1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?
Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."
The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
2. Decide what you want to change about yourself
Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."
Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.
It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.
If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.
3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!
IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!
4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:
Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.
Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.
Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.
Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.
Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred
You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.
Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.
So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.
Remember God loves you
The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.
God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.
Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.
As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.
And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.
I am a person who didn't have dramatic or I should say as dramatic occurrences in my life so far compred to others. I have a home and im lucky to go to school. My parents are together and don't fight. Im lucky, but I still cant accept myself or be happy with the person who I am. We've had many assemblies in my school about self esteem and acceptance and suicide. but I cant accept how I look how I see my self characteristically wise, I hate my self. Ive began to eat less, essentially I thpught it was because I was doing sports and it was but its been a month sinse stopping, I eat a slice of an apple and im stuffed. I feel happy when I am hungry, it no longer bothers me is a better phrase. I know the effects of eating disorders and its cary. I know or at least hope know I don't have an eating disorder. but these problems that I am putting my self through I know isn't good. I suffered feeling this way before and it was very close to the point of me cutting myself. I don't want that again. If anyone has gone through the same thing, can they please give me some advice on how I can possibly change back to a regular teen I thought I was.
I know i'm late to respond, but I want you to know that I'm going through the same as you do.. I haven't cut myself yet, but my thoughts want me to.. I'm fighting my thoughts everyday. I thought that I was a normal teen with a normal family and some friends. but when my best friend got depressive and started cutting herself, I lost it. I knew that when I got too much involved with her that I would do the same as that she was doing, just because I wanted to take some pain from her - So she could feel better. But I refused myself, I haven't been a good friend to her. And now she is the happiest person I know and I'm the depressive one ( I guess). I have been trough a lot things lately and I've never told my 'friends' about that. I wanted to show them that I was the strongest one. The one who never did anything wrong and the one who saw everything in her positive eyes. But I'm not. I was pretending and nobody saw that. Now I'm sick of it. My thoughts are nothing but negative and my 'friends' don't like me anymore because I'm not happy enough for them.. (They literally said that in my face) I can tell them the truth because when I want to, I get scared of loosing them or confronting them. Now I don't eat much anymore. I stopped with eating normal. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to change back to the normal, happy and positive minded teen I was before. Just like you do. I can't find any help either.
Pray to Jesus He will help you. He doesn't like me much because I'm a loser and don't do what He asks, but he helps when I need him bad, like when I eat too much and start feeling self hatred. He doesn't make things perfect but He picks me up off the ground, give it a try nothing to lose!
What made you think God doesn't like you much. He loved and loves you so much that He died for you and took upon all the sins of the world upon His shoulders. Jesus entered and went through hell for us without God "my God my God why have You forsaken me".... so that "it is finished". So that we may live in the light of Gods love for us if we choose to.
How can u not believe in God but pray to Jesus and still say that he helps u? I am a Christian and love God with all my heart and he has helped so much and I'm only 13. I am glad that when u need him most u pray and ask for help, but maybe you should think about asking God to be your heavenly father so that you can have a more permanent happiness. I am not saying that when u become a Christian u never go through pain or heartbreak because u will, But what matters is the way u deal with things. God loves u he always has and always will, and his heart breaks every time you are in pain or doing the wrong thing. But he will never abandon you, not ever. And remember Christians live by faith and not by sight.
Steve you are not a loser! Look at you! You are encouraging someone to live! God loves you no matter what you do! Keep helping!
God loves you and there is nothing you can do to change that. NOTHING. He hates sin but loves the sinner. This thought alone should change your life forever.
good words 🙂
what if you don't believe in god. while i respect every individual's choice to their own belief system. i don't believe in God and recognize that it is sometimes used as an excuse to externalize "blame" instead of accepting the consequences of one's actions. Can ted bundy really say 'well, God made me this way and he love me'? - as an extreme example.
It's ok I don't believe in Jesus either, part of me wants too but it's just too incredible and if I really believed I'd have to do a lot more good for other people than I'm doing now. But He helps me anyway, if you're ever in a bad way just ask Jesus for help.
Steve, god will always help you. Helping people shouldn't be seen as work. Helping should just come naturally and I'm sure it does. People help more then they realize. God is miraculous and merciful and will help anyone who asks!
Steve, God only requires your love, you are under no obligation other than that, I sincerely hope that you will make him your Lord and Savior today.
