I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
How to Feel Like Enough in a Relationship
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
It's hard to be calm and not cry, especially when your in the middle of class but I need to tell someone. I want to die, but I can't, I want to cry but I can't and I want to scream how I really feel to people but I don't even feel good enough to breathe. I have no self confidence and no REAL friends, I feel so alone and broken. My parents don't understand, my siblings don't understand and it seems like even if I were dead no one would really care. I'm covered in scars that won't go away no matter how hard I pray to a god I'm not even sure exists. I'm just done with life but I don't have the balls to do anything. I feel like a big fat ugly stain on everyone's shirt. I'm tired all the time, I'm always sad even when I'm happy. I don't know how to make myself better...i feel so ugly.
Maddi the exact same thing happened to me when I was 19. I was at the top of my form , then I met my horrible ex now I'm 21 and 40pounds fatter 🙁 I will advise u to take care of urself, don't do foolish things because this will get better and u WILL find better friends. I'm so SO much more happier now. You just need to have some faith and patience, and don't bother about stupid people!
I get asked out by cute boys, and this scares me because I feel like the ugliest person in the world. Sometimes when people want to date me I say no because just standing next to them makes me feel like crap. I feel like a waste.
I've been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now. I am 19 and he is 20. I fell pregnant with our son after being with him a little over a month. (Didn't sleep together until a month went past, and in the first week we did I fell pregnant) at the beginning our relationship was amazing before we got together and for a little while after, we decided to live together to spend more time together and get to know eachother more. This was during the best parts of the relationship. He proposed to me, but a short while later I asked him why and he mentioned part of the reason was because I was pregnant. I gave the ring, we hardly knew eachother back. I know it was so soon to have a baby together, but I couldn't stand the idea of adoption or abortion.
Our relationship (for me) hasn't turned out how I expected. He was everything I ever wanted in a partner, but suddenly he stopped pursuing me and trying. The affection and emotion seemed to have just gone, most days I feel really sad and wonder why. I don't think I'm good enough for him still though. Because I know how much of a great guy he can be. He does a lot for our son and me, but the romace isn't there. Hardly any hugs, kisses or just well.. Contact. We hardly talk, he works nights so we hardly sleep in the same bed anymore, as he sleeps during the day. While I take care of our son. We don't do anything as a family. I want to so bad, I have a problem with crowds and going out on my own and always ask if he would come out with me. But his too tired. His hidden things from me and lied. It breaks my heart, I love him. I can't leave him. I don't want to leave him, I just want the old him back. (We have spoken about this) but it doesn't go anywhere. I've told him I'm unhappy, I don't even know what to do, he is too good for me. I can't give him anything, but he works and looks after us. I don't know how to make him happy, or what to do to want to spend more time with us (instead of relaxing, watching tv etc) outside as a family. Is it me wanting too much for him to be who he was when we met? The first day we spend together just the two of us, we walked about until 3am just..talking. Right there and then I felt so strongly for him. He walked me home and we said good night. These days, I can't even get him to take our son to the park for half an hour. I know he is tired but our son is 1 next month. And we have hardly taken him out as a family. I always thought when I had my own family we would go out every weekend even just to the park (which is a 5minute walk)
DaniRea, Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you would really benefit from having an email mentor to continue talking to about your relationship. You can sign up for one on our "Get Help" page or download our new app to chat, listen to the show, get encouraged and sign up for and email mentor there as well at http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp
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Hi I am that person who is seeing a lovely guy he is funny caring and we have good times together ? But my mind keeps saying he to good for me and I am just waiting for him to drop me he has more convenient then me and thats got to do with how I was was treated by my ex . When I am with him I am so me and don't think about anything then when I am not I think it's going to come when he drops me don't know how to get passed it .
Never think you're too good for someone. Everyone is made up the same way. We're all human! There are bound to be flaws in him. And u hv to see other things besides him. Get some othr interests as well. Try to focus on the happy side of this:)