Posts by TheHopeLine Team

Breaking Free from Self-Harm

Never Again. One Day at a Time

“Well, it’s been two weeks…but what about two months from now? Will I make it that far, okay? ‘Three months free’, ‘One year free’, sounds impossible…How do I know I’ll even be able to hold out a day more?”

It seems like just the other day I wrestled with those words. It’s amazing how quickly time moves. More than that, it is amazing how dramatically God transforms.

The Day I Gave Up the Fight to Resist

After almost a year of living under intense depression and anxiety, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt lonely, panicked and overwhelmed. Hiding in my bedroom, I decided the nearest sharp object to me was the answer. I didn’t care anymore that I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it; all I cared was to drown out these feelings, and cutting seemed like the most promising way.

I had found myself thinking about it many times before. I could picture it in my head and feel the itch of it on my skin. I always told myself I wouldn’t ever fall for it though. For one, I didn’t have the guts to actually cut my skin, that’s gross, and besides that, it was obviously just crazy to do. Yet those thoughts and feelings persisted.  I tried drawing on myself as a substitute to cutting, but at the end of the day I was still frantic and still had no relief. My resolve wore thinner and thinner. Anxiety and heartache can take you to places you never imagined you would go if you allowed it to, and I was tired of fighting.

After thinking about it for a while, it didn’t sound so radical or drastic to do. It almost even sounded logical. I needed a way to release these feelings trapped inside of me. So when that night came, and I hurt, but I couldn’t cry, and I felt like I had nowhere to run, and I forgot the God who had carried me through the past trials of my life, I turned to a blade instead.

Pulled Down and Swallowed Up

At first it seemed good, I had done something about my pain. There was a level of satisfaction in that. But it quickly left. What had I done? Didn’t I promise I would never go here?! I had failed, and I had lost everything. The memory of what I had done to myself only made that night darker as I tried to fall asleep, and the following day just became even more anxious and painful. I told my parents what happened, and I promised them never again.

A couple weeks later, life got too busy to deal with, too overwhelming, too many thoughts and too much pain inside because I knew I was a failure at everything. How could I get away? Will it ever stop?? I remembered cutting myself before…I wasn’t supposed to do that…but no point in fighting now really is there? I had already lost. I had gone there before. This was my life now it seemed. So be it…

I cut myself again several times over the next week or two. And I made sure not to let anyone know this time. Not one single person. I couldn’t last very long in between cutting…while I felt better as I was doing it, that feeling stopped so quickly after I was done. It was like being pulled down into a vortex that just swallowed you up. Quick, slippery, frantic, swirling, falling, dark, helpless. But even as much as I hated it, I was determined to run full on into it. If I dove in deep enough maybe it would finally be enough to get me away from everything.

Interrupted

My plan was good to go, until it got interrupted by God. June 28th, 2015, we left for Jackson, MS, so I could go to Ballet Magnificat’s Summer Dance Intensive. I was staying on campus this time instead of with my family in a hotel like I had the years before. I figured this would work well actually, because there would be no one to stop me during those two weeks.

However, as my parents left and I stood there alone in the dorm room, I felt something deep down inside, buried under my stubbornness but still alive and steady, assuring me I had to let God change my heart here during this camp. Before that voice faded, I wrote a note to myself saying, "Whatever it takes. Do it!” Sometimes staring at those words was the only thing that made me hold on, and I almost gave up several times, but in my moment of crisis God always showed up with a reminder of His love for me.

Letting Go of My Need to Control

When you’ve been living your life trying to control it all yourself, it is painfully difficult to remember how to surrender and trust God to have the reigns, but it is necessary and it is worth it. He will pull your fingers open as gently as you allow Him to.

I didn’t notice it happening, but God changed me drastically during those two weeks in Ballet Magnificat’s intensive. At the end of my time there, I wrote out what God had shown me about anxiety and my desire for control over my life and emotions. I was seeing then that I could go to Him when I was anxious and overwhelmed and He would hold me. I was realizing that I could dump my emotions – even the ugly ones – on Him and that He could heal the hurt better than any cover-up trick I could try, if only I would trust Him to take care of my heart in His way and His timing. He is my Shelter from the craziness of this world and the craziness of my heart.  I needed to remember these things.

