What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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432 comments on “What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips”

  1. Thank you so much for this article! Not even half way through I started making a list of everything I'm grateful for. I started to feel a little bit better and began my list of things I like about myself. I may not have been able to reach 10 yet, but every time I think of something new I'll go back and add to the list. I'll re-read these positive thoughts about myself even if they're not so concrete. (Ex. Sometimes I can be funny) I have hope that God will give me strength and that the feelings I've been feeling for what seems like a very very long time will soon come to an end. Once again, thank you.

  2. Everyday I'm told I'm loved, asked if I know how much I am loved. And I always answer yes, but I do not mean it. No matter how many times I'm told I am loved, o cannot believe it, I feel unloved. I'm coming undone, is what a close friend of mine said and began worrying about me each time she saw me cry. But I still don't see the love, and it goes over to me wanting to physically harm myself.

  3. Oh and to top it off, i have very rude neighbors who are loud and abnoxious so i put up a 6ft privacy fence to shut out the world at the cost of $ 22,000 and one built a "deck" that looks into my yard and the other, over 80yards away put a second story balcony and now waves at me when i exit the back door...

    1. Hey Willow,
      My name is Mia and I'm 13. I've also experienced a lot of self-hatred and depression and seriously considered sucicide last year. But now I'm so glad I didn't! I've found that it's small things, even things as small as your favourite TV programme every week, or music that you like that keeps me going. I really hope you talk to someone and get help. Good luck!

    2. Willow
      Please let us know you're ok! I have three
      Kids and one has considered hurting herself. It's so terrifying to think of you being in that much pain. You are loved beyond measure and you have so much to look forward to...you just can't see it right now. It's like wearing a bad pair of sunglasses...the way you're feeling is blocking what is really waiting for you.
      Sure hope you're ok!
      *hugs*

    3. It's the hardest thing sometimes to love yourself, but remember that life gets better and easier, and you are worth it. Ask for help, reach out and don't be afraid to talk to someone, anyone, you will be surprised what can come of it <3 Be safe, dear. You're not alone.

  4. I hate my life..I know Christ and love him but I can't even like myself.I have PTSD from a drunk driving accident. I was an alcoholic before I was even legal..I woke up from colma after being out a month with scars and permanent bumps..I had heart surgery on my 20 birthday..my boyfriend made me drive that morning..the hardest part is everyone treats me like I'm crazy Bc of it..but not moving on and succeeding in life has scarred me most..I have serious trust issues with men prob always will..my mother and me have a bad relationship.. Bc she wants nothing to do with me..I still live with her ..its been years and I'm still at her house sucking at life.. I'm not crazy it just looks like people that seem they care would actually do it..I'm tired of being the joke in my family..I'm really smart that's what's so sad..I never had money to get a degree ..I only lack 4 credits..the only thing I have is faith Bc All people will let u down in this cold world.

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