Good question. I do believe in God but respect your honesty in saying you don't. But if you think about it, even if you say you don't. ....we are all born with some type of morals. We know rite frim wrong. Even a serial killer! If they didn't then why would they hide the bodies? And God didnt make them or i " that way". Believing that is a calvinistic belief and i struggled with that and their are some very arrogant christians who believe this way. God forbid they ever have to live in pain or watched loved ones struggle with this and feel that they cant change. I've always believed God existed. I didnt grow up christian but just accepted Christ four or so years ago. I was sexually physically, and mentally abused throughout my childhood and I struggle with self-worth Still to this day. I used to believe God Wanted NOTHING To Do WITH ME. And if He is such a loving God why was my innocence taken at age four. The answer is SATAN. God gave us the choice to accept Him or deny Him. The ppl who were supposed to take care of me chose to NOT protect me. Free will. Satan is the father of lies. He lies to me everyday and I have to choose not to listen and sometimes I fail. But God has entrusted me with five kids and an amazing youth ministry so I'm choosing to help others and He is keeping good in His promise by working all things out for the good because I love Him. So back to if you don't believe in God......we still have a choice. And no disrespect cuz I've pondered God's existence and have seriously considered suicide. Because what truly is the purpose of life without God if He doesn't exist? My answer was, " I'd rather live like He does exist and die and wake in His presence and spend eternity with Him than to die and be wrong and be eternally separated from Him" .
I think there might b something wrong with me in my childhood my step mom hated me and my mother beat me then my dad died and my aunt kciked me out my oldest borther hates me and as far as i can tell my boyfriend doesnt care either... the issue is i dont know what i did wrong in my mind at most im annoying but then everyone iv ever lived with seems to hate me. How can i not know y? I try so hard everyday to make my bf's life easier and netter to make sure he gets everythung he wants i sold my car to pay bills and my inheritance from my dad dying i clean i make his lunches everyday and for the duration of our 2 year relationship all iv asked for back was to feel wanted such as spending time with me bot all of it i dont want to b needh just like 1 night a week where there aremt any video games and mayb 1 sunday a month but he just doesnt want to then when u get mad and complain i just feel bad like im a b****h and all i do is complain... i think it must b me because so many ppl are like this in my life im just not sure wat im doing wrong i really dont like myself but i also feel like im right when i complain until i start to feel guilty idk i really just am sick of life i miss my dad and i want to feel loved like someone wants me always and i think of that and want to hurt myself but then ppl will b upset with me if i tell them theyl think i just want attention
I really do believe that sometimes you can end up in a situation where you have collected a bunch of negative influences/people in your life without it being all something within yourself. Your request of having one night a week with your boyfriend sounds reasonable. However, sometimes people do not see the sacrifices you are making for them (selling car, the effort you put into his comfort) and sometimes you either have to explain/point out that (calmly! and rationally - and listen to their response and make a compromise if the compromise is reasonable). unfortunately sometimes you have to accept that, if this person cannot acknowledge your efforts or try to find a middle ground with you, you cannot be happy with them.
You should know that I am someone who believes strongly in internal/personal control of one's life. I recognize that there are some circumstances that come about that you can't control but I do believe that you are the only person who can make the changes needed to improve your happiness. I can't say what's happened in your life that things are as they are today for you. I don't know you at all. I recognize that making the necessary changes could be really really hard to make without any other support person to help you. But try to take one small step at time. Try to establish a stable job (recognize that this job may not be something you enjoy and you may have to "wear a mask" while at work. at least until a better option comes along. sometimes you have to suck it up for a bit for financial security/independence). Create a budget and stick to it. Make sure this budget includes setting aside savings. When you have some savings built up, rent a reasonably priced place by yourself (dump the boyfriend if he wasn't listening the conversation about compromises and sacrifices). Through this process try to surround yourself with things that make you feel positively about yourself: drop in/inexpensive volleyball offered by the city, inexpensive/drop in dance classes, hikes/park walks, see people that make you feel good, photography, read at library, drawing. And I know it sounds bad, but sometimes you have to separate yourself from the current people in your life for a little bit to allow yourself to start feeling better about yourself (and maybe be a little lonely for a bit but we're aiming for a higher goal - you respecting yourself and finding happiness with someone who respects you). Then when you start reconnect with people you are better able to recognize who is bringing you down and be able to curb that sooner.
You clearly have been through some pretty terrible treatment in your life and it something to consider that you may do better with counselling (maybe with medication depending on many many many things). I am a huge advocate of cognitive behavioural therapy and interpersonal therapy. These teach you life coping skills and how to monitor and anticipation the reactions of others to your actions/words and how to respond to people to create the most beneficial outcome of a situation. If I knew what I know now about them when I was younger (and they were free where I live at that age) I would have gone into them. You may have insurance that would cover this or their may be programs available that would help cover their cost of these. A good place to start would be a family doctor or walkin doctor and they should have some idea how to get started wherever you live. If that doesn't pan out and cost in a barrier for you you could ask at some kind of income assistance/employment office (that's what we have where I live).
I am reading that you are concerned that you think about hurting yourself but then feel that people will just think you are looking for attention. To me, that sounds like you are asking for help and wanting a change. And maybe the people in your life are not able to recognized that but a healthcare professional should be able to recognize this. Bad things happen but in the end its up to you to decide how much that past experience with affect you today (by asking for help to try to move passed it if you need to). It will be a process, I am sure. It will take time. It will take small steps. You can do it.