Posts by TheHopeLine Team

Brooks Gibbs shares the key to disarming a bully. Brooks Gibbs is a youth crisis counselor, bullying expert, youth speaker, author of Love is Greater Than Hate, and friend of TheHopeLine.

Bullying is an Imbalance of Power

To understand how to disarm a bully you first have to know what bullying is and how it works.

All the experts say bullying is an imbalance of power...meaning someone who is more powerful, not necessarily stronger, but more powerful has power over a victim who's weaker.  Most of the time this plays out when the bully calls the victim names and the victim’s feelings are hurt and they don't know how what to do about it. So simply put bullying is when the bully feels like a winner because they hurt the feelings of a victim, and the victim feels like a loser because their feelings are hurt.

Watch Brooks Gibbs proven method for disarming a bully:

https://youtu.be/JuoON7CkL-A

Empower the Victim

Remember, if bullying is an imbalance of power, the solution is to empower the victim.

So How Do You Empower a Victim?

So glad you asked. Here are two things I tell victims:

1. Don’t Get Upset. No matter what the bully says, don’t get upset. He may make fun of your face, your race, your religion or yo’ mamma. It doesn’t matter. His number one goal is to hurt your feelings and if he hurts your feelings, you lose and he wins. But if you want to win, and not let him win...Don’t. Get. Upset. This means you need to be resilient. You need to have tough skin.

2. Treat the enemy or the bully like a friend. I’m not saying to be friends with your bully. I’m just saying be friendly to your bully. No matter what he says you respond with kindness. This is going to be one of the more difficult things you’ll ever do. But once you realize how powerful it is you’ll have the courage to do it.

The best thing I can encourage you to do is just try it.

The next time your enemy calls you a name, makes fun of you, points out your disabilities or insecurities, spreads rumors about you or excludes you from their cool group, however the bullying takes place, I want you to always respond to your enemies with kindness. Compliment them, encourage them, inside perhaps you can even forgive them. (That’s a tough one.)

Here are some things you can say:

"Hey, you can talk crap about me all you want. It’s not going to ruin my day."

Or I like using this line. "Hey man, I know you hate my guts, but I’m going to be happy today even if you hate me. So feel free to hate me, I’m going to be happy. That’s my choice today. I am always going to be nice to you even if you’re a punk to me." 

Let them know you are going to take control of your own feelings and actions.

If you are experiencing bullying and you need support, chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.  You are not alone; we are here to listen and help you when dealing with a bully. Stay strong! We believe in you!

I felt frozen in fear as the red truck stopped in front of me, the driver silently daring me to get out and engage in confrontation. I honestly hadn’t seen the vehicle when I pulled out of a side street, but the driver took my mistake personally. This was not the first time I had had problems driving.

Only moments before, I had sat in a mental health provider’s office, talking about how I made mistakes while driving and wondered if there was something wrong with my brain. She suggested that it was anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. I’d never thought of that before, but as I finally left the red truck behind, I started to wonder if she was right.

Were my driving problems anxiety-related? And if so, what could I do about it? Should I stop driving? Or was there something else I could do?

Understanding My Anxiety

I’d struggled with anxiety since childhood, worrying about projects to the point of being unable to do them, and often jumping to the worst-case scenario as an adult. Often, I find myself unable to relax and enjoy activities or hobbies because of my anxiety. On top of this, as a teen, I ran into the idea, in my reading, that anxiety is a sin. I can understand that idea, and I don’t want to mess with anybody’s theology, but the problem with trying not to be anxious is you tend to worry about worrying. And that only makes it worse.

So, back to the idea of what to do about my anxiety, I tried a lot of things, including deep breathing and certain types of exercise, but I soon realized that, as a Christian, I needed to understand what the Bible says about anxiety.

