Posts by TheHopeLine Team

In a society so ready to define us by our Instagram feeds, it feels counter-cultural to turn to a higher power. In his third studio album “Identity,” Colton reminds us that God never intended anyone or anything other than Himself to label us.

Since placing in the top 7 during “American Idol’s” 11th season and performing for more than a million fans across the country on tours with Britt Nicole, Third Day and TobyMac, it would be easy for Colton Dixon to allow his success to become his identity. Instead, Colton chooses his identity solely in Christ.

The Christian recording artists says, “The only thing that’s going to really satisfy you is the Lord, and He’s the only thing that will continue to blow your mind as you live your life. He will always exceed your expectations, always.”

Find out what made Colton want to pursue a career as an artist:

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/Be+The+Person+God+Called+You+To+Be_Colton+Dixon.mp3

Letting God lead the way – “God put the call in my life and He started opening the doors, and here I am.” – Colton Dixon, on leaving baseball to pursue music.

Figuring out what matters, and what doesn’t – “It started as a personal thing, trying to figure out where I placed my identity, and figuring out the things that mattered, and the things that didn’t.” – Colton Dixon, on the inspiration that led to Identity.

Find out how Colton met his wife, Annie and what has made their marriage successful:

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/Relationship+Advice+From+a+Newlywed_Colton+Dixon.mp3

It would also be natural for Dixon to stake his identity in his marriage, but he doesn’t look to his relationship with his bride, Annie, to define him, though her mark on his life is woven into the fabric of his album Identity. Meeting through mutual friends, Colton and Annie are now celebrating their one year wedding anniversary. As to what contributes to a successful marriage?

A servant’s posture – “The servant posture [is what helps make a marriage successful.] Every day I have a chance to serve my wife, [like] doing something she wants to do verses something I want to do. I’m not perfect at it, but I’m learning.” – Colton Dixon, on getting married.

Learn to reflect on your own life – “I definitely deal with some topics that might be hard to hear. I want fans to feel motivated and encouraged, but I want these songs to challenge them and make them think about their own lives.”

The Other Side – “Death is inevitable, and know that they’re on the other side and they’re living it up right now.”
Dedicated to Annie’s brother Dillon who passed away shortly before Annie and Colton met, the song The Other Side talks about the sensitive topic of death and what it means to lose a loved one.

How to know what your true identity is:

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/God+Defines+Us_Colton+Dixon.mp3

In a culture of teens and young adults tying their self-worth to their online audience and how they’re perceived via social media, how do we put an end to the superficial characterizations? By putting God back into our Identity.

God Defines You – “God defines us in His word and we’re precious and we’re beautiful to him. He made no two people exactly alike… God cared about you so much to make you unique, that in and of itself is enough for me.”

“Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” -- Colossians 3:11

“No matter who you are or what you’re going through, YOU MATTER.” -Colton Dixon

Identity, the third studio album from Colton Dixon, is intentionally divided into three sections – Mind, Body and Spirit – each separated by an instrumental, cinematic interlude. The MIND delves into the way our thoughts direct out actions and control the way we see ourselves. The BODY explores our humanity and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

The SPIRIT provides moments of contemplation and peaceful reflection. With every note and lyric, Colton’s heartbeat is to express the truth he’s uncovered in his own life over and over again. This world can’t define us, because God’s love is our identity.

Your pepper spray makes you feel safe, right?

Watch what happened when Jessica “Jai” McVay, former co-host of “Dawson McAllister Live," used pepper spray for the first time.

Pepper spray isn't the only way to play it safe. Here are 24 safety tips plus more videos from Jai:

1. Tell someone where you’re going. Let a friend know when you’re on your way and check-in with a family member when you get there.

2. Plan your travel accordingly. Know where you’re going and how you’re getting there before you leave. You’ll feel more confident in navigating your route if you already know what it is.

3. Walk quickly and confidently because confidence is a deterrent. Attackers prefer their victims weak. The more inconvenient you become for an attacker, the less likely they are to make you, their target.

4. Always carry your cell phone and make sure it’s fully charged before leaving the house. A cell phone with a dead battery won’t help you in a time of crisis.

5. Carry a whistle and keep it handy in case, Heaven forbid, you’re attacked. The noise will alert others you need help, which then scares off your attacker.

6. Get one of those small, but bright, flashlights that fits on your keychain. It’ll help you see better when it’s dark, and help you feel more confident.

