When I was in my late teens, my oldest brother PJ—short for Paul Jr.—passed away from leukemia at the age of 23. My life was forever altered. The “normal” I had known up to this point was gone and I, along with my family, was going to have to endure the pain and heartache of this loss. I had to learn how to navigate life with this “new normal.” Sadly, this took me close to eleven years to find as I carried guilt, shame, and a spirit of grief with me like a bad accessory.

The Enemy Lies

I had the honor and privilege of being my brother’s stem cell donor three times, and each time it didn’t last long. Immediately following the loss of my brother, the enemy planted a lie that I made an agreement with. The lie was, This is your fault. You killed him. So, in my head, in my grieving, I believed this lie to be the truth. I lived in this for years and believed this to be true until a revelation from God spoke to my heart one day.

He led me to Psalm 30:11 (NLT), which says, You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.

God Can Lift Your Grief

The Lord gently showed me that I had been living in mourning and had a spirit of grief over me, and He tenderly spoke to my heart about how He wanted to bring my joy back. The joy the enemy had taken with this lie, my Abba Father wanted to give back to me in full and in abundance. When I confessed that I had believed this lie, and as I walked through the process of repentance and forgiveness, the heaviness of grief and mourning lifted. I was finally able to lift my head above the clouds and see the sun shining once again. The darkness had been lifted, and the light was shining through. Of course, there are still moments and days that are harder than others, but now, instead of turning towards isolation, I turn to God’s truth and other tools to help me in those moments. I also cling to the promise that I will see my brother again in heaven and that my journey through grief and loss can help others through theirs.

Experience Freedom from Sorrow

What lie have you been believing that Jesus needs to speak His truth over today? What hurts in your heart do your Abba Father need to heal with His tender love and mercies? Allow the Holy Spirit to comfort you and to speak His truth over you. Be reminded of the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord. When you feel like you are at the deepest point of your sorrow and pain, call out to the heavens, call out from the depth of your soul to your Heavenly Father, and He will pull you out. Be reminded of His love. Take off the clothes of mourning and receive His joy; it fits and looks so much better on you anyway.

Are you struggling with grief and guilt? Read Jordan Zehr's story, The End of My Grieving Process. 

This article was originally posted at, Mercy Multiplied

Have you ever really blown it?  Like really blown it…

Did you find it difficult to move on from that, even after you’ve confessed and repented before God and with whomever you may have offended?  Does it haunt you at night and follow you throughout the day?

The Shame of Past Guilt

Sometimes, it seems impossible to shake the guilt of the past.  How could you ever overcome that persistent, condemning voice? Maybe you’ve heard people say that you need to forgive yourself, but how do you ever make it actually work long-term?  On the other hand, maybe you don’t find yourself so eager to break away from these shaming echos. Does it, perhaps, feel like it would be wrong to shake off what you’ve done because that would deny the seriousness of it?

If you want to be free from shame, but can’t figure out how to forgive yourself, then I’d like to point you to Someone big enough to bring that lasting change into your heart and life.  And if you find it hard to understand how moving forward without the guilt is truly what honors God, then again, I’d like to ask you to consider a bit about how His grace and forgiveness works in your life.

Take a moment to soak up these beautiful words about Him…

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” – Psalm 103:8-12

Do You Hate Yourself?

For you to hate yourself, punish yourself, or constantly carry around the weight of what you’ve done wrong is to say that you are above God.  Why? Because on the cross Jesus took upon Himself all the evil, and the ugliness, and the punishment of your sin, so now God looks at you and He says, “Forgiven,” and He does not hold anything you have done or will do against you anymore.  If you keep holding those things against yourself after He – the Lord of the universe – has said that debt is canceled, then you are valuing your own words and thoughts above His. You are acting as if you know better than God does.

That is the key to living in lasting freedom from the memories of your sin.  You can’t “forgive yourself,” as in to make a declaration over yourself and your sin that will have some altering impact on your identity or the world at large.  What you need to do is submit to the word that God has already spoken over you in Jesus.

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21

You Are Acceptable to God

Your words can’t change your identity or you're standing before God.  So, if God has declared you righteous, stop arguing with Him! You can’t win!  You can’t make yourself dirty again when He has cleaned you, and there is absolutely nothing good that comes from trying to do that.  It may feel “holy” to acknowledge the endless weight of your sin, but if you ever let that weight become weightier than Jesus Christ Himself and what He accomplished through His death and resurrection, then you’ve totally missed the most important thing in the universe – and the very source and essence of what has made you acceptable to a holy God!