Three Things I Discovered about Anxiety

I did a word study about what the Bible has to say about anxiety through BibleGateway.com. I found several interesting things:

• The word anxiety appears twice in the Bible
• The word anxious 10 times
• The word worry 3 times

I also found that:

1. Anxiety can be a positive thing.

Many of the Psalms express anxiety as a response to sin. Distress can be a natural response to something unwanted, such as guilt.  This can be good when those anxious thoughts lead to repentance.

Before I became a Christian, I was very anxious, and although my anxiety did not completely disappear when I accepted Christ, I did have more peace afterward. I have found that my anxiety draws me closer to God. Now, when I am driving my car, I whisper prayers or meditate on scripture. It helps keep me calm and focus better, and it turns my anxiety around for the good because it is a constant reminder of my relationship with God.

2. God helps us overcome negative anxiety.

Jeremiah 17:8 says that the child of God will be nourished by Him and will not be anxious when trouble comes. Inward calm is an outgrowth of being close to God. I find myself in the process of overcoming anxiety, but with God’s closeness, it gets easier.

3. We can trust God.

Matthew 6:25-28 says not to be anxious about material needs, because there are things that are more important. In this passage, Jesus goes on to encourage his listeners to consider the lily and the sparrow and how they are cared for. How much more important are His children, He reasons. They can trust Him!

Recently, I had some financial worries. I prayed about them, and a day later, the issue was resolved. Things don’t always work out this well, but it is a reminder that He cares for me.

Three Things That Give Me Hope

First, with God's help, it is possible to rise above anxiety. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. You may, like me, need professional help. It is important to find a good counselor if need be. But knowing the one who calms the sea and clothes the lilies goes a long way.

Second, this rising above comes as an outgrowth of knowing God and walking with Him. As we do so, He helps us find peace and overcome the tendency to worry.

The third thing (and this is my favorite) is that while He does command us not to worry, He knows that worrying about worry makes us worry more. This is why He gives us other, more positive things to think about: just think about the lily. Think about the sparrow.

How I Overcame

My driving is much better now. I am able to stay mostly calm and focused, even on days of heavy traffic or searching for houses in the middle of nowhere. Of course, there are anxiety battles in other areas of life as well, like when I find it hard to enjoy things like my nephew’s ball games because I’m worried about him doing well. It helps to know, though, that there is a power inside of me to calm and give clarity.

In Good Company

Obviously, I’m not the only one who suffers from anxiety. Anxiety affects about 40 million adults. But there is hope.
God’s overcoming power applies to everyone. We’re not alone in this tussle with anxiety. We’re not left to be condemned with no hope of breaking free, or stuck behind that red truck with sweaty palms and a racing heart. His power is strong in our weakness and enables us to get past those “red trucks.” His love and His grace are setting us
free.

So, if you’re struggling with anxiety know that:

1. You’re not alone. The great kings of the Bible were anxious too.
2. God doesn’t condemn you, and can help you grow into peace.
3. There is hope. Just think about the lily. Think about the Sparrow. And watch that “red truck” fade into the distance behind you.

Jessica Seale wants to encourage others through her blog Beautifully Broken.  It is a place where she shares what she's learned about brokenness, and inspires others to look at it differently.

Think you may be struggling with an anxiety disorder, like Jessica, but are afraid to see a professional counselor? Read this blog. You are not alone. 

 

A Rough Path in Life

Dawson McAllister saved my life when I was nineteen years old. I happened to be going through the radio stations on a Sunday night when I heard this soft-spoken voice. I tuned into his radio program, Dawson McAllister Live, more and more. I started to hear all of these people sharing their stories of hope and faith. I was going through a rough path in life at the time. I was suicidal, frustrated at the world, and ready to blow. But Dawson's radio program changed me, it was through him that I started to believe in Christ more.

A Brand-New Person

Thanks to Dawson's help and the help of the HopeCoaches at TheHopeLine I started to go down a better path. Since October 22, 2009, I have had zero suicidal thoughts, haven't self-harmed myself, and feel like a brand-new person each and every day.