7. Carry pepper spray, if it’s legal where you live. It takes practice to use correctly so spend time getting comfortable with it. Learn how to lock and unlock the safety switch quickly. Pepper spray can be helpful, but there’s also a chance your attacker has the ability to grab it and use it against you.

8. Be aware of your surroundings. Look around and pay attention to what is happening around you, who is around you.

9. Don’t wear headphones or earbuds or clothes that hinder your vision like hoodies when you're out by yourself. You can’t be alert to your surroundings is you’re tuned out of your surroundings.

10. Stick to the well-lit areas.

11. If you feel uneasy, call a friend or family member to stay on the phone with you until you’re safe. Just make sure you don’t get too distracted on the phone that you become unaware of your surroundings.

12. If you notice someone may be following you, cross the street. If they cross, cross the street again. If they follow you across again, RUN and get into the nearest store, restaurant or better yet, police station.

13. If there’s a shady vehicle next to the driver’s side of your car, don’t hesitate to get in the passenger seat, lock the door and crawl over. If the situation seems pretty sketchy, go back inside where you were and find help.

14. When you’re at events, always keep alert to your surroundings and take notice of the exits.

15. Never leave your drink unattended and be careful of who you’re out with. Not everyone has the best intentions and not all predators are strangers.

16. Don’t be alone with someone who’s drunk or under the influence of drugs.

17. Don’t leave with anyone you don’t know.

18. Drinking and doing drugs hinders your decision-making ability and diminishes your ability to be alert to your surroundings. If you’re lit, you can’t protect yourself.

19. Don’t leave an intoxicated friend in any potentially dangerous situations. If your friend is intoxicated, they won’t be able to protect themselves should a situation arrive.

20. Don’t get in a car with a driver under the influence. A less drunk driver is still a drunk driver.

21. Don’t hitchhike or pick up a hitchhiker.

22. Carry your keys in hand when walking. It keeps them handy for when you get to your home or car, so you can get into a safe space as soon as possible.

23. Trust your gut. If something feels sketchy, or off, don’t feel embarrassed about leaving and getting to safety. Better safe than sorry.

24. Attend a self-defense class in your area. It’ll improve your street awareness; teach you moves to ward off an attacker and help you develop a fighter's reflex so you can get to safety.

See what happened when Jai was being followed.

Learn What You Don't Know at a Self-Protection Workshop

Staying safe starts with being prepared and following a few simple tips could possibly save you from a pretty traumatic, or deadly, experience. How do you and your friends help each other stay safe?

Guest blog written by: Jessica “Jai” McVay, former co-host of “Dawson McAllister Live” and “Dawson McAllister Late Nights”

"My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life."

Depression. Anxiety. PTSD. Bipolar. All terms I have heard in the last year as people try to explain what’s wrong with me. I’m 21 and just now receiving the help I needed 6 years ago. I started cutting when I was 15. It was my way of controlling my world that was quickly spiraling downwards. When I started high school, I put so much of my self-worth in the people around me. I needed a boyfriend, and I wasn’t picky or cautious. A year into my first relationship, I was raped. I had that gift taken from me by someone I thought loved me. So here’s life knocking me down another notch, and the depression became accompanied by shame and guilt.

I learned to hide my cuts, and began to think that sex was no longer special. I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend and the rampaging depression from everyone. When I was being used, I accepted it because it was the only way I felt like I meant anything. I was slowly losing my relationship with God. But I didn’t care because I felt abandoned.

I was then violently raped by another boyfriend. At that point I felt completely alone. I still went to church because I ran sound for the band, and it was something I loved to do, but I wasn’t there for the right reasons. I still hadn’t learned my lesson with men, and entered an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I was forced to cut ties with my family and friends. I started suffering from anxiety attacks and could feel the suicidal thoughts start to become stronger. I finally got out of the relationship, but my depression was so severe that I couldn’t control my cutting and suicidal thoughts. I was angry. Angry at my situation, angry at him, but mostly angry at God. How could he let this happen to me? I entered counseling and was diagnosed with PTSD. When things weren’t getting better, I entered an outpatient day therapy program through the hospital. I refused God and his love because I couldn’t forgive myself and because I blamed him for my problems.

Fast forward to now, almost a year later, with a DUI, drug habits, and a self-loathing that I couldn’t control, I finally called out for help. My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life and I became violent towards my family. I was at my breaking point and I couldn’t handle it on my own. I prayed and prayed for an answer to my problems and one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. God wasn’t the cause of my problems in life… I was. I had turned away from the one that loved me through all of my mistakes and had the grace I needed to accept. I find out soon if I have bipolar disorder, and I’m praying constantly for an answer along with the strength to accept God’s forgiveness and his unending love.

