We’ve all been there. It starts off with a, “Hey! We really need to talk.” Then a few minutes pass and you’re confronted with this awkward pseudo-question, “But I hope we can still be friends…?”

This isn’t another post about, why things didn’t work out. You’ve probably had enough of that already. No one plans on getting dumped. No one even expects it! But if you’re scrolling through Facebook broken-hearted, and trying to cope, we want you to know… we feel you.

7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex:

1. LET IT ALL OUT

It’s okay to cry. Some of us are afraid to let it all out because we want to believe we are still in control. Like there’s an unsaid competition to see who takes the breakup the hardest. Listen: no one wins. Breakups are messy inside and out.

Think about it this way: someone who was once a part of your life has just decided not to be. Yikes! That’s a pretty heavy blow for anyone, and that’s something that is out of our control. If I was hit by a car on Thursday, I wouldn’t be at work on Friday pretending like nothing happened. So why is it, that culturally, we are forced to get up and walk off our heartbreak?

2. BURN IT ALL

Okay, okay. We’re not telling you to commit a felony (especially if your ex went to law school). However, we have to recognize that burning is a metaphor for something deeper. It’s a way of reinforcing the fact that it’s really over. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a relationship with the ghost of your ex.

3. FIND OUT WHO YOU WERE BEFORE

Being in a relationship shouldn’t change you, right? I mean if someone really loves you they should love you for who you are; the good, the bad, and the ugly… Right? So then why do we change? Where do we go wrong?

The truth is, relationships are not about change but exchange.

When we decide to be with someone we undoubtedly invite them to influence us. That doesn’t mean they control us, but instead we allow ourselves to be re-positioned when the need arises. We all want love to flow through our relationships, however, sometimes we can become the hindrance to that goal.

So then, are you still functioning like you’re in a relationship? If so, remember who you were before you got into a relationship and simply readjust.

4. AVOID TALKING TO THEIR FRIENDS

We all get tempted to talk to our ex’s friends. Sometimes it’s because we legitimately have a lot more in common with them. Other times, it’s simply because they’re cuter. Whatever the case: Just don't do it!

This isn’t Nike, and Kevin Durant is not your friend…

Nothing is more tempting than talking about your ex when you’ve just broken up. Talking to your ex’s friends can easily become a way of accessing their lives when your ex has already decided not be a part of yours. It’s low! Even if you’re not trying to get information and you legitimately want to get to know an ex’s friend, give it a few weeks. Intentionally seeking out an ex’s friend after a breakup can be misinterpreted easily, and nothing can be a bigger put-off.

5. DON’T REBOUND. RETHINK

Believe it or not, rebounding isn’t going to get rid of the pain and disappointment you may be feeling. Instead, reconsider your relationship.

Take the good things and celebrate them. Take the bad things, reassess them, and take responsibility for your part. That doesn’t mean you have to send a massive text-apology to your ex, or you need to call them up.

6. HAVE FUN!

Take some time to not think about your breakup. Go have fun! Enjoy your friends, family, and the outdoors. Try taking a new class, going to a concert, or starting a new project. Whatever the case, give yourself permission to be happy again.

7. STOP

Stop reflecting. Stop reassessing. Stop wondering what your life would have been like if you were both still together. You deserve to be happy.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex then talk to a close friend or mentor Chat with a HopeCoach about it. You are the deciding factor when it comes to the kind of man or woman you want to be, and no past relationship has the right to control your future.

Originally published at Moral Revolution
Moral Revolution promotes a culture of love, honor, and respect by imparting vision, restoring wholeness, and empowering choice!

If you need help forgiving yourself or your ex, check this out:

The Shine Effect is a full-time, ministry minded, 4-piece energetic Christian rock/worship band from Jacksboro, TN striving to answer the call God has placed on their lives to serve Him and minister to others through music and testimonies. The band consists of Maria Roberts (vocals), husband Ben Roberts (bass), Ben’s brother Josh Roberts (guitar/vocals), Josh’s wife Christa Roberts (drums), and friend Kevin Winter (sound/lighting/merchandise). Josh was the lead vocalist of The Shine Effect from 2011-2016 until Maria joined the stage as the lead vocalist at the start of 2017.