Could I Stay Clean?

Coming back home, I worried about what would happen when real life hit again. Would I make it? Would I break again? I didn’t want to break; I actually wanted to get better now. But I was still so tired and worn down from my previous battles, did I have the ability to actually hold out and make it when things got hard? I looked online at people sharing stories of self-harm. They talked about how they had gone seven months without cutting, or three years free from it. It felt somewhat depressing. I had barely made it two weeks without cutting and many times I felt like it would kill me to keep fighting it. How could I ever reach seven months??

Today, I can give you that answer: you get there one day, one moment, at a time. You get there, not by resolving to last for however long without messing up, but by submitting in your heart to give up your will and your way and to run to God in every pain and bump that you face. You walk hand in hand with Him moment by moment, day by day, and then one day you stop and look over your shoulder in amazement because…

Now I Celebrate

Today, I celebrate one year free from cutting! It was not impossible. I could not have gotten myself out of it, but with God, all things are possible. It is not us working our way out but simply being open and surrendered to His work in our hearts that brings us freedom and lasting victory.

God promises us this in the Bible:
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” – Matthew 19:26

God Understands Your Pain

For those of you who struggle with cutting or self-harm, either that the thought keeps chasing you or that you feel stuck going back to it, please know that God understands your pain and He is the only true Healer of our hearts.

You may be able to trick your brain for a short time by hurting your body, but in the end it is only hurting your heart further. By giving up on running from your pain, and instead facing it and bringing it before Jesus, He can offer a deeper, truer, comfort and He can mend the brokenness. His love is deeper than your skin, just like your pain. He can reach you more fully than a blade can. The relief won’t feel the same as cutting does, but it will be more complete and long-lasting if you wait patiently at His feet and keep coming back to Him.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

Breaking Free

To anyone who struggles, whether it be with self-harm or something totally different, whatever sin it is that you feel like you won’t be able to stay away from, that you are doomed to be drug back there forever, that you don’t know if you really do have the strength to get past: you really can make it. You can break free. You can leave the old patterns and lies behind. You don’t have to keep going back, and you don’t have to fear messing up again once you stop.

Yeah, you may trip, but God understands and has compassion on you. He won’t condemn you. You can instantly run back to Him for a hug when you do mess up. But also, you don’t have to trip! If you simply focus on keeping your gaze locked on Him, you won’t have to worry about sin suddenly pulling you down. He will keep your feet from slipping and will teach you to walk in His will. It is possible for “never again” to really mean never again, if you lean on your Savior’s strength and not your own.

“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For whom is God besides the Lord? And who is Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.” – Psalm 18:30-32


“Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” – Psalm 94:17-19

This guest post is written by Amanda Turner.  Her hope is that by sharing her own story and the truths God has shown her, others might not feel so alone on their own journeys and can also find help in these truths.   This passion grew from seeing how God freed her from the struggles that she felt so trapped in and redeemed the brokenness that she once thought could only be hidden at best.

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Don't Let Your Pain Go Unseen - [Video]

UnseenFilm.org

This Short Film is Sure to Leave an Impact

This 25 minute film is sure to impact you in some way and is well worth watching. It explores the unseen pain of depression. If you or someone you know struggles with depression or suicidal thinking, parts of this film may be very relatable for you. If you want to grow in compassion for those who struggle, you will receive a valuable perspective.

The film begins with Owen contemplating taking his own life and his grandfather discovering him.

Owen is overwhelmed with hopelessness and sadness. At one point he says, It’s exhausting. The worst feeling ever. Not being honest about how you’re feeling. And then you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.”

Owen’s grandfather has his own grief he’s still dealing with, but he also has deep wisdom. He explains to Owen, Whatever you feed will win the fight.” He tells him how you can feed  your internal wolf of hope or the wolf of despair. You can believe the lies despair tells you… you have no worth and no one will miss you.  Or you can believe the hope you are loved and are worth the fight.  Feed the hope!

How to Help Someone Who Is Thinking About Suicide

The way the grandfather tries to help Owen is not perfect. This film is not a case study with step-by-step instructions on how to help someone who is suicidal. The grandfather has his own flaws and hang-ups, but he does involve himself in Owen’s life and attempt in his own way to help Owen. The film gives us a good starting point for talking about suicide and helping those who struggle.

