. Speaking of the future… Have you ever taken the time to Google futuristic technologies that actually already exist? If things like Iron Man suits, cloning, and driverless cars are already a thing… What is life going to look like ten years from now? You’ve got to be here when that happens. You could be riding a hoverboard to school. You could be 3D printing your own furniture. If today is feeling a little dull and lifeless, it’s looking like tomorrow might have a few surprises.

9. Female presidency! No matter what your politics are, everyone seems excited about the idea of the first female US president, and we’ve come pretty close a couple of times now. If you give up on life too soon, you could miss it. That’s something you might want to see! That’s something that might feel brand new when you’ve been bored and unimpressed with life.

10. Help Someone...While you wait for the things that the future could bring, today could be your chance to help someone through their pain. Maybe you aren’t feeling great about yourself, but stop for a moment to think about the people you know and love. Are any of them going through a tough time too? Reach out and offer your support. At the very least, you might be able to pass an hour or two without dwelling on your own hopelessness. At the very best, you discover your own strength and power as you bolster someone in need.

11. This is the worst it will get. If you’ve reached the point where you’re trying to come up with reasons that life is worth living, you’ve hit a low point. The good news is: it’s all uphill from here. Only better things can be ahead now. Take a deep breath and let
them come.

12. You tell me. There’s a TikTok trend going around that says whatever is on the “home screen” of your cell phone or laptop is what you live for. What's yours? Whether it’s your mom, your partner, or your favorite video game character, that’s proof that you love something enough to look at it a million times a day. Call that person. Play that game. Or… if you’re not happy with that thing, change the picture. Pursue what you care about. Time will pass, and eventually you will feel alive again.

Feeling Hopeless? It Will Pass

If that list didn’t do it for you, here are a few quotes regarding hopelessness and reasons to be alive today. Actor Juliette Lewis is known for saying, “The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.” You matter. Your life matters. You can be that brave too. Writer Anne Lamott talks about a low point in her life, recalling, “I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have too anymore.” You don’t have to prove anything to anyone if you’re feeling hopeless, you just have to watch the next movie, take the next nap, and eat the next meal until you feel like doing more. And finally, in author Kahlil Gibran’s words: “Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.” There was a time before this when you felt more hope and joy. There will be a time after this when you feel better too. You are simply in the time between.

If you’re feeling too low to wait for the alive feelings to come back, reach out to TheHopeLine today. There is hope for the future and a love that connects you to that hope. We’d love to walk with you through this dark time and hold onto the light for you while you can’t see it. You’re not alone, and your life is special to us.

Suicide is never the only answer, and there are always ways to get help. Find out what to do when you've lost interest in everything. 

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

How to Navigate Jealousy

The Poison of Jealousy Wrecks Relationships

Let's face it, most dating relationships don't last. Some should've never begun in the first place. Just a casual look at both parties would tell you the relationship would soon fall apart. Some relationships are very fragile and can easily be destroyed. In fact, it is far easier to destroy a relationship than it is to build one.

Years ago, there was a pop song released by singer/songwriter Paul Simon called 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. He's probably right. And if we thought really hard, we could probably find 50 Ways to Wreck a Relationship as well. I want to help you to be aware of and guard against one of the worst things that can creep in and destroy the relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Jealousy.

Jealousy refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened. It's a state of fear, suspicion, or envy. Some people mistake it for love, but at the core of all jealousy is fear and selfishness.

Why is jealousy a relationship wrecker? Why is it so damaging? Because it stifles and demeans, putting both parties in bondage.

Most times it creates a fear built on paranoia. There are many signs a relationship is under attack by the wretched behavior of jealousy.

7 Signs You May Be Jealous

• Do you continually watch for the way he/she looks at other people?
• Are you concerned your bf/gf might be sneaking around behind your back even though you don't have any evidence for those accusations?
• Are you obsessed with the thought that you will soon lose your bf/gf to someone else?
• Do you question everything they say and do, because you are certain they aren't telling the truth?
• Do you demand your bf/gf quit hanging around or talking to anybody from the opposite sex?
• Are you always calling, texting, snapping your bf/gf to figure out where they are at that very moment?
• Do you demand your bf/gf only spend time with you?

These are just a few of the sure-fire ways to know the cancer of jealousy is eating away at your relationship.

