We all can have times when we feel overwhelmed. You can, however, learn how to handle these feelings in a healthy way that allows you to move beyond what can seem to be a debilitating state of stress. By asking yourself some simple questions and identifying why you are overwhelmed, you can make adjustments to help alleviate stressors and keep from spiraling into an unhealthy place.

Here are six questions to ask yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed.

How to Handle Being Overwhelmed

1. Why am I feeling overwhelmed in this moment?

Sometimes just asking yourself this simple question and acknowledging what you are feeling can help immensely. Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed, but it’s just because there was some traffic or an unexpected event that threw off your schedule. At that moment, you just have to acknowledge what happened and move on with your day. On the other hand, maybe you actually are overwhelmed! You have too many commitments, you are going through a hard time emotionally, or you are struggling with acute anxiety. Start to identify exactly the source of what is causing you to be overwhelmed. (I have deadlines coming up, this thing in my life is transitioning, I’m struggling with anxiety, I have not had time to rest, this task is really outside my comfort zone, I have too many commitments, and there was a family emergency, etc.)

2. What is in my control and what is not?

Now that you have identified the factors that are causing you to feel overwhelmed, you need to stop and take stock of which things are in your control and which are outside of your control. Other people’s actions or reactions are not in your control, but your emotions and actions are in your control. Emergencies or unforeseen situations are not controllable, but your personal schedule and commitments are within your control. When you ask yourself this question, you see more clearly the areas you need to accept and work through and the situations you are in charge of managing.

3. Have I invited the Holy Spirit into these emotions?

 This is one of the best questions to ask yourself when you feel overwhelmed. Often when we feel overwhelmed, it’s because we are focused on all the things going on around us. We can forget in these times that God is still with us, offering to give us peace even in the most hectic moments. Take a second to invite the Holy Spirit to speak to you and reveal His truth. Let Him show you what you need to surrender and where you need to trust Him more. When you invite the Holy Spirit into the places you feel overwhelmed, you give God permission to work on your behalf and show up powerfully.

4. What can I take off of my plate right now?

When the unexpected happens, you cannot act as though everything is normal. Sometimes the best thing to do when you are feeling overwhelmed is simply DO LESS. Cancel those dinner plans, ask someone else to help, or even just put off that task until tomorrow. Maybe you aren’t going through a crisis, but you are just constantly overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed. When you have so much going on and not enough time or energy to do it, your mind can become cluttered and even the smallest task is overwhelming. To help alleviate this pressure, take things off your plate for the day, the week, or the month, that way you can make sure to do things you actually need to do and not feel behind or forget important tasks.

Listen to this live call with Cassie who's overworked and stressed and needs help to get something off of her plate.

5. Who can I talk to about this?

 You were never meant to do life alone. If you are overwhelmed to the point that you can’t even see what you need to take off your plate or you need a safe place to process your emotions, call someone you trust. Send a text to a mentor, pastor, or trusted friend and let them know what is going on. If no one is available right away, take a second or two to journal out what you are feeling. If you are constantly in a state of feeling overwhelmed, consider finding a counselor or therapist who can help you work through your thoughts and feelings. (You can chat live with a Hope Coach too!)

6. What is my next step?

 When you are overwhelmed, it can feel difficult to do anything because there are so many things to process or do. Once you have identified why you are overwhelmed, invite the Holy Spirit into the process, then talk to a mentor and come up with a plan listing what you can do immediately to help you overcome this stuck feeling. Maybe, you need to take a 30-minute break and just reset. Perhaps, there is one task you just need to knock out, so you are not worried about getting it done. Make a list, take a walk, say a prayer, hang out with friends, eat a meal- just take that next step to move forward.

As you practice asking yourself these six simple questions, over time, you can change your response to overwhelming situations from one of helplessness to one of empowerment!

This article was originally posted at Mercy Multiplied.

It’s okay to slow down, take breaks, and ask for help. Click for our tips on time management when dealing with anxiety.

When you’re diagnosed with a mental illness, it can be frustrating or even terrifying to consider what your future holds. Since most mental disorders have no cure, only treatments, you might be afraid that your life will never be “normal” or “healthy.” It’s true that you most likely will have to manage your mental health condition for the rest of your life, but it’s not true that you will never be able to find healing and live a full, happy life.