Their Start

In May 2011, The Shine Effect released their first full length, self-recorded album, “The Life. The Hope. The Journey.”. In March 2013, the band released their 6 song album, “With Open Eyes”, which was recorded at The Sound Lair with producer Miah Lajeunesse in Knoxville, TN. They released 2 singles, “Stronger (Hallelujah)” and “Your Beautiful Name”, from their “With Open Eyes” album, and received radio airplay on almost 50 radio stations.

Since May 2011, The Shine Effect has played over 850 concerts in 29 different states across the US and also in Canada. The band has played and ministered at many different churches, youth groups, Celebrate Recovery groups, festivals, revivals, Vacation Bible Schools, Christian camps, Christian and secular venues, community events, fundraisers, public and private schools, county and state fairs, non-profit organizations, etc. Celebrate Recovery is a HUGE passion of theirs as they all work the program themselves! They have played, ministered, and shared their testimonies at almost 250 different Celebrate Recovery groups!

Their Mission

The Shine Effect gets their name from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount:

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."  ~ Matthew 5:14-16

The Shine Effect has taken this verse to heart and truly strives to be that shining light in a dark world. All of the members have committed their lives to Jesus Christ and His call on their lives as musicianaries (music missionaries). Their calling is to encourage, challenge, and grow the church, as well as reach out to the lost through their music and testimonies, while building relationships along the way. Their mission is to love people, on and off stage, with the incredible love of Jesus Christ. Their passion and desire is to clearly share the Gospel through their music, testimonies, and conversations.

Their Partnership with TheHopeLine

TheHopeLine is honored to be partnered with The Shine Effect for several years now.  They are an awesome group with a heart for God and they are changing lives as they travel across the country sharing God's hope with so many.  As they cross paths with people who might need help, The Shine Effect refers those in need to TheHopeLine.  TheHopeLine is for anyone that needs a beacon of hope in a time of turmoil.

You can connect with The Shine Effect here:
TheShineEffect.net,  Facebook.com/TheShineEffect,  Instagram.com/TheShineEffect,  Twitter.com/TheShineEffect

If you have been adopted and have experienced feelings of abandonment, your biological mom (and/or biological dad) might have been trying to give you the best life possible by allowing another family to adopt you.  Consider the possibility that they may have chosen adoption out of extreme love; as well as a desire for you to have a better life and in no way wanting you to feel abandoned.

Here is one mom’s story of making an adoption plan for her daughter and then reconnecting with her daughter years later:

My name is Andrea Benson Loose, and when I was 17 years old, I actually prayed that I would get pregnant. My story is different than most when it comes to being young, unmarried and pregnant, but I hope and pray that you would be touched in your heart by how God moved in my life.  I did become pregnant, and having a somewhat turbulent life filled with car accidents and substance abuse, I quit school thinking I would work full-time so that I could support this baby that I was carrying. People who love me tried to tell me that I should consider other options, and when they did, I would firmly tell them that I was going to make things work out “if it killed me.”

At five months pregnant, I will never forget, the word adoption slipped into my mind and I knew that it was not me that put that word into my mind, and so at this point I felt divinely inspired to relinquish.

In a way that people describe their life flashing before their eyes, I felt the Lord speaking to me saying, “You are saying you will make this work even if it kills you, but what if it doesn’t kill you, but kills the child within you?” At that moment I thought about blaming this child for ruining my life, my not growing up, doing whatever I thought I wanted to do with my life.

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At this point in this experience, I said to the Lord that I would go the adoption route, but that I wanted the parents to not be able to conceive themselves, I wanted to meet them, and I wanted them with me when the child was born. I had no idea how to go about finding a family for this child, but at that point I personally conceded to the idea that God was choosing another mother and father for this baby, and I wasn’t it.

At 7 months, I found, through a friend, an agency that caters to the biological mother. If you want an open adoption, or closed, everything is geared to make things so you can sleep at night. I called them and they sent me an album that contained information explaining why this couple could not conceive, and I knew this was the couple to be the parents to the child I was carrying. I called the agency to let them know, and they in turn let the couple know. In a few days I received a call from the adopted mom and I let her know I had her baby.

