1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?
Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."
The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
2. Decide what you want to change about yourself
Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."
Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.
It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.
If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.
3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!
IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!
4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:
Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.
Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.
Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.
Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.
Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred
You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.
Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.
So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.
Remember God loves you
The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.
God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.
Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.
As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.
And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.
I'm at the point in my life now where I'm trying to figure out reasons why I should stick around. I seem unable to make friends and I seem to be unable to control my behavioral problems wich alienates everyone.I feel like like a monster that destroys everything feel so worthless and hopeless. all attempts I've ever made it getting help only get me kicked out of the places that are supposed to help me. you kick me out for the behavior and I'm coming in to get help for. I hate it so much I hate the way it makes people hate me I hate the way it keeps me isloated and on the road. I hate the way people look at me and think its my fault for being this way when I would give anything and everything not to be. even without the behavior I seem to miss social thing and people don't want to stick around my life and I think part of the behavior is a defense mechanism so I don't have to hurt and another goodbye. I hate being this way so much.what is the point of living in the world where is all about social and you can't have any of it. all you have to do is watch people leave over and over again. why stay in a world like this my live at all if you are denied the very pleasures that make human life unique from all others.
I'm sure there are plenty of feel-good sites out there that don't bring God into your struggles. The writer of this article believes in God, so they are writing from that worldview.
I'd suggest the answer to your question would be "Change your mind." There's a world full of compelling reasons for the existence of God. He created you and he loves you. Try finding out more of you're curious...since you asked the question maybe you are.
Hi ! I am Isabella and I am a foster kid today I was sad and hated myself for no reason at all...?But I read your post and thought maybe I should look at the good things right now ! I am getting adopted in a couple of months I have family I have a singing competition soon! I was told for 10 years by my step dad that I was ugly,stupid and other things and I believed it for the longest time...but sometimes I do but anyway your comment made me happy to see that I am not the only one like this ! Even though I am 14 and your a grown adult but that doesn't matter !!! ??bye
Isabella, I am so excited for you - a new adoptive family and a singing competition! Wow! Wish I could hear you sing. Keep looking up and having hope!
God Bless you Isabella! You deserve to be happy! Keep on singing.
Isabella, I'm so glad that you realize the things your step-dad said were lies. You're a smart girl and you're beautiful. You are the apple of God's eye! Keep singing and keep Satan's wicked, ugly lies out of your mind! Hang in there honey!!
((((HUGS))) Keep looking up, Isabella, your stepdad should have his mouth washed out with soap!! Nobody should talk to a child like that. You are one of a kind, a diamond in the rough. Keep on keeping on & Be blessed!!!
Isabella, I was in your very position many many years ago, I was in the foster system for many years and adopted at 14 years of age.....my advise to you dear girl NEVER EVER ACCEPT SOMEONES OPINION ABOUT YOU! NEVER PUT YOURSELF DOWN BECAUSE OF A PAST THAT YOU HAD NO CONTROL OVER! And ALWAYS BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING THAT YOU TRULY BELIEVE IN.
itz true kimfaye n plz pray for me also i need God to wipe my tears n i feel so lonely n im not a strong gals
God loves you very much. I pray He will give you strength and peace. You are precious in His sight. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Isabella, I want you to know that you're not alone in this, I've been a Christian since the age of 13 and I am now 48, I strayed away off and on and still struggling, there's one thing I haven't been able to let go and that is as a child I was always told by others that I was ugly even grownups would compare me to their kids and tell me how underdeveloped I was, even some family members would say that my olde sister was the beautiful one and to this day that's what the devil attacks me with, although I look nothing like I did as an adolescent I still deal with this everyday, I'm sure you're beautiful and graceful because you're you and no one can be you, if only I can Believe this about myself it would take a huge weight I've been carrying around my whole life, remember this the person who tries to put you down usually is not very happy about themselves, God bless you girl you're going to be huge in life!!!<3
First four are good points but you lost me at the God one. Honestly, there was no need to include it at all; you may be Christian but that doesn't mean that all of your readers are. Some of us are Atheist or (in my case) Agnostic, and being told "God loves you" means absolutely nothing to us.
No one is forcing you to visit this site.
It's impossible to hate yourself. You might hate your body, your face, your bullies, your cancer, your friends or your job. You can even hate the decisions you make or the consequences you are living with. You say "I hate my life!" The only thing you really hate is that THINGS are not what you expect or want. You want your life to be better. For YOU. For your MIND. For your SPIRIT. That's who you are. The reason you are depressed and suffering is because you want better for YOU. Because you love yourself. You love yourself more than anyone in the world does. Nobody thinks about you every second of every day. You do. Nobody cries harder for you when you suffer. If you had a child or a pet, you would be hurting whenever she were sick, sad or in pain. Because you hate her? No. Because you want things to be better. Because you love her. If you need to start somewhere, start there. Knowing that you want better FOR YOU. BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOURSELF.. I know we can get paralyzed by pain and overwhelmed with choices. It just takes gaining momentum. Let others help you. Let people help you make good decisions. Let people share your pain and your dreams. Set small goals. Get out of bed. Wash a dish. Cook a meal. Walk a mile. Write a diary. Everything you finish makes your life a little better. For you. The one you love more than anything in the whole world. You have what it takes to make things better. Even if asking for help is the only option you see. Do it. Remember, the fact that things should be better is only proof that you love you.
I don't think you get it.
Some people love themselves and know it - they also love the people around them. And they still hate themselves.
I've made mostly good decisions in my life. If I want to feel warm and fuzzy, I could text any of at least 10 close friends to be satisfied that other people love me too. I have a good career, good life prospects, don't do drugs... but I still find myself coping with feelings of emptiness of self-hatred. I feel that my day-job helps others (pharmacist) and I feel that I honestly make a difference in other people's lives. And yet I hate myself.
What's a person to do?
You just said some people love themselves and they know it and still hate themselves. How do you explain that contradiction?
The fact that you are coping and searching for a way to fill your emptiness strengthens the fact that you love yourself. Put yourself in the third person and see yourself as a child of yours. Your child's life is good. He has a job, he doesn't do drugs, he has friends he can say that love him, he makes good decisions yet he still feels empty. Do you hate him?Do you ignore his emptiness? Doesn't look like it. You are on a website exploring these emotions in order to understand his emptiness and you ask 'What am I to Do'? What is a parent to do? What is a loving parent to do? A hateful parent wouldn't give a shit.
I think you give a shit. Everyone gives a shit that's why they feel empty. Emptiness is not hatred just like fulfilment is not love. The fact that you want better means you care about yourself.
How do you treat a person you hate? Do you give him a job , keep him off drugs, tell him that friends love him? Help him with his emptiness?
You are confusing emptiness and unfulfillment and depression with hate.
I'm really happy that you love yourself so much that you care about your wellbeing and fulfillment. Truly. Please get some professional help. God bless.