How to Heal From Mental Illness

Support

There is a whole world of mental health services available to you, and it’s important you pursue that kind of support throughout your experience with mental illness. If you’re under 18, consider talking to your parents early on so that you can use their health insurance to regularly check in with your primary care physician. Your doctor may recommend a therapist for counseling or a psychiatrist for medication, both of which are highly effective ways to manage your symptoms.

It’s also important to share your story with trusted friends and family. One of the worst things for someone struggling with their mental health is isolation, so even when all you want to do is crawl into your bed and disappear for a while, never stop reaching out to the people in your life. You may be worried you will start to become a burden to your loved ones if you share your worries and needs with them, but the people who truly love you would never want you to feel alone. Because you’re not alone! There are always people around who want to listen and offer kindness. If you’re not sure who to talk to, you can start by reaching out to one of our Hope Coaches.

Acceptance

A mental illness is a tough diagnosis to receive. Even in 2022, there is still some stigma surrounding the topic of mental health. From scary movies that portray mental illness patients as violent, unstable, or suicidal to schools and communities with a simple lack of education about mental health, you may not know much about what a healthy life with mental illness looks like. It’s easy to view your diagnosis as something terribly wrong with you, something to be embarrassed about, or something that takes away your future. Accepting that you are a person with a mental illness is going to be one of the most important steps in your healing journey. 

Learning to see yourself as beautiful, whole, functional, and lovable not despite but including your condition… that is the process of acceptance. It may take a while, since your early days post-diagnosis may be consumed with finding your new normal, proper medication, and exploring what kinds of support work for you. But once you are able to manage your symptoms reliably, accepting who you are and what it takes for you to be healthy is going to help you heal far more than resisting or hating your diagnosis would.

In fact, the refusal to accept your diagnosis is actually a common symptom of many mental health disorders. If you’re struggling to believe that you have a condition you’ve been diagnosed with, reach out to your support system to talk about how you can reach a place of acceptance. When it comes to your mental health, denial is just as dangerous as isolation. You are not “less than” if you own who you are, including your mental illness. Acceptance is the only road toward healing if you want to live a full life!

Consistency

Once you have built a strong support system and come to a place of acceptance about your mental health, the key to living healthily is to be consistent about giving yourself what you need to be successful. Check-in with your support system regularly. Make it a habit to talk to your friends and family members about what’s going on in your life. Find a good therapist or counselor and see them regularly. Even when you’re not in “crisis mode,” consistent talk therapy is a great way to keep a finger on the pulse of your mental state. Maintain a schedule with your primary care physician or psychiatrist so that new symptoms, mood swings, or dosage needs don’t go unnoticed. You can’t always prevent your mental illness from manifesting, but consistent treatment and support can definitely help manage it.

Over time, you may notice that there are certain triggers for your condition. Common ones are life transitions like the end of a semester, graduating, moving, and starting/ending important relationships. Learn to anticipate if there’s something coming up that might make your anxiety or depression a little worse for a while, and set up ways you can feel extra supported during those times. Becoming familiar with what helps you, and taking the necessary steps to make sure you have what you need, helps you to build trust in yourself–trust that you are able to function with your mental illness. Commit to staying vigilant with your mental health!

Hope

The most important element in your healing process, though, is hope. You must believe that an abundant, healthy future is available to you! Thankfully, that doesn’t have to be a blind belief. There is so much evidence that, despite stigma, you can thrive with a mental illness. For starters, look into the life stories of incredible figures throughout history, and you’ll find so many of your favorite celebrities and leaders were able to excel while dealing with disorders like ADHD, PTSD, major depression, social anxiety disorder, OCD, eating disorders, and more. Just because you’ve received a similar diagnosis doesn’t mean you’ll never be successful in this world.

Beyond surface level achievements, though, it’s also quite possible to feel great love, joy, and even peace in the midst of your mental condition. Your diagnosis has not cheated you out of any life experience you could have hoped for. No mental illness changes who you are or how valuable you are. You are still you, fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of Someone who sees you as perfect and wants you to live abundantly. Have hope! Your diagnosis doesn’t have to mean that your life is over. If you’re struggling to see the light at the end of the mental health tunnel, we get it. Reach out to a Hope Coach, and we’ll share our hope with you.

It's important to feel connected when struggling with a mental illness. Learn more about ways isolation can negatively impact mental health.