We’d like to begin a discussion here and receive your input. We’d love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts.

It’s frustrating the grandpa doesn’t ask Owen directly what he is feeling. Why didn’t he ask the question, “Are you thinking about harming yourself?” Research tells us that asking the suicide question isn’t going to make someone more suicidal or make them want to act on it. It actually helps them.

Also, the grandpa should have gotten him formal help in addition to throwing away the pills and telling him to come to lunch with him.  It was good the grandfather chooses to stay with Owen, but it is also vital to highlight the importance of seeking help from a hospital, especially in an acute suicidal crisis.

Finally – the whole healing journey is not told here.  Formal counseling in addition to informal support from family and friends is an important step in the process.

However, the power of the film stands in the message that you are not alone in your internal feelings of hopelessness. Share them with someone and you may be surprised what they have gone through themselves.

Unseen Film - Keep the Discussion Going

We’d love to keep this discussion going. Here are some questions to get you started:

  • If you were the grandfather what would you have done differently to help Owen?
  • Do you need to have all the answers to help someone?
  • What did the grandfather do well?
  • Why do you think the grandfather kept his secret for so long?
  • What was your biggest take away from the film?
  • Did you like the film? Why or why not?

For more discussion check out this Conversation Guide

Finding Hope

We can’t leave this discussion without also sharing there is tremendous hope in knowing that God is with us and has a plan for our lives. This hope gives us something to hold onto even when times are tough, and it helps us combat the lies of despair. We have the assurance that we are not alone, that we have worth and a purpose and that we are deeply loved by our heavenly Father.

For additional information about Unseen and other resources, please go to www.unseenfilm.org
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

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7 Reasons Why I'm Happier Living a Sober Life

I Believed the Myth - Sober Life = Boring Life

If you get all your life views from television and movies, you might think sober life is boring. At least, that’s what I thought. On TV, the people who were sober never had any fun. I never wanted to be “that guy.”

Maybe that’s why I always associated alcohol with fun. From the time I was 16, I would grab a beer or a bottle of vodka whenever it was time to kick back and let loose.

When someone on TV needs to let off some steam, what do they do? Most of the time, they drink. So, we learn to do the same. But for some of us, these habits can lead down a dark and disturbing path.

When I Realized I Had a Problem with Alcohol?

People like to ask when I realized my partying had turned to alcoholism. The truth is that I don’t exactly know, but it doesn’t matter. My drinking was always a problem. It’s really not healthy to think of alcohol as an escape or a source of fun.

It wasn’t until I got sober that I realized how far I had fallen.

I thought back to the days of my youth and remembered what it was like to have pure unadulterated fun – without the use of a crutch. I so wanted to feel that again.

It did take some time and work, but I finally got there. Now, I can say that I’m leaps and bounds happier than I ever was while I was drinking.

Here are 7 reasons why I’m happier living a sober life.

1. I have more energy

Between hangovers and lack of sleep, I was in a constant state of fatigue. In the morning, I would guzzle what felt like a gallon of coffee only to lose steam by about 2 p.m. More coffee was the only solution until I could have more alcohol.

I thought alcoholics drank all day, so I limited myself to drinking after 5 p.m. I was wrong about the time thing, but at least my unfounded beliefs kept me sober for a few hours.

After 5 p.m., I had to make up for lost time. That’s when I’d have a bottle or two of wine. And things only got worse from there. Somehow, the alcohol energized me until I drank so much that I’d just pass out. This was often in the wee hours of the night.

Without fail, the alarm went off at 6 a.m. every morning, and I’d get up and do it again.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck, but I still did it all over again, and again.

When I finally got sober, I remembered what it was like to have energy. I was able to function during the day like a real person. It’s an amazing feeling!

2. My Appearance Improved

I think I've always been a little vain, so when I got into my late 20s and started noticing wrinkles, I became motivated.

Alcohol was bad for my skin and overall appearance. I knew this, but still when I looked in the mirror, I lied to myself, convincing myself that it was all part of the natural aging process. Some people have better genes than others. But deep down, I knew that alcohol was destroying my looks.