The author of Hebrews talks about Jesus being this source in detail.  He walks through the way that Jesus came to do the will of God: setting aside the rituals of the law to provide covering for people’s sins and making Himself the all-sufficient final sacrifice to purify God’s people, in which he says, “And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” (Hebrews 10:10)

He has Defeated Your Shame

You don’t have to overpower the shame that comes to beat you up.  Just hide yourself in One who already defeated it. Look to Jesus and believe that no one else’s words are bigger than His.  Yours aren’t more powerful, your family's isn’t more powerful, even Satan and the demons aren’t more powerful than Him, so who is there that can rightfully accuse you?

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you a free from the law of sin and death. . . . What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” – Romans 8:1-2, 31-34

Believe in God's Love and Power

Further, why would it ever be God’s desire for you to live a life that downplays the most glorious display of His love and power on the cross? What honors Him is for you to believe it so much, that you don’t have to hide or negate your sin, but you also don’t let your sin continue to boss you around.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.  I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:10-11
This is the life He wants for you, and you can walk in it!

~ Amanda. Her hope is that by sharing her own story and the truths God has shown her, others might not feel so alone on their own journeys and can also find help in these truths.   This passion grew from seeing how God freed her from the struggles that she felt so trapped in and redeemed the brokenness that she once thought could only be hidden at best. 

Do you find yourself resenting or struggling with accepting God's love? Read Cassidy's story of healing and redemption.

Last spring, during the annual rite of my birthday celebration, I was enjoying my favorite Italian dinner with dear family and friends. Yet as I was blowing out the candles, I felt a disquieting unease. The tension was much deeper than the growing awareness of new wrinkles around my hazel eyes. Suddenly, clarity came, casting a shadow over the gathering. Years had passed since I visited the cemetery or observed a grief anniversary. So it was a shock to realize that I am now the mid-life age my father had been when he died by suicide. This waypost has intense meaning and even brings a personal reckoning.

Emotional Milestone

Memories of my father came pressing in, and the echo of his act resonated deeply. Going back in time, at my dad’s funeral, I prayed for his divine protection. I lingered over Psalm 121 asking spiritual grace for myself. My first meditations offered little or no peace. But over time, solace and acceptance began to prevail.

Still, emotional closure can be fleeting and elusive, particularly for children of parents who complete suicide. Now, unexpectedly, once again I feel lost, unmoored, and anxious. I contemplate ways in which we are alike. We have some similar strengths to celebrate as well as fragilities that leave me feeling vulnerable. How can I process this emotional milestone? In this arduous, taxing year, I will strive to retrieve the gifts that he shared with me as a young father.

From a Vibrant Life to Running on Empty

In my office, I keep a collection of old passports and mementos that are links to both physical and emotional journeys in my life.

My very first passport provides a springboard for reconciling meditation. Inside I find a faded photo of my younger self smiling back through time. My name, the feminine version of my dad’s name Stephen, legally documents my identity. I’ve always thought that in sharing his name he wanted to continuously remind me of his early, vibrant world view.

When I was a kid, he loomed as a magical life coach who believed that life could always be rich and extraordinary. My dad created a psychological vision board with encouraging mantras for my sister and me to follow. He collected wise quotes and shared life-affirming poetry with us.

In the end, my dad had difficulty living out the vision board he created as chronic depression took hold. As my father grew older, he related to the hit song, Running on Empty, by Jackson Browne. He identified with lyrics that expressed burnout and futility.

After he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, his vision board was cluttered with endless prescriptions and bar tabs that spiraled when he couldn’t find relief in the medications. Sadly, his psychological toolbox didn’t include talk therapy. Sharing with a professional counselor could have made a critical difference.

Different Journeys

As his psychological condition worsened, we adjusted to a new normal, moving quietly through the house while dad slept. The routines that accommodated depression became safe and familiar. Yet my bright and resourceful dad held hope of reclaiming stability, so he consulted with doctors about electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) treatments or shock therapy. While he was awaiting the recommended treatments, I went to the post office to apply for that first passport. At the time, my parents were pushing me to explore European history and to venture beyond the claustrophobic confines of his depression. A photographer snapped my passport picture and asked where I was traveling. “France, on a class trip,” I replied with a fragile smile. Though I didn’t admit it, I worried about leaving home.

Before leaving for France, I tapped on his bedroom door to say goodbye. I promised to send postcards, one each day of the trip, and he pledged to walk outside and collect them from the mailbox. Our journeys then were vastly different; his focus on an inner journey, mine on the outside world. While my guidebooks had bright exciting photos, my dad kept a grim metaphorical travel guide of his own on his nightstand. Instead of highlighting enchanting palaces, his booklet described the ECT treatment and mapped the pathways of electrical impulses through the brain. The treatment would force seizures that mysteriously could lead to stability.