At 8 months, I flew out to deliver, and although I did not stay with the couple, they took me out every weekend, and they were in fact with me when I delivered. We talked about everything, how the child would be raised, disciplined, everything I could think of I discussed with them. On May 12, 1984 I delivered a baby girl, and they named her Jennifer Suzanne. I did not hold Jenny, but was asked if I wanted to. Somehow in my mind I thought this might be a game changer for me if I had her in my arms. I know this is different for everyone, and all girls need to know what is right for them.

In 2003, not long before Jenny turned 19, my husband, unbeknownst to me, called the adopted father seeking to get a photograph of Jenny. I had long resolved with myself the idea that I would not see Jenny until heaven. Going to bed one night, Dave, my husband, said to me, “What would you do if I told you I called the Stokers?” I freaked out. I chewed my husband out exclaiming how he betrayed these people’s trust in me and that I had told them they would never hear from me.

The morning after, my husband informed me of his calling the Stokers, they called our home. Dave said to me, “Suzi (the adopted mom) wants to talk to you!” At this point I was crying profusely, as I felt so horrible about the fact my husband had called them without my knowledge, so when I got on the phone I started apologizing immediately. Suzi informed me that she had given Jenny the letter I wrote to her when Jenny was 13, and that she didn’t talk about it. All of her days she never asked about me, but the day prior she came home from college and asked, “Do you ever hear from my biological mother?” This was the day my husband called. When I heard that, I knew that it was an act of God that we get reconnected.  We are very close now to this day.

I understand this is a unique situation, and not every adoption case turns out this way, however I am of the firm belief that if you open your heart to listen to the Lord, and do what He tells you to do, no matter what, He will bless you beyond your comprehension, and that includes relinquishing your child when He tells you to.

If you have been adopted and are struggling with feelings of abandonment or don't understand why things are the way they are, then consider Andrea's story.  There is a story behind why you are adopted.  It might be a beautiful story, it might be a messy story, but here you are.  God has a plan for your life.  He wants you to succeed.  He wants for you to find your purpose and have peace and joy and hope. If you need to talk things out and want help to sort out your feelings then chat with TheHopeLine! Sometimes it helps to sort things out with someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation.  Also, download our eBook for more information on abandonment and how to cope with it!

I have heard a lot of words used to describe PTSD: “tragic”, “heartbreaking”, “scary”, “pitiful”. The more I heard them, the more I believed those words. The more I used them about myself. I can’t tell you how many times I have said, “I ‘suffer’ from PTSD.”

But the more I thought about it, the less I feel like I am suffering. The less those words remotely speak for me. However, I feel it is necessary to add that I certainly can not and will not speak for everyone who has PTSD. I can only speak for me.

Misconceptions About PTSD

Mirriam Webster defines suffering as, “pain that is caused by injury, illness, loss, etc. Physical, mental, or emotional pain, sufferings: feelings of pain.” Something about that definition doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe it’s the way people apply the word suffering to someone with PTSD. The media makes me feel like because I have PTSD, I should be sitting in a corner drooling on myself. Or that anyone with PTSD is a danger to society.

I am also keenly aware that when PTSD is at its worst, it feels like you are being eaten alive from the inside out.

Although that certainly fits the definition of suffering, the reason I don’t like to say that I am suffering is because my PTSD is more emotionally based and I have learned that, although they are painful, my emotions won’t kill me. Only my actions would.

This is a personal decision I have made: to avoid using the term suffering. There may be thousands of other veterans that feel differently than I do. Shouldn’t that be the point? That we all have our own stories? Our way we choose to describe who we are? Not someone else.

Each Person's Trauma is Different 

The most important part of PTSD is that each person’s traumatic events are different, so each person will react differently in any given situation.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be difficult and exhausting. Some people experience mood swings, feelings of heightened anxiety or panic, or flashbacks to traumatic events that make them feel like they're reliving them. As a result of these difficult and often unexpected symptoms, some people feel isolated or lonely.

