When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl - 12 Signs

There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.

So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.

How to Stop Pursuing Someone

Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl

In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.

Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.

Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.

12 Signs to Move On

  • When she obviously avoids you
  • If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
  • She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
  • No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
  • She asks you to stop
  • Or tells you you're coming on too strong
  • Your friends tell you to move on
  • She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
  • If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
  • Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
  • You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
  • If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.

Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.

Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.

The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.

Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.

How to Tell if a Girl Likes You

How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?

This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.

Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!

There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.

Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:

“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”

“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”

“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”

“I like you. May I hold your hand?”

Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.

So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?

Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.

First, just seek to be friends.

Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.

Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.

That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.

Third, show her respect.

Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.

Fourth, give the chase a rest.

If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.

Fifth, relax.

Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.

Sixth, don't change who you are.

I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.

Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.

God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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219 comments on “When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl - 12 Signs”

  1. I been knowing this girl since i was 5 im 20 now our families were natrally close but i went thru a period of 8-9 years of not seeing this girl. When i did see her by coincidence it was my lil cousins birthday she showed real interest in me and we talked and went out socially but always ended up together for the night. One day she invites me to a kickback i get there on my own she hadnt arrived yet. Finally when she did she had two guys with her, no biggie im not the jelous type but she hugged most of her guy friends to me it was a simple hey. As the night went on more of her guy friends showed up she would only talk to them but she would ignore me but i was having too much fun to notice/care but here and there id look over and id catch her starring at me while her guy friends worked their "magic" in the end she ended up leaving saying bye to me but to the rest she hugged. Good thing was once she left i hit it off with a girl and she offered to give me a ride i took it but i was not interested in this girl. Im confused she invites me to go i said ok but she ignores me most of the night?

  2. Spot on....the girl may have insecurity issues that may be a problem later.It makes no good sense to endlessly pursue someone.That is just too much hard work and it is draining.Its like worshiping an idol.I was once told that a good girl is hard to get ..its bull.This is how guys end up as orbitors working hard to boost someones ego.A guy needs to present his case confidently.Make eye contact if she is interested she will signal back or signal shyness...you man up and speak look out for signs , twirling of hair , exposing of the neck , smiling ..ask her her name first..if she is interested in you she will ask for yours and speak.If she gives one word answers , she is not interested.Never try to bribe a girl to like you, she will lose respect for you deep down.Dont make one girl your target..circulate.In my experience I approached this very beautiful girl (who I put on a pedestal) she slammed me execution style, with deadly precision and great immediacy....however a girl I had been interested in prior reached out to me and the rest became history (I never pursued her like a fool).When I saw the other girl I was in top form, happy and very confident..I could see her in my peripheral vision trying to get my attention...probably trying to turn me into some 'useful" dork.I am sure she is completely confused she was holding all the cards and I just decided to stop playing the game.It is degrading to pursue a girl to no end.These girls all know what they are doing when they are wasting our time.In over pursuing someone you are blocking out other girls who deserve your attention........

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