I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
How to Feel Like Enough in a Relationship
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
I just have no self esteem and feel I should just leave my boyfriend of 9 months and just stay on my own. I own my own business and people assume that I am confident and happy. Really I just can't wait to get the day over and get bak in bed out the way
Been with my girlfriend for 6 years now nd due to my past of being cheated on nd made fun of pretty much my entire life i feel like I'll never amount to anything for her to be proud of no matter how many time's she says I'm good enough or shows me she cares i only feel like i only hurt her nd bring her down nd she deserve better then me should i feel like this or is it all just in my head plz help cus I'm really worried she guna end up leaving me like everyone else did that said they cared
It's ALL IN YOUR OWN HEAD!
Ask yourself this:
- What about me has kept her around for 6 years?
There HAS to be something, anything at all that keeps her in that relationship. Keeps her committed to YOU. You have to value yourself. You have to know yourself inside and out, and be proud and happy with the type of man/human being that you are. What do you love about yourself? What makes YOU a good man? She must have told you why she's with you, what she loves about you, what she admires, etc.
Have faith in those things. Have faith in yourself.
You, my friend, have low self-esteem. Just as I do. And it cost me a wonderful man that I will never have a chance with again.
So, do yourself a favor. Do some soul searching. Get into therapy if need be. But discover what in life makes you happy, what makes you energized and excited. Do things on your own, take up a hobby or two. Don't spend all your free time with her, or you will lose your independence and look needy in the eyes of your partner.
Trust me.
Take care.
Hi I've been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years , and I'm worried now because all he ever says to me is hello how was your day and night literally 5 mins conversation i try and talk to him about things be bit more interesting and he says night tries to end a conversation this is via text messaging on Facebook. And I say okay I'm not sure how long I can put up with lack of communication I love him but I get the feeling he prefers to talk to his friends on Facebook rather than talk to his girlfriend. I don't know what to do. But when he says night his still online on Facebook after. But I ask him about it he says he can't sleep it's the same thing every time. I don't know if his ran out of things to say. Am I being too paranoid because to me I like to talk more in a relationship rather than just basic stuff like hello you okay then night same thing every day. But makes feel like am I good enough ? Am I boring you?
Hello . Me & my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now and he's upset because i don't communicate w/ him 🙁 . I don't know why i just don't be knowing what to say . I really just need help on how to communicate w/ my boyfriend better before it gets worse.
Hello, I am 19 and I have recently been in an emotionally abusive relationship. For the past few years I have been with a high school sweetheart. He joined the Army this past year so we haven't seen each other in awhile. While he was deployed, we would frequently talk to each other over Skype. He would often ask me to undress or do a strip tease for him (he's in Infantry so there's 0 women for months at a time). I eventually found out that he had a fiancé all along and I felt like my heart had been ripped through my chest. He even lied to me and said he meant to break it off. The experience was traumatic for me, my grades took a heavy hit because I was severely depressed. Now I've moved on and I'm dating the sweetest man. But he goes to a better University than me, he is a lot better looking, and he has a brighter future ahead of him. I feel guilty that he's wasting time with me when he can obviously go out with a well rounded woman at his school (I am a short, average Latina woman). I feel like I am not good enough for him and that I am inferior. This feeling won't leave me and I don't know how to address it. Please, I will appreciate any advice!