Here is an example of my PTSD in a nutshell:

A couple of weeks ago I drove the kids to school. I traveled on the same road that I drive each day and passed the same houses and many of the same people doing their morning routine. But last Friday I noticed something. A box that had been upright and open on the side of the road all week was different. It had been rotated, and the lid was closed.

My brain immediately told me that someone had placed an empty box there and conditioned everyone to get used to seeing it as they travel their usual route. It’s a typical technique used by people who emplace explosives on the side of the roads.
And it is crazy-making.

In my head, I had several options at that point:

1. Stop the car and both lanes of traffic and walk around to see if there are any wires or people hiding in the bushes.

2. Swerve to the other lane, but then I ran the risk of swerving from a decoy explosive (the box) and getting blown up by the real explosive on the other side of the road. (The one that certainly had to be there—somewhere).

3. Try to snap out of it and realize I am not in Iraq. Or Afghanistan.

It all happened so quickly. So I chose to breathe deeply, grip the steering wheel and continue driving. Nothing happened as I passed the box.

But the PTSD inside me was triggered.

I felt it building. I could taste an acrid bitterness in the back of my mouth. I felt the constant tingling in the back of my head and the tense feelings in my continuously balled fists. I felt hate in the bottom of my throat.

PTSD Triggers 

I hated lots of things – boxes, people, cell phones, cars.

But I still wasn’t suffering. I was living through a trigger and looking for a way to process the rage.

The week following the “box” incident consisted of 3 hours of sleep each night, nightmares, anger towards anyone around me, and sudden urges to break things. All of those things eventually subsided.

And I know I will start the cycle over again at some point.

There are times when I don’t feel like I belong in certain places and days when I am scared to be in public.

But there are also times when I am perfectly content with everything in my life.

PTSD and Suffering 

I see my PTSD as more of a unique problem that I have to deal with, but it’s not actually killing me so I won’t say that I am suffering. The dictionary definition definitely applies to me, but my main point is that I don’t like for anyone but me to tell me how I feel. Rather than applying a cookie cutter formula to any veteran with PTSD (PTSD=suffering), perhaps a simple solution would be to ask each individual how he feels about his unique story. His triggers. Then, give him the space to be honest about that.
-David Seligman

PTSD and Suffering – David Seligman, guest blog writer for Centerstone Military Services, shares his experience having PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and how he has come to the conclusion that he doesn’t like to say he is suffering. 

Centerstone Military Services offers services to active-duty military, veterans and their loved ones. Confidential services include face-to-face counseling, couples and family counseling, therapeutic retreats, housing assistance, employment counseling,

homelessness prevention and other online resources (forums and workshops).

Want to learn more? Visit our PTSD topic page for blogs, podcasts, eBooks, and more to answer your questions about PTSD.

Have You Walked That Thin Line Between Life And Death?

We grew up away from other people, out in the country. My Mom was as religious as she was irrational, and the two don't mix. She once grounded me for a week for putting the soap on the wrong side of the sink. She used to pit my brother and I against each other. Dad didn't really see the damage, and he may never see it. We grew up so isolated, only interacting at school. I never had people over or went over to peoples houses that weren't my mom's friends, and she was always present. In a small town, you don't have much of a window of opportunity to make close friends, and I missed that deadline. I was always just alone. And I thought it was normal.

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In 2008, the depression hit pretty bad. I was never close to anybody, even girlfriends and teammates. My voice was always drowned out, interrupted, and ignored.

I always seemed happy and energetic on the outside, but no one knew what was going on.

Since 2008, I wake up every morning...angry I made it through the night. Suicide is always on my mind. The years of drug abuse and cheap thrills coupled with the depression led to some wildly irrational behavior.

In 2010, I put a single bullet into a revolver, spun the chamber, put it to my temple and pulled the trigger. I never told anyone, I just put the gun back and went to school. It got better after a while, and I did fairly well in school somehow.

Now that I'm almost done with my engineering degree, the stress is building up. The happiness started to fade away as I barely am able to keep up with the homework and tests. After drinking myself into an acute case of pancreatitis (and almost dying), I no longer have friends or people to talk to, since all my friends were drunks. I turned to more drugs.