Soon, with bags in tow, it was time to go. Mom took me to the airport and left me in my high school French teacher’s care.

Mingling there, not quite fitting in, I didn’t feel any real connection to my older travel mates, who had already graduated and were engaged in giddy conversations about starting college. As the plane took off, I wondered, Why do I have to take this trip? And why now?

A Gift from My Dad

After arriving in Paris, I struggled to keep up with my ebullient teacher as she sprinted down the Rue de Rivoli in Paris. Each evening, I filled postcards with carefree messages: “Mrs. DeWeese let us drink wine and I smiled back at the Mona Lisa!!” But I wondered if the treatment was working and if my dad still slept most of the day.

Yet I was 16, immersed in a place of wonder. The beauty of the wide Parisian boulevards took my breath away. My intellectual curiosity was piqued, and even rudimentary French helped me to navigate the culture. Caught in a rainstorm while picnicking at Jardin du Luxembourg, my schoolmates and I laughed as we streaked through the park to a sheltering gazebo. A new, rich world was discovered. One day late in the trip, I didn’t think of home at all. While boarding the plane for the return flight, I realized that I had forgotten to send my dad’s final postcard.

With this reflection, I close the passport stamped with official evidence of my physical journeys and end my meditation. Here lies a memory of my dad and one of the gifts of his wisdom that will sustain and guide me in the future.

Never Forget

Through the years, he experienced seasons of vitality, but he had difficulty managing the highs and lows of his illness. There may have been other elements to his pain: his distant, commanding mother or doubts about his own value and importance. Fortunately, treatments and medications have improved, and increased awareness of mental health issues prompts more people to seek help today.

I may always carry haunting questions with me. But there is one certainty: my dad never wanted my journey to end in darkness. After all, he signed the check that paid for my trip. If I were to write that last postcard now, I would thank him profusely for a gift that exposed me to a wider, vibrant world. In French, “ne jamais oublier” means never to forget. No, I haven’t forgotten my real inheritance.

If you or someone you love needs to talk, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

More About Stephanie...

Stephanie Painter works as a freelance writer and has written a children's picture book. Her articles have been published in parenting magazines, newspapers, and trade journals. She has a master's degree in Counseling and works as a behavioral health consultant in integrated behavioral health.

From TheHopeLine...

Stephanie mentions Psalm 121 as a source of comfort for her after the loss of her dad...

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." (Psalm 121:1-2)

Even when times are dark, God is right there ready to help us when we ask.  After sin entered the world, God never promised us that life on earth would be easy, but he did promise NEVER to leave us or abandon us.  He did promise to HEAL the broken-hearted. We ask you to consider turning to God now.

If you are a survivor of suicide loss searching for answers read,  Why do People End Their Life by Suicide?

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

My Journey of Facing Incurable Cancer

I’ll never forget that late afternoon phone call from my doctor.

I thought he was going to tell me that the MRI revealed a disc injury in my back. Instead, he told me I had cancer.

The news was jolting, disturbing and dark. I was the least likely candidate to get such a call, or so I thought.

My life was humming. I had an amazing wife and was a new father of a beautiful daughter. I was young and healthy, living in Colorado and working my dream job: taking college students on outdoor adventures each week.

That summer I had competed in a series of triathlon races for fun. Even against a competitive field—including some pro athletes—I found myself on the podium for my age group in each race. It only underscored my seemingly robust health.

The back pain came out of nowhere—a mystery ailment with no definitive cause. Suddenly I went from being the healthy guy, to one with crippling back pain. And then after my diagnosis, to someone with incurable stage IV cancer.

Doctors told me I literally only had a year to live.

My new reality

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has faced such a dramatic health reversal. It’s quite a shock to adjust to the perception of being healthy to suddenly one of being sick.

The reality is that everybody’s life is fragile—everyone’s life can change on a dime—but we like to act as though we will live forever.

An unexpected diagnosis, whether its cancer, a heart condition or something else, yanks us into the reality of our fragility: that our lives are not as certain as we once thought.

These ailments do not respect age. While something like cancer most commonly affects older people, the numbers among the young are rising. In the United States, more than 70,000 people ages 15-39 are diagnosed with cancer each year, according to the National Cancer Institute. In 2018, an estimated 10,590 children ages 0-14 will also be diagnosed with cancer.

The cause of these problems is complex like lifestyle, genetics and environment. But other times it’s not so easy to explain. Sometimes suffering just happens, and there is no clear explanation of why.

I wrestled with the “why” question for a long time. I still don’t have a clear answer about it. For many, this question brings them to deep despair or even anger. There is no wrong response, but none of these emotions are a great place to stay. As I soon found out in my own journey, the only productive place to dwell is in hope.

