I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
How to Feel Like Enough in a Relationship
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
Okay.... here I go....
I have been with a guy for almost 2 years now. His parents owned a franchise next to where I use to work. Everyone kept on telling me that he had an eye on me, I worked at a bar, that happened all the time so I never really made it part of thought. I went out the one night and walked into him, we had so much fun. Got drunk and I slept over by him....It was the first time I ever did something like that honestly. We fell inlove. He asked me to move in with him and I did.... Well with his parents so should I say.... His parents adores me and I became apart of the family. The first month was amazing until I slowly realised that he would get drunk every night and talk about his ex (mexican girl). He is a surfer and its perfect because I am all beach vibes too. He would go missing for days and id go drive around looking for him while joining a search party just to find him drunk out of his mind. He slowly made me feel like I am not okay and always blames all of his mistakes on me. Its been 7 months that he has been overseas for work in Indonesia. 7 very dry months.... and 11 more to go.... we use to skype and talk all the time but now he would be online on instagram liking spanish models photos or messenger and just reply once a day.... stating he loves me and what a busy day on the yachts he had (he works on yachts). I know that he does work long hours but I mean... online + instagram= no reply.... uh NO... His friends have become my friends and they always try not to bad mouth him but they would ask me all the time what am I doing to myself.... He states that he loves me but can't explain what he wants in the future because "he can not see that far" or "He just needs to focus on now". Everytime I mention breaking up to him he becomes so upset and explains that he loves me, but he never changes his ways. People regularly ask me why am I crying over a guy that I am way out of his league. I don't see it like that I feel like its the opposite. I am soooo inlove with him and I don't know why....
One question:
Should I stay or Should I go?
Guys - just dump her before she dumps you. Better yet -- don't get together in the first place.
Hello, my name Is Kylee. I am with an amazing guy named Kasemm, I love him so much, and I believe he loves me, He'd never dobut me, the the thing is I feel I'm not good enough...
Hi.
I can't seem to get over the fact that I'm not quite the right person for my partner.
We have an eleven year age gap, and a bit of a class divide. We started dating in November of 2016 and making things serious in the following May.
I've known love before, so I know I'm not just infatuated with him. And even though he's from a privileged background, he doesn't let it define him.
He's yet to tell his parents about his sexuality, which is gonna be pretty tough for the family.
But to then find out he's been seeing a guy with an "unsavoury" past and low paid job.
I seldom talk to him about how I feel, but when I do, I shrug it off with a joke.
My heart broke once before. And that took a lot of healing.
I just don't think I could bare that pain again.
I get that we're still new, but we get each other. Like a whole level of understanding you rarely ever get with someone.
I know it's just a case of crossing bridges when you come to them, but the anxiety in between is exhausting.
Guys. I'm 20. The only person in my life is that girl. We were into each other since 2010. unknowingly. She always persuaded me. She always made efforts. I never did. And now I feel I never felt for her. I really find myself nowhere. I wanted to marry her. I feel she is really a great person. But I deserve her.
Hello Gary. I'm 28 and I think I have a similar situation with roles reversed. My ex girlfriend and I separated recently because she didn't seem very into me even though I loved her greatly. We were very interested in each other at first but she became negative over time.
You are lucky to have a girl who is that into you. Don't waste it.