We are all deserving of the grace that he offers, including me. This imperfect, abused, and beat down person is deserving of grace. Deserving of love. And most importantly, forgiveness. Learning that lesson has been the hardest one to grasp in the midst of everything I’ve been dealing with. But we, as his children, need to ask for it before it can be given. Only then does He know that we are ready to receive it. So I pray not only for myself, but for everyone struggling in their life, to reach out and accept His grace and love, because YOU are worth it. YOU are deserving of it. And so am I.

In His name,
~Taber

This post was originally published on Heart Support, it has been reused with permission by The Heart Support Team. Jake Luhrs, lead singer of Grammy-nominated metal band, August Burns Red, created Heart Support as a place where every music fan can heal and grow stronger.

Suicide | The Mighty Partnership | TheHopeLine

We're thrilled to announce a new partnership that will bring our resources in front of The Mighty's wide-reaching readership. We will now have a home on The Mighty and appear on many stories on the site.

The Mighty is a story-based health community focused on improving the lives of people facing disease, disorder, mental illness and disability. More than half of Americans are facing serious health conditions or medical issues. They want more than information. They want to be inspired. The Mighty publishes real stories about real people facing real challenges.

Here are some examples of the kind of stories on The Mighty:

• What It's Like to Have 'High-Functioning' Anxiety.
• These 25 Quotes Prove Depression Is More Than Sadness
• 31 Honest Answers to 'How Are You?'
• To the People Who Say 'I'm Tired' When Someone Asks How You Are
• What Nobody Tells You About Self-Care

The Mighty’s goal is to publish stories that could change the path of someone’s day and improve the lives of people facing disease, disorder, and disability. The Mighty was started because they wanted something more than what was already out there. They wanted a place that deals with the emotional part of these struggles, the day-to-day challenges, the disappointments, the small wins and the milestones.

If you create an account on The Mighty, you can set up your own feed based on the topics you want to read about. And there are so many topics. They have an A-Z list of conditions to choose from. So if you are facing a disease, disability or disorder, even a rare condition or disease, it is probably covered so check out their extensive list.

This is a story about my dead dad as a poem that he wrote me one night.  I was really down one night and missed him a lot. The time we spent together was short, see...when I was only 12 years old, an evil person took my dad away from me. This evil person came into our family home (thank goodness that me and my brother were not at home) and shot my dad three times at point blank range, in the head, then the chest, and then in the stomach for no real reason at all.  They did not taken anything (not money, jewelry, or tools). They just killed him to be killing him, I guess. The reason I'm telling you all this is one night, not to long ago, I was sitting around thinking about how much I miss my dad and what my life would have been like with him still around. For some reason I started to write something down, to be honest I really don't remember writing anything at all but when I got done I looked at what I thought was going to be a bunch of doodles on the paper and to my surprise this is what I had wrote:

To my dearest friend,
l stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
l spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It’s me I haven't left you I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached out to me.
I was with you at the shop today; your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I'm not laying there.
I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your keys.
I gently put my hand on you, I smiled and said it's me.

You looked so very tired, and sink into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away.”

You sit there very quietly, and smiled. I think you knew
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over, I smile and watch you yawning and say,
"goodnight" "God bless.” "I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out then come home to me.

I hope that y ‘all enjoyed reading my dead dad's poem that he wrote me the other day and if you all are anything like me you are more than likely wiping tears from your eyes too. Thanks for reading and share this...maybe it will help somebody out one day, I know it did for me.
~Fragel

If you are dealing with grief, there are ways to cope. Get your free guide to help you understand and cope with the stages of grief:

Deep depression, loss of her best friend, questioning God, turning to food for comfort, being super single—all things Mandisa opened up about in her chat with TheHopeLine!

Mandisa was so sweet when she spoke to us, and the really cool thing is that she is not ashamed to talk about her struggles. She is authentic and real and brings a lot of raw emotion into her music! 

Mandisa's new album, Out of the Dark, is based on personal experience. She says God has pulled her out of the dark and now she has a renewed passion for her music and a willingness to be transparent and vulnerable about the challenges she faced the last several years.