Learning about Hope

For me, one of the toughest things about facing cancer was how it threatened my hope.

Before cancer, I thought hope was abstract or wishy-washy, something that looks good on a bumper sticker or as part of a charity name, but ultimately lacks any real substance. Yet now I understand its true vitality. Hope is the belief of a good outcome, one that continues to drive us and move us toward a goal despite opposing forces that may scream the opposite.

I soon learned a truth about hope: the absence of it reveals how vital it is. In other words, when your hope is threatened, you begin to realize how important it is. You realize that hope gives you the energy to face present difficulties and an expectation of good for the future.

As someone who has a relationship with God, I would say I have always had a strong source of hope. In fact, one of my favorite verses literally says, “as for me I will always have hope.” Though, cancer has tested mine in ways I never imagined.

Some of the places I had previously relied on for hope, such as a healthy body, money or career, could do little for me against incurable cancer. These things I mentioned are not bad in themselves, but when push came to shove, they couldn’t help me much.

In the darkest of days, I found a powerful hope through my relationship with God. Here are some realities that helped me:

• God loves me perfectly, no matter what happens to me.
• God is in control of my life and has power over every circumstance, even cancer.
• God would never leave me and I would not have to face this suffering alone.
• God will guide my life, even amidst an uncertain future.
• God will take care of my family, even if I’m not around to care for them.
• When I die, I will spend eternity with God

These realities helped me face the worst-case scenario—and even find a measure of peace.

However, the worst-case scenario did not end up being my reality.

Successful Treatment

In April of 2016, I met with a cancer research doctor who said something that the two previous oncologists did not say: “I know how to treat this.”

I was stunned by the news. Also, skeptical. But what he said proved no moonshot. Within a few months of my targeted treatment, my scan revealed my tumors were blackened and dying. Several months later, my cancer was in full remission (No Evidence of Disease).

It was pretty powerful to find hope through the medical world. I have come to see my treatment as an extension of God’s hope for me.

On that note, I believe that today there is more reason for medical hope than ever before. Especially in the cancer world, breakthroughs are accelerating at an unprecedented rate. People who were previously told to go home and die are now achieving remission. And it’s not just cancer care that is seeing this revolution—but many other parts of healthcare, too. I encourage you to investigate your medical options. If a breakthrough doesn’t exist for your condition today, it very well could tomorrow.

How hope has changed my life

Three years after my diagnosis, I am still doing well. I face threats, but I am living in hope.

A lot of my life has returned to normal. A year after my diagnosis, I started rock climbing again. I’ve also returned to skiing and biking, too. My body does not feel as strong as it once was, but then again it is amazing how quickly I’ve recovered and adapted.

Most days I just feel a profound sense of gratitude—a level I doubt I would know apart from cancer. I am thankful for each day that I have, especially with my wife and daughter.

And even if the worst happens, because of my faith, I will always have hope. This hope is undefeatable because nothing can take this away (for more on what I mean, see #7 below).

I have become passionate about helping others find hope, too. Because I have been awakened to the reality of how vital hope is for those who suffer. In the spring of 2018, I started a nonprofit called Hope Has Arrived. The purpose of this organization is to help people find hope, strength and peace against cancer.

I am excited about this venture as I seek to help others benefit from my journey, even if only in a small way.

How to find hope despite your medical crisis

I realize that many people reading this might be facing his or her own health crisis, whether it’s cancer or something else. Or perhaps you support or care for someone who is. Regardless, I wanted to offer a few thoughts about finding hope on this journey. I believe these relate to any health crisis.

1. Your medical diagnosis does not define you. Don’t wear it around your neck. This is not your identity.  While this health issue might be part of your story, it is not your entire story, nor should it ever be.

2. Let go of why. I realize this very difficult to do, but I think it is an important part of living in hope. It’s ok to grieve and lament that this crisis has happened to you, but you likely will never find out why—at least on this side of things. Someday you may be able to see some good that has happened as a result, but even that is an over-simplistic reason for why it happened.

3. Choose to live in hope. Living in hope is a choice. Your emotions are something that you have control over. If you want to stew on the worst-case scenario, you certainly can. If you want to google all of the worst things that could happen to you as a result of your health issue, I’m sure you could. But I would not recommend it. Instead, you must set your mind on the fact that you will choose to live in hope.

4. Help spread hope to others. Hope is contagious, just like some negative pitfalls, like fear. I guarantee you are not the only one who needs hope. Ask other people you know who are facing a crisis. What gives you hope? As your friend, how can I be someone who helps you live in hope?