When is sexual assault awareness month? Right now! April is SAAM, when we take the time to share education and resources for those who may have experienced sexual assault or who may know someone who is a victim of it. The first step of that awareness is to simply ask the question, “What is sexual assault?” The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) describes sexual assault as “any sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the victim.” It’s crucial that you understand this definition and how pervasive the problem of sexual assault is in our culture, because it’s estimated that at least 1 in 6 women and 1 in 25 men experience a sexual assault at least once as an adult. Sadly, though, it’s also estimated that about 90% of assaults go unreported. Why? Fear. Fear that the victim won’t be believed, fear of victim blaming, fear of being judged by friends and family, and even fear that the attacker will retaliate.

Whether you’re the victim or the friend of a victim, the days following a traumatic event like this can be a scary time. Take a look at the steps we recommend below, but reach out to a Hope Coach now if you’re scared of being judged or call the RAINN hotline for victim support. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for help dealing with life’s toughest moments.

How to Overcome Fear After Sexual Assault

How to Respond Immediately after Sexual Assault

If you have just been sexually assaulted, it’s important to do Steps #1-3 immediately! Do those, then circle back to this article after you’re safe and have been seen by a medical professional. If, however, you’re thinking about reporting a sexual assault you experienced a while ago, you can jump to Step #4.

1. Remove yourself from the unsafe situation as soon as possible. If you’ve experienced sexual assault in a domestic violence situation, find a way to safely exit your home and get to a safe or public place. If you can’t leave, try to call 911, even if you’re only able to whisper or use a coded message to communicate your location so they can find you. Your first priority, always, is to find a safe way to get yourself out of immediate danger.

2. Protect the evidence of your assault. Don’t change your outfit or bathe, if possible. It’s important for later that your clothes and skin are usable for testing if you choose to pursue charges against your attacker.

3. Go to the hospital and ask for an advocate, a rape kit, and medical care. If you’re able to get a hold of 911, tell the first responders right away that you want a rape kit so they can take proper care of you. You may be in shock or have severe injuries that also need to be taken care of immediately. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, ask if there’s someone on staff at the hospital, like a counselor or social worker, who can be your friend in the room or even hold your hand if you’re scared.

4. Decide whether you want to report or file charges with the police. It’s estimated that 70-90% of assaults are never reported, so don’t be surprised if you feel hesitant or even afraid to tell anyone what’s happened to you. There are a number of reasons people have not disclosed their trauma, resulting in hashtag activism movements like #whyididntreport. It’s a big decision whether or not to pursue justice through the police and court systems, and it’s yours alone.

5. Seek counsel and support from trusted friends, family, and/or professionals. Whether or not you decide to report your assault, your journey toward healing is going to be long. You shouldn’t have to do that alone! That said, you may not feel comfortable sharing your experience with just anyone. If you’re wondering how to proceed, Amy Morin, LCSW of VeryWellMind has an excellent article that can help guide you through disclosing your experience to others. 

6. Check out resources for victims that will educate you about PTSD, self-doubt, and victim blaming, all of which are common obstacles that victims of assault are faced with as they heal.

7. Be kind to your mind, body, and spirit. All three have been through trauma. You may need mental health counseling to help your mind process what’s happened. Your body may need extra care after it helped you survive the attack. Your spirit will need love poured into it after experiencing this pain. Give yourself the care you need and allow others to show you kindness too.

Most importantly, don’t blame yourself. There is nothing you can do (or not do) to deserve sexual assault. It is not your fault that an attacker chose to violate you, and your trauma is valid no matter who you are, how you identify, or where you come from.

How to Help Someone Who Was Sexually Assaulted

It can also be incredibly scary to be the friend of someone who has experienced sexual assault. If you are a witness to or present during the moments directly following an event like this, take a look at the list above and do your best to help your friend walk through those. If a friend has disclosed a traumatic experience to you, here are a few ways you can support them:

• Stay calm. Though you may feel shocked, angry, or heartbroken, take a deep breath. Help your friend feel safe in this conversation.
• Listen. Let them say however much or little they want to. They may just want to tell you it happened. They want to give you details. Listen to whatever comes out of their mouth because this is a very vulnerable moment for your friend.
• Prioritize permission, consent, and boundaries. First and foremost, don't break confidentiality. Just because your friend has disclosed to you doesn't mean they want anyone else to know their story. Understand that this is their story to tell.
• Take action and educate yourself. There are plenty of organizations out there that support victims–you can join or advocate for their programming. Get familiar with the resources available for victims as well, so you can be a source of support, and learn what kinds of things you can do to keep you and your friends safe.