Fear, Insecurity and Selfishness

At the very core of jealousy is fear, insecurity, and selfishness. Jessy commented: "I think a guy or girl being insecure will take a toll on a relationship because the one with the insecurities will over-react and accuse the other of things not necessarily true."

Brent summed it up well when he explained the confusion and hurt jealousy can bring. "She did that? He said this. It's all worthless chatter. I believe the only person that you can control is yourself. The only person you can change the thought patterns for is yourself. I wish I could take back the last years before the breakdown with my sweetheart."

Jealousy to Obsession

Being jealous will also cause you to be obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Worrying about his or her every move and smothering your boyfriend or girlfriend will definitely cause tremendous damage to the relationship. Jealousy also leads to an unhealthy desire to be possessive of your bf/gf. If you try to control them and make sure you are the only person, they ever do anything with, your jealousy has become toxic.

If you sense your relationship is being destroyed because of jealousy, you may want to admit to yourself that:

• Jealousy pretends to be a form of love.
• Jealousy is never love, but just the opposite.
• Jealousy is another form of selfishness.
• Jealousy is fed by fear.
• Jealousy is emotional poison.
• Jealousy causes unnecessary drama.
• Jealousy is destructive to the other person's self-esteem.
• Jealousy is cruel and stifling.
• Jealousy grows from deep within our troubled emotions.
• Jealousy seeks to control the other person.
• Jealousy causes confusion.
• Jealousy is time-consuming.
• Jealousy doesn't go away on its own.
• Jealousy wrecks relationships.

So, we've established that jealousy is unhealthy, but what if your boyfriend or girlfriend gives you reason.  Sarah asked: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. But all of a sudden, I don’t feel like I can trust him. He’s always had a thing for my best friend. But I don’t think I trust either of them right now. What should I do?

What if Your Trust Has Been Broken?

Unfortunately, finding someone who is completely trustworthy is not an easy thing to do. And often your intuition is right. But this doesn’t have to make you a miserable, jealous person, unless you let it. If you are beginning to have concerns, you might simply be curious about what’s going on under the surface. In Sarah's case, she might want to examine if they are spending time together alone? Does she find them talking together and then stop when she walks up? Or are they just being nice to each other?

There’s always a chance you might be overly sensitive to their innocent behavior. But there’s also a chance you’re not feeling completely valued and respected by your boyfriend, and you’re simply trying to find something (or someone) to point to as the reason for it.

Is Jealousy Ever Justified?

No matter what jealousy is never a healthy emotion, and as we've established it is rooted in fear, insecurity, and selfishness. Please don’t waste your time feeling jealous. That kind of stinky thinking only makes matters much worse, and it makes you a miserable person. The one thing you can do is show yourself to be someone who is trustworthy. This includes surrendering your desire to be a jealous or controlling person.

Put yourself in Sarah's situation. How would you handle it? Here are some suggestions I have:

If your best friend is doing things with your boyfriend that makes you uncomfortable, such as spending time alone with him or whispering behind your back, talk to her about how much her friendship means to you. Let her know that you need her help to make your dating relationship be as good as it can be. Her response to your request will tell you a lot about whether or not you can trust her.

You might need to communicate more clearly with your boyfriend about what you’re feeling. Don’t expect him to be able to read your mind. A difficult aspect of any relationship is having the courage to say the things you need to say the most. These things usually get worked out in the end. So, keep the faith and be the loving person you want both your boyfriend and best friend to be.

Take Responsibility for Your Choices.

So bottom line jealousy is not the answer. Communication is key. You are going to need to decide if they are trustworthy. If you discover they are not, cut the ties. I know this might be really hard, but you deserve far better, and you will find it.  Do not allow yourself to become insecure, fearful, selfish and miserable just to hold on to an untrustworthy person.

If you feel you are being jealous without cause, seek forgiveness from your bf/gf, taking the responsibility of being a relationship wrecker. Ask your partner to point out to you when you are showing signs of jealousy, and really work on being self-aware of when the toxic poison of jealousy is rising to the surface.

Thankfully there are countless ways to combat jealousy. Here are 8 ways to overcome jealousy in your relationship.

You may also want to talk with a minister, counselor, or therapist to help you get to the root of your jealousy. Or chat free online with a Hope Coach.