5. Be good to yourself. It is good to live in reality. Facing a medical crisis can be tough, and there are certain realities such as having reduced energy and capacity during treatment. You should give yourself the space to be where you are at—if you are tired, then be tired. If you have energy on a particular day, then use it. Either way, living within your limits is a good thing. Don’t be afraid to let people help you.

6. Realize that your caregivers and supporters need hope, too. It’s not just difficult being the person facing the health issue, it’s also hard for those who support them. My battle with cancer has not just been mine, but also my wife’s (and my daughter, too). She has faced it with me, come to infusions, appointments and prayed regularly with me. This journey has not just taken a toll on me, but her as well. As I became aware of this, I have endeavored to support her, too, and to push her to spend time with others who are life-giving to her and to do things that are life-giving.

7. Seek the undefeatable hope. As I have mentioned, there are a lot of good things that give us hope, but they often fail us sooner or later. Yet, there is one hope I have found to be undefeatable: a relationship with God. This is a source of hope that has profoundly carried me through this journey more than anything else. Facing a health crisis is a great time to look outside of yourself for the help that God can offer. For more about this, check out the Finding God section on my website.

More about Chris…

Chris is the founder of Hope Has Arrived. Besides being a writer and blogger, he also is an avid rock climber, skier and mountain biker. He is married and has a daughter.

He also wrote the Pathway to Hope, which is a 7-day email series designed to help people facing cancer find hope.

Here’s the paradox: the more you pursue happiness, the more you start feeling unhappy.

Happiness: everyone wants it in their lives, everyone is looking for it, and yet no one knows what it actually is.

Very interesting research, put together by the University of Toronto, suggests that the fact that happiness is such an abstract notion and there’s no clear definition to it, makes people feel unhappier.

Here’s what they’ve found:

• happiness is a moving target;
• people know that their time is limited, which makes the pursuit of happiness even more stressful;
• the result of people not knowing what happiness is, makes people feel uncertain, and, consequently, even unhappier because they are unable to achieve the state they are looking for.

Every generation can say that they are unhappy for various reasons. But every previous generation claims that every following generation must be happier because they won’t have to face the same problems. I’ve found it to be true that baby boomers think this about millennials and Gen-Z.

And, as a millennial, here’s what I can tell you.

Young Generations Feel As Unhappy As Ever

And no, we’re not pretending. Research is on our side.

Only 1 in 10 millennials identify their career as the top priority, while the other 9 say happiness is of the top importance.

Yet, a study, published by the Telegraph, claims that millennials have the most negative outlook on the future, claiming they have too much pressure from society to feel and become happy.

So what do millennials and Gen-Z kids do to get others to think they are living a happier life than they really are? Everyone knows about the dependent relationship younger generations have with social media. It seems we cannot stand up from bed without taking a look at EVERY social media account. 

It’s safe to say that this relationship is toxic. Take a look: according to the study, published by the Independent, 51% of millennials claim they use social media like Facebook and Instagram to give the impression that their real-life relationships are perfect.

But How Can You Change That?

I believe that the reason the younger generation is generally unhappy is that we tend to hold on to a lot of things instead of letting go and moving on.

What are those things we hold on to?

Take a look. I guarantee you will relate.

1. Being a Control Freak

This is very hard to let go of. Once you start obsessing over controlling everything, you become an addict. The more things you have control over, the more you want your control to grow.

But what’s normal control and what’s obsessive control?

Normal control involves understanding that things may get out of hand, and you can roll with it. Obsessive control is trying to organize every little detail of your life, and when things do get out of hand, you freak out. Hence, you become a control freak.

It’s easy to imagine where such a mindset could take you. Being a control freak could lead to obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, health deterioration because of chronic stress, etc.  Not much space for happiness here.

So how do you let go of excessive control?

Understand that you can change the way you look at things, and that spontaneity can benefit you more than making sure that you have everything planned out.

Also, listen to your feelings. How often do you feel anxious or frustrated because of things you can’t control? Excessive control can keep you from noticing a lot of important things. Who knows, maybe you missed that moment of happiness you were so desperately seeking.

2. Being a People Pleaser

Who doesn’t want to be loved by everyone? Such a perfect feeling – everyone is smiling at you, saying how wonderful you are, thanking you...Isn’t it great?

Yes...and absolutely unrealistic.

As a people pleaser, you’re dragging around responsibility you didn’t have to impose on yourself. Trying to do well by everyone makes you feel responsible for how other people feel. But this is not your responsibility and can lead to why you feel unhappy every time you see someone who doesn’t like something about you.

Here are five of the steps that Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D., describes that she took to help her in her struggle to stop being a people pleaser. 