When I got sober, I realized the extent of the damage I was doing. I saw it in the mirror, but the real wake-up call came in the compliments I got from everyone around me.

3. I have more money

Even if you buy the cheapest booze, alcoholism is expensive. You know how marketers love to compare everything with the price of coffee? When you’re a recovering alcoholic, you start comparing things with the price of alcohol. Because that’s when you realize how much you’ve spent on alcohol for so long.

Now, I can take a vacation with the money I save from not buying alcohol every day.

4. I made room for fitness

I used to work out a bit in my hard-partying days, but it was different. It was motivated by the thought that I had to do something to counter the effects of alcohol. If I didn’t, I’d surely have a giant beer belly. I had one, don’t get me wrong, but I knew it would be worse.

But when I got sober, working out became about finding the best version of myself. I started pushing my limits and I loved seeing the results in the mirror.

5. I remember each moment

When I was drinking, I’d have a lot of blackouts. These were periods where I would wake up and not remember what I did the night before. There were moments of terror and embarrassment as I vaguely recalled acting like a fool.

But it wasn’t just the blackouts that were a problem. My memories of my sober moments were even fuzzy. It was as if my head was in a cloud.

When I got sober, I felt like I regained my lost mental abilities. I felt like I could keep up with life again.

6. My immune system is stronger

Alcohol depletes the body of hydration and nutrients that help strengthen your immune system. When I was drinking, I was always getting sick. I had this seemingly eternal cough that I would tell people was allergies, but I always wondered. When I stopped drinking, it went away, and I haven’t had a cold since.

7. I’m comfortable in my own skin

Most importantly for me, I learned how to love myself when I stopped drinking. The distractions and crutches were gone, and I was able to work on my relationship with myself.

If you’re struggling now and thinking about getting sober, it’s time to take the next step. It may be time to connect with an alcoholism and rehabilitation facility that can help you through the process.  -Trevor McDonald.

If you are wanting to check out a rehabilitation facility, TheHopeLine partners with Banyan Treatment Center

About the Author: Trevor McDonald is a recovering addict and alcoholic who's been clean and sober for over 5 years. With that perspective, he gives many answers to the question, why should I be sober? Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help others who face the same struggles he did. He is also an outreach coordinator for *Sober Nation.

*The organization referenced in the author’s bio is not a partner of TheHopeLine.

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This Hole in My Soul

Why do I want to be anyone but me?

I have to confess I have this problem…when I look around me, I always think everyone else has it better than me.  They have better hair, better clothes, a better face, a nicer house, a better personality, better skills and talents.

The Why?

Society’s pressure never ends; you get bombarded with it everywhere you go.  Trying to be the best, trying to look the part you want to look, trying to appear as if you are the most interesting person in the world and your life is the most wonderful life possible.

I think if most of us look at the highlights in our own lives…. those moments laughing with friends, vacations, the good days, the days where we look and feel good, those times where we do something awesome and noteworthy aka Instagram worthy…those highlights make us look as if our life is something to take notice of.  I know I’m not the only one who goes back and looks over my pictures and is like…oh yeah, cool, I really have had some good times!

As we all know, everyday life is not glamorous…sometimes it’s downright rigid, boring, and extremely monotonous.  Get up, eat breakfast, go to work or school, go home, eat dinner, study, binge on Netflix…blah, blah…not too much in a typical day that’s Instagram worthy.  I have to tell myself…this is okay, and I’m telling you it’s okay.  Life doesn’t have to be exciting every moment.

Why don’t I feel complete?

Here’s my secret…probably an issue you’ve never heard of…I have dad issues (gasp). I’m being sarcastic if you can’t tell. I know so many of us have this issue.  I have two dads (dad and stepdad), but the fact that neither of them were completely vested in my life when I was younger affected me a lot. In many ways, this left me with a hole in my soul.

However, the thing that always puzzled me about this hole in my soul was that I knew Jesus. I knew He was the answer and the only way to fill the longing in my heart. But I didn’t always listen and seek Him. Instead, I looked for love and acceptance through guys. I went through many years of liking guys who didn’t like me, but it didn’t take long for that to change. Once I hit about 18 years old, guys liking me wasn’t a problem anymore and I soaked up the attention and “love” I got from them.  This was not a healthy thing to do.  It only leads to TROUBLE with a capital T.

