My Story of Handling Loss With Anger
Angry at God for Taking My Mom
In this episode, we’re talking with Shelby. She was on her way home from a week-long church conference when her mom died. It happened 3 years ago, and since then, she’s been angry with God and depressed. But through it all, she’s also been seeking God.
I Was Gone When My Mom Died
Shelby says, “I was actually at a conference with my church, like the whole week before, and the day I was coming home from that conference was the day my mom died. So, in the last week of her life I didn’t get to see her. I always kind of felt like God robbed me of that time. But I’ve grown a lot in the past three years. My friends just keep telling me that God’s still there and I’m not alone in this. And there are other people who’ve gone through what I have.
How can we help you?
I’ve just been wanting to understand God’s word more and where I can exactly look and gain courage. And what can I do to stay on track?
Peer to Peer Advice for Shelby:
Shelby received advice from her peers, from people who’ve been there and wanted to encourage her.
Don’t isolate yourself. – Amanda
I know you’re dealing with anger and depression. Don’t isolate yourself. When I was starting out, I went to a retreat. And you need to surround yourself with good positive people, because God will talk to you through those people who are close to Him. He will speak to you through them, so you need to not isolate yourself. But go out and do new things and that’s how God will speak to you.
I found a scripture the other day, and I think it was meant to reach you. It’s Isaiah 26:12, “He establishes peace for us.” He will give you peace because that’s what you need. He will give you peace and only He can give that to you. And whether it’s through others or through scripture, only He can give that to you.
I think you need to open your Bible, go to Isaiah 26:12 and find peace within Him.
Hope anchors the soul. – Katelyn
When I was 11, so 9 ½ years ago, I lost my father. And I found a lot of comfort in Psalm 23. And like Amanda said, you don’t need to isolate yourself, because it’ll just make it worse.
Hebrews 6:19 says, “Hope anchors the soul.” If you have hope and say that you’ll see your mom again one day, it will comfort you a lot.
Looking back on your life, you will see the hand of God. - Stephanie
You’re not alone. I had 3 major losses within 6 months – my father, my grandmother, and my mother. It was very hard at that time for me to turn to God. It was very early in my journey with Him. And it was very hard for me to turn to Him and trust Him, having that many losses in such a short period of time. But I stayed true to my path, and I continued seeking Him – even though I was hurting, even though I wanted to turn my back on Him, even though I wanted nothing to do with Him - I kept seeking Him.
Like a year and a half later, it hit me - the reason why I lost my mother. Because that was the most confounding one for me, because I was so early on into my journey, that one really made me struggle with my faith. A year and a half later, I learned the reason why, suddenly a light bulb went on. Everything I started doing in my life, I started asking for God’s guidance. I started praying. I started seeking Him out, more than I had ever before. And it was so I would have that relationship with Him that I have today. If I had not lost my mother, my relationship with God would not be as solidified as it is today.
God sees the bigger picture. He has the plan. When it comes to depression – that is the Devil creeping in, that is the Devil saying, “I want you.” Rebuke it. Say, “I refuse to feel this way. God has His hands on me. He is there for me.” And get on your knees and pray.
God understands what it is like to have loss. - Alana
Hi Shelby, I’m extremely sorry for what you’re going through. Be encouraged that when Father God sent His son Jesus, He understands what it’s like to have loss.
I want to encourage you as you’re in His Word to go to worship and just be close to Him. As others did say, being around people, but also just being at Jesus’ feet. Psalms is a really good place to go when you’re not understanding what’s going on. When you’re seeking Him, and He doesn’t seem to be nearby. It’s difficult to think that He’s near, when somebody you’re very close to, just left the earth.
I just want to encourage you to keep persevering and keep trusting Him, even though it seems like the hardest thing in the world.
But as the woman who just spoke had said, you’ll be able to look back and see his hand over you. And you’ll be able to help someone else walk through it. Keep moving forward and I’ll be praying for you.
God will never turn His back on you. - Brandon
I know what you’re going through. I’ve been through something very similar with my grandmother. I wasn’t there for her death. I was out using drugs actually. So, I blamed God and myself for putting myself in that position. But Jeremiah 29:11 really spoke to me, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God will never turn His back on you. He never has and He never will. He will always be your rock to lean on.
A Life of Faith Will Survive the Shock of Death
Wow, you guys are awesome! Thank you so much Brandon, Alana, Stephanie, Katelyn and Amanda for your insightful advice and to share loving encouragement!
Shelby, I love that the first 2 scriptures shared for you were only 4 and 5 words each…easier to remember that way, but also so perfect for what you’re facing:
Isaiah 26:12, “He establishes peace for us.”
Hebrews 6:19, “Hope anchors the soul.
Stephanie said, looking back on your life you will see the hand of God. In the everyday grind of life, it is hard to see that anything is changing. But when you look at your life as a whole, a year at a time, you can see how things have changed and how God has moved in the big things and even in the details. So, remember Shelby so sometimes take a step back and reflect on what’s happened in your life over the years since your mom’s passing.
Alana was so right. God understands our pain. He knows what it is to have loss. And when God’s Son, Jesus, died on the cross for our sins He also saved us from an eternity of separation from God. Said another way, He replaces the hopelessness of death with a living hope in an everlasting future with God. Death here on earth is not the end of the story. It’s just a passing from this life to the next.
Shelby, know that a life of faith will survive the shock of death. You are doing just that. You’re pursuing God and pressing into Him even when you don’t feel like it. Faith is not about our feelings. Our feelings and emotions will betray us. A life of faith is about trusting God through every hardship, every difficulty, every loss. Knowing God is with us and for us - through it all.
Shelby, you mentioned wanting courage at the beginning – well, thank you for having the courage to call in and pour your heart.
And we are so appreciative of our peer-to-peer callers and the scriptures and heart-to-heart talk they gave too. And a big shout out to our listeners. You all are the reason we do what we do…so thank you!
Resources for Grief:
- Finding Hope Through Good Times and Bad
- Faith When Life is Hard: God Understands Your Pain
- Bible Verses to Help During the Stages of Grief
- Healthy Grieving: How Long Does it Take Your Heart to Heal from Grief?
- Where Is God in the Midst of Tragedy and Suffering?
Relevant eBooks:
Support Groups:
Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.
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This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. - Rachel