• Become self-aware
• Realize avoiding problems doesn't promote growth in relationships
• Understand the importance of being authentic
• Realize doing too much in a relationship hurts the relationship rather than helps
• Learn self-acceptance by looking at yourself with interest and respect rather than judgment and denial

When you are trying to do well by everyone, you lose yourself. You can live your whole life like that.  It's important to pay attention to what feels good and right for you and not just for everyone else.

3. Being a Trash Keeper

Here’s what I mean by trash:

• past mistakes;
• heartbreaks;
• toxic relationships;
• resentment

For sure, letting go of this “trash” isn’t easy. We feel emotionally attached to these experiences. But here’s what you can do...

Think of the last time you did a spring cleaning in your house. You’ve collected all the unnecessary, old and annoying stuff from your apartment, called trash pickup and let these things go. You came back to your house and felt that it was easier to breathe now that you’ve let go of everything that held you back.

The same is with keeping trash in your life. Once you clear it, there will be enough free space for happiness to enter your life.

4. Being Motivated by Money

Perhaps the biggest reason why the younger generation cannot feel happy is that we are too attached to money. Some of this attachment is born out of necessity. Many of us have to work hard to pay off student loans, feel the pressure of buying our own place or providing for the family. It’s too easy to get dragged down this hole.

Nevertheless, it is always important to remember that money doesn’t buy everything. It doesn’t buy you the ability to wake up in the morning and be grateful for everything you already have (even if you don’t have a lot). Learning contentment and gratitude can help you feel happy every day, knowing that you are blessed with what you have.

Don't Chase Happiness

Happiness is different for everyone and in this life it doesn’t last forever. But we can have happy moments, even small moments, when we feel the most complete. You can experience these happy moments more often if you let go of things that put you in the wrong mindset.

Here’s one more thing: don’t chase happiness. It’s not a hunt. Happiness is not a kind of a wild animal, and you’re not a hunter. Instead, be present in the current moment. Who knows, maybe right now is the moment to be happy?

More From TheHopeLine

As Diana writes, chasing the elusive notion of happiness can leave us feeling empty when we don't find it or feel it.  Happiness often relies on external triggers such as other people, things, circumstances and experiences. She gives a lot of good practical tips of things to let go of to make more room for experiencing happiness.

We would also like to add that there is something more substantial than happiness and that is joy.

The Bible talks a lot about joy. God knows the power of joy and desires it for us: "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)

God offers us joy, contentment and hope when we believe in him and have a relationship with him. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

Joy from the Lord to those who believe is not fleeting and external, it lasts despite our circumstances. If you have tried everything to find contentment and peace and are still struggling, consider this...Learn More About God.

Diana Nadim Adjadj is a writer and editor who has a Master's degree in Marketing. She combines her passion for writing with her interest in research and creates thought-provoking content in various fields. Diana also runs her own 3to5Marketing blog.

Self-harm stems from pain so deep it feels as if it is the only way to take away the emotional pain.  If you have been abused, hurt, rejected, abandoned, or experienced anything else that has caused you emotional trauma and you have turned to self-harm to cope...we are here for you.  If you feel like you are alone in your struggles with self-harm...we are here for you.  If you feel that you don't know where to go to get help...we are here for you.  If you feel that you are past the point of getting help...that simply isn't true...we are here for you.  Be encouraged by these girls that have battled (and still do) with cutting and self-harm but have found help and support through their struggle.

I Was About to Cut

I found TheHopeLine by accident, but I'm so glad I did. I have been through years of abuse and battle persistent depression. At my lowest point, the guy (Hope Coach) helped me fully vent, and gave me additional resources. They took the time to hear my story, without any judgment.~ Valorey  

Relapse Was Knocking

I heard self-injury knocking at the door...it was the only thing that my anxiety stricken-mind could comprehend as the only way out, but my spirit knew the repercussions of relapsing. I spoke with a Hope Coach who helped me recognize the victory of my extended abstinence from self-injury and encouraged me to reach out to a trusted friend, despite my fear of being vulnerable and admitting that I wasn't okay. I am blessed beyond measure for the reassurance and encouragement for it was God who orchestrated the conversation and filled me with the courage to overcome what I thought would be a devastating victory for the enemy." ~ Alyssia

My Depression and Cutting

For the longest time, I was so depressed. I coped with it by cutting and just hurting myself in any way. My depression overcame me and I honestly wasn't the same. I was never truly happy anymore. I never went out with friends and I never was okay again.