If you need approval or attention to feel good about yourself then this can only lead you down a bad path. It means you will do things you didn’t want to do to get attention and feel better about yourself.

How do I fix it?

To “fix” the hole in my soul and fulfill the desire to be who I was meant to be is simple, but I tend to complicate it. We are all actually made this way…incomplete on our own. God did this so He can complete us. We are only made totally complete through God. Without him, we will always have an emptiness looming.

God is Calling You to Him

God created us in His image. He made us to have a deep, meaningful relationship with Him and to be in constant communication with Him. If we aren’t following through on that, then we are going to feel incomplete. If we put our faith in ourselves or others, not in God, then we are not going to flourish and be who we were meant to be.

Sometimes God seems far away. There are so many other things going on in life and He feels just “up there” sometimes. The truth is God can be more present and more real in your life, the more you let Him. He is not going to show up uninvited. He gives us free will to call upon Him or to ignore Him.

Show Me You're Real God

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t sure if God existed. After some straying and darkness, I cried out to Him and prayed, “I need for you to show me you are real. I need to know you are here and care about me.” One time, during a church service, I was praying this to Him and I felt His presence and felt for a moment like I was breathing pure oxygen. God showed up and answered my prayer. I felt his presence so strongly, and since then, I’ve never doubted his existence again. It’s so cool because the more you press into Him (by praying, reading and studying the Bible), the more you see Him at work in your life.

God promises if you seek Him, you will find Him. I’ll leave this scripture with you, Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Just try it! Seek the Lord with your whole heart! Don’t hold anything back and see what He does in your life. Watch Him fill the hole in your soul. Watch Him help you become God-confident and be who you were meant to be!

- Rachel

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It Felt So Right

Have you ever wondered, "Is my boyfriend right for me?" Have you stayed in a relationship too long with the wrong person? Are you trying to force a relationship to work when you know it is a lost cause? Then you will relate to this story and the lessons learned along the way.

How it Began

He sat alone on the other side of the room. The new guy in my senior class. Mysterious but definitely worth another glance. Our eyes made contact and the emotions I immediately felt astonished me. I blinked and looked away. He did, too. I know because I glanced at him again. And he caught me doing it. So, I gathered the girls sitting next to me and told them we ought to be nice and go say hi. Safety in numbers.

He began to hang out with my crowd and was accepted. But soon, it would be just the two of us walking along or in conversation in the corner of the room. We became more physical in expressing our feelings. I felt truly pretty for the first time in my life. Sunshine covered my world.

At first, he treated me really well. All my friends commented on how amazing we were together. He was really into me and wanted to do the things I liked. He bought me small gifts and his well-timed kisses melted my heart. Sure, he talked me into doing things I normally wouldn’t do, but I wanted to please him. Being with him made me feel great. Everyone knew we were an item. We were rarely not with the other, as if glued at the hip.

I Need Space

Then things changed. At first, I didn’t really notice. Or I should say I chose to ignore the signs. The times he showed up an hour late and then spent the rest of the evening apologizing. The red rims under his eyelids he said were because work and school were getting to him. The times he seemed to be elsewhere, and I’d have to draw his attention back to me. Then came the dreaded request — “I need space.”

I gave it to him. I figured it was temporary. We all go through stress, and though I wanted to be there for him, he said he wanted to be alone. I tried to not let that get to me. It did. Midnights would find me hugging my pillow in tears, not knowing how to talk with him about this change in his feelings for me.

He wasn’t around as much. I watched as he slipped out of my life, gradually at first. Then like a skateboard picking up momentum on the downhill, he zipped away, leaving me devastated. Confused. Rejected. In anguish. What had I done?