Depression can be a deep, dark hole that sucks you in further and further. It can be all-consuming, and you can feel like there is no hope. Depression can be a struggle all of its own or it can stem from so many other things like anxiety, grief, relationship issues, and abuse. If you are in that dark place right now or have been there, you are not alone.  Singer, songwriter, and Grammy winner, Mandisa has been very transparent about the deep depression she faced in the last few years, and she tells TheHopeLine what it was like.  She says that, at one point, she was comfortable in that dark place. She explains, "I shut out everyone; I shut out God; I shut out everyone who loved me.  I hardly left my house.  I stayed in my house every day. I ate and I watched television, and I've never been more miserable in my life."

When you are in a deep depression, it's all-consuming, so it's very hard to make positive steps to move forward or get help. Mandisa was in a depression for about 3 1/2 years until she reached a turning point. Mandisa said God showed her 3 things:

1. We have to walk in community with one another. - "There's a difference between needing time to re-energize and isolating and shutting out the world." Her loved ones loved her too much to leave her where she was. Friends and family are important!

2. Stop focusing on your mistakes in the past. - "I had to stop battling with shame because of all the mistakes I made."

3. Look for those flickers of light that come in so many places. - "Darkness is overwhelming, but it only takes one flicker of light to chase out that darkness."

If you’re struggling with depression, please reach out for support today. You can chat with a Hope Coach. It's free and confidential.

Mandisa's Grammy-winning song "Overcomer" was written for her best friend, Kisha, to encourage her while she was battling breast cancer. Mandisa later wrote "Prove Me Wrong" from the anger she was feeling after her friend died. She says the song is not tied up with a pretty Christian bow, but it's honest and heartfelt. She says through her grief she learned, "When you are dealing with grief, you have to bring that to the Lord, or you are going to bring it somewhere else."

How THE BIG THREE Can Help With Addiction Recovery

When you think of ways to help in your fight against pornography [or any addiction], how often do sleep, food, and exercise come up?

You might be surprised at how often research connects compulsive patterns to these basic lifestyle factors—especially what we call the Big Three— sleep, food, and exercise. Each of these makes a huge difference in the quality of our mood and our overall mental and emotional well-being — including depression and anxiety, or how well we can focus our attention at any given moment.

But you don’t need any scientist to tell you that. Think of the last time you binged on sweets or spent the whole day sitting around inside. When we’re paying closer attention, something that seems pleasant at the moment can tank our mood over time. And when we don’t feel well, it’s all too easy to scramble for some way—any way—to feel better. Let’s take a closer look at each of the Big Three, and how they can help you on your journey to freedom.

GET SOME SLEEP

Research studies consistently find that both teenagers and adults are seriously deprived of sleep. For most of us, we’re simply not getting what we need.

Sufficient sleep is especially crucial for anyone wanting to find freedom from addiction. Not only does the brain recharge and repair during sleep, but there are also ripple effects that impact the whole body. Going without sleep has been connected to lower immune function, serious disease, and weight gain – as well as impaired ability to reason and think clearly.

When you’re tired, you’re just not yourself; your brain’s not running at full capacity.

Bottom line: a tired body and cloudy mind will leave you vulnerable and less prepared to fight.

Make healthy amounts of sleep a top priority. If anything is getting in the way of getting enough sleep, take it very seriously, because if it’s interfering with your sleep, it’s probably messing with your freedom, too.

GET THE RIGHT FUEL

In addition to sleep, another way to recharge your body is to check out what kind of fuel you’re giving it.

How far would you get in your car if you put maple syrup or Coca-Cola in the gas tank? It sounds dumb, but let’s be honest: we’re sometimes just as dumb with our own bodies by taking in stuff the body hardly recognizes as nourishment. And then we act surprised when the body doesn’t run so well…

Want to build strength in this battle? Take a look at the food you’re taking in.

Rather than only listening to others tell you what to eat, why not listen to your own body – try paying closer attention to what your body needs and wants.

GET MOVING

Alright, one more example. While recharging your body through rest and good fuel is important, if you want to supercharge it, then try something radical: move around more!

Although there is a lot of discussion about physical activity these days, we still do a ton of sitting around.

You might be asking what the problem is with sitting so much. So, let’s look at the facts: without enough movement and activity, we are starving our brain in another way and setting ourselves up for the same old patterns.

What about the reverse? What if we bumped up our activity level? In the late 1990s, Dr. Van Praag and his colleagues at the Laboratory of Genetics at the Salk Institute in San Diego, California, showed that exercise increases neurogenesis (or the birth of new brain cells).