The cutting would just get worse every day. The urge to cut got stronger and stronger as each day went by. It was scary how depressed I was. But then I decided that I didn't want to feel like this anymore. I talked to people about it. I saw a therapist and I contacted TheHopeLine. With so much support, I felt like now I had hope of getting better and felt like I had a purpose. It was amazing how I can go from this depressed and anxious person to a happy and free individual. ~ Lila

Recovery is Possible

Hello, my name is Hannah. I am a teenager, we tend to be confusing and difficult to relate with. This may be due to the fact that everyone is different, which brings the topic of self-harm, cutting, relief, or however else you may want to put it. Some people think that cutting is weird and what people who strive for attention do and others think it's the only way to survive, a way to stay alive a way to feel.  For me...cutting was attention to myself.  I felt alone. Being alone is hard especially since they're billions of people who live on this planet. So whether you believe that people do this to flash their scars online or to relieve the pain that has been brewing inside. Cutting is something that people do. It can be considered a tragedy or a beckoning for hope.

For me, my silent cries were answered by the people I thought could never understand...my parents. It was the actual hardest thing to tell both of them. The second hardest was when they asked how long this had been occurring. And the saddest thing was to see them crying when I showed them all the scars I had. But it was the tangible help I received that became the most amazing thing to ever come out of my "problem."

My personal advice is, I know how hard it can and will be to feel alone, to feel like everyone is all set without you, but cutting is a step that you don't and shouldn't have to take. Even if your parents aren't a focal point for recovering, you have teachers, peers, TheHopeLine and even the police.  Anyone can be your reason for feeling something other than nothingness, and you don't have to ruin the only thing that you have to live in - your body. ~ Hannah

For more help with self-harm, read this encouraging story from one of our guest bloggers, Breaking Free from Self-Harm.

When I found your site I was skeptical at first, I never told anyone about my dilemma. I was scared to tell my story, but knew I needed help.

My Story of Sexual Abuse

Before I was even five years old my half-brother, who is ten years older than me, started abusing me. He would make me do sexual things to him and do things back to me that I didn't want. He repeatedly did things to me that were very wrong. As a little girl I was scared to tell anyone because he threatened to kill me and my mom (we shared the same father). I was so afraid of being hurt by him. When I was five, he went too far and took my virginity. When I was five! That was the line for me.  I somehow found the courage to tell my parents and he was sent to jail.

Healing is Hard, but possible.

I blocked the specific memories and images out of my mind until a year ago. Then suddenly the memories flooded back and I couldn't control myself. I started self-harming as a way to cope with my pain. When I found out he had been allowed out of prison, I was so scared that I tried to commit suicide.

Then I found this website. I was in a lot of pain, but telling my story and not being judged by my HopeCoach, but only loved, really helped me. I'm in a better place now and I know I'm not alone.
Thank you, you really helped me.
~ Lindsey

If you have been sexually abused, there is hope for you to move forward to a healthy outlook on life. Please read this post by Dawson McAllister for tips for moving forward - Hope for the Abused

If you have turned to self-harm to cope with hidden pain, Amanda has been where you are and shares her story here - Breaking Free from Self-Harm

Are you feeling worn out and down about life?  You may have cobwebs and dust bunnies hiding in places you don’t even know about and they may be affecting your mental health. Clean out the cobwebs that are affecting your state of mind by trying these 31 tips to boost your mental health.

Ways to Boost Your Mental Health

1. Track gratitude and achievement with a journal. Include 3 things you were grateful for and 3 things you were able to accomplish each day. Try the free apps – Happier or Attitudes of Gratitude Journal or make your own journal using one of these tutorials.

2. Start your day with a cup of coffee. Coffee consumption is linked to lower rates of depression. If you can’t drink coffee because of the caffeine, try another good-for-you drink like green tea.

3. Set up a getaway. It could be camping with friends or a trip to the tropics. The act of planning a vacation and having something to look forward to can boost your overall happiness for up to 8 weeks!

4. Work on your strengths. Do something you’re good at to build self-confidence, then tackle a tougher task.

5. Keep it cool for a good night’s sleep. The optimal temperature for sleep is between 60˚ and 67˚ Fahrenheit.

6. “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” -Martin Luther King Jr. Think of something in your life you want to improve and figure out what you can do to take a step in the right direction.

7. Experiment with a new recipe, write a poem, paint or try a Pinterest project. Creative expression and overall well-being are linked.

8. Show some love to someone in your life. Close, quality relationships are key for a happy, healthy life.

9. Boost brainpower by treating yourself to a couple of pieces of dark chocolate every few days. The flavonoids, caffeine, and theobromine in chocolate are thought to work together to improve alertness and mental skills.

10. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” - Maya Angelou. If you have personal experience with mental illness or recovery, share on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr with #mentalillnessfeelslike.