Ignoring Warning Signs

Friends began to tell me they had seen him with another girl. I know they meant well in telling me, but I really didn’t want to know. Two months later he appeared outside of one of my favorite hangouts and asked if we could talk. I almost didn’t recognize him. His skin was greyish and his eyes hollow. He told me we got too close, and it scared him, but he realized being without me was worse. I took him back, and things were the way they had been when we first met. For a while. Then the old pattern began to surface. This time, I was the one who walked. A famous statesman once said, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Three months later he appeared at my door. He finally confessed that he was into drugs and all along I had been the other girl. He thought because I was wholesome and good, I could save him. But her pull and the drugs were too strong. Now she was pregnant. Even though he didn’t love her, they were going to try to make a go of it and enter rehab together, for the sake of the baby. Part of me admired him for his honesty and courage, but most of me wanted to claw out his eyes.

The wrong guy taught me a lot of the right things

Emotions cannot be the foundation for a relationship. Neither can sex. You have to take it slow and learn about each other before you make any commitment to become exclusive. See how they interact with their family and yours. And ask your true and close friends for their honest instincts about him.

Don’t hide your true self thinking the person you want to attract would be turned off by it and try not to always do things or say things just to please the other one. That is being fake. If they don’t like you for who you are, it won’t work. If they can’t see around your hang-ups and quirks, then they don’t truly care.

You can’t change anyone. They can’t change you.

You can’t try to be a different person than who you are just because your heart is drawn to someone. If there is something you want to change about yourself, you have to do it for you. It’s unfair to put that pressure on someone else. Besides, it rarely turns out the way you expect.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you need to deal with it — not depend on someone to make you feel better. It’s not fair to him or you, and most likely he is not going to like you for the real you when it surfaces, and it will. He may just see you as an easy target or a game to boost his ego. The result? Someone, probably both of you, will end up hurt.

If you are in the grip of heartbreak from a breakup, we understand how devastating and embarrassing it can be. We get the anger, the aching loneliness, and the doubt. Maybe you're worried that the guy you're with now is wrong for you.

This Guest Post was used with permission. Originally published by issuesiface.com.

Struggling with a Broken Heart? Download this free eBook today.

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Your Scars Are Proof That God Heals

Your scars are proof that God heals.

We live in a world that calls failure a weakness, and labels weakness a flaw. We are taught to mask the truth because, “it’s better if you keep your pain to yourself,” and that the best way to lead is from our strengths instead of our weakness. This is not the way to live, and I'd encourage you to do exactly the opposite.

If I can be honest, I think our world has built itself on a shallow and narrow foundation. The truth is that this foundation is ready to crack at any second. Our society doesn't allow people the freedom to share their pains, their struggles or their hardships. These "dark times" have become surrounded by stigmas and kept quiet instead of being allowed to be spoken of freely. While I know this is just my opinion, I think I have a pretty valid point to stand upon.

1. “Crying is not allowed.”

2. “Keep your pain to yourself.”

3. “Don't show your weaknesses.”

There is hope.

These are things we’ve heard throughout life. And while many of us may try to shake off their weight, you’d be surprised to know how many people are haunted by these thoughts on a daily basis. I believe in a God of Grace, love, and second chances. And if it wasn’t for those divine qualities all working together, I can promise you that I wouldn’t be standing here today. I’ve been redeemed. No matter how dark and desolate your life is or was, there is hope and God can take your life to places you never thought imaginable. Every cut, bruise and broken bone can be mended and made new by the love of God.

I am not proud of my past.

I’m not proud of my past, but I wear my scars on my sleeve because I am proud of who I’ve become in Christ. You should as well. These scars remind us that we can conquer all things and that healing is possible. There is nothing too broken for God. He can fix anything because he created everything, and that includes you.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”—2 Corinthians 5:17

My failures and mistakes are NOT my most treasured moments, but because of them I am now a living testimony of His redemption and grace. Guess what? So are you!  Your story, your past, your suffering and pain, it can all be used as a testimony and story to help others.

Your story is His glory. Share it with the world. Don’t hide your scars, wear them as proof that God heals. It's okay to not be okay.

This blog was originally published on Anthem of Hope, a non-profit dedicated to illuminating hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide and addiction.

Do you feel like the pain will never end?

Your future is amazing and we want to show you how you can find lasting hope in knowing that you are loved and have a purpose! Download our free eBook, Understanding Hope, for help. 