When you exercise, a flood of oxygen heads to your brain, and several other processes are triggered that help your brain grow.

So, by exercising, we’re rewiring the brain in a healthy way and giving our brain an extra boost to function at peak performance.

GET STARTED

Studies are showing that poor health can cause us to be more susceptible to impulsive decisions. When we are tired, hungry, or in bed all day, it can be much harder to resist those cravings when they come. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even simple adjustments in the Big Three – sleep, diet, and exercise – can supercharge your path to freedom in surprising ways.

There are countless ways to strengthen your defenses and Fortify yourself. By recharging your body with the sleep, fuel, and energy it needs, you can give yourself an even better shot at kicking porn to the curb, for good. We may not be running this marathon with you, but we are cheering for you the whole way.

This post was originally published on Fortify, it has been reused with permission by The Fortify Team. Fortify was specifically designed to help individuals (particularly young people) struggling with pornography eventually reach long-lasting freedom.

If you have a pornography addiction, don't let it stand in the way of who you want to become...check out Fortify! Their core strategies help you to get to the root of your addiction so you can find long-lasting freedom.

For more information on how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography, check out our eBook.

Reclaim Your Identity, Peace, and Purpose

Selfies. You either love them or you hate them, there really hasn’t been a great in-between space. In a world where our reflection matters, what young women want most is to feel comfortable in their own skin. Everyone wants self-acceptance, belonging, and a deep understanding that we are loved. We want to feel beautiful or handsome and to exude the courage to show up for our very own God-created destiny, and society gives us many ways to express that. We want to be recognized for who we are, what we love, and what we accomplish. We want our friends to see us, and we want to be celebrated.

Yet peeling back the mask of shame, we often have a hard time fully connecting to our identity. There’s a muddy space in the middle of where we want to be and where we are. We may get sidetracked by what we see of others, of what they are doing and experiencing and sharing with their world. We start to compare and contrast, get jealous or get even, we sometimes even forget what we really look like. Before we know it, an hour has passed.

And in the midst of this mind-game jungle, we hold a phone up to our face and we “click”. Then we look deeper. Here is where we may start to sigh or invite self-hatred, ask for a do-over, or look away in disgust. Here we also might surprise ourselves and light up a bit, encouraged by what “faults” might not have been caught by the camera or what hue our eye color gleams that we never saw before.

It’s the journey into the selfie. Who am I? What is my identity, where do I belong, and what do I do with my life? In a society where we are all trying so desperately to connect, we take a snapshot, share it, and wait for others to react. We also react to others and take inventory of what we like and don’t like.

Social media has quickly moved to the forefront of many of our daily interactions. It is used instead of coffee dates or real dates, always in the back of our mind for sharing our current experience with the world. As a culture, we want to feel known and loved.  We want to share, be heard, and contribute, yet how we do that can either make us or break us.

Social connection in this type of form is probably not disappearing any time soon. Technology is here and here to stay. There are, though, a few helpful tips that can aid in bringing balance to a culture that can sometimes be difficult to navigate.

If you find yourself falling into a trap of social media “medication”, ask yourself these 10 questions to reclaim your identity:

1. What is it I’m really looking for when I’m drawn to the screen? Friendship, a creative outlet, connection, validation of my worth, something to dull my pain?
2. What is the primary feeling that moves me toward social media? Sadness, loneliness, boredom, acceptance, joy?
3. Am I going to social media to receive something or to share something? If I’m looking to receive something, what is it? If you’re going to share something, is it helpful and positive or venting and negative? For example: Is this your new favorite recipe? Or are you sharing how upset you are about something?
4. Is social media your primary form of connecting with people? If you are feeling lonely, can you call a friend to meet up instead?
5. Do you find yourself on the phone too much? Would it be helpful to limit your time on the internet to certain times of day? What can you replace your time with that brings you more joy?
6. What are your favorite activities for exercise? You might want to join an exercise class to connect with people in person.
7. What are some of your goals and dreams? Put the technology aside and journal about your future.
8. Are there a few small, practical steps you can take toward moving your body and also moving toward your goals? How does that make you feel?
9. How can you set aside 20 minutes daily for quiet, solitude, and prayer?
10. Who can you ask for support in building your identity, confidence, and growth?

