There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.
So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.
How to Stop Pursuing Someone
Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl
In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.
Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.
Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.
12 Signs to Move On
- When she obviously avoids you
- If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
- She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
- No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
- She asks you to stop
- Or tells you you're coming on too strong
- Your friends tell you to move on
- She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
- If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
- Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
- You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
- If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.
Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.
Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.
The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.
Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.
How to Tell if a Girl Likes You
How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?
This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.
Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!
There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.
Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:
“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”
“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”
“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”
“I like you. May I hold your hand?”
Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.
So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?
Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.
First, just seek to be friends.
Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.
Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.
That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.
Third, show her respect.
Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.
Fourth, give the chase a rest.
If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.
Fifth, relax.
Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.
Sixth, don't change who you are.
I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.
Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.
God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.
So, I've gone on 2 dates with this girl from Match. When we first started talking, I had to wait 3 weeks to go on a date with her because her mom was in town from another country. Which I was completely fine with, she doesn't get to spend a lot of time with her. So I encouraged her to wait till she went back to her country before we saw each other.
After she went home, we had our first date. It went extremely well, we even kissed a few times....not just a peck on the cheek either. Maybe we moved to fast, but I couldn't help it...I had developed a crush in the 3 weeks I waited, and I think she did too. We were all over each other.
Our 2nd date was the next weekend after....and again, we were all over each other. We kissed a lot. I started to really develop some feelings twords her. Then one day before work she texted me saying that she had exchanged phone numbers with another guy on Match. Again, I was fine with it (its not like we were officially a couple), and I get it....she wants to date around to make sure she is making the right choice. Again....completely fine with it. However, I tried to make plans with her to see her next weekend (not this weekend....for obvious reasons) but I really like her, and I wanted to see her as much as I could so I could get to know her better.
We even made plans to go to the beach on the last weekend on this month. But I didn't want to wait an entire month to see her again. (especially since I already waited 3 weeks to even have our first date)
I was on the phone with her tonight, and we had made plans to see each other the next weekend. Then not even a minute after I get off the phone with her, she texts me saying that she had already made plans to spend time with her ex sister in law. (Now I'm starting to get the feeling that she isn't interested in me anymore....I'm even questioning the fact that its even her ex sister in law that she is really seeing). She suggested that we just make plans to see each other the last weekend of the month.
I want to talk to her about this, because I am not cool with it. She seriously expects me to wait 4 weeks (an entire month) to see her again? I'm getting the feeling that she isn't interested in me anymore. Should I just let it go and not talk to her anymore? just to see if she even tries to reach out to me?
I think I agree with the penultimate paragraph in this write up and I'm gonna adopt that. This girl takes my call anytime, replies my texts, even agrees to my date invites yet she said she's not interested. I find this really confusing. So obviously I'm gonna just agree to the fact that she's that way cos I show her so much emotion and interest.
Hi,
I need some advice with a girl that I really like, I have been talking/hanging with her for about 2 months already. Everything started at a business party, we had a chat for about 10 minutes, but she had to leave early because she was going on vacation the next day. That same night after she left, her friend approached me and told me to text her because she liked me. That same night after the party, I texted her and we started talking. Everything was going smooth, we were getting along and everything. She seemed really interested, we talked every day during her vacation for around two weeks. She came back and we started to hang out and everything was perfect, she was really interested. She asked me out a couple of times, we would talk pretty much every day, she would hit me up all the time; even when I did not. We would laugh together at everything, nothing forced, everything came out smoothly. Everything was going perfect, until a week ago when I messed up during one of our dates. I got mad for the stupidest thing ever, she paid the bill at this restaurant without telling me and I got mad at her. I even gave her the silent treatment on our way back to her house (she got mad at me, even though she said she wasn't, when she got out of my car she slammed the door). Since that day she has been distant, she even told me she didn't want a relationship or anything like that. She has reached out back though, we even talk at least 3/4 times a week, but she has changed a lot since that day. (I am kind of her client, which makes it even harder since I have to see her every two weeks or so. For example I have to see her tomorrow) When she sees me it looks like she stills like me, she gets shy and stuff like that. I don't know what to do, I am not chasing her though!! I stop hitting her up when she started acting distant. However, we still talk every 2 days or something. What should I do? I mean I really like her, but I don't know if I should just let her go, or just go with the flow when she texts me and maybe ask her out again? Even though she told that she liked talking to me and hanging, but did not want a relationship. If I didn't mess up and she started acting like that I would just let her go and just don't think about, but since everything changed the same exact day I messed up, I am stuck in this dilemma. I would really appreciate if you could help me figure this out.
Thank you so much
Apologize for getting mad but don't do it profusely. Don't chase her (it sounds like you're not doing that anyway), when you talk to her avoid drama and only focus on having a good time and lastly be there for her if she wants/needs to talk but have boundaries. Don't be a "surrogate" boyfriend, just be her friend and focus on you. She may come around after some time or she may not.
Hope this helps, let us know how it goes.
There's this girl I like, but she shows no signs of liking me back. As a matter of fact, she seems generally uninterested in me. I've known her for a couple of years. I keep giving her signs that I like her, I've even asked her on a date. She said she was busy, but then smiled and said that she would another time when she wasn't. I'm confused. What do I do in this situation?
i have been liking this girl for long now and im in love.. last year i told her though facebook that i like her but she said she doesn't like me back..now again.. we started talking but she says she only wants to be friends....but i love her..being a friend is not enough 🙁 i am in deep love