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Struggling with the Loss of My 14 Year Old Daughter

I Found Strength I Never Knew Existed

My name is Renee. My daughter's name is Nevaeh. She died by suicide on December 5th, 2017. It's been a struggle, that's for sure. But with this struggle, I've found a strength within myself, I never knew existed.

On February 23, 2015, my daughter was hit by a truck on the highway going through our small town. She had a T.B.I (traumatic brain injury) and a broken neck. We spent almost 2 years helping her through her recovery. We struggled for resources. We were not offered the help that is out there by the doctor when we left the hospital, and our school did not have the aid she needed for her core classes. They only had someone to help her walk around at gym time.

At this time, she was walking just fine but she was struggling with her core classes. She went from being a very bright girl who never had to try hard at school to this person she did not even know. She started to cut herself and do risky things like jumping out of my vehicle, meeting strangers online and inviting them to our house, and smoking weed every chance she got. I took her to the emergency room, and they sent us home. The second time I had the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) bring her to the hospital, hoping it would get us listened too. I knew she was going to go through with it and that it was only a matter of time.

On November 12th, the RCMP took her in. They had found her close to the train tracks, where she told us she would take her life.

She had over 100 cuts on her body from self-harm and they were not little scratches. She took a razor blade across her skin over and over again. The hospital called me after midnight to come get her. I cried and screamed at the woman and said my child is going to die if you do not keep her! She said if I was done, they could place her with children and family services. I was so angry; how dare she think I'm done. This is my baby my first born.

If One Person's Life Can Be Saved, Then We Will Be Okay

I was afraid because I knew this was coming close to the end and we did not have a month to wait to have her seen. We were running out of time. I vowed to my daughter the day she died that I would make changes in her honor. I told her if one person's life can be saved because she died then we will be okay!

I found your website today, and it was exactly what I was looking for. I am working with my family and friends to start a mental health suicide awareness campaign. Here is a rough copy of one of the tools we have been sent from heaven to help us cope. We have each put our own spin on it!

Suicide Prevention, Mental Health Awareness

  • A paper clip to hold things together while they are falling apart.
  • A rubber band to represent flexibility.
  • A coin to show your worth something.
  • A pencil to make your mark on the world.
  • A pompom to celebrate your accomplishments.
  • An eraser, to say that it's okay to make mistakes.
  • A lifesaver for a time in need and a candy so you always know life is sweet!

In loving memory of Nevaeh Charette, May 25, 2003 - December 5, 2017

For Crisis Support:

  • If this is an emergency, please dial 911.
  • For Suicide prevention please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Or you can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741.
  • Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
  • For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
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Weekend Drinking Might Be More of a Problem than You Think

When everything revolves around booze or happy hour when does the party stop?

Ever wonder, "Do I have a drinking problem?" This Guest Blog written by Benjamin Sledge was originally posted on HeartSupport.com. In it, he examines his own relationship with alcohol.

It’s the blond girl from the gym. The one you’ve stared at for almost three months, wishing you had the courage to ask her out. But like every other moron waiting their turn to get on a bench press (and grunt), all you can hope is that she looks your way while you knock out a few measly reps.

“So stupid,” you mumble to yourself.

Later, you find her in the cardio room jumping rope like a pro while her six-pack abs glisten with sweat. You pick up a jump rope, because hey, you need to knock out some double-unders (which most other people can’t do. She’ll be impressed).

Instead, you get tangled up, trip yourself, and sprawl forward while she stifles a giggle. You play it off like you meant to trip (like that’s ever worked), then move on to another exercise while you mentally lash yourself.

A month later during tricep day is where you muster the courage to say hello. She smiles and says hello back. Then it’s small talk. Before you know it, she’s given you her number and you’re planning on meeting up the next day for Halloween at a local bar.

The Big Night Is Here

Halloween night you get nervous. Any courage you had in that spine of yours drained itself hours ago. So you take the edge off and have drinks before she arrives. “A few won’t hurt and will make me more interesting,” you assure yourself. When she’s late you order more drinks with your friends, who are already skeptical of the mysterious blonde gym girl they don’t think exists.

When she arrives almost 45 minutes late, you’re confident. You have the right words and that old shyness has melted into a hint of mystery.

There’s just one problem. You’re drunk. You’re also dressed like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean and decide — since it is Halloween after all — to stay in character and talk like a pirate.