I almost killed myself tonight. I walked that thin line, and TheHopeLine saved my life. ~Randy

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

https://youtu.be/vH1xbDXEunM

Are You Being Sexually Abused? Watch Annie's Story of Hope:

I felt like maybe it was something that happened to everybody because I was a little kid, I didn't know any better but then when I started getting older, I started realizing that it was wrong. A whole bunch of times, I thought about killing myself. I had carved into my arms: "I hate being loved." I heard about how TheHopeLine had helped these girls that had been raped or molested. I finally heard one that was really close to my story and I finally called in and a Hope Coach talked to me about it.  He told me, "We are going to get you through this."

Baylor's Story

When I was in the 4th grade, I started to cut. At first it hurt, but I thought about everything that had already happened. My parents were more into the drugs than their own kids.

When I got to 5th grade, I tried to commit suicide for the first time. I had to go to school the next day all doped up on the pills that I hadn't taken enough of. My parents didn't know about this.

Then I got kicked out of the house, so I moved in with my grandma. One day it was all to much for me to handle...so I tried to hang myself. The last thing I remember was hanging there then seeing my grandma walk in the room...I ended up getting kicked out.

Then I tried to kill myself 7 times.

I'm 14 now and I became pregnant. I didn't want my parents...or no one to know.

I ended up trying to OD. The baby and I were both okay, but I knew I had messed up.

About 2 months later I had a miscarriage. I didn't know where else to turn, so I started to do some research. That is when I found www.TheHopeLine.com. At first, I thought no one knows what all I'm going through. Finally, one day everything was way to much so I got up the nerve to test it out and chat with them, and I'm glad I did.

I found out that talking about it really does help.

These wonderful people [HopeCoaches] are here whenever nobody else is. So, the moral of my story is: DON'T GIVE UP!!!
~Baylor

If you are struggling with  suicide thoughts and need help, check out TheHopeLine's eBook: Understanding Suicide.

Today we are happy to feature Katie Davis as a millennial who is sharing hope. We continue to share stories like Katie’s to hopefully inspire you that your age doesn’t matter. You can make a difference in the world. Here is a bit of Katie’s story: In December of 2006, 18-year-old Katie Davis from Brentwood, Tennessee, traveled to Uganda for the first time. She was immediately captivated with the people and the culture. In the summer of 2007, right after graduating from high school, Katie returned to Uganda to teach Kindergarten at an orphanage. She made an agreement with her parents that it would only be for one year and then she would return to the states to attend college. However, God had a different plan for Katie. As she lived in Uganda and saw the deep needs of the people and began responding to those needs…one person at a time, the idea of going back to live in the United States became unrealistic. During her first year there, she was shocked to see the sheer number of school-aged children walking along the road, playing with their friends, washing their families’ dishes, or digging in the fields. She learned that most schools in Uganda require school fees for attendance, making impoverished families unable to afford an education for their children. God laid it on Katie’s heart to start an Education Sponsorship Outreach which would match orphaned and vulnerable children who are unable to afford schooling with sponsors anywhere in the world. She originally intended to have only a handful of children in the sponsorship program, but in the first year Katie had 150 children sign up. Today the program sponsors over 700 children.