It’s Okay to Be Scared

No matter how many articles you read, true crime podcasts you listen to, or therapists you talk to, nobody expects you to be invincible when it comes to trauma. Even Jesus felt fear (Matthew 26, Luke 22). It’s an emotion we were created to feel, and it serves a purpose in our lives by teaching us where danger might be or where we might need to seek help. Though we use SAAM to call attention to sexual assault, know that resources are available all year long, and reach out to us today if you’re feeling afraid, whether that’s to do with a traumatic event or not, and we’ll share with you the refuge that Jesus’ love can provide.

If you have been sexually assaulted, it's NOT your fault. These 15 tips to protect yourself are meant to help make people more aware.

With many of us now attending online school or meetings and recent talk about the “metaverse” becoming our future, it’s safe to say that we are living in a digital world. We have been for quite some time now. Many of us are now completely dependent upon our tech and the internet to access our education or make a living. Heck, without it I couldn’t have researched or written this article, nor could you be reading it. We need digital technologies in order to be successful in the modern world. And while all this might be true, there is still one truth to face, whether the Zuckerbergs of the world agree or not: People were successfully finding meaning “in real life” long before anyone had phones, screens, or virtual reality.

Where does that leave us when we’re trying to discover our purpose in the midst of digital noise that is almost impossible to escape and often meaningless itself? One minute you’re trying to do your homework and the next you’ve been on TikTok for an hour, and time has lost all meaning. You try to listen to a podcast while you work, and the next thing you know, you’re scrolling through the website for some beauty product that sponsors your favorite show. You try to make plans to see friends, and it takes two weeks, thirty emails, and seven polls to figure out a time that works for 80% of the group. How in the world will you ever have the time and focus to reflect on the meaning of life, let alone your place in the world?

How to Find Purpose

Don’t Be Controlled by Your Digital Tools

First, it’s important to remember that there are actually some really incredible things about living in a digital age. When you look at all this technology as a tool that simply aids humans in the things we were already trying to accomplish, it’s a miraculous invention. In seconds, it can create access to health care, crucial education and information, friends and loved ones who are far away, global career and networking opportunities, opportunities for growth, and art that helps us learn empathy. When you step back and remember to view the digital as a means to an end, rather than what it’s become, it can play an important role in you finding your purpose in life, instead of being a source of overwhelm or distraction.

No tool, however, can be better than the people who use it. If you use digital media to distract yourself, it is a distraction. If you use it to participate in cyberbullying or cheating on your partner, it is a weapon. If you use it to tell you how and when you should sleep, eat, drink, and think, it is an idol. If you use it to create an avatar, build online worlds, and defeat online enemies, it is a toy. If you use it to consume media 24/7, it is a vending machine. Digital media is actually using you. If, though, you use it to discover what brings you joy, what matters to you, and what your talents are, it is an excellent way to find your life’s purpose.

Ways to Find Your Purpose in a Digital World

But HOW do you keep yourself from being sucked into the void and losing sight of what you want your life to look like? Check out one of our other posts on having a healthy relationship with social media. A lot of the same principles apply here. You can maintain boundaries with your tech and your “digital self” while mindfully pursuing a purposeful life:

