I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
How to Feel Like Enough in a Relationship
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
I broke with my ex about a month ago we had been having issues with him having conversation with other girls and making plans to spend time with them while I was a work.. I caught him several times and each time he denied it. We had broken up for about 3 months before he contacted me and told me he wanted to start over. So I gave him a second chance only to find out that a month before we broke up the first time he slept with my best friend. Needless to say that stop speaking to them both. But recently I have been wanting to talk to him again I know I can do better but I'm in love with him we were together for 5 years. I just feel like that we all have our faults but there is a saying forgive but never forget. We have had such a powerful connection that I never had that with anyone before. Anybody else been in my shoes and went back to boyfriend or girlfriend after a betrayal like this.
my boyfriend has three sisters, i love them as my own. i am really respectful to them and i do so much for them. but i found out that they told my boyfriend that i am not good for him. i do so much for my boyfriend, he tells me that i make him happy and all that but when he told me that my heart just hurted and i started crying. i don't know what to do or even say
Ask him what he thinks about that, people can say whatever they want , but their harts are the ones that speaks
I don't know if anyone's replying to these anymore, but I had a perfectly happy relationship with my boyfriend for about seven months and he broke up with me after one very off week without talking to be with another girl. A couple weeks after, he was asking to be back with me, telling me that he didn't feel an emotional connection with her, and I ended up taking him back. It's been months since then and not a day has gone by where I'm not questioning whether or not he's actually serious about me or even cares, and if I made the right decision. He isn't as affectionate anymore, and still hasn't even told any of his friends that we're back togehter either. I've been extremely insecure and anxious about our relationship since we got back together (even though I was very sure about us beforehand) and I was wondering what I should do. I've already mentioned this to him before, but all he says is that I'm the only one he wants, and I honestly struggle to believe that anymore. I know this is my fault, I just wish I knew what to do. I'm sick of being so insecure all the time.
I'm in the exact same boat you are in. My boyfriend and I were together for awhile, but then we broke up and he asked out this other girl. We got back together but I always feel like he likes other people, and that I will never look good or act good enough for him. But what I figured out, and I'm still trying to deal with is that he's with you for a reason. If he wanted to be with those other girls, he would, but he chose you. I hope this helped, because it also helped me. I hope you have a merry christmas!
definitely leave him!!!!! Your worth more than that. Trust me, It will be very hard at first but in time about a year or so, you will feel so much better and there are billions yes BILLIONS of people on this planet that we call Earth that will treat you like a princess! Do not waist anymore of your life with this loser. Life happens once you wont get this time back you spent putting up with this but you can change the future....be strong and dump him, join the gym, new classes whatever and make some new friends... 🙂
Hello, I'm only 17 and since this is quite anonymous I thought I'd share my problems and feelings etc. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 months now and even to this day I feel like he can do better and that I'm not good enough for him at all, I know my opinion of him would be biased since he's my boyfriend and all but he honestly is such a wonderful person, he's handsome and caring, funny, honest and just overall amazing and I don't know why he'd want to be with me because my last relationship completely messed up my confidence and my mind and now I always think badly of myself and I'm beginning to think that he won't want me anymore because of this, I don't understand why he wants me anyway. It's making me so upset because I don't know how to fix myself. All of his ex girlfriends are so beautiful and sweet compared to me, he won't hear any of this, he calls me silly and says that he's so lucky to have me and that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful but I don't see it. I don't know what to do. Someone help me.
Hello Lucy, I understand exactly how you feel! I am 18 and I still struggle with these thoughts, emotions and low-self esteem. What I have come to realize though is that the key to overcoming this is being confident in who you are. You have to love yourself inside and out before someone else can love you. You believe that you have an awesome boyfriend, why do you not believe that he has an awesome girlfriend? Seeing is not believing, believing is seeing and with that being said, look yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are beautiful. The answer is simple, just like how you have spent so much time tearing yourself down with these thoughts and beliefs you are going to have to spend even more time building yourself back up. I believe that you can do it and when you do you will be able to handle those thoughts that may try to come better because you know the truth. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, encourage yourself and believe that you have something valuable to offer. Love you and God bless <3
I been with this guy for 5 years now and he has never let me look on his phone he looks on mine but I never get to look at his and one day he had left his phone home n he had went to the store I got in his phone and I seen his tagged app this is mentioned for meeting new people n I had seen his post saying I wand a Wight girl they still my soul I'm mixed so it mad me feel some kind of way I never told him what I had seen but I just don't get why he would say that he is black 23 year old and I'm 24 does Amy one have any answers to help me out