What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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432 comments on “What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips”

  1. Wait, what does God have to do with it? After years as a kid praying for healing of my depression ignored, I can no longer accept the "God loves you" thing.... it makes me lose hope in books that are otherwisely well written and well intentioned, as God us often thrown into the mix.

    1. God uses doctors and medicines for healing, too. And He uses blog moderators and trained HopeCoaches to offer wisdom and direction. If you had diabetes you would not just pray for it to go away, but would hopefully take action by seeing a doctor, taking medicine, exercising, changing your diet, etc. Have you tried to get help for your depression? We have HopeCoaches available 24/7 to chat with you about it and to connect you with resources. Please give us a try. It is free and confidential. I am glad you found us. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp

      1. I have seen countless doctors, counsellors, psychologists, pyschiatrists, and I've been been hosptalized when I was about 16. So yes n between the ages of 12 and 30, I have tried to get help. My most recent shrink's advice was to shower first thing in the morning - but for what? To go back to bed until I have an obligation that makes me get up? I've tried many medicines that haven't improved my scenario enough to justify the risks. I can't make myself stick to an exercise routine because I get so overwhelmed all too easy. I understand that being diabetic and praying for it to be cured is not going to help, but depression is thoughts. Your bible says things like "God gives you hope, he leads me to calm waters, etc etc" so... when does that hope come? When it's too late to enjoy life? I'm 30 years old and the clock keeps ticking.

        1. Wow, it sounds like you have been through a lot and that nothing has worked so far. Yes, depression is thoughts, but more importantly it is brain chemistry, something physiological. Finding the right medication can take time. When was the last time you tried medication? There are newer medications that have far fewer risks and less side effects. You also have to stay on a medication for awhile to see the full benefits. My prayer for you right in this moment is that God would fill you with wisdom and discernment to find the right doctor and the right medication for your body so that you can be filled with hope for your future. Proverbs 2:9-10 says, "Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." We partner with Focus on the Family and they have a list of trusted counselors at this link - https://ccn.thedirectorywidget.com/customers/search?keyword=kansas+city&miles1=&miles=25&t=0 And you can always chat with a HopeCoach here at TheHopeLine and we can connect you to them directly. Don't give up! I am cheering for you!

  2. Hi.. I'm Jasmin.. Mainly known as "No one".. Im in school (High School) right now being bullied.. I give my lunch to other people and they called me retarded, 2 faced, no one, nothing, a reflection. I really hate myself.. I dont want this pain.. I tried and tried.. but i think i should end.. I'll be with God soon.. I guess.. I hate myself but this article started to help me.. I wrote some things I could change about myself to make others happy..

    1. Jasmin, I am so sorry you are going through this at school right now. No one deserves to be bullied. I am glad you found us. We are here to cheer you on and help you. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 by clicking the "Chat Online" on this link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp Check out this blog by our friend, Lama-Leah - https://www.thehopeline.com/guestblogdear-bully-thank-you She was bullied, too, and used it to make herself stronger. We also have a video of her here - https://youtu.be/MFctQMO2WLI
      Jasmin, you are awesome and I believe in you!!!

      1. College (Going in College next year.) maybe a struggle for some people including me, This video may have helped me and this program too! Thanks.

          1. Yep! Thank's again! I think my negativity turned into positivity! This program and video increased my personality! Thanks.

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