• Set limits and take breaks. Use the nifty tool most phones have to track your screen time data. Some research says that anything over two hours a day is too much for your eyes and brain, but since most of us have to use screens for school and work, it’s too late for us to hit that mark. Consider making an afternoon “screen free” each weekend, or simply setting a time limit on apps like Instagram so that they shut down automatically when you’ve gone over 30 minutes in a day. There’s no better way to avoid finding your true purpose than to waste hours and hours on your phone without even realizing it. You have to look up every once in a while and maybe go on a walk to make sure your mind and soul have space to reflect on your life. If you find that you aren’t capable of spending any time outside of the digital sphere, you might want to consider that you’re addicted and seek treatment.
• Focus on intention. What if it’s not about finding your one singular purpose and more about making sure that you do everything  purposefully. Do you find yourself waking up to your alarm at the same time each morning, eating the same things over and over, and generally never trying new things? There’s nothing wrong with routine, but habits aren’t always born of intention. You have the power to choose how you spend your time. That means, even if you didn’t come out of the womb with the conviction that you were born to be a pediatric oncologist, you can still make your daily decisions with purpose. Instead of cruising through life on autopilot, take a minute to consider whether your relationships and activities reflect your core values. Adjust accordingly every so often, and you’re already living a purpose-filled life.
• Prioritize IRL connection. Examine whether you’re defaulting to digital experiences and relationships out of convenience or using them as a means of genuine connection. This is not to say that the friends you make online aren’t “real” friends, or that you shouldn’t take time to celebrate beating the next boss in Elden Ring. Just make sure that you’re interrupting the constant stream of GIFs you send your friends with the occasional “BTW, how’re you doing” text, and try to set up in-person game nights every once in a while. For an extra challenge, order your next Starbucks drink at the register instead of doing a Mobile Order on the app. Maybe learn the name of the barista who’s always working when you happen to get your drink. Don’t forget that behind the screens, there are always people.
• Stay grounded in actual reality. Do not confuse the “metaverse” with real life. You will not get left behind if you do not purchase an Oculus or even the latest smartphone. The world will not collapse if you don’t consistently create digital content or beat all the social media algorithms. And (unless you are a first responder or something like that) nobody will get hurt if you choose not to check your emails over the weekend!

You Exist Without the Internet

OG “influencers” like Marie Curie, Mother Teresa, or Jesus Christ didn’t have an “online presence,” yet they somehow achieved an actual influence that continues far beyond their lifetimes. You may need digital technology to mechanically carry out the tasks you want to accomplish, but you do NOT need an online presence or a “digital self” in order to live purposefully, make change, or find meaning in this life. Have fun with your digital tools, and find ways they can creatively impact what you decide to do with your life, but never confuse your identity with those tools. If the entire internet crashed today, you could still live purposefully, “do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly,” so long as you are secure in who you are and why you do what you do. If you want to know more about being secure in your identity, or if you’re worried that you might be struggling with digital addiction, reach out to one of our Hope Coaches today. We’re always here to chat, no matter where you are on your journey.

Putting down the phone and living your life can be hard when things get stressful. Here are 5 tips to help you put the phone down.

My name is Patrick and this is my story:

All my life no one, my age, ever really liked me.  I was that kid that smelled even though most of the time I didn't.  Anyway, when I was 14, men started emailing me asking to be my friend; something I never really had. I hesitated at first, then I met one of them.  At first, we just sorta hung out, then they started to tell me they need me to give them something. You can guess what that meant.

Wanted to Feel Loved

 At the time, I didn't think this was an issue.  I felt wanted and I felt loved, something I haven't felt in a while.  Now you might ask...were my parents bad or something?  They weren't, they were just busy with their careers.  After a while, they made me feel like I had to sneak out at night.

Traumatic Brain Injury

When I got into my second year of high school, I found a girlfriend that liked me for who I was. Then, one day I was riding my motorcycle and I fell. I hit my head, and yes, I was wearing a helmet.  I went blank for a minute but I was okay, just a scraped hand.  I got up and kept riding and a week later. I started getting headaches.  I went to the ER and I had a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).  

About another week later was the first time I tried to kill myself.  

Asked If I Was Ever Sexually Abused

I stole my family boat and tried to sink it with me inside it...this didn't work.  This was the first time I was hospitalized.  I was hospitalized two more times before. They asked if I was ever sexually abused and every other time they asked that I said no but then it clicked, and I opened up.  

It had never occurred to me that I was abused.  I tried to kill myself more times, the other times with pills and jumping off an overpass.  Just to give you an update that was the first time my parent found out about the abuse.  I had kept it hidden for over 3 years.  All in this time, I was cutting and got kicked out of three schools.

Was Hospitalized For PTSD

I was also diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  It got so bad, that I went to a residential hospital for nine months.  After that, life was so much less stressful and the flashbacks came fewer and the wish to die subsided.  

I still suffer from anxiety and depression, but it's manageable, and I am also not on any medication.

Proof You Can Get Through Anything!

I'm proof that if you just take a break from life and work really hard and have a lot of support...you can get through anything!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

TikTokers like @iamlilstitious, @ren.aissancewoman, and @thejeffreymarsh have shared their journeys going #nocontact with toxic family members, bringing much needed visibility to just how difficult it is to come to the conclusion that cutting ties is the only healthy way forward. There are a million reasons why you may never want to talk to someone again, from outright abuse to simply having different values. Sometimes going zero-contact is necessary for your physical safety or your emotional well-being, even if the other person used to be your best friend, was your partner, or is a member of your family. Usually, by the time a person chooses to go zero-contact, they’ve tried every other way possible to reconcile with this person and maintain a relationship, but they’ve simply been too hurt to continue being in touch.

