There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.
So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.
How to Stop Pursuing Someone
Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl
In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.
Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.
Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.
12 Signs to Move On
- When she obviously avoids you
- If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
- She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
- No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
- She asks you to stop
- Or tells you you're coming on too strong
- Your friends tell you to move on
- She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
- If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
- Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
- You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
- If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.
Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.
Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.
The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.
Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.
How to Tell if a Girl Likes You
How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?
This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.
Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!
There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.
Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:
“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”
“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”
“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”
“I like you. May I hold your hand?”
Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.
So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?
Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.
First, just seek to be friends.
Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.
Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.
That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.
Third, show her respect.
Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.
Fourth, give the chase a rest.
If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.
Fifth, relax.
Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.
Sixth, don't change who you are.
I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.
Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.
God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.
it is good advice.thaks .I will start do this advice.
Ive know this woman for about a month we had our first date and it went great she texted right after, I know she's busy a lot and keeps the weekends open only, Ive had great texts convos with her and she's even called me handsome and added she was looking forward to seeing me which was suppose to be our first date, She cancelled on me at night before saying she had things she was going thru and needed some time to herself and that shell see me another day? I didn't go off and made it no big deal but feel discouraged to reach out to her after that, I feel like Ive been putting good effort to get to know her and if she's interested shell contact me! So do I wait for her to contact me? or do I reach out to her after a week or two if she doesn't contact me asking how she's been?
Reach out to her a couple days later with a text saying "just had the greatest pumpkin spice latte...thank god it's fall!" Build an emotion with ur texts and she will def text u back if she is interested in u
It's cray how much this is the same as my situation, the only thing I can tell you is it's a curse. I meet all of these fantastic, beautiful, successful woman who make it obvious that that they are interested in me. Most of them are actually way to good for me, and yet I feel nothing for them in return. Then I -by some sickening twist of fates heinous humor - find myself reunited with this woman from my past that - even though I
don't believe in such a thing - made me realize all those years ago, what people are referring when using the phrase, "love at first sight" and lost all choice in the matter of perusing her. The exact same thing that happened to you, happened to me. The one that I actually have mad feelings for came along, and while she is miles out of my league to say the least, I came really close to getting to take her out, before a last minute cancelation due the exact same excuse you were given. The more I try not to think about her, the more I find myself pining away. Just when I think I can handle it, I have to interact with her at work, engaging in friendly/professional conversation, reminded each time of how great her personality is, how her fashion sense it years ahead of any other woman I know - except perhaps my mom, she's a snappy dresser - and yes of course, her unrivaled beauty. The only advise I can offer you - even though I have been looking for more than a decade to no avail - is to use this woman as an ideal to strive for. Try and think of that girl who likes you, but you feel nothing for and understand that this is how your hearts desire feels about you. Hang in there, and always be nice and thoughtful if you find yourself having to interact with her. Ultimately, if you care about her the way I care about this lady, you would never want her to feel bad about her decision to keep things plutonic.
reach out her a few days later, as a girl, I do not like if I am really busy rejected you once, then you just back off, then It feels like you are not really interested in me, being busy sometimes is really truth or i just need my own time, do not think it is good time to meet. for my case, if I do not have a bit feeling for you, I won't continue contacting you any more. if you just give up and stop texting or ask her out, she may feel like you are not serious.
Makes sense, only, what about when the girl clearly likes some one else, who never did or said anything to try and win her favor, as in: he never had to because the girl liked him from the start. If the guy she liked, happened to ask her out, wouldn't she jump at the opportunity right away? I am asking for a woman's perspective here... So like, a guy who she wasn't particularly interested in, asks her out, or tells her how he feels, and what? - out of pity, she ends up agreeing to go out on a friendly date the second time he asks, after turning him down the first time, you mean to say that it's not a total waste of time? In regards to the fact; she will never like him the same way as guy she herself liked from the start, and if only he would of asked her out, she would have agreed to the offer the first time without hesitation. Basically what I'm asking is: is it possible that over time, the girl could end up liking some one who she had to think about dating, more than someone she might have fantasized over dating, or simple was infatuated with before ever getting involved with?
Girls need to be specific about their interest in a guy I've been lied to before about a girls interest in me. I don't like wasting my time on someone because they have an attention issue.
Nooooo! If she has not contacted you she's really not interested. Make her chase you buy asking, "how you been," the next time you see her but don't call!
Met an amazing girl we talked..really liked each other then she stops talking to me...Am I being paranoid?
Nope, you're not paranoid. She's either engaged in something she thinks is more worth her time than talking to you, or she's not interested with you. Either way, you have to move on for your health, time and soul (notice that I didn't include "pride" there). You probably lost the magic you once had with her.
Don't fret, keep your head, and move on. If she's interested with you, she's going to ask you about your day, or better yet, talk about hers. But don't wait for her. She has given you a ticket of not committing to her by ignoring you. Use that ticket, and meet other women.