Stand In the Gap

Now 10 years later, I participated in the Prayer Show with Dawson and Rachel Cardinal.  I am a Gapper which means I stand in the gap for others by going to God in prayer for them.

Dawson is a real big help to those that are in need, and I am glad that God put him in our lives!!
To God be the Glory!
-~ Charles

The hope that Charles found is available to you too! You are worthy and valuable. Read this - To Those Who Feel Worthless

Why You Should Reach Out to People

In high school, in the mornings, on the way to my locker, while everyone else was hanging out talking to each other, I noticed this girl, always sitting alone in her homeroom classroom...every morning, just sitting by herself.  I had no idea who she was; I had been at the same high school and with these same kids since middle school.  I pretty much knew who everyone was, but I didn't know this girl.

Little Effort, Great Reward

Well, after a few weeks of seeing her just sitting there, not talking to anyone I decided to just say hi, it couldn't hurt, right?  I knew what it was like to be at a new school, where everyone knew each other, and no one knew who-in-the-heck you were.  I had to change schools last year for just half the year while my stepdad was in the hospital and now, I was back at my old school, but those 6 months were challenging to say the least.  So, I knew what it was like to feel completely alone in a new school.

So, I went for it and just said hi. I learned she was an exchange student from Poland.  She spoke good English but with a heavy accent.  After introducing her to some of my closest friends and all of us hanging out before class for a few weeks, a friendship grew.  She told me she was living with a family that didn't treat her or their own daughter very well.  She wasn't allowed to do after school activities or the group exchange student activities.  After school, she had a list of chores to do and then just had to hang out in her room. The exchange parents were also very verbally abusive to their own daughter, and she had to witness it every day.

Make Someone's Day or Maybe Even Their Year

I decided this was no way for an exchange student to be living and I had to do something about it.  I went directly home and asked my parents if she could move in with us.  This might not be such a big deal except that we were already maxed out at my house.  We lived in a pretty small three-bedroom house.  I shared a room with my sister, and my three brothers shared a room, my stepdad was disabled so we were very short on money. No one was sure how it was going to work, but my parents agreed.

For the next 8 months, my Polish friend slept on an air mattress on the floor between me and my sister's bed.  I tried to alternate letting her have the bed, but she would not have it.  She was very happy to be away from that other family.  And even though my family was in no way an ideal family, she had to see us 24/7, at our best and our worst; she became one of my closest friends and part of our family for those 8 months.  She went back to Poland after her year as an exchange student ended and we stayed in touch.    Years later, she even wrote me a letter telling me how thankful she was for our friendship, for my family taking her in, and for that day that I decided to say hi. 

You can make someone's day by telling them "Come sit with us" or by just saying "hello."  So, the person might not be an exchange student living with an abusive family, but they might just be in need of a friend.
Your Friend,
Rachel Cardinal  

Friendships can be really hard, read more about how to make and keep friends in our free eBook!

I was struggling with extremely bad anxiety for a few months leading up to me reaching out to chat with TheHopeLine. It was getting to the point where my mind was all over the place. I felt so alone and that’s when I discovered the help and hope I needed.

How I Reduced Anxiety

After contacting TheHopeLine, I was reminded by my HopeCoach that the Lord loves us no matter what...the good the bad and the ugly. I realized that I wasn't really trying too hard to build a relationship with our Lord. My anxiety was being caused by many things, and to help overcome my struggles, I am now learning to seek Him. I am digging deeper in my Bible study time, and I'm praying intently and more often than I used to as well.

Releasing My Fears and Anxiety

Seeking God through prayer and the Bible has helped me slowly, but surely overcome my struggle with anxiety. TheHopeLine was definitely able to give me direction and hope for the future. They expressed to me the importance of seeking Him.   They reminded me that the Lord just wants to love us. We never need to be afraid to come to Him with our worries, our doubts and the things that are causing our anxiety.