How to Forgive and Still Set Boundaries

Reasons to Go Zero-Contact

Why would you go so far as to cut someone off completely? And who is it that people might cut contact with? Mental health professionals and members of law enforcement might recommend going zero-contact with toxic family members, ex partners, or even destructive friends, especially when abuse and safety are involved. Other toxic traits that may lead you to cut someone off might be narcissistic tendencies like gaslighting, neglecting your relationship or being inconsistent in supporting you, taking way more from you than they give in return, and refusing to address destructive or inappropriate behaviors.

You might want to talk to a counselor about going zero-contact with someone if:

• You’ve attempted to have conversations about the problems in your relationship and to establish boundaries, but there is no attempt to respect your needs.
• You’ve asked this person to seek treatment for their issues, but they refuse.
• You’ve experienced repeated verbal or emotional abuse, but they refuse to acknowledge their role in the abuse or in enabling the abuser.
• You’ve felt abandoned or neglected, and spending time with the person leaves you feeling emotionally depleted.
• You feel unsafe allowing this person to have your contact info or home address.
• You’re unable to live your life peacefully as long as you remain in touch with this person because they refuse to respect your boundaries.
• There is nothing positive to gain from staying in a relationship, even if it means losing other important relationships.

Are You Ready to Forgive?

When you're so hurt by someone that you choose to remove them from your life completely, it may take quite a long time before you feel ready to forgive them. And that’s okay! The first step after going zero-contact should be taking care of your mental health. When you cut someone off who’s played a huge role in your life, it’s normal to feel grief over the loss of the relationship or the loss of the future you thought you’d have with them, anger about their behavior or about what they took from you, pain from the emotional damage they caused, or even hatred of the person for hurting you deeply.

How, then, could you ever feel like forgiving someone you hate or who’s hurt you repeatedly? If you’ve worked with a mental health professional or, perhaps, a support group to process going zero-contact and the trauma you experienced that led to that point, you may eventually find that your lingering feelings of anger or hatred have begun to disrupt your new life. That means, even without any contact, this person still has a hold on you, despite the hard work you’ve done to get healthy. If you’re otherwise happy and healthy, but the anger or pain sometimes circles back around to get in the way of your new life, it may be time to consider forgiveness so that you can let go and eliminate that last little bit of power this person has over you.

But what if they don’t deserve forgiveness? Well… they probably don’t! To lose all chance of a relationship with you, they did something terrible. No doubt! But are you willing to be eaten alive by your pain and anger, thus sacrificing the new life you’ve worked so hard to build? This act of forgiveness is for you, not for them. You don’t have to tell them you forgive them, and you don’t even have to “forgive and forget.” In fact, it’s important to forgive and remember because you’ve learned valuable boundaries from this experience that you can use forever and even share with others.

How to Forgive Someone Without Contact

While it would be nice to imagine that someday this person might amend their ways and come to you for forgiveness, the harsh reality of going zero-contact is that you’ve likely already learned that the person isn’t going to change. Getting back in touch with them to inform them of your intent to forgive them would likely open that toxic door all over again, so if you’re ready to forgive, you simply don’t tell them. If you need to find a way to make the forgiveness feel real without telling them, you could try:

• Writing a letter to them that you don’t intend to send, expressing the number of ways they hurt you, how you’ve moved on with your life, and how you’re letting go of the past. 
• Telling a trusted friend who knows your story that you’ve forgiven the person and having a conversation with them about why.
• Asking a counselor to roleplay a conversation with you in which the counselor plays the person who hurt you and you tell them they’re forgiven.
• Performing a kind of “forgiveness ceremony” in which you take items that remind you of the person or of past hurts and throw them away, burn them, or bury them to signify that you have let go.
• Praying aloud and asking God to forgive the person as well so that you can let go and be at peace with the idea that the future is bright and new, regardless of what happened in the past.

Moving Forward Without Them

Remember that forgiveness is often a practice, rather than a one-time thing. Just because one day you might feel like forgiving them, the next day, you might feel grief and anger. When that happens, you may have to take a moment to remind yourself that you’ve let go of the past and wish to move on with your new life in peace.