Though these questions don’t cover all the bases, they can give you a great start to reclaim your identity, your peace, and your purpose! Sometimes it can be difficult to not feel “connected” to an online world; however, it can be even more devastating not to be connected to your own peace and purpose. Start with these few introductory questions and ask God to be part of your journey into identity. When He is the driving force to what you see in yourself, you are always sure to win. His best intentions at heart, you’ll never feel left out, lonely, or depressed. You’ll be sure to love yourself well when you can love yourself from the inside-out!

To hear more about a teenager’s journey into self-confidence, connection, and acceptance, check out Sarah’s book “How to take a Selfie: A Social Media Detox to Regain Confidence and Connection” on Amazon. Sarah is a wife, mother, author, and artist. She loves to write and create and spread that joy on social media. Through a painful past and a reclaimed future, she’s learned that true identity can be found best from the inside-out. She loves to share how God has healed her soul and turned her messy, yet divine process into something beautiful. 

 

My Autism Diagnosis at Age 21 Made Everything Come Together

I was always told that honesty is important. So I was truthful, always. Well, apparently people don’t appreciate it when you’re honest. When you tell someone who’s being dishonest that they are, they might get angry. Especially teachers, or so I’ve learned. I would always get in trouble, but I never understood why. I was always polite as I’d learned and I was always honest as I’d learned. For a long time I just thought the problem was with me — I’m not likable, people just instantly hate me, I’m worthless. I struggled with these feelings from an early age. I changed schools, I got older, I tried new “tricks” to get in line. I did anything I could think of to please everybody. But people, both children and adults, seemed to take an instant disliking to me.

I Didn't Understand Other Kids

I didn’t understand other kids. I didn’t understand why they would be so loud or move so much. I hated games like “tag”; the touching made me feel uncomfortable. They’d say I was a sore loser but it wasn’t the being “tagged” that I disliked, it was the touch that came along with it. And I didn’t like the way everybody would move in an unpredictable way. I hated the shouting and the yelling that came along with it. In every way, other children were like aliens to me. I didn’t understand what they liked to talk about, how they liked to play, why they moved so much, the kind of toys they wanted for Christmas. Why they wouldn’t listen to their parents and our teachers. Because I always did what I was told, literally. Which in my experience got me in more trouble, with peers as well as adults. And that’s even more confusing.

My Youth Was a Bumpy Ride

I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). After having quite a bumpy ride in my youth, I finally got the diagnosis that made everything come together at age 21. Now I’m 25 and it might sound weird to some, but I’m happy with my diagnosis. For such a long time there have been so many things that confused me or enraged me or made me feel uncomfortable in any other way. But I never understood those feelings, I couldn’t handle them, couldn’t channel them. So I got in trouble. I got in trouble a lot. That’s why, at an early age, I began struggling with the feeling that I didn’t want to live anymore. I told my mother for the first time when I was about 5, but when I saw her reaction, I decided not to mention it again. My parents are very important to me; for a very long time they have felt like the only true friends I had. I could say anything to them and they would understand. But she didn’t understand this, so I shut it away.

I Struggle With Suicidal Thoughts

But it never left me. Even now I struggle with suicidal thoughts sometimes. I’ve had an eating disorder in my early 20s. I’ve struggled with anxiety attacks. There was a period that I’d self-harm as a way of coping, as a way of stimming. But with my diagnosis came understanding. Now I know who I am, why I do the things I do. And I have learned so much in these last couple of years. I always like to describe it as a “playbook” I have in my brain. I need this especially for social situations. “If A, then B. If not A, then C.” It may take me a while, but I’ll get you an appropriate response eventually. Most of the time. And when I don’t, I don’t. At least I won’t beat myself up over it.

Being an Adult With ASD

It can be hard being an adult with ASD. People don’t believe me when I tell them. They think people with ASD are aggressive or anti-social. They think a lot. But they don’t think I could have it. That’s why I don’t like to tell people. Dealing with the comments of disbelief. I don’t want to have to validate my ASD. So I shut my mouth and deal with life the way I do. Even though I feel this might help keep the stigma, the misunderstanding, the disbelief in place. So yes, I’m sorry for not breaking through the ignorance. I’m sorry for not speaking up.

One way we can support autism is by trying to understand how someone with autism sees the world. You've just read one person's story! 

Here is another! Watch this video chat call that Brooks Gibbs had with Michael who is on the autism spectrum and has learned to not let his autism define him. 

Lyocto Es, writer and contributor for The Mighty, shares his story.

Partnering with The Mighty

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.