The evening does not go well.

Generation Booze

During most of college and throughout my twenties I noticed my life revolved around happy hour, or planning my weekend around getting drunk with friends. I figured after college I’d be a responsible adult and curb the drinking (as would everyone else).

Instead, alcohol became a coping mechanism after a hard week at work or the social lubricant needed to go on a date. The story about the girl from the gym on Halloween? It actually happened. When I returned to the gym the following week, she wouldn’t speak to me (and rightly so. I also threw up in a trash can in front of her).

After that incident I curbed my drinking but found I still needed it to “have fun.” I couldn’t go out with friends and be the only one not drinking! Volleyball was lame if I couldn’t drink a beer after a grueling match.

Over time, I noticed a trend among coworkers and friends. After every drinking episode, we would recount our stories of mass stupidity and hangovers as if we had the best time in the world.

For instance:

In college, my brother’s friend woke up in a Spiderman costume after a hard night of drinking. He was also in a van he didn’t own, and it wasn’t Halloween. It was the middle of February. We all laughed and played it off as one of those “gee golly” moments.

Work was similar. One Wednesday evening, happy hour turned half my office into smashed zombies who danced on tables, ate Burger King at 1am, and slept under our desks so we could be on time for work in the morning. We told that story for years at happy hour.

The thing I realized was this: Alcohol always promised happiness in the next drink. The next drink I’ll have the perfect buzz. The next drink I won’t be so nervous. But that perfect buzz and the promise of happiness eluded me as it has for so many others.

Instead, chasing the dragon leads to embarrassing stories about things we would have never done sober under the guise of “well, now it’s just funny.” In the interest of fairness, some stories told are amusing and absurd. What’s not is the inability to say “no” to a drink (or getting drunk) to have a good time.

What You Can’t Give Up Owns You

One afternoon I sat listening to a friend’s presentation about social media. During his talk, he said one simple line that has resonated deeper than many lyrics have over the course of my life. He said:

“Anything you can’t give up owns you.”

While he was talking about the way we’re attached to our mobile devices and screens, that deep truth sprouted hooks and squeezed my heart.

Years earlier, I took a good, long look at why I drank. When I discovered I couldn’t have fun without it, I knew something was wrong. At one point, I remember having anxiety about not being able to drink with friends because I was on antibiotics. My life—as well as most of the people I knew online—revolved around a happy hour or a boozy party with friends. Hard days at work, tests, the GMAT, kids, or any other stressful event became another reason to call up your friends for drinks. Observing this, I had the creeping realization I might have a problem with alcohol. I didn’t “enjoy a glass of wine on the weekend with friends.” Instead, I would “rally the friends so we had an excuse to drink.” The more I looked around me and online, the more I saw the same situation playing out for numerous others.

I ended up giving up alcohol with the help of a friend who saw the poor decisions I was making. While alcohol isn’t inherently bad or destructive, my choices with it were.  Alcohol became the puppet master, and I was dancing to the strings attached.

Sober Life Was Fun

What I discovered was that a sober life was fun. I tried new things instead of planning a meetup at the bar. I went skeet shooting.  Once, I traveled to eat famous Texas barbecue. I started reading and writing more. I still went to the bar with friends, but would order soda water and lime and drive people home. I had just as much fun as compared to the times I was drinking. After a long period away from alcohol, I learned how to have a drink and even got into the craft brewing scene. I learned to respect alcohol and enforce healthy boundaries around it. The thought of waking up on the weekends with Metallica playing the loudest show ever in my head had lost its appeal.

But what if I was deluding myself into thinking I didn’t have a problem? So I began an experiment.

Every January I give up alcohol and see whether it’s “owning me.” If I find myself thinking about how bad it sucks not to have a drink on the weekend or at a party, then perhaps I need more time away. For the past few years, I haven’t missed it at all. This year I even decided to go without it for a few extra days. Sometimes in the middle of the year I don’t drink for an extended time just to check in.

If you too find your life revolves around happy hour or events with booze to have fun, maybe take a month to see if it’s owning you.

You just might need a few weekends sober to finally start living.

~Ben Sledge

Content used with permission from HeartSupport.com.

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