The idea of forgiveness comes back to the idea of peace, every time. God Himself forgives us when we don’t deserve it so that He can be at peace with those He loves instead of being at odds with us. When you are forgiven through Christ, you are free to move into your future in love and hope, regardless of your past mistakes. If you want to talk more about His forgiveness, forgiving someone who hurt you, or about going zero-contact with someone in your life, talk to your therapist, counselor, or one of our Hope Coaches today!

Forgiving someone who hurt you could be the greatest challenge in your life, but also the most freeing and healing. Here are 6 steps on how to forgive.

My name is Thomas and this is my story:

My best friend, who is a girl, and I were having difficulties in our relationship. Our parents told us to stop talking because we were getting too close.

When we finally were able to talk again, this girl told me we needed to kill the relationship. I didn't know what this meant or what I should do. Should I do what the girl wanted me to do or was the girl just saying this because she wanted me to back away for a while? I didn't know. My heart was broken.

My Heartbreak Story

I Found Hope and Trust

I started chatting with a HopeCoach because I didn't trust anybody I knew.

The HopeCoach helped me understand what I should do. He gave me insight and wisdom as to what I should be doing. He gave me hope and a plan for the future.

I am grateful for this help.  I needed advice and he helped me out.

Resources for a Broken Heart:

Heartbreak can hit suddenly and with a lot of force. It is possible to experience heartbreak and then find healing afterward. Visit our broken heart topic page for help.

Every year in March we dedicate some time to be aware of the pervasive problem of self-injury. To those who have never struggled with the compulsion to hurt themselves, it can be nearly impossible to imagine WHY the people you love would ever want to do such a thing. It might seem drastic, counterintuitive, or even dramatic to someone who does not understand. What you need to know, if you suspect that a person in your life has been self-injuring, is that self-harm is an all too common symptomatic behavior of many mental health problems.

What to Know About Self-Harm

Why Would Someone Hurt Themselves?

From “run of the mill” depression and anxiety to eating disorders and borderline personality disorder, mental illness often leaves its victims with the desperate urge to hurt themselves. Why? Do they want to commit suicide? Not necessarily.  Though it’s not always a sign of suicidality, that is probably the most well-known reason behind self-harm in pop culture. In reality, the “why” behind self-harm can be extreme feelings of isolation, the desire to find relief from another intensely painful feeling, to distract from overwhelm, to cope with numbness, to have a sense of control, or to self-punish because of a deep sense of shame.

How Might Someone Hurt Themselves?

Self-injury isn’t just cutting. Though that’s often the first behavior that comes to mind when we broach the subject of self-harm, there are a lot of other ways that self-injurious tendencies can manifest. Common forms of self-harm include:

• Cutting - using a sharp edge to draw blood and leave marks on the skin.
• Burning - using a match, lighter, or other heat source to cause pain, create blisters, or leave marks on the skin.
• Scratching - using fingernails or an object to rub the skin raw, perhaps even drawing blood and leaving a scar.
• Self-hitting - using fists, palms, or an object to make repeated blows at one’s own body, causing pain and even bruising. 
• Pinching - using fingers or objects to pinch parts of the body until pain, numbness, or even loss of circulation occurs in an area.
• Head-banging - hitting the head against a wall or other object to cause pain or bruising, even resulting in concussions.
• Piercing skin with needles or other sharp objects - similar to cutting, this can be with the intention of drawing blood or leaving a mark. Some may even have an addiction to visiting tattoo and piercing parlors.
• Hair pulling - forcibly removing hair from the body, resulting in bleeding and bald spots.
• Inserting objects under the skin - can also result in bleeding, bruising, or even infection.

Self-harm could also manifest as disordered eating, excessive exercise, choosing to go to locations or engaging in behaviors that could result in danger, or frankly even “doom-scrolling” on social media. Anything that a person does with the full knowledge that it could hurt their mind or body in an attempt to assuage the pain and overwhelm of their circumstances or mental illness could be considered self-harm. That doesn’t mean that if you spent 6 hours on TikTok yesterday that you were self-harming, but if that becomes a compulsive, repetitive behavior that impacts other areas of your life and remains a secret even to those closest to you, it might be worth discussing with a trusted adult or counselor.