I also truly enjoyed TheHopeLine's eBook, Understanding Anxiety. I am so thankful for all the resources you have been emailing me as well. It makes me feel I am not alone in this journey and that you guys are truly dedicated to helping others! I am forever thankful I reached out to TheHopeLine that evening.
~ Pauline

Pauline took a very brave step and reached out for help when she couldn't do it alone anymore. We care about you too. Chat with a HopeCoach, download any of our eBooks, or learn more about how God can help you in this journey as he is helping Pauline.

As a kid I had nightmares all the time and, even though the monsters have changed, I still have them. In fact, my depression often looks like a cloak made of my worst nightmares, creeping into my waking life until I am completely wrapped up in it.

 

When Depression is Off Hiding

The joy I experience when depression is off hiding can seem so unquenchable. I’m able to forget that depression ever visited me in the first place. But when depression is there, it’s entirely the opposite. I forget I ever knew anything else.

Nothing can drown out its chorus in my head: “You’re hateful, selfish, unloveable, unlovely.”

Sometimes it’s less like a voice and more like a movie. Scenes of rejection, failure, humiliation, and exclusion (real or imagined) play on a loop in my mind until there’s nothing, I can do but hate myself.

Trapped in This Dark Place 

Sometimes there’s nothing going on at all. Sometimes, I just feel trapped in this dark place where there’s nothing to do but sleep or cry until my head pounds. I eat, drink, write, dig my fingernails into my skin, anything to overwhelm or distract the pain that rages inside. On those days, just getting out of bed is a triumph that I need to acknowledge.

Although it includes it, depression is more than insecurity or anxiety. It is a kind of sorrow, but it is deeper than any grief I’ve lived through. It is a kind of anger, but it is more troubling than any rage I have known, either rational or childish. It is a kind of loneliness beyond being single or alone. It is a kind of indifference, a hopelessness for any improvement, and I have never experienced that apathy apart from my depression. It encompasses all my past pain and amplifies it a hundredfold.

Something Comforting About It Too

But there’s something comforting about it too. I know it, backward and forwards. I’ve felt that darkness so often, that it can feel like a blanket, silencing every other feeling or thought. There are no surprises because I’ve heard it and felt it all before. There’s no restlessness, because when it comes I have no strength for anything but staying alive.

And even that will to live wanes thin. The harder depression hits, the more deeply I long for release from what begins to feel like a heavy, itching, shroud of life too difficult to bear.

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you feel like you face the darkness of depression alone. It’s hard for someone who hasn’t dealt with it firsthand to understand what we feel, and it can make it hard for us to reach out. I always need a reminder, and I want to offer it to you too: you are not alone.
You don't have to face this alone. Talk to a HopeCoach or sign up for an email mentor, it's confidential. But there’s something comforting about it too. I know it, backward and forwards. I’ve felt that darkness so often, that it can feel like a blanket, silencing every other feeling or thought.  -Tia

Are you depressed?  Learn these core signs and symptoms of common depression here. 

Used with permission of Power to Change. Originally published at Issues I Face.

My Story of Pregnancy

The day I saw those two lines indicating a positive result on my pregnancy test, my whole world completely turned upside down. I was living every young girl’s worst nightmare. I’d become that girl.

It happened on my 21st birthday. Most people get to enjoy a few too many drinks and possibly a bad headache the day after. My experience was a little different. I ended up with more than a hangover.

The Weight of My Shame

When I found out I was pregnant, I was single, alone, and afraid. I literally felt I had no one to turn to. The weight of my own embarrassment, shame, self-hatred, and loss of self-worth was too much to bear.

It should be understood that one drunken night ending in a hook-up did not change my life. There were a lot of small events that got me to this point. Like the day I had my first illegal drink of alcohol. Or the day I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew. Or when I lost all self-respect and repeatedly got drunk and acted promiscuously. Or the days when I searched for guy after guy for security. The more miserable hook-ups I had, the more it fed into my thoughts of unworthiness and self-hate.