11. Sometimes, we don’t need to add new activities to get more pleasure. We just need to soak up the joy in the ones we’ve already got. Trying to be optimistic doesn’t mean ignoring the uglier sides of life. It just means focusing on the positive as much as possible.

12. Feeling anxious? Take a trip down memory lane and do some coloring for about 20 minutes to help you clear your mind. Pick a design that’s geometric and a little complicated for the best effect. Check out hundreds of free printable coloring pages at Just Color.

13. Take time to laugh. Hang out with a funny friend, watch a comedy or check out cute videos online. Laughter helps reduce anxiety.

14. Go off the grid. Leave your smartphone at home for a day and disconnect from constant emails, alerts, and other interruptions. Spend time doing something fun with someone face-to-face.

15. Dance around while you do your housework. Not only will you get chores done, but dancing reduces levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), and increases endorphins (the body’s “feel-good” chemicals).

16. Go ahead and yawn. Studies suggest that yawning helps cool the brain and improves alertness and mental efficiency.

17. Relax in a warm bath once a week. Try adding Epsom salts to soothe aches and pains and help boost magnesium levels, which can be depleted by stress.

18. Has something been bothering you? Let it all out…on paper. Writing about upsetting experiences can reduce symptoms of depression.

19. Spend some time with a furry friend. Time with animals lowers the stress hormone – cortisol and boosts oxytocin – which stimulates feelings of happiness. If you don’t have a pet, hang out with a friend who does or volunteer at a shelter.

20. “What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.” – Henry David Thoreau. Practice mindfulness by staying “in the present.”

21. Be a tourist in your own town. Oftentimes people only explore attractions on trips, but you may be surprised what cool things are in your own backyard.

22. Try prepping your lunches or picking out your clothes for the work week. You’ll save some time in the mornings and have a sense of control about the week ahead.

23. Work some omega-3 fatty acids into your diet–they are linked to decreased rates of depression and schizophrenia among their many benefits. Fish oil supplements work but eating your omega-3s in foods like wild salmon, flaxseeds or walnuts also helps build healthy gut bacteria.

24. Practice forgiveness – even if it’s just forgiving that person who cut you off during your commute. People who forgive have better mental health and report being more satisfied with their lives.

25. “What appears to be calamities are often the sources of fortune.” – Disraeli. Try to find the silver lining in something kind of cruddy that happened recently.

26. Feeling stressed? Smile. It may not be the easiest thing to do but smiling can help to lower your heart rate and calm you down.

27. Send a thank you note – not for a material item, but to let someone know why you appreciate them. Written expressions of gratitude are linked to increased happiness.

28. Do something with friends and family – have a cookout, go to a park, or play a game. People are 12 times more likely to feel happy on days that they spend 6-7 hours with friends and family.

29. Take 30 minutes to go for a walk-in nature – it could be a stroll through a park or a hike in the woods. Research shows that being in nature can increase energy levels, reduce depression and boost well-being.

30. Do your best to enjoy 15 minutes of sunshine and apply sunscreen. Sunlight synthesizes Vitamin D, which experts believe is a mood elevator.

31. “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” -Albert Einstein Try something outside of your comfort zone to make room for adventure and excitement in your life.

Take time to explore who God is, how much He loves you and the peace He offers. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11). Developing a meaningful relationship with your creator and the lover of your soul will provide you with great strength when facing challenges. Spend time reading the Bible, and praying.

Originally published at Centerstone.org

My Last Effort to Find a Reason to Live

I was very close to committing suicide end of summer 2017. But it felt like something was holding me back. While googling how to get free help online (too scared to get actual help), I stumbled upon TheHopeLine. I was able to talk to a HopeCoach and we had a great talk.

I Learned My Feelings were Valid

He encouraged me to talk to my parents so they could help me find the counseling I needed for my thoughts and feelings. He planted the seed in me that my feelings were valid and that I deserved therapy.  It was a good start and got me through the night.

However, I still wasn't ready to go to the doctor and into therapy. Instead, I kept my feelings inside and 2 months later I overdosed.

After that my parents talked to me about getting therapy. I remembered what my HopeCoach had said and now I was ready. Today I'm getting the help I need in therapy. I wanted to thank TheHopeLine and the HopeCoach I talked to.  He helped me take the first step of admitting I need help. I wouldn't be here without TheHopeLine. So, thank you.
~ Lana (19 years old)

If you face suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help as Lana did.  Visit our Get Help page or our list of Suicide Prevention Resources. Talking to someone could save your life.

Perhaps you are afraid of the idea of counseling. Many people are. But the benefits of counseling are amazing. Please read this for a boost of courage, 9 Misconceptions About Seeking Professional Counseling.

You are worth taking care of!! Please don't ever doubt that.