How to Spot Self-Injury in Others

Those who engage in self-harm are often experts in hiding or disguising their behavior. They may be high achievers in school and well-liked by everyone who knows them. Even those who engage in a self-injuring behavior that leaves marks or scars know where and when to do so in a way that others may never see or notice their broken skin. They suffer in silence because they know being discovered would hurt their loved ones and possibly force them to stop their addictive behavior.

You’re likely not going to catch someone in the act of self-harm, but there are ways to detect self-injury if you know what to look for. If you notice any of these things in a friend or family member, they may be coping with self-injury:

• Visible or fresh  scars, bite marks, or bruises, often in a specific area of the body.
• Repeatedly rubbing or holding a certain spot on their body or a surprising tenderness or reaction to having a specific spot bumped or touched by others.
• Wearing long sleeves, pants, or hoodies even when it’s against dress code or the weather is too hot for such clothes. May also avoid or refuse to participate in activities that would require more revealing clothing.
• Consistently making excuses for visible injuries, odd clothing choices, or other suspicious behaviors.
• Consistent negative self-talk, expressions of hopelessness, or other signs of low self-esteem.

Do You Suspect Someone You Love May Be Self-Injuring?

Ultimately self-injury becomes an addiction. Though it starts as a coping mechanism, it often evolves into a crutch. The person depends on the release of self-harm in order to function daily and may even need to escalate the behavior to continue feeling relief. Because of this, it’s important that if you suspect self-harm, you say something. But how do you do that?

The most important thing to remember when it comes to confronting someone who might be self-harming is that they are already in pain and likely feel deep shame about what they do. That’s why they hide it! If you approach them with judgment, you’ll be proving their deep fear that nobody will understand what they’re going through. They need you to bring love, empathy, and patience with you into any conversation about their well-being. Try starting by telling them how much you care for them and letting them know that you’re ready to listen whenever they need to talk. If you’ve noticed specific signs of self-harm, tell them. They may be tired of hiding and longing to share what they’ve been going through. Just listen.

Let Them Know There’s Hope After Self-Harm

Once you’ve reached out and listened to the person in your life who’s self-harming, and if they’re ready to hear what you have to say, share with them that they are loved. They don’t have to go through this alone, and there is hope for a future without the pain they endure every day. Jesus is very familiar with a pain that leaves scars and loves us without judgment and regardless of our shame.In Him, we can cast off the burdens that might drive us toward self-injury, and we can also run to Him when we’ve gone back to old coping mechanisms time and again. Encourage your friend to reach out to a Hope Coach who can share Christ’s love with them and talk to them about their struggle.

Our Hope Coaches can also be a great help to you! They can help you process how to approach someone about self-injury or connect you with resources that can support you both. You can also text the Crisis Text Line or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Nobody should have to go through a struggle with self-injury by themselves, and at TheHopeLine, we want you to know that there are people who want to provide nonjudgmental support to both you and your loved ones.

It can be very difficult to talk about self-harm, especially to parents. Find out how to talk to your parents about self-harm.

Hi, my name is Kristin and this is my story:

The hallucinations in my head were taking over any thought I could possibly have of getting out of this situation alive. All I could hear were voices telling me to give up, about anger and hatred and constant ideas of death and suicide. I have been through hell since I turned 11 and I still sometimes think it will never end.

But tonight, I was shown the love of God by the Hope Coach I talked to. Even though it seems that no one understands my dangerous hallucinations, the coach was extremely compassionate as I explained my situation to her.

I Don't Have to Be Afraid Anymore

She helped me push those voices out of my head so I could focus on the truth: God is love and is protecting my life.  I don't have to be afraid anymore. Even though these voices will continue to attack my head, I can always remember that God is on my side. The voices are gone for tonight and I can finally sleep in peace.

Thank you HopeLine for taking the time to listen to my story and help me through one of the hardest nights of my life!

Resources for Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts:

We have a partnership with Door of Hope, an organization that specializes in helping people who self-harm. Door of Hope has crisis care advocates that provide free services via texting, email and phone. Please check them out - Door of Hope

When your suicidal thoughts start to run around in your mind, you can contact any one of the organizations listed here - Suicide Prevention Resources.

You also might benefit from reading how Amanda broke free from her struggle with self-harm - Breaking Free From Self-Harm

And please read this to remind yourself of reasons it is worthwhile to keep working at life -  Why Say No to Suicide