I hope though that you haven't made yourself look needy by, for example, spamming her with "how are you" or "Good night" after she stopped talking to you. I did this, and I got into a conversation with a girl that lasted for at least 4 months, while not making the girl interested in me. I got friendzoned really bad, and I was stupid enough not to recognize that right from the start.
If someone really like you then even after few months she will try to approach u by any means. Don't chase her after some limit.
I don't think this is quite right. Some girls are fragile and if you stop pursuing her she might think you no longer like her. If a guy goes from hot to cold it can be very confusing and hurtful.
wouldn't she already declined, if you went to cold? It's very annoying when she gives a vague answer, vague to you, but not to other girls, so it's good to have a female friend.
Have that happening to me right now.
I did this to a girl. How do I recover from the situation? She still talks to me, but I want to respark that energy she had before I stopped pursuing.
life is confusing
Actually no u just dont understand it yet
I wanna die
Guys are more sensitive than we appear. We go from hot to cold to protect ourselves. If we are giving a girl literally every sign we can give without licking her face and peeing on her to mark our territory, and we get nothing in return, then we rightfully so pull back to minimise the damage. It's 2015, not everything should be on the man's shoulders. If a guy goes from hot to cold then that is why. It's not to be hurtful, it's to protect himself. Because the girl was essentially hurting him.
I wholeheartedly agree with this man. Personally, I if I start warm then I don't go cold unless it follows the pattern of the woman. I understand from a 'game' point of view, its not ideal to be so forward with women, but there has to be some reciprocation of interest at some stage. If you are giving all the signs and getting nothing in return, you need to withdraw a bit to minimise the damage to your self esteem. But thats not due to a lack of interest from the man's perspective, its more often in response to the woman's lack of interest.
fully agree
True 100%
Almost an-A. There are other reasons, but that is the main reason in the starting off phase. If the relationship is already off the ground, it is already happened, and the guy goes from hot to cold, I would assume he is cheating and/or lost interest. His time is probably being consumed with another girl. I like what you said, James, that spoke to me volumes, hit home.
you are spot in. I have now the same thing. I'm really interested in a girl that I met not that long ago (last weekend). I really liked her from the start (both physically and emotionally), but after a few good chats, it's already dead if I don't initiated the convo.
I'm now thinking of going cold because I really don't feel like getting the cold shower after the effort I put into it without anything in return.
To James: I agree! No disrespect to women, but I think too many in today's time feel entitled to too much! Like you said, men have feelings also, being on,an emotional roller coaster, chasing a woman who doesn't reciprocate, and being rejected in basically torture mentally and emotionally if the guy really likes or loves her. Men are RIGHT to give up, and go for a woman who gives YOU every sign to FULL SPEED AHEAD! And if the girl that was playing hard to get really cares, then it's now her turn to chase YOU, and fight for you. Otherwise, I'd say, do not torment yourself chasing her if she keeps turning you away. GIVE UP ON HER. IF SHE LOVES YOU, THEN THAT'S WHAT SHE GETS FOR THINKING IT IS A GAME.
Well, I was getting strong signals from this girl. So, I talk to her a couple of days back when she was around her friends and she talks back, although she seemed to be BS-ing about something. I said I'll show her something on my phone, go to get it and by the time I'm back she's busy talking to her friend and completely ignores me and doesn't even get back to me later. I felt so depressed for a day, but I recovered soon, thanks to family, friends and work. Funnily enough, I saw her again today, eying me from a corner and trying to come into my field of view later, but I pretended she didn't exist. I'm going to hit up on her cute friend soon as well. I'm sick of being treated like dirt when I put myself on the line.
Well those guys who go from hot to cold don't do that for no reason. Usually the girl is the one who's responsible for the behavioral change because she gave off signals that tells men "I'm not interested in you; go away, weirdo". When guys get this kind of response, you can't really blame them. They think you don't like them, so to minimalize the possible damage and to eliminate any potential future stress and heartbreak, we pull away.
Can you really blame us?
True.
Or we just figure their will be another bus in 15 minutes so why get so stressed out worrying about the one you missed.
There are far more of them then us fellas, pull up your big boy pants and move on to the next one.
Are you saying there are far more women then there are men?
Pick up on that did You?
I had that happened everything worked out for 4 years she first suggested that we should get married i agreed then she did a complete mind change after me agreeing then she just wanted to be friends again i walked away she called me back again then we repeated the process now i really quit.
so? if a guy has to resort from going hot to cold. not the guys problem, grow up
He's not gonna waste all his time on someone who doesn't seem interested, nor should he.
Nope for me it is right. If a woman is not giving her time to a man she doesn't like him. By the way a girl that like a man will make time for him because she want to hear from him. If a girl doesn't show interest to a man and his pursuing her. He is wasting his time.
Lucie a guy go hot to cold when a girl is acting to hard to get. I should say her actions is showing less interest to the man. Man feeling" I'm doing this in vain or she wasting my time" types of feeling.