All of these things caused me to spiral out of control. So it’s no surprise that on my 21st birthday, I got drunk “justifiably” because it was my birthday, and had sex with some guy I didn’t really know. All those small things had finally built up to this point in my life.

Inside I was desperately screaming, “Who could possibly love me now?

I didn’t tell a single soul I was pregnant and immediately scheduled an abortion, even though I knew to my very core it was wrong. I had never felt so alone. Inside I was desperately screaming, “Who could possibly love me now?”

I Found Hope and Forgiveness

The days leading up to my abortion appointment were horrible. I was flooded with guilt, depression, and loneliness. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I was avoiding everyone. Then, the weekend right before my scheduled abortion, something changed. I can't describe it very well, but I felt an ounce of hope and forgiveness. For the first time in over a month of depression, turmoil, and shame, I felt loved — in the midst of my brokenness. I realized that I didn't have to do this alone. I could reach out. Someone surely could be there for me.

That day changed me forever. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents I was pregnant. They didn’t condemn me, but instead embraced me, loved me, and supported me. I told my friends and they did not judge me even once. They loved me and affirmed me of my worth. For the first time, I actually felt like I was worth something, that even as a broken girl, I could be forgiven.

My Story and Passion

I am now proud to say I am 39 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl. Any day now I will get to hold this precious gift of life in my arms. During the process, I found a passion for helping others going through the same thing, so I became a volunteer advisor at our local Pregnancy Resource Center. I get to share my story with anyone and everyone, with just the small hope that another broken person can feel loved and know that they are valued. I’m so blessed that I somehow experienced the grace to understand that life is a gift, even in the midst of brokenness.

Are you dealing with an unplanned pregnancy? Right now you may be feeling hopeless and trapped, but you are not alone. We are here to listen and help you through this.

Used with permission of Power to Change. Originally published at Issues I Face.

Bored? Give Back During Summer Break

Are you bored during summer breaks? By volunteering as little as 15 minutes of your time you can make a difference in the world around you!

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” - Winston Churchill

1. Animal shelters are almost always looking for extra help. Spend some quality time with some really loving, adorable animals!  Find a shelter near you by entering your zip code: ASPCA FIND A SHELTER

2. Senior Centers will almost always take volunteers, and sometimes you don't have to do anything other than say hello and listen to some pretty cool stories. But you can also read, play cards, dance, and give residents manicures...the fun is endless! 

3. Got a green thumb? Considering taking up a plot at the community garden or volunteering to help maintain the unclaimed or common areas. No community garden in your town? How about gathering your friends and getting one started? 

4. Volunteer to help with activities for kids at summer school programs, daycare centers, camps, church groups, the YMCA and more. Even if you don't think you're particularly talented, you may be able to help a child in ways you never thought, like painting a picture, reading a book, making a free throw, riding a bike, jumping rope, growing a plant and more. Check out the  YMCA's GET INVOLVED PAGE!

5. Food Bank donations decline during the summer months. Help by collecting food to give to your local food pantry.  NATIONAL FOODBACK LOCATER

6. Have a pet that makes you smile? Consider bringing your pet to a local senior center, veteran's club or hospital to bring some joy to the residents. (Be sure to consider the demeanor of your pet, the needs of the patients, and the policy of the location before you try giving back in this way.)

7. Write a letter to our Troops: Show the men and women in our armed forces that you care by writing them a letter thanking them:  A MILLION THANKS-SEND TROOPS A LETTER  

8. Serve dinner at a homeless shelter: Volunteer at a local homeless shelter to prepare and dish up a meal for those without a home any time of the year. Find a local shelter at: NATIONAL HOMELESS SHELTER DIRECTORY 

9. Deliver a hot meal to those who aren’t able through a local Meals on Wheels program.  Find a local Meals On Wheels Program at: MEALS ON WHEELS PROGRAM LOCATOR

10. Looking for some other ways to give back to your community? Head to VolunteerMatch.org to find opportunities closest to you. You might be surprised how many ways there are to give back right in your neighborhood!