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Later that year, in 2008, Katie established a non-profit organization called Amazima Ministries International.  The word “Amazima” means “truth” in the native Luganda language. The organization seeks to meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the people of Uganda who need it most. Shortly thereafter, Katie was introduced to the Karimojong people of Masese. Living in poverty, and losing their children to malnutrition and starvation at an astounding rate, she noticed their desperate need for nutritious food. She started what is now the Masese Feeding Outreach which provides meals to 1,200 children Monday through Friday. This program allows the children to attend school and therefore not be forced to the street to beg. Amazima also provides medical care, Bible study, and general health training to the Masese community. As her friendships developed in Masese, Katie wanted to help the women in the village provide for their families, for the Gospel to take root, and for them to be the change we wish to see within the community. She initiated a self-sustaining vocational program to empower these women to generate needed income by making unique Ugandan magazine bead necklaces. The necklaces made by the women are purchased weekly by Amazima and then sold in the United States. The money the women receive for their beads allows them to support their family and send their children to school. All of this happened because one young girl followed the call God placed on her life…and it was never about her comfort or for her honor and glory.  It was all about caring for the “least of these” for God’s glory. Her work in Uganda can be hard and heartbreaking and at times frustrating.  She wrote in her journal in her first few months living in Uganda that “Sometimes working in a Third World country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eyedropper.”  What Katie has learned over time, however, is to be okay with knowing that while she may not be able to change the world, she can change the world for one person at a time and that is enough. She began to understand that God had one purpose for her, in Uganda and in life, and that was to LOVE the least of these…one at a time. Beth Clark, who assisted Katie in writing the bestselling book “Kisses from Katie”, said it well when she wrote, “I’ve noticed something about people who make a difference in the world: They hold the unshakable conviction that individuals are extremely important, that every life matters. They get excited over one smile.  They are willing to feed one stomach, educate one mind, and treat one wound.  They aren’t determined to revolutionize the world all at once; they’re satisfied with small changes. Over time, though, the small changes add up. Sometimes they even transform cities and nations, and yes, the world.” This calling to respond to the needs of one person at a time, led her to the amazing decision to adopt 13 daughters by the time she was 22 years old. The first three little sisters she adopted were living on their own in a mud house when it collapsed on the oldest sister, Agnes, who was 9 years old at the time. Their father had died of AIDS and the mother had disappeared.  They had a grandma who provided a little food when she could, but typically their days consisted of digging in the field for a little something to eat and walking miles to and from the nearest well with a large plastic jug to collect the day’s water. After the house collapsed, neighbors brought Agnes to the hospital. When Katie heard of this tragedy, she decided to go to the hospital to pray for this little girl.  What she discovered was that she was lying there, untreated, because no one would pay for her care.  Katie agreed to pay the $20 to cover her treatment and took the younger two sisters home with her until Agnes was better, but one thing led to another and Katie knew she needed to be the forever home for these girls and 10 more who would enter her life at different times. Katie wrote in her book, “I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally. Absolutely, with all of ourselves, so much that it hurts and then more.” To learn more about Katie and the Amazima ministry visit www.amazima.org. Or get the book – Kisses for Katie https://www.amazimastore.org/products/kisses-from-katie

I always used to listen to Dawson McAllister on the radio.... never thought I would be one to contact them for help... thank you TheHopeLine.

I was on the verge of giving up...I talked to a girl last night for about 2 hours. I came to you guys with my problems. My best friend that I've grown up with and been with my whole life died in a horrible stupid accident. The girl I gained feelings for, that I've never had before, needed space. She's 18 years old and has a 19-month-old son, who I think is probably the coolest little dude in the world. The girl has everything I'm looking for and her flaws are easily passable for me. But she just broke up with the father that she dated for 4 years and we started talking a few weeks after so I understood she needed time...but the killer was she no longer wishes to really talk to me while she needs space. I didn't know what to do, I promised her I would wait for her to be ready.

She and her kid mean everything to me. I break down a few times every day. Everything reminds me of her. I hear a song. I tear up. I see a mom and son I tear up. I see a picture of her, I break down. And after I lost my friend this was just the topping to the cake. I knew I was no longer myself.

I knew I needed help before the suicidal thoughts would come. So I came to the one place I knew I could say what was going on, without being judged and made fun of.

I sadly forgot the girl's name I talked to, I wish I could thank the Hope Coach again. She walked me through everything. She told me to wait and give the girl space. That she will come back when she's ready. Tomorrow, I will go to a professional for more help with depression and anxiety. The girl I talked to last night also talked to me about getting a new personal relationship with our Lord. I said the prayer she gave me last night and I felt His presence, I felt the change...I've never been so thankful to have someone to talk to or listen to.

So again, I thank all of you for what you do.

Thank you for helping the hopeless.

Thank you for giving your own time just to give time to someone else that was almost out of their time.

Thank you for helping me and countless others find a stronger faith.

Again thank you again all of you!

~Aaron