Too much downtime? Try these 10 Ways to Beat Boredom!

What to Know About Comparison

I’ve always loved photography. The way a picture can say so much without using a single word is such a beautiful thing. Don’t get me wrong here; I’m not a professional photographer (unless you count my ability to utilize a well-placed filter). Nope, I’m actually not very gifted in this particular area of the arts—just a fangirl who loves the colors, contrast, and stories that pictures tell.

Countless Minutes Scrolling

Now, rewind a few years back to when Instagram was catching traction. Imagine my enthusiasm as I discovered a social media outlet that highlighted pictures without the long explanation (well, for most people anyway!). Yes, I was lost in countless minutes of blissful scrolling. Or so it would seem. I’m sure you can take a stab at where this is going. “Countless minutes” started to add up and my “blissful scrolling” only served to tether an unwelcome companion to my every thought. Comparison.

Now, this isn’t really a jab at social media. Even though I’ve heard it said that those of us alive today are bombarded with more prospects to compare than ever. No, this is much deeper than any social platform. This is a thing of a fallen, broken world. This is actually a root issue with visible branches. The Bible says, there’s nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9, NASB) so surely there have been opportunities for comparison even before the technology existed.

Merriam-Webster defines comparison like this, an examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities. That feels a bit heavy, so let’s try again, shall we? How about, looking at two or more things (or people) and finding all the ways they fall short or don’t measure up to the other thing/person (and sometimes similarities are found but most of the time someone ends up short-handed? Yep. That feels about right. What can seem like no big deal actually has profound consequences. What felt so innocent had become a heavy accessory in my life.

Comparison Whispers You Aren't Enough

You see, comparison tells you that you don’t have enough. Comparison whispers that you are lacking—a poor beggar with no resources and no hope for the future. It’s the voice that whispers, She’s so much prettier than you. Why can’t you just lose some weight? It’s the feeling in your gut when someone is further along in their craft than you and instead of learning and listening and allowing that person to speak into your life, you wither away

If they’re good at what they do, then there must not be room for you at the table, comparison murmurs. It partners with perfectionism and tells you that if you can just work a little harder, longer, and faster, then you’ll get things right and people will finally accept you. It’s unsettled and dissatisfied with what you have and makes it all too easy to miss the good that’s right in front of you. Yes, comparison is a cruel, weighty thing.

Comparison is Slowing You Down

A few months back, after a series of such related thoughts (that only led to feeling discouraged and thankless), I read a verse that hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never thought about it in relation to this topic before because, one, who likes to admit they have a comparison problem? And, two, surely the writer was talking about a “real” sin (yep, I actually thought that). Nevertheless, it took me by surprise and has been my lifeline on this topic. It’s found in Hebrews 12:1-2 and says this:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2 (NLT)

Wow. It was as if I felt the Spirit say, COMPARISON has been your weight. COMPARISON has been slowing you down.

COMPARISON has been preventing you from running the race God has for you! Ugh. I’m not gonna lie, it was an incredibly humbling moment with Jesus! But He didn’t leave me in the trenches to wallow. Instead, He reminded me of the end of that verse: let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus. Yes. Strip it off, throw it down, run with endurance, eyes on Jesus. Yes Lord, but please help me!

Keep Your Eyes on Him

Friend, I’m nowhere near perfect in this area but I’m sick of hobbling in my own race because comparison has weighed me down. I don’t know about you, but it’s really hard to run when you’re constantly looking to the left or to the right. (Believe me, I’ve tried.) While I’ve probably wasted much precious time running this way, I’m so grateful the Father meets me with grace. When I cry out for help, I’m not berated, shamed, or even lectured. Instead, I’m met with new mercy for each day. Praise God! Praise God that each time comparison knocks on my door, He’s there reminding me, strip it off, throw it down, eyes on Me!

Do you often feel worthless? Having deep-rooted self-worth is possible! Find out how here.

This article was originally posted at, Mercy Multiplied